#i really don't blame hobb at all though

[agntstarling]

COMMUNICATION: PROMPT, accepting.

↳ i'm never gonna love again.

⤍ EVERMORE

who hasn't felt a sentiment similar to that expressed by @lambswraths? some might pretend otherwise, but clarice would guess damn near everybody has, though she'll allow that abigail hobbs certainly has more reason to feel hopeless than most people years her senior. clarice can relate, in a way, to feeling as if so much bad has happened that to find anything good is downright impossible. she'd managed to stick to rules and regulations in order to make sense of the world, though she's still processing dark secrets about her own father - the sort of stuff that'd been tossed into the depths of her subconscious and buried, whereas abigail's own trauma isn't really the sort of thing a person can hide from.

clarice wonders silently whether she has any right to feel much differently from the teenager. sure, her father hadn't tried to kill her himself, but he'd sure as hell put his daughter in situations that seem, in her mind, to be comparable. she'd just been younger and he'd died so soon after that it'd been easier to blame her mother. just more to bring up in therapy, she supposes, shaking off the thought before she can become lost in it.

"i know it feels that way now, i'm sure it's difficult to feel much hope at all, and i don't think anybody could possibly blame you for that," she starts out, offering as empathetic a look as she can while ensuring a minimal likelihood of it coming off the wrong way, "i don't think you'll always feel that way, though, abigail. you're lucky to have a pretty large group of people who really care about you and who are interested in your well-being. i don't mean to say it'll ever go away entirely, it'd be mighty irresponsible of me to say anything like that, because i know it doesn't... i just also know that you'll get through this stronger," which, now that it's left her mouth, feels like a truly lame sentiment. sorta like the stuff a person might find on a cheap greeting card, though there's no point in trying to walk it back.

[seekerreads]

august wrap up!

ngl i was in a bit of a slump this month!! it was tough (especially since i started my realm of the elderlings reread/continuation) but i pressed on!! that said, the wrap-up for august is a bit short. but any reading is good reading, so let's get into it!

DNF(s):

First Rider's Call - explanation

The Wandering Inn - soft dnf, explanation

Books read:

ღ title: Assassin's Apprentice

ღ author: Robin Hobb

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌘

ღ description:

Young Fitz is the bastard son of the noble Prince Chivalry, raised in the shadow of the royal court by his father's gruff stableman. He is treated as an outcast by all the royalty except the devious King Shrewd, who has him secretly tutored in the arts of the assassin. For in Fitz's blood runs the magic Skill--and the darker knowledge of a child raised with the stable hounds and rejected by his family. 

As barbarous raiders ravage the coasts, Fitz is growing to manhood. Soon he will face his first dangerous, soul-shattering mission. And though some regard him as a threat to the throne, he may just be the key to the survival of the kingdom. 

ღ thoughts: i have officially start my realm of the elderlings reread/continuation!! i read the entirety of the farseer trilogy a year or so ago and while i LOVED it, it left me very burnt out at the end and i ended up not continuing the wider series because the next trilogy was a series of ~800 page books which i simply could not handle at the time. i'm determined to read and finish the series this time no matter how long it takes, and my strategy is to just take as long as i need to get through the books this time while also reading other books at the same time so i don't have to put my TBR on hold for however long it might take me to get through.

so anyway! this book was just as good as i remembered. you get a lot of the lore in this first book as you watch fitz grow up. there isn't a lot of actual plot until the end but it was still overall a good time! it has one of my favorite plot bases of the protag getting dropped into a mess and just doing their best with what they have. looking forward to continuing it!

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Animal death, Child abuse, Emotional abuse

Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Death

Minor: Infertility, Death of parent, Alcoholism

ღ title: Funny Story

ღ author: Emily Henry

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌗

ღ description: Daphne always loved the way her fiancé Peter told their story. How they met (on a blustery day), fell in love (over an errant hat), and moved back to his lakeside hometown to begin their life together. He really was good at telling it…right up until the moment he realized he was actually in love with his childhood best friend Petra.

 

Which is how Daphne begins her new story: Stranded in beautiful Waning Bay, Michigan, without friends or family but with a dream job as a children’s librarian (that barely pays the bills), and proposing to be roommates with the only person who could possibly understand her predicament: Petra’s ex, Miles Nowak.

 

Scruffy and chaotic—with a penchant for taking solace in the sounds of heart break love ballads —Miles is exactly the opposite of practical, buttoned up Daphne, whose coworkers know so little about her they have a running bet that she’s either FBI or in witness protection. The roommates mainly avoid one another, until one day, while drowning their sorrows, they form a tenuous friendship and a plan. If said plan also involves posting deliberately misleading photos of their summer adventures together, well, who could blame them?

 

But it’s all just for show, of course, because there’s no way Daphne would actually start her new chapter by falling in love with her ex-fiancé’s new fiancée’s ex…right?

ღ thoughts: emily henry simply never misses!! this is my 3rd read of hers and she simply can't write a bad book i fear. i don't think i've ever given one of her books five stars but i've never given any of them under 4. everyone and their mother was talking about how much they loved this book and i found out they were not wrong once i finally got around to reading it. loved the whole concept of living with your exes-new-partner's-ex. serious props for coming up with fresh wacky romcom situations and making them work mrs. henry!! will be tuned in for your next work! (full review here)

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Sexual content, Abandonment, Emotional abuse

Moderate: Toxic relationship, Infidelity, Alcohol

Minor: Drug use, Child abuse

ღ title: The Orc Trapper's Bride

ღ author: K.L. Wyatt

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕

ღ description:

Terrified of marrying the town butcher, Riva is left with only one choice: to run. With her fiance hot on her heels, she’s forced to enter the one place he won’t follow-the forbidden swamplands. Riva’s heard stories of the creatures who are believed to inhabit there. Riva is forced to face the dangers of the swamplands or risk being drug back to town. She knows this is her only chance at freedom.

After years of living as an outcast, Kal has finally ensnared the ultimate prize- a bride. This human female is small, pliable, and will soon carry his child. Only then can he return to his clan. His plans of returning home as a proud male with a wife by his side, are soon thwarted when he learns he’s not the only male after Riva’s hand in marriage.

As Riva trades in one bridegroom for another, Kal must prove that he is the only male worthy enough to claim her. Will this unlikely pair learn the true meaning of love or are they destined to be kept apart forever?

ღ thoughts: listen. read the description. whatever you think you're going to get from this book based off of the description: that is indeed exactly what you get from it. i don't really have much else tto say. quick read, got exactly what i came for.

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Sexual content, Pregnancy

Minor: Death, Murder

ღ title: Stars and Smoke

ღ author: Marie Lu

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌖

ღ description:

Meet Winter Young – International pop sensation, with a voice like velvet and looks that could kill. His star power has smashed records, selling out stadiums from LA to London. His rabid fans would move heaven and earth for even a glimpse of him – just imagine what they’d do to become his latest fling.

Meet Sydney Cossette – Part of an elite covert ops group, Sydney joined their ranks as their youngest spy with plans to become the best agent they’ve ever had. An ice queen with moves as dangerous as her comebacks, Sydney picks up languages just as quickly as she breaks hearts. She's fiery, no-nonsense, and has zero time for romance – especially with a shameless flirt more used to serving sass than taking orders.

When a major crime boss gifts his daughter a private concert with Winter for her birthday, Sydney and Winter's lives suddenly collide. Tasked with infiltrating the crime organization’s inner circle, Sydney is assigned as Winter's bodyguard with Winter tapped to join her on the mission of a lifetime as a new spy recruit. Sydney may be the only person alive impervious to Winter's charms, but as their mission brings them closer, she’s forced to admit that there's more to Winter Young than just a handsome face . . . 

ღ thoughts: this was a pretty fun read! giving very much spies and high-tech and everything involved in that. the atmosphere matches the vibes of the book perfectly and the romance itself was cute, but overall it didn't give everything i wanted it to give. not a bad book by any means, but not what i wanted when i read the premise. (full review here)

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Violence, Death, Murder

Moderate: Gun violence, Death of parent, Blood

Minor: Domestic abuse, Trafficking, Child abuse

ღ title: Royal Assassin

ღ author: Robin Hobb

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕

ღ description:

Fitz has survived his first hazardous mission as king’s assassin, but is left little more than a cripple. Battered and bitter, he vows to abandon his oath to King Shrewd, remaining in the distant mountains. But love and events of terrible urgency draw him back to the court at Buckkeep, and into the deadly intrigues of the royal family.

Renewing their vicious attacks on the coast, the Red-Ship Raiders leave burned-out villages and demented victims in their wake. The kingdom is also under assault from within, as treachery threatens the throne of the ailing king. In this time of great danger, the fate of the kingdom may rest in Fitz’s hands—and his role in its salvation may require the ultimate sacrifice.

ღ thoughts: this one is definitely a slower read than the first book, and longer to boot. there's a lot more character work in this book and while there is more action in the plot it also somehow feels like it's constantly teetering on a knife's edge that doesn't really tip until the end. that said, i still very much enjoyed the ride. fitz is actually my son and this book just renewed my love for him with every chapter. i have a such a soft spot for "weapon first, person second" character and there were scenes that made me want to CRY in this one. he goes through so much and he's only a teenager and i am very emotional. (full review here)

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Torture, Violence, Death

Moderate: Confinement, Murder, Miscarriage

Minor: Pregnancy, Rape, Sexual content

ღ title: Sweet Vengeance

ღ author: Viano Oniomoh

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌖

ღ description:

Joy needs a deal with a demon to bring an end to the man who’d ruined her life. Malachi needs a deal with a human so he can remain in the mortal realm, far from the sentries looking to drag him back to his sect in hell.

It’s a match seemingly made in heaven. Except, Malachi doesn’t expect Joy’s thirst for vengeance to taste so sweet, and Joy doesn’t expect a freaking demon to revive everything in her she’d thought long-dead.

After the deal is struck, and the contract has come to an end, they both realize that one contract will not nearly be enough.

ღ thoughts: this was my monthly rec for august, so if you'd like to hear my thoughts on it click here!

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Murder, Rape, Sexual content

Moderate: Sexual assault, Death of parent, Sexual violence

Minor: Child abuse, Pedophilia, Grief

ღ title: Mooncakes

ღ author: Wendy Xu, Suzanne Walker

ღ rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕

ღ description: A story of love and demons, family and witchcraft. Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers' bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any townhome. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.

ღ thoughts: this was a very cute read!! the art style was very autumnal, and i'm always a sucker for modern/urban fantasy. a lot of queer themes as well, and a cute love story to boot! a very nice read to end the month with!

ღ cw's:

Graphic: Kidnapping, Confinement, Violence

Moderate: Death of parent, Grief, Animal cruelty

Minor: Child abuse, Death

ending stats:

books read: 7

pages read: 2,467

average rating: 4.04

yearly goal: 123/150

(divider credit: @cafekitsune)

[blackandwhitemotley]

Assassin’s Quest Question Time:

1. What were your favourite moments

Gravebirth and Fitz telling Burrich and Chade a few home truths

Fitz and Nighteyes meeting the Old Bloods

Fitz’s botched assassination attempt in Tradeford and the confrontation with Will

Nettle’s birth

Trap-Trap

Every mention of the Lady of Buckkeep ♥

Fitz recovering from his arrow wound in the Fool’s house (chapter 20 in particular is nothing short of poetry)

The Skill road

The rock slide

The Skill-vision at the market plaza

Molly and her Wit-bees

Will’s death and Fitz’s insight into Regal’s mind

2. Favourite quotes?

I awake every morning with ink on my hands

‘Oh, Fitz, Fitz, my boy,’ he said in a voice full of relief. ‘I thought we had lost you. I thought we’d done something worse than let you die.’ His old arms were tight and strong about me. I was kind to the old man. I did not tell him that they had.

Fishing and ear scratching. The two reasons why men were given hands.

Sleeping is serious.

One does not have to be Witted to know the companionship of a beast, and to know that the friendship of an animal is every bit as rich and complicated as that of a man or woman.

Of course I knew where he was. He was a part of me.

‘When I recall how beautiful you were.’

‘Tomorrow,’ he told me gravely. ‘We shall be ourselves again. The Fool and the Bastard. Or the White Prophet and the Catalyst, if you will. We will have to take up those lives, as little as we care for them, and fulfil all fate has decreed for us. But for here, for now, just between us two, and for no other reason save I am me and you are you, I tell you this. I am glad, glad that you are alive. To see you take breath puts the breath back in my lungs. If there must be another my fate is twined around, I am glad it is you.’

‘Does it bother you? That I am Witted?’ ‘Does it bother you to meet my eyes?’

‘That is one thing that in all my years among your folk I have never become accustomed to. The great importance that you attach to what gender one is.’

‘And I love you, and all that is a part of you.’

You see, said the wolf. He senses me. Not clearly, but he does. Hello, Fool. My ears itch. Outside the tent, the Fool reached down suddenly to scratch the wolf’s ears.

He had probably never considered that all I wanted from him was to be left alone.

‘Ignorance is always the excuse used by the cruelly curious!’

‘You will live to love again. You know you have lost your springtime girl, your Molly on the beach with the wind in her brown hair and red cloak. You have been gone too long from her, and too much has befallen you both. And what you loved, what both of you truly loved, was not each other. It was the time of your life. It was the spring of your years, and life running strong in you, and war on your doorstep and your strong, perfect bodies. Look back, in truth. You will find you recall fully as many quarrels and tears as you do love-making and kisses. Fitz. Be wise. Let her go, and keep those memories intact. Save what you can of her, and let her keep what she can of the wild and daring boy she loved.’

Ah, little brother, you find your ears at last! My kill is ever your kill, and we shall be pack forever!

A scar is never the same as good flesh, but it stops the bleeding.

3. Did the reread change your opinion of the book trilogy? In what way?

I always say that Tawny Man is by far my favourite trilogy, but now I’m not so sure... Now I think it might be a tie between Farseer and Tawny Man 😊

I can’t think of a single character who feels one-dimensional, and my opinion about some of them changed, like Verity (painted as a much “greyer” character than I remembered), Regal (much more complex and interesting than I first gave him credit for), Will (whose very existence had been erased from my mind - his Skill is just that good), and even Fitz (gods he had it rough... 💔).

I was also very pleasantly surprised by the gender balance in these books. Now that I’ve read more fantasy, I know that man is almost always the default gender for all minor characters, but it’s not the case in the Farseer trilogy, where a lot of guards, soldiers, merchants, etc. are women. I know this is partly because sexism isn’t really supposed to be a thing in the Six Duchies, but still, it’s a breath of fresh air. Especially for a book series written in the 90s.

I did notice more inconsistencies this time, mostly about some characters’ ages, names, and other small things (like which of the Fool’s hands is silvered). But such details really aren’t important, and don’t diminish the quality of the books in any way.

Also, Farseer’s ending is my favourite out of the 3 Fitz trilogies. It’s very bittersweet but everything makes sense, and it’s just... perfect.

[k-s-morgan]

I am rewatching after 5 years. Do you think Will was left ambiguous on purpose ? I won't say ambiguous but 'difficult to read'. He was frustrating at times and you have do some academic level research (lol) to get it, someone watching casually ( most people watch TV casually i don't blame them) won't get anything. May be could have put more straightforward dialogues ? Sometime despite evidence and stuff I feel there is a chance we aren't reading him right which will be clear in a possible s4 s5

Thank you for your words, I’m glad you’re enjoying my metas!) Will is definitely a very complex character, the most complex I’ve ever seen, and since he lies all the time, including to himself and to us, it might be difficult to distinguish lies from the truth right away.

Regarding his ambiguity — it depends on which moments you mean in particular. His overall arc is definite — he’s a person with inherent darkness that he’s trying to subdue until it becomes impossible. They used pretty straightforward dialogues and scenes to show this, starting with E2 of S1, when he admits he loved killing Hobbs and that he’s just tried to kill an unarmed Stammets to experience the same feeling of power. Then there is an Angel Maker and Will seeing himself as inherently evil through his eyes, all those endless dialogues with Hannibal about murder, the admission that he never knew himself as well as when he’s with Hannibal, the admission that he never felt as alive as when murdering Randall (confirmed later in Will’s own thoughts), etc. But I do think it’s difficult to catch this subtle transition in Will’s views about his darkness when you are watching for the first time. Honestly, I was confused myself. My impression was that Will was a very good person who then fell in love with Hannibal and started to slowly accept his views. When you re-watch, though, most things become clear, and understanding what’s a lie and what’s the truth is easier.  

However, there are definitely moments that can be interpreted differently. My biggest issue is with S3 in this regard. They tried to push 2 seasons together and as the result, some motivations are way too subtle. Like Will’s transition from being reverent about Hannibal in Primavera to his bitterness in Dolce: I have my view on it that I think is supported by the show quite well, but another interpretation is also possible. Similarly, there is ambiguity about his state of mind starting from how he set up Chilton and until the middle of TWOTL. Why does Will react so strongly to seeing what’s being done to Chilton only to be cold and condescending to him and Bedelia later, when he admits he did it deliberately? Was Will truly saying goodbye to Hannibal in TWOTL or was he already planning his escape, and he manipulated Francis so quickly because he already had some ideas? Clearer dialogues or scenes would be good here.

So, things that are clear 100%: Will is a dark person who enjoys murder. His preferred victims are bad people but he can also kill innocent ones without feeling guilty over it. He loves Hannibal and he spends the majority of time being conflicted, finally Becoming in TWOTL (as he says himself). If hypothetical S4 and S5 go against these established facts, then the problem will be with writing and not with our interpretation or with previous seasons. 

Now, is it possible that Bryan Fuller sees Will differently from the majority of us? Yes. I’ve read almost every his interview and listened to most his podcasts and commentaries. He can be very inconsistent in what he says, contradicting even himself (in one single sentence at times). For the most part, his words support people’s general view of the show, but sometimes he says things that go against what has been shown. The problem might be in what he plans and what actually ends up on screen. As an example: Bryan thinks Will wanted to ‘save’ Francis. Bedelia says the same thing to Will in S3, but it doesn’t make sense. Will in the show is never interested in Francis at all apart from the basic catch him/kill him. This phrase comes from the books and Bryan might have wanted to explore it, but it just didn’t happen. Will shows no indication he feels sympathy or something personal for Francis — Francis is mostly a tool between him and Hannibal that Will kills with very obvious pleasure. Hugh Dancy remembers a warmer relationship between Will and Molly because the script had many moments of their intimacy — what ended in the show is a mostly awkward marriage where Will never even initiates physical contact with her and where the distance between them is palpable. Will’s empathy falls into the same category — there is no evidence of him being able to fully relate to all people or losing himself in their minds uncontrollably (disregarding when he was physically ill).

Similar things might come to the surface in S4 and S5, leading Will in the direction none of us saw coming. It might be consistent with what Bryan had in his mind, but it might go against what has been established in the actual show so far. That’s why I’m not really looking forward to continuation. As of now, ‘Hannibal’ remains one of the most consistent and brilliant shows I’ve ever seen. I’d hate to see this change, and every other show I loved came back with terrible new seasons.  

But, I do trust Bryan more than others, and I believe they could give us an amazing S4. No matter what he says in the interviews, his portrayal of Will consistently makes sense in the show, and even doubtful moments in S3, like with Bedelia’s ‘save Francis’ phrase, can be easily explained. This gives me hope!)