#i personally didnt like the comic either but the choice to make is block and move on

[where-is-my-palisman]

I personally love Huntlow, it makes me feel a certain kind of warm joy; and while I do agree with certain sentiments, such as that Hunter shouldn't go into romantic relations when hes dealing with so much trauma, I really don't care all that much because it's a show and I just want to feel boundless joy from what it has to offer. Hunter is genuinely one of my favorite characters--tho I do love all of them--and I just really want to see him happy and thriving, especially as someone who feels so connected to Hunter as a character, with what abusive themes he goes through and all.

The only thing that really irks me is when people who dislike Huntlow as a ship act very disrespectfully about it, like just let us have our fun with it?

I fully respect people who want to draw Hunter and Willow in platonic context and everything or even soft rejection themes, it's just not my cup of tea, and as such I will end up moderating my tumblr space to fit what I like and gain joy n comfort from. It's nothing personal. As long as we respect each other's spaces, it's fine.

[suearthboundau]

hey guys i know its been pretty quiet, so im posting to give u all a little update.

first of all, thank u for all the support and well-wishes. i really appreciate it in this difficult time.

secondly, ive been thinking about this story and how its delivered, and potentially there will be changes.

right now, i am posting this story as a comic 11 panels at a time. when i first started this blog, a comic was the format i chose (rather than fanfic) because i wanted to work on my drawing, i could easier match the show’s tone/storytelling style through visuals, i would be more likely to have a larger viewerbase, and because i already have a different “zircons on earth” au on ao3 with different characterisation/headcanons and didnt want confusion between the two.

when i first started, drawing an update was easy because i was so passionate about this project. i wouldnt even need a script sometimes because i had so many ideas, and i could get the sketches done in an hour and the digital done in another four. now, it takes me 4-5 hours just to do the script and sketches. i most likely have adhd, ive seen a doctor and im going to be tested soon, and when im not super passionate abt a project it can be completely impossible to focus on. sometimes ive had to split the sketching over two days because after a few hours of trying to work on it i could only get 3 panels done. its like i try to think and something blocks thoughts from forming, even though i usually know whatll happen in a page just figuring out how to script it is hard. after the sketching, the digital is another 4-5 hours, and while it was fun and quick-feeling once, now it’s something i really have to slog through, doing all the simplest panels first like im eating my potatoes before my brussel sprouts. the whole time i work, i feel stressed and frustrated and i want to be doing anything else. sometimes i end up staring at a wall for ten minutes because my brain is so unwilling to focus.

on top of that, a comic like mine moves at a glacial pace. if i keep posting 11 panels a week for a year from today, thatll be 612 panels. so far we’ve had over 100 and practically nothing has happened. it could take years to get through the whole story i had planned, and i dont want to work on this for years. when i started, i didnt realise my choices would make this such an undertaking. or i just assumed id always be passionate enough that it wouldnt feel like a chore.

an option ive considered is either partly or fully telling the story in writing instead. a single 2000 word chapter could bring six months worth of comic-told story, and take way less time. plus, im way way better at writing than drawing. however the problem is a single week’s update would take longer than drawing, because writing takes more effort and i hold myself to a higher standard with it. plus, writing gets less notes and noone will reblog it, and that mightnt seem like something i should care about but entertaining people is the only reason i keep working on this. so if i switched and my average notes dropped from 20 to 5 itd be disheartening.

another thought i had was just posting the dot-pointed story ideas i had and then ending the blog. the reasons i might do this:. im kind of losing my special interest in su. and my wrist issues keep recurring so i basically always am limited in how much i can write/draw each day, and i want to use my limited time to work on new story ideas im passionate to work on. also i have pretty bad depression to the point that i can really only set myself one big task every second day without feeling overwhelmed, and this blog can take up multiple of those slots since sometimes i have to split the work over 2-3 days. also, now that suf has been done for a while, the su fandom is less active and interaction is way down on my posts, indicating that i wont have an audience for much longer anyway. plus this is about the zircons and im pretty sure me and like 5 other ppl are the only ones posting/reblogging abt them anymore so theres no market for this idea. a reason i might not shut down the blog is that its personally disappointing to me to give up on a project i was once so excited to finish.

so yeah, let me know what u guys think.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[iolite-ethereal]

Ok so starting around 9:10 or so tonight i almost died 3 times in the span of 5 to 10 minutes

Idk what it was that helped me be it sheer dumb luck or whatever but in the span of 10 minutes (at most. Likely less than that) i was both incredibly unlucky and incredibly fortunate. Pretty much I almost died 3 times within that 10 minute span.

I was trying to ride my bike home from work with a latte in hand, in the dark- and while i do have a proper light for night riding and i am able to ride with a drink in hand easily- tonight was not my night. Not even a block from my work, i managed to be blinded by oncoming headlights on the road to where i couldnt see a bump in the sidewalk that made my handlebars swerve unexpextedly, which startled me into pulling the breaks. On the ride to work i discovered that my handle bars were loose but i didnt have time to find a different ride, so when i hit the breaks the bars shifted down as i was pushed forward by momentum. I lost balance, and fell, latte in hand, left into the grass, which is more fortunate than right into oncoming traffic. I ended up only skinning my knee slightly and quite comically falling onto by back leading to pouring some of my latte right over the bridge of my nose and onto my face and eyes. Unharmed but shaken i gathered myself up, fixed my now twisted handlebars into at least managable condition, and attempted to carry on my way, only to almost get hit by a car speeding out of a nursing home driveway not 50 feet away from where i just fell. The driver didnt even give a shit and also i fucking hate tjat nursing home bc they thought it was a great idea to put tall shrubberies all around to the point where drivers cant see out into the road where they need to turn so they get impatient and zoom out without looking. But yeah car looked like it had already gotten hit from the side once and the whole time the driver was just lookin left and when they saw me we made eye contact and then they just kept going like bitch you /know/ what the fuck just happened, you can fucking /tell/ and you dont give a shit? I hope whoever you put in that poor nursing home os treated well and is dissapointed in you and your life choices and if you work there then i feel sorry for every one of your clients since you obviously dont care about people's well being jfc. And after that i decided to call it quits bc i can take a hint considering how hard i had to brake and shove my foot on the cement and swerve bc of that person so soon after wiping out so i texted my dad to come and get me. After he replied i decided to wait in the light of the large lamp hanging from the sidewalk entry of that stupid place bc tbh thats a decent spot to be. I was visible, and away from the splash zone of the puddle as well as the murder driveway of the nursing home. But qhile waiting i got worried about the idea that maybe something fell out of my backpack when i fell, so i turned on my phones flashlight and walked away from my bike, back across the hellish driveway, back along where i probably fell, and, seeing nothing, walked back. Of course on my way back across the driveway of evil a car decided to quickly turn into this dam thing and of course once again i am almost ran over. Honestly what the hell. I get the first time bc its a divided driveway so of course you cant see on the right turning out but turning in? The giant ass sign in the middle of it lights up the whole damn driveway! I was fucking VISIBLE. INARGUABLY. VISIBLE. WATCH WHERE YOU ARE FUCKING GOING. So in the nd i just stood on the sidewalk and waited for my dad to grab me and as i expected the normally impossible task of getting my bike in the car was made possible with my new magical posable handlebars and i got a ride home. And of course somehow getting the bike in the car jostled something too much and the damn mechanism got fucked so now the pedals turn without moving the chain. Hooray. Lovely.

In the end im left with a minorly broken yet inoperable bike, a tiny bit of skin shaved off but no blood lost, a surprisingly only slightly lighter latte cup, and a somewhat sore upperback. It was also kinda sprinkling so im suprised my clothes didnt get soaked sitting in the grass? Either way all that is better than a mangled leg or cracked skull, or getting hit by a car (or 2), or whatever the fuck else that was awaiting any more than half a block away from my work. Seriously im starting to think that if i hadn't stopped when i did then i was gonna actually get hit by a car or mugged on the way home or something. I feel like one of those cartoon characters that keeps having near misses with anvils and pianos and cliffs but is unscathed, thought this doesnt make me feel invincible but rather cautious. Anyway, good night to you all and i hope you have a better time than i did in your near future!