#i recently found an old post where i declared that Iba's zanpakutou spirit should just be ray smuckles from Achewood

[recurring-polynya]

If you could rewrite the zanpakto arc of Bleach, and you didn’t have to make it fit into canon, what would it be like? Aside from having a lot of RenRuki pinning.

So I guess this is just a condensation of my complaining from when I was recapping that arc, but, uh, you asked for it. I know this is a lot of people’s favorite arc, and it really just wasn’t my jam, so please, don’t anyone get offended by this, it’s just, like, my opinions, man. Everyone knows my opinions are terrible, I love the Cap’n Amagai arc, for Pete’s sake.

0) The Zanpakutou Arc actually has a lot of good Renruki content, actually? So I probably wouldn’t change much about that. They fight back-to-back in one scene? They are very worried about Byakuya together? There’s a cute li’l scene where Renji lets Rukia into Byakuya’s office to rifle through his things and he says “Don’t work too hard”? And then in the companion Sword Beasts arc, there’s that bit where they are hanging out at B’s house together, eating dango.

1) To be honest, I just wouldn’t. Zanpakutou spirits manifesting is a prerequisite to bankai and I would like it to be treated as a serious part of the lore and the way this arc plays out is too silly for me. If they wanted to just do some goofy one-shots that very obviously exist in the same pseudo-canon as the Shinigami’s Cup, I’m fine with that. There are several very funny episodes in the follow-on Sword Beasts arc, I just don’t want it to be even remotely canon.

2) There were too many humanoid zanpakutou spirits. I am not here for it. First order of business, bring back Nue Zabimaru. Hozukimaru needs to be a big-ass sleepy dragon. Hyourinmaru should be a dragon most of the time, who occasionally turns into a dude, I can accept that. Kazeshini should just be a spooky voice in the darkness. Haineko should be a cat, not a catgirl, and get rid of those shorts. Tobiume: tree. Maybe sometimes a shrine maiden, but mostly a tree. On fire.

3) I am a character writer, first and foremost, and I would have focused this arc intently on building character by carefully curating the fundamental beef that each zanpakutou has with their wielder. For starters, I think that, for the most part, Muramasa should not have been able to seduce any of the zanpakutou spirits of the captains. Attaining bankai is supposed to be an intimate act of intense connection that some interloper shouldn’t be able to break. This was true of Byakuya and Senbonzakura in the actual arc, and I think it should also have been true of Kyouraku, Ukitake, Komamura, Yamamoto, and probably Unohana. (I am dying to know more about Unohana’s relationship with her zanpakutou, and I would probably hint at it without revealing too much). Soi Fon and Kurotsuchi treat their zanpakutou like shit, and I would dig into that. I think Hitsugaya’s arc was just about right-- Hyourinmaru wavered and was very confused, and ultimately came back to Hitsugaya without too much trouble. Hitsugaya is the youngest captain and his bankai is incomplete, and the vibe of it was that he does have a good rapport with his zanpakutou, especially given that his particular zanpakutou is ancient, venerable, and very, very powerful. Now, the place where the story really needs to be happening is at the vice-captain level, where everyone has all manner of intra-personal problems that Muramasa could tap into and amplify. Here are the conflicts I would zoom in on:

Sode no Shirayuki is McPissed that Rukia just... gave her to Ichigo and also almost let herself get executed

Zabimaru would be mad that Renji spent all that time training to defeat Byakuya and now what? He’s just, like, Byakuya’s li’l sidekick? Gross. In fact, if we keep the Byakuya-betrays-everyone aspect, I can see Zabimaru sticking with Renji (since he does have bankai) but wanting a piece of Byakuya and Senbonzakura and we could have a really cool confrontation at some point. Zabimaru should also be constantly trying to fight Zangetsu and trying to get Renji to fight Ichigo. Strike that-- Zabimaru should constantly be trying to get Renji to fight everybody.

Hozukimaru should be upset that Ikkaku hides the beautiful bankai that Hozukimaru gave him and also that he lost that pillar, wtf dude

I would have spent 96% of my animation budget making Ruri'iro Kujaku as beautiful and ethereal as possible and they (non-binary) should have just murdered Yumichika out of spite and fucked off to the Eternal Plane of the Extremely Beautiful

My Haineko would be raw as hell and would dig into Matsumoto for hiding behind alcohol and lightheartedness and I would have put some stuff in there about how maybe being the person your zanpakutou wants you to be is maybe not the same as being a good or emotional healthy person

I hated the idea that Tobiume criticized Momo for being weak after Momo said that her zanpakutou had really helped with her recovery. I would have gone way in the other direction, where Tobiume is extremely overprotective of Momo and wants to keep anything bad from happening to her

Hisagi something something I did not read CFYOW

4) I would not have been a huge coward with regard to Ise, Kotetsu, Iba, or Zaraki fuckin’ Kenpachi. We should have either gotten to see their zanpakutou or they should not have appeared. It would probably be really hard, but I would have done an off-putting, low-priority story thread of Yachiru having a lot of trouble concentrating, or, like, running off, and Zaraki has to go find her, that would hint at their ultimate relationship without being too blatant. Oh, Yoruichi, too, I just remembered Yoruichi was in this.

5) Look, if I were Ichigo and I had to go to Soul Society to save everyone from their own zanpakutou I WOULD BRING FUCKING ORIHIME AND CHAD!!! I wouldn’t being Ishida, but he would come anyway and be the most sanctimonious bastard about all that that you could possibly imagine. Anyway, then I would go in an absolutely wild direction and have Orihime and Chad and Uryuu find out that they do have Inner Worlds and embodiments of their powers and I would devote a lot of the arc to that.

6) Soujun should have been in the Kouga flashbacks, even if, only like, for a minute. Please let me see Byakuya’s dad in his infinite softness. I am begging.

7) I would get rid of Muramasa’s gross fingernails