#i swear my heart is beating out of my chest

[whxtedreams]

Chapter 4: At the End of the World

Blood Runs Thicker than Water - Joel & F!Reader (Platonic DBF!)

Summary: You're woken up in the middle of the night by Joel as the world begins to crumble around you.

Word Count: 3.1k

Tags: outbreak day, fear, injury, violence, traumatized!reader, time jump.

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist - Read on AO3

Chapter 4: At the End of the World

The flickering bedside light casts a dim, fleeting glow into the room, pulling you out of your sleep in a rush. Your mind still foggy with dreams, you struggle to comprehend the situation, only to be further disoriented by the panicked whispers and the hands that wrap around you, pulling you from the comforting warmth of the bed.

It takes a moment for your vision to fully adjust to the reality unfolding before you, your mind still foggy from sleep. As your eyes focus on Joel's face, recognition dawns, and you become aware of his presence in the room. In a groggy protest, you grumble and instinctively reach out to grab onto him, grounding yourself in the sudden change. He pulls you into his chest, his strong embrace offering a momentary refuge from the confusion of the situation.

Joel hushes you with a quiet command, his voice a gentle but urgent whisper. In a swift, deliberate motion, he strides across the room to your bag in the corner, quickly slinging it over his shoulder. Without missing a beat, he then picks up your shoes by the door, his actions steady and resolute. The situation becomes increasingly urgent, and his movements convey a sense of urgency and purpose, leaving little doubt that some danger is imminent.

You let out a small whine, your voice quavering with fear. "‘oel, I'm scared," you say, the words escaping your lips in a helpless whisper. Despite your apprehension, you try to wriggle free from the tight hold of his embrace, seeking a sense of control in the situation. However, Joel's grip remains firm, his protective instinct kicking in as he holds you even tighter, refusing to let go.

Joel's words rush out in a hushed tone, filled with reassurance and urgency. "You're alright, baby. Sarah and Tommy are waiting for us outside. But we have to go now," he says with a mixture of determination and concern. The sounds of chaos and anguish from outside echo through the dark house, and you can feel your heart rate quickening with each passing second. Despite Joel's comforting presence, you feel a strong yearning for the familiarity of your teddy bear, your emotional lifeline in times of stress.

Caught in the swirl of fear and distress, you push forcefully against Joel's chest, yearning to go back and retrieve your trusted teddy bear. "I want my teddy! I want my teddy!" Your voice quavers with the panic of the situation, rising with each desperate cry. Seeing the urgency in your plea, Joel swears under his breath and swiftly turns back, his footsteps quickening as he dashes back to the room to retrieve your cherished bear.

Acting quickly, Joel grabs your beloved teddy bear and thrusts it into your arms, giving you a sense of security and familiarity as you cling to it tightly. Without missing a beat, you bury your face into the soft fur, seeking comfort in the midst of the chaos. With your precious teddy held close, you snuggle back into Joel as he hurries out of the house, his steps a mixture of urgency and determination.

Joel pushes your head into his chest as he steps outside and the sudden darkness that envelopes your vision only amplifies your distress, and you instinctively jerk your head upward. However, Joel's protective instincts kick in once more, and he keeps your head firmly nestled against his chest, shielding your eyes from the scene outside. The muffled sounds of shouting and screams fill the air, creating an overwhelming atmosphere that makes your heart race with fear.

With tears streaming down your face, you cling tightly to Joel, your small hands refusing to release their grip on his shirt. His attempts to gently pry your fingers away feel like an impossible task, and his increasing frustration becomes evident in his strained voice. "Come on baby, let go," he pleads, desperately trying to fasten your seatbelt and get you settled into the car seat despite your adamant resistance.

As Sarah takes hold of your hands, replacing Joel's, your grip loosens slightly, allowing him to close the car door after tossing your bag and shoes on the car floor. “Hey there sleepy head,” Her soft voice and gentle touch are soothing, and you let out a small grumble, half asleep and half awake. With her other hand, she holds your teddy, retrieved from the floor. She carefully places it in your grasp, and your fingers wrap tightly around the plush toy.

With a sense of urgency, Joel quickly jumps into the passenger seat, and his voice carries a mixture of frustration and concern as he implores Tommy to drive. His gaze turns to you, and in your groggy state, you catch a glimpse of fear in his eyes. The sight stirs emotions within you, prompting a new wave of tears to threaten to spill.

Your voice breaks with despair as you cry out, "I want my daddy." The pain and fear in your words cut through the tension in the vehicle, and Joel swiftly responds, reaching back to take hold of your leg in his hand. His grip is firm but gentle, a silent reassurance that even though your dad isn’t here right now, he is there for you.

Joel's voice fills with a mixture of exhaustion and vulnerability as he speaks to Sarah. "Can you try and keep her focused on you?" He pleads, his voice tinged with desperation and weariness. Sarah nods silently, her eyes reflecting understanding. With a small sigh, Joel turns back, shifting his focus to the road and Tommy, leaving Sarah to tend to you and provide the comfort and distraction you need.

With every curse that escapes Joel's lips, every scream that echoes from outside the car, and every sudden swerve of the truck, Sarah works diligently to capture your attention as she tries to put your shoes on your feet, diverting it with tales of princesses and fairies. Her stories serve as a soothing distraction, offering a brief escape from the chaos and fear surrounding you. Despite the upheaval outside, Sarah's voice remains a steady and calming force, providing a sanctuary of imagination and hope amid the turmoil.

The voices in the front become more heated as an argument between Tommy and Joel escalates, punctuated by the thundering roar of passing jet planes and the blood-curdling screams of panicked people outside. Sarah, sensing your fear, gently pulls your face back to her, capturing your attention with her soft touch. Her hands cradle your face delicately as she locks eyes with you. Seeing the tremble in your lip, she offers a comforting smile, silently communicating her understanding and reassurance.

Sarah's voice is filled with emotion and admiration as she speaks to you with a mixture of affection and pride. "You're the bravest little monster I know," she whispers, her own tears welling up in her eyes.

The sudden increase in speed is accompanied by a sharp yell from Joel, who urgently shout at Sarah to hold onto you tighter. The vehicle speeds up, and your heart races in sync with the increasing pace. Despite the growing chaos and Joel's urgent command, Sarah remains resolute, holding you closer, her protective embrace unwavering in the face of growing danger.

Sarah, in a desperate attempt to shield you from the horrors unfolding around you, leans over you, blocking your line of sight and offering a fragile layer of protection. The loud noise of a distant plane crash fills the atmosphere, and you can't help but let out a terrified scream. In the same instant, the truck is hit by debris, causing it to crash with a jolting impact. Sarah's scream echoes in your ear, adding to the overwhelming mix of terror and chaos.

The sound of the car door opening is followed by Joel's firm yet gentle touch as he swiftly lifts you from the car and places you on the ground beside him. His voice carries a sense of urgency as he firmly instructs you to stay put. Your attention is abruptly drawn to the sound of Sarah's crying coming from within the vehicle. Without hesitation, Joel reaches into the car, his movements purposeful and quick, urgently attending to Sarah's cries.

From inside the truck, Joel's frustrated swearing fills the air as he grapples to free his daughter from the backseat. Your attention is suddenly yanked from the scene unfolding within the vehicle when a gruesome sight catches your eye on the street before you. Shocked and transfixed, you watch as one person sinks their teeth into another person's flesh, the victim's agonizing scream ringing in your ears. The horrifying spectacle leaves you paralyzed, fear seeping into your very core and freezing you in place. Your teddy hangs limp in your hand, blood splattered on it’s fur.

The gruesome scene before you is abruptly shattered when you're kicked to the ground, the hard surface of concrete scratching your skin as you tumble in a frenzied motion as your teddy lands in a puddle of murky water. Barely a moment later, the truck you had been standing next to is crushed under the weight of another vehicle, your mind struggling to comprehend the near miss. Joel's quick reflexes had saved you from a grim fate, and now you lay on the ground, trembling with shock and fear, tears streaming down your face.

"Tommy!" he shouts, desperation and urgency in his tone. Sarah is clutched tightly in his arms, his protective hold evident as he calls out for his brother.

Joel positions Sarah against the wall of the alley, ensuring her safety before he turns his attention to you. With a mixture of urgency and frustration, he swiftly lifts you back onto your feet. As he realizes the dire situation, his steps fueled by anger and helplessness, he approaches the truck blocking the alleyway. In a moment of raw emotion, Joel lashes out, hitting the truck with a resounding thud, his frustration and desperation manifesting in that single, powerful blow.

Dazed and shaken, you crawl to Sarah's side, your movements filled with a desperate need for comfort. As you come to a stop beside her, you take hold of her trembling hand as her tears mingle with the trickle of blood running down her leg.

In the midst of Sarah's tears and sobs, you look up at her with wide eyes, seeking to offer comfort in the only way you know how. "Kiss it better?" you ask. Sarah looks down at you and she chuckles between sobs.

Sarah's face winces as pain flickers across her features, betraying the true extent of her injuries. Despite her discomfort, she attempts to muster a smile. "Don't think a kiss will fix this," she murmurs, her voice strained but soft.

Tommy's voice cuts through the noise, his assurances echoing across the alleyway. "I'm alright!" he shouts, a small beacon of reassurance amid the chaos. The urgency in his voice is palpable as he and Joel quickly devise a plan to meet at the river, their determination evident in their hurried tones.

Joel moves swiftly, crouching down in front of you and Sarah, his breaths coming in quick, labored gasps. For a brief moment, he pauses, his hand moving down his face in a weary gesture as he tries to collect himself. And then, with a mix of strength and determination, he reaches down to Sarah, gently but firmly lifting her from the ground, the effort evident in the grunt that escapes him as he lifts her into his arms.

Joel's voice is gentle yet firm, tinged with weary determination. "I gotta carry Sarah because she's hurt, alright? I'm gonna need you to stay real close to me, okay baby girl?" His words carry a plea for understanding, a plea for you to follow his lead and stay close. You look up at him through teary eyes, your small frame trembling slightly with fear and uncertainty. The weight of the situation hangs heavily in the air, yet there's a sense of assurance in Joel's voice, a reassurance that you're safe as long as you stay close to him.

With a nod, you silently communicate your understanding and agreement to stay close to Joel as he carries Sarah. He returns the nod, acknowledging your cooperation before he turns down the alley, leading the way as he focuses on carrying his daughter to safety. Before following Joel, you hesitate for a moment, your small fingers gently picking up your wet and blood-streaked teddy. Clutching it tightly, you cling to the one small remnant of comfort you have left.

As Joel carries Sarah and leads the way, he periodically glances back to check on your presence, his gaze filled with a mixture of concern and reassurance. The air is heavy with the smoke of the burning town, and the shrieks and screams that fill the air are enough to make your heart race with fear. The urge to scream yourself well up within you, but you resist, clinging tightly to Joel's presence, drawing strength from his protection and guidance.

The terror of the situation takes hold as you find yourself a few steps behind Joel, suddenly yanked back by an unexpected grasp on your foot. Your scream rips through the air, filled with a raw intensity that echoes the fear coursing through your body. The force of your reaction leaves you breathless as you hit the ground with a loud thud, the impact momentarily jarring you. In an instant, Joel is behind you, swiftly responding to the situation, his actions quick and firm. You can hear the fierce impact of his kick as he frees you from the unwelcome grip, the sound of his boot hitting their skull echoing in the air.

With a sense of urgency, Joel swiftly maneuvers you towards the diner, his heightened awareness detecting the dangerous group of people closing in on you.

You try desperately to match Joel's pace, your small legs moving as fast as they can, but the effort is overwhelming, and your body rebels against the strain. Tears well up in your eyes as pain and exhaustion mix with your determination. Gripping your teddy tightly, you push onward, pushing through the burning sensations in your legs, the fear and desperation fueling your efforts to keep close to Joel.

Your efforts futile, what did he expect from a child?  

Now, as you sit on your blood stained and torn mattress all these years later as you watch over Joel as he sleeps, you remember that moment as he moved ahead of you as the world turned upside down. All these years later, you think about this moment every night as you lay your head to sleep, but the sleep never comes anymore. Not since losing him time and time again.

You watch the slow and steady rise of his chest, waiting for it to stop and for him to leave you one final time. He’s bound to leave you again, it’s just a matter of when now. He said he’s not going anywhere but you don’t believe him anymore, you’re not the child you once were.

He argued with you about keeping watch, but you were so afraid that you would wake up and he would be gone by sunrise.

You want to latch onto him, begging and screaming for him to stay with you like a little kid. But you also want him to stop coming back, to stop traumatizing you every time he leaves you and takes a piece of your soul with him to hold when he misses you. You want to put him in the past and move on.

But he wont let you. He keeps finding you, promising you that this time will be different and each time you believe him.

You weren't sure what had triggered the collapse: was there a raging fire upstairs, or perhaps the inexplicable cruelty of fate? Whatever the cause, the roof crumbled, sending a flurry of debris crashing down around you. In a heartbeat, your senses were overwhelmed by the cacophony of falling timber and shattering glass. The thought that some higher power had orchestrated this tragic event, either through divine intervention or twisted irony, left you utterly bewildered.

You remember screaming, dust and smoke filling your lungs as you screamed for Joel. For Sarah. For your dad. You remember hearing Joel shout your name over and over, fear etched in his voice as he tried to remove rubble to get to you.

You still hear the panic in his voice as you try to sleep.

You remember Sarah’s screams, then Joel’s pained shout as he throws something against the wall.

You think you remember him cry.

You wish that your legs were faster, that you weren’t a child when the world ended. Maybe then you could have kept up with him. Maybe then you wouldn’t have heard him cry.

“I’ll come back for you baby, I promise.” You remember Joel’s pained cry as he shouted for you.

“You promise?” You remember you cried back to him.

“On my life.” He lied.

Joel never did come back for you, even as you cried for him to not leave you.

Why did you ever think he would come back for you that night? He had his real family to save, to care for. You were an afterthought when he was all you thought about.

Perhaps there was a higher power after all, because as you laid there crying, someone did hear you. Someone did come back for you. Your dad pulled you from the rubble and the two of you sat there in each others arms as you cried, relief flooding your bodies that neither of you were alone at the end of the world.

You dropped your teddy as your dad lifted you from the ground, your broken arm no longer strong enough to hold your lifeline to comfort. You laugh at the memory now, your four year old self thinking that maybe Joel would come back and find you no longer there. That Joel would find your teddy instead and how you thought that maybe he needed your teddy more than you.

But you know deep down that Joel never did come back for you that night.

That was the day the world ended in your eyes.

Even as Joel tosses and turns in his sleep, his face contorted in a deep frown, you can sense the profound change that has overcome him. The peaceful slumber that should have brought him comfort eluded him, as if haunted by memories. It becomes clear to you that in that moment, a part of him was lost, forever scarred by the trauma he has endured.

He’s not the Joel you knew, just as you aren’t the scared kid he left behind.

Click here for Chapter 5 - Comming soon

Notes

This chapter was a little hard to write as i wanted to write it from the perspective from a kid, so reader doesn’t really know what’s going on. Shit’s just going on around her and she’s watching people die and is like ???? Also writing joel leaving her for the firs time hurt. I decided to time jump right at the and and have future!reader remember that night and how she feels about it now. Idk I hope you liked it!

Next chapter Sneak Peak!

The weight of the situation becomes unbearable, and Joel finds himself unable to contain the sickening feeling within him. His stomach turns, and his mind is gripped by a flurry of horrifying scenarios of what could have happened to her, each one more devastating than the last. In his torment, Joel bends over, unable to suppress the urge to vomit. The acidic bile burns his throat as he retches onto the floor, his eyes watering from the intensity of the experience. Tommy's hand comes to rest on his back, a silent presence providing both support and comfort during this moment of despair.

If you want to be tagged, please comment on the masterlist for this series and I will add you. If you want to be taken off, please DM so i don't miss your request.

Every comment, like and reblog means the world to me. please let me know your thoughts about this, i want to ramble about this story so much.

tags: @sunandmuun , @rain-soaked-sun , @frootloops1213 , @samarav

[f4iry-bell]

Grayson with fem!pregnant reader? 🫣

grayson hawthorne x pregnant!reader

hii, i hope you like it. if you have any other specific scenario in mind you can req!!

warning: mention of tobias, panick attack, feeling unworthy, abandonment issue if you squint.

The volume of her voice was slowly disappearing to Grayson. He could feel the sweat on head and palms as his heart was beating faster than it should. This cannot be happening. No, he's young even if he wasn't this can't happen. Even if it is with her. 

“Grayson!” Her voice raised, the way her chest was rising up and down showed him that she's just as afraid as him. Grayson was not mentally prepared for this situation. This situation never occurred in his mind ever. “Say something.” She pleaded.

He exhaled through his mouth and said “I-I need a moment.” 

“Wait!” He didn't hear anything else as he stormed out of the room grabbing his key from her apartment.

He drove back to the Hawthorne House. He prayed no one would be there as he went straight to the pool. With just his boxers Grayson dived into the pool, he stayed down for more than usual.

Images of his own biological father and his words came to his mind. Words of his grandfather, how he raised Grayson and his brothers, how he has damaged them. Grayson doesn't know any other way, he was under his grandfather's wing, he was raised to be perfect and extraordinary. And yet he was the most damaged Hawthorne. By heavens he found her and she has accepted him for him. But a child? How will it accept a broken father who knows nothing about raising children other than the way his grandfather had.

All he could think was how disappointed his grandfather would be in him if he was here, how he would point out Grayson’s irresponsible action. How he would have ‘handled’ the situation like he handled his mother’s. 

When he finally stopped swimming his life out he checked his phone expecting her to call him but he found none. Zero calls and texts from her. He immediately grabbed his clothes and walked as fast as he could to his car to drive to her apartment.

He hated himself right then for how selfish he has been. He didn't think about her, who is actually carrying their child. He let his emotions and personal issues get all over. He will never forgive himself for how he left her there.

When he reached her apartment he knocked hastily. He was scared, she'll be mad and won't let him in. She will raise their child alone rather than let it be raised by someone like him. Someone who couldn't even process important news like an adult. Someone broken as him, unworthy of being a father. Maybe the baby will be better off without him. 

He stopped knocking and was about to leave when the door opened. He expected her to ask him to leave but instead her face relaxed, in relief to see him and stepped forward to hug him. 

He whispered her name. 

“I thought you weren't going to come back.” She cried in his arms. “I thought you were leaving me. Leaving us.”

“You're not mad?” He asked, surprised.

“I was, I thought you needed time to process. But it was getting late, Gray. I thought you did not want us.” She pulled back to see him, her eyes were pooled with tears.

“I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just taken off like that. Please forgive me. I swear you'll never not see me after this moment. I'll be by your side all the time. You can move to my House, or I could move here. Or we could get a new house, bigger. All three of us cannot live in this apartment, if you don't want to come to Hawthorne House.” He would have kept going on about how he would handle this if she didn't stop him.

“Grayson.” She chuckled. “We do not have to get a new house, the baby isn't coming out anytime soon.”

“Right.” He was relieved that she stopped crying.

“I do not forgive you for leaving me like that for a while without a word.” She reminded him.

“I know. And I'll do everything to make it up to you.”

“I know you will. And I do not want to bother your family by moving there.”

“You won't, they won't even notice you've moved. They'd be happy to be honest. And you must see The Hawthorne Nursery.”

“I will. We'll decide where we will be after the baby when the baby is born. We have plenty of time.”

_

Hawthorne Gc

Jameson: Grayson is PREGNANT.

_

5 months later the baby bump was showing and Grayson couldn't be more content. He had his moments where he didn't feel worthy enough to be a father but after he told her why he stormed off she understood him and assured him he will be wonderful. He has brought multiple books on parenting and looked up videos. His love for his girlfriend only seemed to be growing more than it ever did. He barely let her walk, even in the house.

“This sucks.” She said after swallowing the food. He has also been patient with her mood swings.

“You used to love this, my love.” He reminded her.

“It sucks now.” But she ate anyway.

She suddenly stood up. “What is it?”

“I have to pee.” She has also grown to accept and love his pampering. She let him help her to the bathroom, sometimes he even used to carry her from room to room. He spoonfed her most of the time. He reads to her and after she falls asleep he reads a children's book to the baby bump or tells some stories about its mother and how much he loves him or her. The fear he had five months ago vanished completely, he couldn't wait to become a father, to hold his baby and raise it with her.