#i refuse to believe he is my age ㅠㅠ

[vintagesuga]

Happy birthday, my little NingNing <3

^credit goes to 03.1301 on Tik Tok

[peyoon]

April 19, 2017.

♡ ㅋㅋㅋ Hi, it’s Yoony here ♡

I’ve finally decided to write a diary to express my feelings and to freely talk about my day without any limitations. I’m really bad at keeping up with such kind of work but I sure hope I won’t regret doing this one. 

The weather has been really pretty lately, it rains a lot here in Jeonju. It’s an ironic thing to say but I sometimes miss my old house, it was really hot at times but at nights it was just really quiet and cold. Good thing about Jeonju is, I can go ahead and walk alone at nights without having any worries. For someone like me, who has to deal with severe insomnia ever since I was younger, it’s such a blessing that I can come out at night, mainly because I just can’t get a hold of myself at midnight and listening to music doesn’t work nowadays, so getting myself tired works just fine.

Right now it’s really early, 3:44am, I’ve come to a point where I wonder what am I doing with my life...  ㅎㅎㅎ. For the past two days I’ve been trying to fix my mind into composing a song which melody dances around my brain but I just can’t portray it at all  ㅜㅜ I get frustrated at times like this, so I try my best to go outside and walk around the area before I hit someone on the streets  ㅋㅋ.

This is a picture I took early at midnight, I really like it when the streets are full of vehicles like this, and their wheels just roll all over the floor. It’s a nice sound to listen to when you want to be calm at night. Some drivers like to listen to music while traveling around, so I can get a grisp of that as well. Today I heard a song in specific that I haven’t heard in a while but I can’t seem to remember the name...  (•¯ ∀ ¯•) not like I’d be able to ask him anyways.

Ah! Yesterday in the afternoon I also started my 2 month of chemotheraphy. Time sure flies away fast... I still get a little nervous whenever I see the doctor get closer with those large needles, but I’m trying to endure the pain at all costs, after all I’ll be under this treatment for over a year if it goes well so it’s better to get used to it rather than think about it too much. Thankfully I haven’t felt the side effects but I can’t be victorious yet, they usually come along hours after the treatment is done. In the meantime, I’ll eat delicious foods before I regret it. 

I wanted to tag along the video practice I had for the song... Tumblr won’t let me load it as expected...  ㅠㅠ I swear it’s coming out prettily! I even sang for it...

Right, I finally got to talk with my brother. Some small talk that I actually would have preferred not to have even though I’ve been looking forward to it since a while already, but that’s how life is. He said that my mother never said at any point that I have them all blocked on my social medias. I don’t know who to believe anymore... On one side I have the family I lived with for my whole lifetime but then there are my aunts whom I’m living with currently and will probably be doing so for a long time ahead. My head... I guess I can just wait for my dad to come back home so we can talk about it calmly.

On other news! I’m going back to school soon. Most people my age would get overly excited about it since they get to know a lot of people and walk around the campus, but I’m going to attend school online. My dad asked me about it for many weeks... My reasons behind this decision... It’s hard to explain that both your condition and your social anxiety won’t let you do anything the same way you’d do before... ;;

At the same time, I sat down for some hours yesterday at night while just staring at my father. Even though we didn’t see each other for plenty of years, and barely know each other, we’ve got to get a long quite nicely over this month. We talk comfortably with each other even though sometimes he gets easily distracted so I have to repeat myself over and over again... But it’s okay, I don’t mind doing so, since he’s someone I can rely on. I thought about how respetable he is as well, such a role model for me these days. He could of have refused to have me home but he took me inside with the doors wide open and all kinds of care and love. I’m very thankful about it. 

On the other hand, I still can’t understand one of my aunts in particular. I get along nicely with everyone on this house, even with the kids, but with an exception on this aunt and Hani. Hani is a little bit younger than me, still not legal, but she’s allowed to do whatever she wants even though the only thing she does is go to school, iddle around and be on her phone the whole time. When told to come inside after seeing her boyfriend, she won’t. She really does nothing but no one complains about it... It’s frustrating. When I help with the chores at home, I’m still treated like I’m useless. Suddenly, it feels like I got out of home to come to the same place. 

I took a short break while I was typing this just so I could get some fresh air outside. Instead, I got to enjoy a beautiful dawn from today. I’m sure Kate would like this kind of photography, even though I’m really bad at it ㅋㅋㅋ there are many things I have to take care of today, but I’ll try my best to keep up with this diary from now on.

Until then, happy vibes!  ♡