#i think calliope would be a great wingman

[ceaselessbasher]

I've got projects to catch up on and a half-written fic but now I'm thinking of a whole other fic

Because like yeah personally I don't ship Dream & Calliope in the Now Times (something something a relationship that was certainly meaningful at some time and now then can forgive and heal but to do that they don't need to get back together) but what I do love is a little genre called comedia de enredos so what I'm thinking is Dream and Calliope spending some time together to patch things up and allow themselves to heal, and this happens with a bit of prompting from Hob ("how to herd your feral cat towards civil relations with his exwife") BUUUUT this is in a context where Hob and Dream are still Just Friends Ignoring 600+ Years of Homoerotic Subtext

And so maybe through the power of sunshine smiles Hob convinces his feral cat and an actual Greek Muse to have lunch in the New Inn, he can be there for emotional support or whatever, and everything goes pretty smoothly, Hob ends up doing most of the talking cause this man Cannot, I repeat, Cannot Keep His Mouth Shut, but Calliope loves the stories this human tells and Dream is full on heart-eyes, tiny smiles as always

And then when Hob stands up to go to the bar and get more drinks (and inevitably gets momentarily distracted by an argument about literally anything), Calliope leans over to Dream like "You love this one!!!!" and Dream first tries denial and then the old "Endless and mortal relationships" spiel, of course neither work, Calliope insists that "You need to allow yourself to be happy again, Oneiros."

Obviously, because the narrative needs it that way, Hob returns just at the right time to hear Calliope say something like "At least consider it. I've missed seeing you smile" with her hand over Dream's and his internal monologue immediately becomes "This is what happens when you don't make a move in 600 years, the amazing and gorgeous exwife returns, it's game over for you, pal, good luck trying to compete with an actual goddess"

And so comedia de enredos ensues with Hob trying to not act distant while heartbroken and Dream deciding to follow Calliope's advice while not understanding while Hob is being Weird all of a sudden

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

Albin (Murph): Uh, Calliope, do you have a name? Emily: Uh, I think Calliope looks through her criminal [laughs] stack of fake passports with fake names and fake identities, but she's like, you know what? This is a chance to try on a hat that I once really wanted to wear. And I think she thinks back to TGI Skydays when she saw Freddy proposing to Addie. [The others laugh.] And she thought of like, how nice it must be to not have to find your own purpose because you can just make someone else your purpose. Albin: Oh, no. Caldwell: Aw? Emily: And she thinks back to Glenn. Albin: (desperately) No. Emily: And she said-- Callie (Emily): I would like to be… Glennifer-- Albin: [laughs] Oh no. No. Callie: --Skydays. [Caldwell laughs.] Calder (Jake): I… I hate it and like it at the same time. Albin: Okay so… I see… Sol (Caldwell): I mean it's got a real ring to it. Albin: Right… okay… Callie: Glennifer. Albin: Glennifer. Sol: Glennifer Skydays. Callie: Skydays. Albin: Skydays. And you spell that… just… Calder: But it's like in a strong, healthy, I don't need this anymore-- Albin: Like, okay, so it's a combination-- Callie: No no no. Absolutely not. Calder: Oh, okay. [Caldwell laughs.] Albin: So it's a combination-- Callie: It's like when you took-- it's like when you took the potion of fire breathing to see like, if you'd like it. Calder: Oh. Yeah. Right. Albin: Isn't Jennifer your therapist's name? Callie: [laughs] yes. Albin: So you've-- Callie: I've combined it. Albin: The source-- the source of your pain? Callie: Look, I have an erotic impulse towards both of them! [Emily laughs.] Albin: We're not gonna dig any deeper into that. Sol: Right. No. Calder: I did drink the fire breathing potion. I'm gonna stay out of your way. Albin: Tha-- very good, Glennifer. Sol? Caldwell: Um, Sol also thinks back to the TGI Skydays. [Emily laughs.] Albin: Why? Is there? We don't-- We don't have to. Caldwell: Uh, Sol's in full panic mode [Murph: Okay.] And like, he hears the word Skydays, thinks back, and very confidently with a shaky grin goes Sol: Potato… Skindersin? Albin: Yes! [Emily laughs.] Very good. Sol: Final answer. Calder: That is on the menu. Albin: Okay. Your name is… Potato. Sol: Tater to my friends! Albin: Tater to your friends. Calder: Alright, Tate! Callie: I'm only Glennifer. Albin: Only Glennifer. Full name. Callie: You can't-- if you collapse it, then you miss out half of myself. Albin: Calder, please! Sol: Bring us home. Jake: Calder thinks deeply about TGI Skydays. [Caldwell and Emily laugh.] Albin: Please. Calder. I beg of you. You're all gonna die. You're all going to die. Calder: I remember… when I spoke with the waiter about not being served. Albin: Okay? Calder: I clocked that his name was Doug. Albin: D-- okay. Well, that's a name! Yes, that's a normal name. Okay. Calder: It is a name. Alright. Doug. Albin: Doug? Calder: Doug DaVirgin. Albin: Doug-- [Caldwell and Emily laugh.] Okay. Like he's a virgin. Calder: That's right. Albin: Great. Okay. Sol: That's-- that's a little character work in there too. I like that! Calder: I just-- I project that onto Doug. Callie: I'm the heiress to the Skydays fortune-- Albin: Jesus. Callie: --and I'm married to Glen. Albin: So you took his name by adding it to your first name? Callie: As is the custom. Albin: Okay. Sol: And it's not really important to the mission but Tater does fuck a lot. Albin: (so, so tired) Okay. Sol: And it's fun because like, Doug's a virgin but Tater fucks a lot but we're still really good friends. Calder: We are! Yeah. Albin: Really good stuff everyone. Calder: Doug's a wingman. Sol: Yeah!