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brokenfoetus · 4 years

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...Real Talk for a Moment....

This is gonna be a long rant post, so by all means... quickly scroll past. Parts may even be a tad emo feels for some folks for one reason or another... There’s no shame in skipping for reals. A lot of days I can’t bother to read anything too in depth... anyway... HERE goes.... While I absolutely love art, and performance, and surreal awkward characterization of myself I call “THE END”. I also value truth, and being understood. My blog here started more as a journal for me to vent, and place to post music and art for me to look at in order to try and just relax during a very difficult point in my life. Every now and then I like to stop and ground myself and post in a sense about the actual me. There’s frankly not anything magical here, everyone has a story and their experiences and struggles we all do no matter who you are. I suppose like I said, I just like to be understood where I am coming from typically can only be slightly grasped like anyone. Even if you agree with views and relate to feelings, things become clearer with details.... hence my rants. I get it out of my system and state my perspectives all at once and anyone who happens to be curious gets to read it. Maybe gets to relate and frankly that tends to help us sometimes. It helps people realize they’re not alone in their situations. Anyway.... I was born a tiny premature gremlin on the east coast of the U.S. I was raised a devout Catholic boy. At age 11 I was diagnosed with the chronic illness Diabetes. when the symptoms started my mother called doctors concerned. We had to wait a full month for my appointment. It was rough. Some people don’t know of the disease, but most people generally are aware. It typically doesn’t seem all too dramatic to most since people think of it as old grandma and grandpa taking their pills and measuring their food. When you’re talking juvenile onset diabetes it’s different... severity can vary. but, I caught some sort of virus, with flu like symptoms... I was very very sick for a week or two. Once it passed, I was okay but slowly started feeling gross in other ways. By the time we got to see Doctors it was too late, and the damage done to my pancreas made it so it created pretty much no insulin. The only theory Doctors had at the time was the virus freaked out my auto-immune system so it made my body attack itself. It seemed that my white blood cells had attacked my pancreas. I was 11, so... I didn’t know what diabetes was. I asked my doctor if there was a cure, and he explained that there was no cure. My little boy brain after feeling so awful for a month and a half assumed I was going to die. I burst into tears as I was very very afraid. My Doctor quickly explained I wasn’t going to die like I had assumed and that it can be treated. It doesn’t seem so scary most the time when you realize it can be treated. The thing is the hormone insulin can be quite dangerous, as low blood sugars are actually very much more dangerous than high blood sugars. Insulin allows glucose in the blood to travel into cells to basically use as fuel. without it sugar levels rise in the blood stream, and the body starts rapidly breaking down fat cells to use as fuel. Now, that happens normal some anyway usually after eating. Just not rapidly.... when it does, the fuel it breaks down creates ketones which can make the blood toxic... by making it acidic.... Like I don’t really think... there’s any way I can describe what high blood sugar feels like... or what it feels like when your blood starts to become acidic.... I can’t... but... minor low blood sugar attacks can happen to anyone just by skipping lunch or forgetting to eat... and those suck... bad ones... well... they feel like you’re dying. Not to be melodramatic about it all... but that’s all I can say to explain it... it just feels like you’re dying. Probably because you sort of are..... The brain runs on glucose so when the levels get too low... your brain panics and tries to save itself and alert you. It’s not fun. It’s been many years since I had anything dangerous or serious in terms of low blood sugars but, a couple times in my life when I wasn’t doing very well emotionally and mentally I wasn’t paying attention or being careful with my insulin dosages and how much I was eating. I’ve had 3 grand mal seizures in my life when I was younger.... it’s hard to explain the experience... in mine... I don’t know.... It was like not existing at all, there was nothing. I woke to pain, I couldn’t see or hear it just hurt. Everything hurt head to toe. Then I could hear myself saying it hurt, then I could hear the people around me, and then I could see the people around me. Then I knew what had happened. I felt a bit guilty for scaring my loved ones so much. That honestly made me more upset than the pain. The reason I spell all this out... is my life has mostly been surrounded by fear. I’ve been aware of my mortality and trying to avoid dying on a daily basis since I was a very young boy. The strange thing I suppose.... is after a while... you just get sick of being afraid.... you kind of stop being scared and just get angry... I was a shy timid nervous little dude.... I’ve had long long times where... I’ve felt worthless, I’ve hated myself, felt I didn’t deserve happiness, or love. I’ve let people use me, without standing up for myself. I’ve let people be toxic and cruel, while excusing their behavior. While at the same time condemning myself for any tiny mistake I may have made in any way. I’ve made myself a martyr in personal relationships, sacrificing myself and my feelings. I’ve frankly... done a whole bunch of fucked up things turned inward. The nice thing I suppose, is I don’t do that anymore.... I still make mistakes, and I like to take responsibility for them and make amends or fix them. You can get used to some really fucked up things. Especially when struggling with self worth. I used to think I was useless and undeserving. Today... I’m well aware I’m a PRETTEH PRETTEH GOFF BOI.... I have long time close friends who love me just as much as I do them. I have a wonderful beautiful lovely lady who has my heart and soul whom I want to spend every moment I possibly can with until my bones are dust. Who helped me a great deal over the past couple years or so. Helped me with myself and helped me believe in myself again. Just by being my friend and supporting me while I continue to be the eccentric artist asshole I am. and I have Scrambles... THE MOST CUTEST BLACK KITTEH KAT EVAR. I feel rather lucky to have all I do. I appreciate what I have very very much. I’ve been dealing with Diabetes since I was 11... and had been dealing with Severe Major Depression symptoms since my early 20s. over the past five years I finally started getting help, Turns out I don’t just have diabetes.... I have adhd and some kind of sleep disorder. we’ve been calling it narcolepsy but it’s hard to say exactly, it could be hypersomnia which is a super fancy way of saying I’m fucking always exhausted 24/7 which is pretty accurate. That is usually caused by narcolepsy or something else but... who knows... still trying to figure that part out. I have discovered though that, being fucking exhausted non stop for 20 years will make you very depressed. Sometimes depression makes you tired, and sometimes being tired makes you depressed. When I was a young lad, I gave myself one single life goal.... That was to finish an electro industrial album and play some live shows. I dunno, to some that might not be a big deal.... I never said it had to be “good” after all. But, when I was at a low point dealing with my stuffs, trying to take care of myself... I honestly spent most my days sleeping. I was awake maybe 4 hours a day. Things felt very hopeless, that learned hopelessness made me believe things were pretty much pointless. I would shrug... and talk to my psychiatrist about my suffering in a manner that people talk about the weather. I didn’t even care anymore it was happening. It was “oh well... is what it is.” Until I got angry, it was a good thing I was so frustrated.... because it meant I finally gave a shit again. I wanted to get better and I wanted it to hurry the fuck up. Anyway... I’m just rambling and ranting because I was thinking back a lot after doing a sleep study... probably the first in a series of them. I don’t have apnea so I mean... that’s good. I also got to see what some of my brainwaves look like... I also apparently wake up after dreaming some a lot... I also apparently yelled in the middle of the night hahaha. So back to the whole life goal thing.....my long time friend, who introduced me to shitloads of music and bands and has always been close through good and bad times. Was saying how he knew it was something I’ve always wanted to do, so he wants to help me. He’s starting to help me plan the performance and then later will help me setup my shows and come with me to what will be really awkward and silly first couple gigs I play. An open mic night will be particularly hilarious to me, since instead of hearing shitty rock song covers, it will be an insane goth punk dude screaming distorted vocals to weird electro noises haha. It’s taken a long time to get shit finally going... but... it’s getting there... it’s still going to take a lot more work... on both me and the music. I have countless things I have to do, but I’m just happy I finally got angry enough to scream fuck it... and go for it... I love a lot of various kinds of work. I don’t really fit there very well though. Now that the sleep disorder stuff has become worse over time... it’s not really possible anyway. That’s okay though, since now I’m just doing what I’m actually good at. Eccentric artist asshole has always been my key features. xD So, here’s some photos of me before and during my sleep lab and random enjoyable crap I suppose... and my general mood. It’s been a while.... -The End-

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#Me #Personal #Random #Pointless #Update #THE END

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audiodiaryofasuperhero · 7 years

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About that Unannounced Hiatus...

Hi, y'all. Remember us? We took a pretty long unannounced break from… well, just about everything to do with the public side of this show.

While we can’t go back & make this hiatus have never happened, or hell, even go back and handle it better, we can explain how & why it happened. If we can’t fix it, we can be honest about it. Maybe we can even bring about a little awareness in the process.

Note: This post is almost entirely about the past year & a half. We will write a separate post covering what’s going on now & what’s next for ADoS. We don’t want to cram those things onto the end of this long post when those are the things worth getting excited about!

Now, to do this, I need to address you as Laura Henderson, the writer/producer/nearly everything on this show. Because the reasons behind the Unannounced Hiatus of Suffering pretty much all have to do with things that were going on in my life.

Hang with me - this is a long explanation.

Some content warnings before proceeding. This explanation includes anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm, mania, hypomania, dislocations, & doctors being shitty people who are bad at their jobs.

I made an announcement right before the hiatus, publicizing what was meant to be a small break in production while my household dealt with a clusterfuck of a moving process. What I didn’t mention was the fact that I was struggling with some worsening anxiety & depression issues as well.

As soon as we’d moved, when I was meant to be finishing episode six, three different things happened. 1) I got caught in one of the worst depression spirals of my life. Like, I hadn’t felt so terrible since middle school. I struggled with awful focus issues, self-harm, & suicidal ideation. 2) I got a promotion to sales lead at work. This sounds fancy, but it functionally means that I became the lowest tier of management at my store. With our staff numbers dropping post-Holidays, my hours ratcheted up to 35 hours a week. Plus school. Plus chronic illness. Plus mental health issues. Which all feeds into - 3) I wasn’t happy with the draft of episode 6. I needed that script to do five different vital things, & at the time, it did maybe two of them. I recorded that draft, but ended up deleting it out of frustration at what it didn’t set up for later plot. With everything else going on, it was easiest just to… put it down.

Spring came & my depression receded, although my focus issues increased. This was just in time for me to dislocate my knee pretty majorly. With EDS (an illness I share with Adira), dislocations are pretty commonplace. But most of them are small, slide back in nearly immediately with little to no intervention, & do very little damage to the tissue surrounding the joints. Others are major, where the joint slides farther out of place than usual & stays out of socket until manipulated back into place, doing a fair bit of damage to the surrounding tissues. This was definitely the latter. I was in pain for weeks, & all my spoons were spent trying to get through my shifts at work.

The knee eventually healed. My first night out dancing after it healed, some asshole stepped on my ankle & dislocated it. Not my foot, mind you - my ankle. (I am still very salty about it.) Wash, rinse, repeat from above.

Then things really started to go to hell.

In late June, I started seeing a psychiatrist for my focus issues. My dad has ADHD, & we’d begun to wonder if I may have inherited. The psychiatrist, understandably, chose to start by treating my depression and anxiety instead. She also indicated that she suspected I may have a bipolar disorder. She prescribed me Zoloft, & told me I should call her immediately if I started experiencing suicidal ideation or mania.

Lucky me, I got both.

By week two, I was drifting into a mixed affective state, where I’d be slightly uncomfortably energetic but also a bit depressed. By week four, I was on a little carnival rollercoaster. I was energetic, anxious, depressed, & had a very small voice in my head suggesting awful but non-fatal things I should do to myself. By week six, I was riding a Six Flags thrills rollercoaster, with celestial highs & infernal lows. I felt like I was going to vibrate out of my skin, I went from aggressive cheer to rage at minor provocations, and the voice in my head was nearly indistinguishable from my regular thoughts, telling me all the different ways I could & should kill my self. I was manic. I would have been suicidal if my friends hadn't been acting as voices of reason. I called my psychiatrist in tears & left a message with her receptionist. She never called me back. I stopped taking the pills.

Needless to say, I found a new psychiatrist, an awesome guy who believes in evidence-based practice. We started experimenting to find a good balance of meds. We started with the assumption that there was a low but substantial probability that I had a bipolar disorder, but that it was more likely that Zoloft was responsible for most of the mania symptoms. As the milder medicines mostly failed to stabilize me, we adjusted the probabilities of bipolar upwards, eventually concluding with a diagnosis of bipolar 2.

While we were still in the early stages of medication experimentation, & I was mentally stable enough to sort of function & get a bit optimistic, my body decided it was its turn to be a melodramatic little bitch.

Everything started dislocating. Everything.

My knees, normally prone to minor dislocations around 4 times a week or so, started going out constantly. And then my hips got in on it. And then my ankles. And my ribs. And my shoulders. I went from using a cane, to using crutches, to using a rolling walker. I usually had more joints out than in.

I tried to work through all of this, but it was a nightmare. At one point, I was sitting in my walker at the cash wrap, twisted around to grab something from behind me, and both my hips popped out with an audible “snap.” I tearfully handed the guest what I’d been grabbing for them, then backed myself away from the register to cry for a moment.

Right at the end of October, I asked for a medical leave of absence from my job, with the intention of seeing my rheumatologist to update her on the situation and see what could be done.

When I went to see her, I had a list of ten things that needed to be accomplished. I managed none of them.

When she arrived in the little room, I started explaining what had been going on with my joints for the past two months. She cut me off.

“I can’t help you with that,” she said impatiently. “I can’t help you.”

She went on to add, “But I see you’ve been losing weight - that’s excellent.” (I’d been in too much pain to eat.) “And I’m glad that you went dancing,” (referring to the ankle dislocation from June that had been giving me so much trouble since). “You should exercise as much as possible.” (Ignoring that I’d been trying to tell her I could barely move.)

At this point, I was very teary. My joint doctor was telling me that she could not help me with my joint condition.

“You should look into being treated for depression. You seem very upset.”

To say I left her office devastated is a bit of an understatement. I sobbed in my car in the parking lot for twenty minutes.

I called my auxiliary brain, my most rational, anti-suicide friend.

“Please, come keep me company. Make sure that I don’t do anything stupid,” I pleaded.

He had some errands to run, but I sat in the car with him. On the interstate, I had to fight the urge to open the car door and throw myself into traffic.

But he got me through that awful day. The next month and a half was a long, drawn-out depression swing.

At the beginning of December, my manager called me.

“Are you coming back?” she asked.

“I - I don’t think I can,” I admitted.

“I’ll consider this your notice, effective immediately,” she said. “Get better, Laura.”

Things slowly got better. My body calmed down. One of my psych meds was able to pull double-duty as a joint pain medication. I could walk again, even if I wasn’t quite comfortable dancing. I became happier, and if I was hypomanic or in a mixed affective state more so than even-keeled, it was better than being manic or depressed.

I withdrew from my college program, and applied to an online program. While the new program was not my beloved data science, combining information technology with mathematics was close enough.

I was accepted too late to start spring classes.

In early February, I managed to find a new rheumatologist, after calling four offices who explicitly said they weren’t comfortable treating me. She didn’t do terribly much for me, but she explained what she was going to watch for. She referred me to an orthopedist.

By this point, I was thoroughly bored of sitting around the house. I re-applied at my old work place, and was welcomed back with great enthusiasm.

Then my psychiatrist cancelled an appointment. It was nearly impossible to get ahold of his office to reschedule over the phone. Every time I went in person to reschedule, there was no one at the desk. I started rationing my medication, and then I ran out. Things, rather predictably, went pear-shaped.

A few weeks ago, summer classes started for me. I finally got back on medication. My work place started a big hiring push, which reduced my hours to my betterment.

After all that shit, I’ve finally begun to feel like a person again. It was rough and it tested me in ways I hadn’t been tested before. It made social media seem like an overwhelming prospect. I couldn’t manage a huge undertaking like my beloved podcast. But now....

Audio Diary of a Superhero never once left my mind, and now I’m ready to get it up and running again, better than ever before. I’m healthier, happier, and very motivated.

I’m not going to talk about what comes next in this post. But it’s coming. Look out.

#audio diary of superhero

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juliusgermani · 6 years

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26 DIY Sugar Scrub Recipes to Make Your Skin Silky Smooth

It's been a harsh winter, and I must admit that my skin has come out of it looking a little worse for wear. I do have a few fallback products that I tend to reach for year after year to help revitalize my skin after the winter, but with my new year's resolution to try and make the switch from store-bought to homemade, I thought I should try and do something a little different.

I have a love-hate relationship with scrubs in general. Yes, they can help to get rid of dry areas and leave you looking luxuriously smooth. But, if you're not careful with which ones you use and how often you use them, they can also be incredibly harsh on your delicate skin.

The beauty of making your DIY sugar scrubs is that you have not only more control over the coarseness of the product, but also the scent. Whether you're settling down for a full evening of pampering or just having a quick scrub in your morning shower, you're bound to fall in love with one of these recipes.

DIY Sugar Scrub Recipes

1. Chocolate Coconut Sugar Scrub

My mom always laughs at me when I buy products that smell like something you'd want to eat, questioning why I would want to smell like food. Well, I love food, so food scents are something that appeals to me most.

I don't think that even my mom would object to using this Chocolate Coconut Sugar Scrub, even if it did leave her smelling like a chocolate bar. Something I like about this homemade scrub is the consistency of it. I find it incredibly annoying when a scrub is so dry that it crumbles and falls everywhere, wasting half of the tub, so I think that this liquid like texture would be far more effective and efficient.

2. Lemon Honey Sugar Scrub

The scents of lemon and honey are always soothing to me, as that's the classic remedy my granny makes up for us when we are ill. Those two scents along with lavender and rosemary would make this Lemon Honey Sugar Scrub perfect for an evening of pampering, especially in the bathtub.

This scrub is easy to make, all you need to do is combine all the ingredients. I like the fact that this recipe uses dried rosemary and leaves it in, meaning that the scent will be more enhanced along with the added exfoliant.

3. Whipped Grapefruit Mint Sugar Scrub

Hand on heart, if you asked me what my two favorite scents of body products to use in my morning showers are I would tell you grapefruit and mint. I find them both so incredibly refreshing, which is just what I need to get me feeling more awake and ready for the day ahead. With that said, I don't think I have ever tried something which includes them both together, so I am excited to try out this Whipped Grapefruit Mint Sugar Scrub.

Aside from that delicious scent combination, the ‘whipped' aspect of this has sold it to me, as it isn't something I have ever seen before. Being a big fan of whipped body creams, I can see myself loving this, and the consistency looks perfect for a shower.

4. Peppermint Sugar Scrub Bars

As previously mentioned, sugar scrubs can be a little messy. Especially if you're using them in the bathtub, more coarse scrubs can leave you feeling like you're laying on a sandy beach. These Peppermint Sugar Scrub Bars address that problem just perfectly in my opinion.

The peppermint scent comes from an essential oil, which means that if you wanted to, you could swap out the peppermint oil for another one, like vanilla or lemon. These bars would be incredibly quick and efficient to use in the shower, and because they're homemade and inexpensive, you don't have to use them sparingly, like you might ones you bought from a store.

5. Calming Sugar Scrub

I love the sound of all the ingredients in this Calming Sugar Scrub. As soon as I saw it I wanted to make some for my mom, she's always working herself off her feet, and I know that her favorite part of the week is a long soak in the bath on a Sunday evening.

A couple of my friends have been using ‘bath teabags' recently, which are exactly what they sound like, large teabags specially made to be used in baths. I don't know how I feel about that, but you do get some incredibly lovely and calming smelling teas, so I wouldn't mind having an aspect of that in the water. The coconut oil in this recipe would leave your skin so nourished and smooth.

6. Lemon Lip Sugar Scrub

I love lip scrubs; they are a total lifesaver throughout winter as a quick fix for chapped lips. I don't like to use them too often, preferring to lather on the chapstick, but if I am going out and my lipstick just isn't sitting right then I will use a scrub before applying it, and my problem will be solved.

The consistency of this Lemon Lip Sugar Scrub looks like it would be rough enough to do the job extremely well, but still soft and nourishing with the addition of the jojoba oil so as not to damage your lips. It's a nice compact size, so you could pop it in your handbag for days when your lips are just not playing ball.

7. Essential Oil Sugar Scrub

This Essential Oil Sugar Scrub recipe is incredibly simple, which I am a fan of. Very often the best beauty and skincare products are those with the fewest ingredients, something which just does the job without all the faff.

The ratio of oil to sugar in this recipe is a little different, using more oil than other methods I have seen. I was unsure of this at first, but after thinking about it, I realized that this would be perfect for anyone with sensitive skin, or skin which doesn't usually react too well to scrubs. The sugar wouldn't be too harsh, and the oil would ensure that your skin is perfectly moisturized throughout the process of using it.

8. Chai Sugar Scrub

I don't know whether I want to eat this Chai Sugar Scrub or use it on my body, or even do a bit of both. I am not the biggest fan of coffee, so when I am out and about and need a little break, I always treat myself to a Chai Latte.

I can't stop imagining the scent of this, with the Chai tea along with the brown sugar, cinnamon, vanilla, and honey. It sounds so warming, almost like some sweet treat after it has been freshly baked. This recipe would take minutes to bring together, and I think that if you put it in a pretty jar with a cute label and ribbon, it would make the loveliest gift for a friend or loved one.

9. Sugar Hand Scrub

Dry hands are a pest throughout winter, and though I don't suffer from them too badly, I know a lot of people who do and would therefore benefit from this Sugar Hand Scrub.

Although this scrub can be used anywhere on the body, it's especially great for the hands and looks easy to make. Even if dry hands isn't something that you have problems with, I think using this scrub would still be a lovely treat, with the simple ingredients leaving your hands feeling extra soft. The use of cane sugar in most DIY scrubs is due to its larger size lending it to be more affecting in getting rid of any dead or rough skin.

10. Sweet Vanilla Sugar Scrub

I love all vanilla scented products, so before I even opened this recipe, I was half-way in love. Luckily for me, the recipe itself lived up to my high hopes and expectations.

This Sweet Vanilla Sugar Scrub can be used anywhere on the body, which is the beauty of all homemade scrubs. I love the fact that the recipe includes a little run down of the benefits of each ingredient it uses, something which is incredibly useful for a sugar scrub beginner like myself. This is one of the only recipes I have found that actively adds vitamin E, an ingredient which I already find incredibly useful on my skin. Although the consistency of this sugar scrub is a little looser than what I would usually go for, I reckon the scent would be entirely worth it.

11. Rose Petal Sugar Scrub

As someone who isn't usually the biggest fan of rose scents, I still think this Rose Petal Sugar Scrub looks like it would be an absolute delight to use.

I love the story behind this scrub, a woman who could not bear to let her beautiful bouquet of roses go to waste. This recipe only uses three ingredients, all of which are inexpensive and easy to come across, you could even use roses from your garden if you have any. The mixture would be very dry, so you would have to be a little more careful when using it. With that said, however, you could easily take inspiration from another sugar scrub recipe and add oil to the base to make it stick together better.

12. Lavender Sugar Scrub

Lavender is such a calming scent, and it is hard to find someone who doesn't think so. The South of France was frequented by my family when I was younger, and I have the best memories of running down rows of lavender with my little sister.

I like the fact that, as well as its essential oil, this Lavender Sugar Scrub recipe has actual lavender buds mixed with it. Not only will this better enhance the smell, but it makes it look incredibly pretty. The recipe doesn't specify which type of sugar to use, so you could experiment with different ones, or even mixtures of more than one, before finding the texture that is right for you.

13. Cucumber Mint Sugar Scrub

This Cucumber Mint Sugar Scrub sounds like something you would be offered at a fancy spa, and I am all about anything that helps me to create that real spa experience in my own home for a fraction of the price.

Any skin products including cucumber always feel so soothing and cooling on the skin, and I can't imagine that this one would be any different. It sounds like the freshest of scents, making it perfect for a morning or post busy day shower. I like the look of the consistency, although it doesn't contain too much oil, the cucumber will add moisture and should hold it together nicely, perfect for scooping out of the jar.

14. Unicorn Sugar Scrub

If you are looking for a breath of quirky and fun air amongst the floral and the fruity, then look no further than this Unicorn Sugar Scrub. I can honestly admit that I have not hopped onto the recent unicorn trend that seems to be everywhere, but I can't deny that this scrub looks incredibly fun.

I love anything colorful or glittery, and this has both. Of course, both the color and the glitter are entirely optional, but why not. These layered bottles of sugar scrub with the little stars throughout would make the most lovely gift, especially for any unicorn obsessed women in your life. I know that I certainly have a fair few cousins and friends who would go crazy over them.

15. Apple Cinnamon Sugar Scrub

This Apple Cinnamon Sugar Scrub would have you feeling like your bathtub or shower was one big pie, and I have absolutely no objections toward that.

I definitely did not expect this recipe to include fresh apple, but I am incredibly glad that it does, and think it would give a much more realistic apple scent compared to an essential oil which can often be sickly sweet. This will, of course, add moisture to the mixture too, and we all know that apple and cinnamon are a scent and taste match made in heaven. This scrub recipe has a couple more steps involved in its preparation, but I do not doubt that it would be entirely worth it.

16. Essential Oil Sugar Scrub Bars

These are the cutest little heart shaped Essential Oil Sugar Scrub Bars. I like the fact that these have soap as part of the base, meaning that they double up as a body wash in the shower on top of being a scrub.

Although you might not think so with them being a hard bar, using this on more sensitive skin could be far more gentle than using a regular sugar scrub. This way you can apply the desired amount of pressure, and the sugar will be well combined with the other elements of the recipe, making it less rough than a more dry, loose sugar scrub. The color element is optional, but I think it makes them look prettier, especially if you were planning on giving these to someone as a homemade gift.

17. Spiced Orange Sugar Scrub

Even though the festive season is now behind us, I would never refuse to cover myself with something that has a spiced orange scented. The weather outside can still be treacherously cold, and I am a big fan of doing little bits and bobs around the house to make sure that it is as warm and cozy as possible. I feel like making this Spiced Orange Sugar Scrub for the shower could just be a new one to add to the list.

This recipe contains none other than pumpkin pie spice, which is bound to make it smell delicious, especially along with the orange essential oil. I think to enhance the pie-like scent and feeling of this sugar scrub I would stick to using brown sugar.

18. Apricot Sugar Scrub

I am a big fan of apricots, both their taste and smell, but I must say that they aren't featured in beauty or skin products very often. Maybe I'm shopping in the wrong stores, but it is far less likely that you will find an apricot shower gel than you will a strawberry or raspberry one.

This Apricot Sugar Scrub sounds like the perfect summery skincare product DIY. I don't know how strongly scented apricot oil itself is, having never used it before, but if it isn't strong enough to match your preferences, then the recipe directs you as to how to add essential oil in along with it. The incredibly simple recipe only has three ingredients, make that two if you'd rather not add color.

19. Cherry Blossom Sugar Scrub

When I first started school, our playground had a huge cherry blossom tree on the grass. We used to spend our entire lunch breaks collecting the flowers which had recently fallen, then weaving them into bracelets or sticking them through the braids in our hair. I want to include this Cherry Blossom Sugar Scrub here purely because of those happy memories.

Cherry blossom has such a beautiful scent, and I love it because it is floral without being too overpowering. This scrub looks so beautiful with the whole petals through it; I can imagine using this in the bath would leave the water bejeweled with them. It would be really fun to try adding different flower petals into this recipe too, making it even more colorful and beautiful.

20. Brown Sugar Lip Scrub

I recently had to throw out a sugar lip scrub that I bought from a store a while back. Don't get me wrong, I loved it but in time it just got dried up and bitty. When I went to repurchase two things stopped me, firstly the price, and then the following thought that it would probably be incredibly easy to make myself.

I was right, sure enough, sugar lip scrubs are incredibly easy and definitely inexpensive to make. I love the look of this Brown Sugar Lip Scrub. Because it is one part sugar and two parts a more liquid-like ingredient, it looks like the perfect consistency to use on your lips, more like a gloss than sugar that will be all over your face. I think I'd struggle to stop myself from licking this one off my lips.

21. Lime Sugar Scrub

The fact that this recipe for Lime Sugar Scrub contains both the essential oil and the zest of the lime means that the scent will be prominent, which is just perfect for such a refreshing ingredient.

It suggests having a jar of this scrub at the kitchen sink, which isn't somewhere I have ever thought to put a scrub before, but now that I think about it, it would be beneficial. After cooking, especially with raw meat or fish, it would be lovely to use something that you know is really going to scrub every last bit off your hands. Our kitchen also has a door which leads out into the garden, so after tending to the plants, this scrub would be the perfect way to get rid of any pesky dirt.

22. Pina Colada Sugar Scrub

Who wouldn't want to smell like a fun and tropical pina colada? The combination of the coconut and pineapple would be enough to get me out of bed and into the shower even after the worst night's sleep.

I love the bright yellow color of this Pina Colada Sugar Scrub and think it would be a delight to use. You can add more or less coconut oil dependant on the consistency you desire, which is just perfect for my preference of a more held-together scrub. Sometimes you just need something like this on a busy or dreary day to transport you somewhere sunnier and warmer. If you want to go all out with the tropical dream idea, there is even a recipe for mini pineapple soaps to go along with the scrub.

23. Strawberry Sugar Scrub

Strawberry is such a well-loved scent, so if you were making a sugar scrub for someone else and struggling to decide which scent to go for, then this would definitely be a safe bet.

This particular Strawberry Sugar Scrub contains real freeze-dried strawberries, which I think is a nice way of both coloring the scrub and adding the strawberry scent to it. Along with that, you have vanilla, which I could go on and on about for longer than you would care to listen, I do love it. If you are looking for a sugar scrub which is a nice mix of sweet and fruity without being too overpowering, then this could be the perfect one for you.

24. Eucalyptus Sugar Scrub

I always like it when you can tell that a DIY has been tried, tested and improved before it is put out into the world, and I definitely get that feeling with this Eucalyptus Sugar Scrub. The author explains the trial and error of different ratios, meaning that you can pick which one you would like to use based on what you want to get out of the scrub.

I have always liked the scent of eucalyptus, but haven't used it much in products. That will most likely change now that I know all its health benefits, including that it's antibiotic, deodorizing and good for circulation amongst other wonderful things.

25. Raspberry Lemon Sugar Scrub

If you haven't already guessed by now, I am a fan of fruity and fun scents in my skincare products, and if they have a bit of color added in, then I am even more intrigued.

I like that this recipe comes with different scent combinations that you can try out, I love raspberry, vanilla, and strawberry enough separately never mind when they are combined to make even more loveliness. Out of the possibilities, I think my favorite one would have to be a Raspberry Lemon Sugar Scrub, which I think would be a sweet treat to use in the shower. The granulated white sugar will mean that the scrub is effective at smoothing the skin without being too harsh.

26. Cherry Almond Sugar Scrub

Now I love digging into a good Cherry Bakewell tart, and it's about time I was able to smell like one too. I know many women in my life who could do with a bit of pampering, and I think the best way to make that happen is to make them a lovely homemade gift that will prompt them to do so.

The almond oil in this Cherry Almond Sugar Scrub will leave your skin feeling luxuriously soft, whether you use it in a nice hot bath or a slightly longer shower than usual. The combination of the cherry and almond scents will mean that this sugar scrub is sweet but still soothing, and the cherry extract gives it the loveliest hint of pale pink color.

Conclusion to DIY Sugar Scrub Recipes

Sugar scrubs are so handy to have around the house, both for when you need to quickly get rid of some rough skin and fight off the effects of the winter or to add to a long evening of pampering. They also make excellent gifts, especially when put into pretty jars, adorned with a lovely label and tied with a colorful bow.

As a lover of all things summer, sweet and fruity, the sugar scrub that I am most desperate to make has to be the Pina Colada one. There are so many that are coming in close second though, like the Chai, the Grapefruit and Mint and of course that Brown Sugar Lip Scrub to have stashed away in my handbag for emergencies.

Did you previously realize how easy it is to make your own DIY sugar scrub recipes? Which scent do you think would make you excited to give yourself a good scrub down?

This article first appeared on morningchores.com Original Article

The post 26 DIY Sugar Scrub Recipes to Make Your Skin Silky Smooth appeared first on Homesteading Alliance.

26 DIY Sugar Scrub Recipes to Make Your Skin Silky Smooth posted first on https://homesteadingalliance.com/

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valinor · 7 years

Text

Eglerion - Dream #-1

25/04/93

I am born at 15 minutes to midnight; chubby, blonde-haired and blue-eyed. For the first 10 years of my life I am happy. I laugh with my parents and I smile with my eyes. I draw prolifically, caterpillars and trains in particular. I find the familiar repetition of segmented things comforting. Even at a young age I am wary of strangers.

When I am 4 my brother is born. Having plucked it from the prenatal void, this tiny, alien form gifts me a Transformers toy. In the years that follow I am into Lego and enjoy meticulously creating them according to the exact specifications. What I create, he pulls apart. In many ways we are opposites; where I am quiet he is loud, where I am gentle he is rough. It takes years for us to reach an understanding. We both grow up to be insecure in our own separate ways.

I watch Cardcaptor Sakura on the TV and want to be a magical girl.

At 7 years old it comes to light that I am incredibly short-sighted. I get by in class by copying from the person sitting next to me. One day a boy notices that we have both reached the exact same section simultaneously and comments on it - oh, what a coincidence, I say. When I get glasses I am worried that everybody will make fun of me when I wear them, but they don’t. One day I lose them in the school playing fields and the whole class sweeps the area to look for them. In english class I write stories about astronauts and magic and mysterious other worlds.

When I am 10 I go on a “double date” with my friend and two girls. We see Spiderman in the cinema and I feel as though I have found a place for myself in the social hierarchy. In class we have a spelling test and I admit that I haven’t studied at home for it. I am scolded. I think the teacher believes I am arrogant. I score top of the class with 150/150 and, aside from myself, everybody that did well receives a reward. One of the words was menagerie. I was just trying to be honest.

At 11 my best friend’s mother dies. He becomes violent and angry and it scares me. He lashes out and instead of being a supportive friend I distance myself from him because I am afraid. He loses both his mother and his best friend and thinking about how alone he must have felt is the bleakest, blackest thought. I am so sorry.

The next year he threatens to kill me with a hacksaw in a technology lesson unless I invite him to my birthday party. I don’t have birthday parties after that.

I distance myself from all my other friends and spend my free time for the next year or two playing runescape. I am afraid that all my real life friends will change and hurt me so I make virtual friends instead. I lie about my age to them. I tell them that I am older than I really am. I have a romantic relationship with one of them, a relationship that exists solely in-game. I am nonchalant about the idea that they might not be who they say they are. This is an escapist fantasy, let us be who we want to be. I tell no one. I often wonder what they are doing today. I hope they are well.

At school I construct a personality for myself. Quips and retorts become second-nature to me. I discover that eye-contact makes people feel uncomfortable and that I can unnerve bullies by staring them down. A boy moves to my school from elsewhere in the country and we become best friends. I give him the nickname Pingu, because he walked with an ever so slightly waddling gait and kids can be cruel.

At 15 years of age I become ill. Before then I am physically fit, I swim regularly and I am strong and healthy. I feel powerful. On becoming ill I give it up and never quite manage to be well enough to pick it up again. I get worse and worse and am eventually diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease. It is a difficult sentence for a 15 year old to come to terms with. Chronic pain is for the elderly, you think. My body should not be fucking up already, you think. This is supposed to be the prime of my life, you think. It is difficult to get people to understand that you are ill and you will never, ever truly get better, even now.

Every time my friends ask me to hang out I decline because I am ill. Eventually they stop asking. I am sad and alone. I finish my GCSE exams and spend the long summer recovering. I get 11 A*’s and 4 A’s.

Over the summer my best friend introduces me to a girl, a friend-of-a-friend, who is visiting from America. We begin dating despite our differences. At 16 years old she gets involved with her older brother's friends and starts doing heroin. One of her friends overdoses and dies. I am helpless to do anything about it. I can do nothing but worry. In the year that follows I support her through mental hospital and rehab visits but the relationship was a doomed endeavour from the start.

At 17, along with most of my friends, I apply for universities. I decide to do a physics degree, not necessarily because it interests me, but because I am good at it and it seems as valid a choice as anything else. I apply to the University of Cambridge but fail the interview. It is the first time in my life I have failed something. I do a physics degree at University College London instead. Moving from a small town to one of the biggest cities in the world, becoming the littlest fish in one of the biggest ponds, terrifies me.

In the first year of university the dorm I am staying in resembles a re-purposed mental hospital. The people on my floor are all wealthy Chinese students, they only socialise among themselves. I feel trapped and alone. I while away my hours by fervently consuming film, TV, books. I live hundreds of other lives.

Towards the second half of the year I become close friends with somebody on tumblr. She becomes my best friend. We skype and tell each other fanciful stories we record for one another. We make meticulous logs of our dreams. We shape ourselves into immortal elven royalty; human concerns are trivial and of no consequence. It gives me the drive to keep going and for that I am grateful.

The next year I move in with friends. Every Thursday we go to Takeshi’s karaoke at the University of London Union bar. I do not sing. Takeshi favours the physically attractive girls. He considers one of my housemates attractive and the other less so. At the house we order pizza together once a week.

I start to date one of my housemates. It happens organically, in slow-motion, like watching a leaf unfurl. Over several days we sit closer together on the sofa. I believe she dates me only because we spend so much time together. When she goes back home for a week she cheats on me. This doesn't faze me; either I am afraid to truly acknowledge it or perhaps I just want her to be happy. She feels nothing but guilt and we break up shortly afterwards.

A few weeks on I have an anxiety attack, amplified a hundredfold by the medication I take for my illness. I sob uncontrollably. In an attempt to make it go away I walk outside in the freezing cold for hours. When I return I cannot stop shaking. I am all alone and I feel worse and worse and worse. For the first and only time I try to end my life. I fail. Years later, removed from the discomfort, it strikes me as selfish; I was willing to do anything to make that feeling go away even if it meant hurting the people I love in the process.

I make an okcupid account and try online dating. Unsolicited, a girl sends me lewd photos of herself and it makes me uneasy; I don’t know how I am supposed to respond to this. We go on a date and she cries when I don’t feel comfortable holding her hand. I feel awful.

On a date with another girl we talk about dadaism, the surrealists, and continental philosophy. We go to a Man Ray exhibit in the National Portrait Gallery. I see her every day for a week and it feels as though I am perhaps finally the main character in the anime adaptation of my life. I take her to the top of Primrose Hill at night. There is nobody else around and we sit in the grass and look over the city lights. It is still a fond memory. Time passes. Plagued with mental health issues, she lashes out and becomes progressively more abusive over the course of the year. It is stressful. It is not until afterwards, with distance, that I see how poorly she treated. Even with as little self regard as I have I know I deserve better.

I win a prize for the best undergraduate experimental work in physics. I spend a week thinking that the email must be somebody’s idea of an elaborate ruse. At the award ceremony I feel like a fraud and that at any minute somebody will call me out for it.

I become close friends with somebody in the year below me training to be a medic. I spend a night at his dorm and we drink to excess and reminisce over a mutual love of things from our childhoods. I wake up the next morning to find him spooning me. I question my gender and my sexuality. Eventually I decide that I do not care. I will be attracted to whomever I find myself attracted to. I have no strong feelings one way or the other whether I am male, female, straight, gay, bi, or anything else.

In my third year of university I live with a bunch of stoners. In spite of this, my grades don’t suffer. One night a housemate brings back a tyre from the street and it becomes the central feature of our backyard. Another housemate cheats on his girlfriend and for the rest of the year we treat him with an air of cool detachment. We discover that one of our regular pickups is laced with some kind of psychedelic. It makes the walls move and colours shift and I believe for a moment that one of my friends is a completely benign impostor.

I spend that summer working at a particle physics facility in Hamburg, Germany with about 100 other physics undergraduate students. It is the best summer of my life. Every night is drinking and laughing and partying with people that are, at least superficially, not so very different from myself. Surrounded by other physicists in a state of perennial drunken confidence I attract attention in a way that I had never experienced before, and for the first time in my life I feel desirable.

On the very last day I have what might in any other universe have been a one night stand. The next morning is not awkward or uncomfortable; talking feels natural, like breathing. Over the next few months we see each other sporadically until again I am in a relationship. Months pass and one night we do mdma. Amidst the chemical high I tell her I love her. When I am sober I overthink everything. I love her but am I in love with her? How would I know? The thought lingers in the back of my mind.

I am unsure what I want to do with my life. Continuing to coast along, I apply for PhD positions in particle physics, having enjoyed my time at the facility in Germany. I miss most of the application deadlines. I am interviewed at the University of Oxford but they reject me. I accept an offer to do a PhD on a neutrino physics experiment at UCL. The idea of studying “ghost” particles that interact seldom and only weakly seems somehow appropriate. The future feels very far away.

I graduate from my degree with first-class honours. A family vacation booked almost a year in advance coincides with the graduation ceremony and I miss it. I watch my friends’ graduation photos pop up one by one in my facebook feed. It is an anticlimactic ending to arguably the most important 4 years of my life. Sometimes it feels as though I will never truly have closure on that time.

During the summer my partner and I visit Iceland. It is a wonderful experience. We take in as much of the island as possible during our time there. One night, when walking back from one of Reykjavik’s numerous saunas, a vivid green bridge splits the sky in two. It feels as though it is smiling down on us and that from that moment onwards everything will be alright, the sky affirming an ever brighter future.

Real life is hard. In the absence of the long stretches of holiday I had grown accustomed to in my undergraduate years I do not have the time to recover from the spells of illness I experience on a regular basis. I grow progressively more exhausted. All the medication I take is too much for my endocrine system to handle and I am regularly afflicted with kidney stones. I wonder whether it will be possible for me to function in society. I spend a lot of time moping around feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could be normal.

I live with 3 of my closest friends that year. We get along so well that sometimes it feels as though we are taking part in our own private sitcom. One night my housemate plays the 20th century fox theme on a vacuum cleaner. Later on that evening we have an impromptu midnight fashion show, with clothes we have constructed from bits of paper and cardboard. Throughout we are completely sober.

Everything changes. I spend the next year living at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory outside of Chicago, Illinois. The United States is a country that is more alien to me than I had anticipated. Without friends I am more alone than I ever. I watch a different film every day, without fail. For a while that regimented schedule is enough to keep me from losing my mind, but I feel a darkness loom over the edges of my psyche. I spend a weekend sobbing into my pillow. I want to go home.

One day a coyote accompanies me on my walk back from the grocery store. We walk side by side and it feels as though I have stumbled into a magical realist picture book.

I start to write about my dreams again. The sense of purpose it brings is a respite from otherwise ceaseless self-reflection. Soon that sense of purpose fades too. Inspired by Édouard Levé’s Autoportrait I take self-reflection to its logical extreme. I set out my life in declarative statements, as void of sentiment as I can manage. I tell myself this is therapy. I wonder if this were truly a dream whether I would consider it a good or a bad one. I wonder what I would think if I were to read this in several years time and I imagine that I would probably be embarrassed.

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