#i think aboit it at least five times a day

[dredgenridge]

I am desperate to leave the living situation I am in. I need help. I have tried other place in the past and not a budge. It's a stretch for me to try here. It's a hit or miss deal.

I am 21 years old, working 40+ hours a week with $10 an hour, no vehicle* and I am living with my homophobic family. This has been my life for a while now in this broken down house, literally. I'm in hell.

I do love my job and the family I work but 10 and hour doesn't cut it to live on my own. I hate asking money from them because they have treated me so well in the past. I always feel guilty asking. (This family has gave me gifts amd money to help me get items I need like the special boots I had to order. I need to replace them since they are beat up but they were not cheap for me and work helped me.)

These are the KURU Boots they helped me get because I work outside all day and I am on my feet. I have had these for around six months but they are done. I need to buy a new pair of KURU shoes but I am holding off for at least a few more weeks. (I have plantar faciatis. Work has worked around that fact with me.)

Before you ask, I have tried to do another job, ended up quitting because it was too much to go from outside retail (from 8am-6pm depending on what day it was) to a restaurant (on weekend nights) and didn't get to go home til around midnight a few times? (and for them to ignore some of my notes on my resume about my mental health? I was not going to stay so I quit there and continued to work at my current job.) I have applied for other part time jobs and got one call back but couldn't make it and asked to be rescheduled and they say' "Yes. We can do that." Then that time comes and never get another call?

*In April, it will mark two years my own vehicle has sat in the yard. TWO. YEARS. I do, however, have someone coming Friday night (Mar 13) to look at my truck and then return Sunday afternoon to work on it. So I won't be vehicleless too much longer, hopefully. I've seen his work but I am afraid to be screwed over because I have issues with that. I am always scared since I have been screwed over before.

That truck is my golden ticket outta here.

I am the only LGBT+ person in the house. I know my family is homophobic because they wear it proudly on their sleeve. I have heard their vile bullshit. I hate living in south North America.

It is like they don't think I can hear them when I wear my headset but boy oh boy, all the shit I've been fucking stuck hearing? I have had no privacy in 5 years. FIVE. Look at this.

I am near my bed right now and that is my view to the living room and kitchen. I hear everything. I hear the fighting between my parents, my brother when he talks about me. When I make comment about it they go back and say, "That's the point." when it comes to them talking about me. They clearly are too thick to see how much that has mentally damaged me.

Right behind this wall, is a health hazard.

From the sock over to the dresser is damp on the carpet be cause for over a month we have had a water leak from our water heater tank.

When I opened the door in the room to the water heater tank is, in the room beyond that brick wall- this is what I saw.

A brick wall is literally keeping me from that right now. I am sure that is black mold. I have not felt the best since I opened that door and took those pictures.

My so called father knows about it and hasn't done shit.

You see this?

The bathroom with the working shower has looked like this since at least 2017. That plywood is starting to get bad because of us showering.

In the other bathroom a light could fall in any moment. Been like this for roughly a year or more. I don't know anymore.

We live down the road from a restaurant and when they spray for roaches, we know. We know because my brother works there and they are in our house for a few weeks. I got up late one night to go get some water, flip the switch and I managed to see three small roaches scuttling into dark areas of the kitchen.

Do not get me started on mice during the winter. I don't see them but I can sure as hell hear them.

Another thing. The house is old so the foundation is not stable. The living room floor is warped in different areas and we have a leak under the house with our sewage line I believe. But at least once a month, under the house has to be pumped out of water. We do not have a basement.

My dad clearly does not give a flying fuck about anyone but himself. I think my absent father is a scociopath. Let me clarify. Physically there but never interacted with his kids. HE DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER KNOW HOW TO INTERACT WITH HIS FUCKING FAMILY.

The audacity to think I wanted a rifle that I will never shoot as a high school graduation gift?? I told him I wanted an xbox for graduation around the time he was about to get the rifle and it baffled him. I have always had a high interest in video games and I had not owned my own gaming system like an xbox or playstation of my own up until 2017. It was always share the Wii or PS2. He doean't know me at all.

I've heard my parents fight for at least the last few months and I am so sick of it. My friends are fucking worried beyond belief. They are stuck fucking hearing it when I am in a voice party with them and it is so embarrassing.

Just get a fucking divorce already. I am really tired of playing mom's therapist. I get that she needs to vent and all but to your traumatized, mental disordered child? I already am suffering enough from lack of needed treatment. It has taken such a strain on me that my facade is completely crumbling away at work. I can't hide my pain much longer.

I have wanted to kill myself twice in the last year alone to escape this. I have wanted to make it quick and the least messy as possible with one of the many hand guns thay lay around in the house. I was so close to going through with it the second time I thought about it.

I had made my mind up. Write a letter and a will for what my friends get and what to throw away. I was about to start writing it once I decided that I was ready to die. I scared some people and they told me to go to a hotline to talk me out of it.

That was seven months ago.

I need to escape and this is my last shot on asking for help. (I have asled help for different things and I have been overlooked.) I know friends who want to help me are unable to. I am not mad at them. They are already doing what they can to help themselves first beofre me because I care aboit them and want to make sure they are in a good spot before anything else. They aren't in the best situations either.

I need financial help to help me move. I am only asking for a total of $5000. If you can only donate even just $1 dollar, I will be more than thankful for you help. I am also opening commissions at this time. Please bear with me on timing. I am working 40+ hours a week right now and will work on the commissions as soon as I get a breathing chance when I get home.

My Commission Prices

$10 for a sketch and that will go from a bust to full body. I only do traditional- so pencil and paper. No sketch lines, just a clean pencil drawing. No limit to characters on one drawing. You will be charged for more than one character if you are going to have them on individual papers.

+$1 if you want it inked.

Note- I will not draw backgrounds, do shading or draw any NSFW. I am not adept in those fields.

My Paypal-

Thanks for at the very least reading through. Please help this be spread around. I will follow up with weekly updates through reblogs.

[greenygreenland]

Names: slight Luke x reader

-after battle of endor

-enjoyyyyy and please reblog and like or comment

Summary:

You were kidnapped and kept in a stasis pod (like Kix). When someone finds you and lets you out, the truth that you're in the future hits you like a train.

Your breath hitched as you placed a hand over your forehead. The blood roared in your ears as your hands shook, and it was like time had come to a stand still. You couldn't believe your ears, and most definitely not the sight of your old friend. He wasn't the young pre-teen with blond shaven hair or a sparkle in his eyes. No, he was now old and gray, with a rather rounded stomach and chunky limbs.

When did he get so fat?

"Rex, I..." You trailed off, carefully studying every new wrinkle and gray piece of hair on his face.

I'm sorry to say this Commander, he had said, but yu're in the future.

"That's impossible." You knew it was possible. "T-the chips... Fives! I-I promised--" Rex's sorrowful expression cut you short. You could sense the concern and sadness burst in his aura. Just by being there you had opened old wounds, and that was something you couldn't stand because you could have prevented them. You discovered the chips with Fives back on Kamino and sought to spread the word to the Council before it was too late. Fives died along the way, and then everything else became a blur. You had been kidnapped, thrown into a stasis pod, and the rest was history.

Only now had you finally been released from it.

"I promised Fives I'd tell the Council." you blankly said. Rex took a seat on a rock as an ewok scurried by with a stick in hand. He motioned for you to join him, so you did. "The Republic is gone now, Kid, and so are all the Jedi save for a few." You hung your head in your hands as the information pierced through your soul. Rex was clearly uncomfortable with telling you this, but you both knew you'd eventually find out anyway. You heaved in a shaky breath. "What happened to all the Jedi?"

"Order 66, the order to terminate all Jedi." Your heart shattered. Sure, you didn't directly know of the particular name of this order, but you and Fives uncovered enough to have a vague idea of what those Seppies were planning. Only now did the truth really slap you in the face.

You loved being the correct one, but not in this way.

As for Rex, you sensed his wounds were opening. He was torn about Order 66, and clearky knew something else he wasn't willing to share. The hurt in his heart transferred over to you, only further weighing down your shoulders. "You and Fives were right. The Chancellor was behind everything. We didn't see that," Rex shook his head, "so we paid the price and turned on our Jedi. But thanks to you and Fives, I was able to help Ahsoka find the report on your discovery. She managed to remove my chip, and from there..." Rex knitted his brows together, that deep hurt in his heart finally reaching his voice. "...we survived. Although you couldn't save everyone, you at least saved us."

Rex patted your shoulder comfortingly. "I know what you're thinking now." You shook your head. "That's not true." Rex tightly embraced you.

"I didn't know you were so affectionate." you grumbled. Rex ignored your banter and instead rocked you fron side to side like how Cody did to him as a kid. He felt the way your heart pounded. He saw the sadness reflecting in your eyes. You had always been so brave and strong for not only your reputation, but for your own legion of men. Now, it was Rex's turn to be the strong one. "You think this is your fault."

"That's not true."

Rex rolled his eyes. "You're lying to yourself again, Kid. I know you're the selfless type, but you can't always save everyone. That's something you've gotta learn. I couldn't save a great deal of my brothers, either, but sometimes, in war it's hard to be the one that survives." It was quiet for a few moments, save for the chatter in the Ewok village in the distance and the partying Rebels dancing round campfires.

The happiness those Rebels felt eventuallh made its way to you. Despite everything you've known being gone, life blossomed and grew. Hope lived in the hearts of those men and women in the distance, and only seemed to keep growing as each second ticked by. When Rex realised you had relaxed, you hummed a little tune. "That one?" you commented. Rex let out a lighthearted chuckle for you. The tune was one almost every veteran clone knew. It was a simple war song, but a tool many used to keep themselves sane throughout all the chaos during the Clone Wars.

"Fives used to scream it all the time." you reminisced. Unlike Rex, Fives's death was still fresh in your mind. To you, it happened only a couple days ago while to Rex, decades ago. It was crazy for the both of you to thinj aboit how much time had passed.

When the tune came to a stop, Rex kept his gaze focused on a particular blond up in the treetops. You followed his gaze and squinted through the darkness (why weren't you modified with perfect vision?). "Who are you staring at?" Rex pointed to the blond with a small smile. "You see that kid there?"

"Yes."

"He's Anakin's son. The other's his daughter."

You forgot your heartache in that moment. Daughter? Son? You knew Anakin and Padme had a 'thing', but never would have guessed they'd do that. Your jaw unhinged as you pushed away from Rex. "You're joking." Rex couldn't help the smirk crawling up his lips. "No, sir."

You turned to look Rex in those honey eyes of his. "Have you talked to him?" The old clone shook his head. "Not yet. Haven't got the chance." You peered over your shoulder to take another glimpse at the two people. Through the crowds of Rebels and Ewoks, you weren't sure if they were overwhelmed by the sea of people or simply disappeared. You sensed a calm presence make its way towards you. From the trees and thick vegetation emerged a beautiful blond boy. His eyes were as blue as the lakes on Naboo while the smile he offered as bright as the sun.

"Wow." you whispered. Rex snickered as the boy approached. "Uh, hi." he awkwardky greeted. "How are you doing?" Rex elbowed you and leaned close to your ear. "He was the one that found you. I only offered to take care of you."

It was hard to look at the blond boy without melting. "I-I'm doing...great." you shakily replied. The boy knitted his brows together, clearly doubting your words. "Are you sure?"

You sized the boy up and down. Fluffy golden locks, bright smile, confident demeanor, and mechanical hand just like his father. Another detail that caught your eye was the lightsaber hanging from his belt. "You're Force Sensitive." you blurted.

"So are you." the boy replied. "How long have you been in that pod for? What's your name?" You shrugged at the first question. "I know I've been there since the Clone Wars, but I don't know the exact numbers. My name is (Y/n) Kenobi. You?"

The boy's eyes widened. "The Clone Wars? Kenobi?" You offered an awkward smile. "I had a brother. His name was Obi-wan." The boy's jaw unhinged. "What?! I am telling you, Ben doesn't tell me anything! I didn't know he had a sister!" You knitted your brows as the boy began to explain his relationship to your brother. At the end of it, he finally mentioned his name.

"I'm Luke. Luke Skywalker."

You turned to Rex with an incredulous expression. "That was the baby name I told Padme about!"

[meganeonice]

im still shook by Viktor’s bubble butt