#i think the biggest problem is i don't know what's appropriate to discuss. (<- autistic)
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sometimes i think about trying dating apps/online dating in general but i don't think i'll be able to attach to a real person again
#cw vent#oversharing#shoutout to the people who ruined it for everyone#like don't get me wrong i want (and probably need) relationships with real people#but how am i supposed to do that when i don't even have the courage to message first#at a glance i seem pretty open and honest about who i am and what i've experienced#but there's a lot of things i'll never talk about. not online or irl.#i can't open up fully to my therapist (who i've had for two or three years at this point)#so how am i ever going to have normal relationships?#there's people both online and irl actively trying to befriend me but i don't know how to react#how can i trust them?#i feel like they don't know me well enough to want to be my friend but how are they supposed to know me if i never talk to them#i think the biggest problem is i don't know what's appropriate to discuss. (<- autistic)#i always accidentally overshare or talk too much and become annoying or make them uncomfortable etc#and i can't talk about my interests over and over because it'll get repetitive and annoying#and no one cares anyway.#about any of it tbh. i'll be honest and say that humans are very self-centered.#we want relationships to make OURSELVES feel better#i'm convinced no one actually cares about me and they just want to talk to me because i'm cool#they're not looking for anything mutually fulfilling. they're not looking for anything meaningful or long-term.#they just want short term pleasure#and i'll be honest. so do i. i'm not going to be around for much longer so it's all i can get.#i'll likely kill myself before next year is over and no one's going to miss me#can't say i blame them. i don't think i'd miss anything.
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