#i read a lot—i am attentive regardless of dissociative fugue—but i am not a very good talker. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blackwaxidol · 8 months

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the kneejerk response, the idea or belief that when Israel as a state ceases to exist, that its settlers will become second-class citizens or outright killed is not only repetition of the same hysterical argument that has existed—yet never coming to pass—in other apartheid states but it is also indicative that the speaker has not been listening to what has been said over and over and over again by Palestinians, or perhaps that he refuses to listen entirely.

liberal or proclaimed leftists showing that they do not understand or support anticolonialism as much as they purport to be should not be unexpected, it is much easier for a person to lie back and say "oh yes i am of course an anticolonialist" without ever bothering to learn of what it is, because they believe it is simply a matter of common human decency and not an extensive history that must be learned from to be understood. the liberal believes many things for the sake of being courteous, rather than having any real interest in the matter. it is why they are shocked or appalled by its violence, and it is then that they will appeal to "both sides". the solution in such a mind as theirs is voting, or patience. anything else to them is barbarism. they are eager to buy lies about what is to them the wrong way of "going about things", so that they do not lose sleep at night.

#i hope this reads sensically. it unfortunately takes me a long time to read and write anymore.#other people have said this better than me.#i read a lot—i am attentive regardless of dissociative fugue—but i am not a very good talker.#i can tolerate a lot of misery. 7000 people murdered and yet people will refuse to see it or regard it in their minds.#it is a footnote they can pay no heed to.#i say i can tolerate a lot of misery because i come across people on here who proclaim they must blacklist for their own sake of mind.#if i can be a walking corpse of suicidal BPD mania for a week straight yet still bear close witness then so can you.#in likely less of an abysmal state than i.#i come here to say this at all because my mother cannot take much more of what i tell her.#the depravity haunts her and she tells me it is too much now.#we kept having conversations i didn't remember starting or finishing. my mind is pulled in a few different directions recently.#but regardless. i know she will talk about what i have told her. to her friends her clients et cetera.#and that is as much influence or usefulness i can hope to exert in my physical offline state.#i am vastly more talkative about matters offline because i have far more influence there by virtue of my mother who is #a rather well-liked woman. her talking will reach more people.#but i recognise by comparison this can make me seem grossly inattentive in my sort of silence.#and i am very sorry for that.#i want to correct something i said here but i don't know how.#''i can tolerate a lot of misery'' is not how i would like it to be read.#rather i do not compromise continued knowledge/awareness because i do not personally feel well.#i cannot look away from any of it and i cannot imagine attempting to justify doing so.

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