#i was like that's really somethin...complaining about being oppressed for being an english man

[longeyelashedtragedy]

how did u fall into lamps

O gather round children, it's a longer story than some may think

the date was july 16, 2022, the place baltimore maryland, the event arsenal vs everton. i went with my friend nina, and while we were waiting for granit and the gang to come and warm up, i messaged our group chat with our mutual friend who was like, a hardcore liverperson from the gerlonso days, to tell her where we were, and when hearing we were seeing everton she said something along the lines of "oh, Fat Frank the Tory!" i was like oh...there's definitely some backstory and some lore here that i have no knowledge about and now i'm amused and intrigued/

right before the game started, the coaches came out, and i was struck stupid by mikel in his all black shortsleeves hairy armed top energy off the charts charisma passionate glory. we weren't sitting that close to the pitch, but it was still so easy to pick up on his vibe. it was clearly not "just a friendly" to him.

i was then kind of just as struck by the contrast in the two uh gentlemen who'd just come out. mikel in the sleek black, lamps chonky in the weirdly overly casual everton summeroutfit. the contrast was immediately appealing and so were the aesthetics. (i'm so consistent--we all know as far as looks go everton franko is my favorite franko lol) exhibit a:

we beat everton 2-0 and the whole time mikel was passionately charging around as he does and lamps was just sitting on the bench looking so annoyed and so defeated and i was like who is this chonky sadboy...i'm Fascinated and Pleased. like honestly, being the football toddler that i am, i knew very little about him. HOWEVER that didn't stop me from bringing him up frequently enough in conversation to nina that she was like FYI you talk about this man a lot!

but let's fastforward to one of the most distressing months of my life AKA may 2023. granit transfer rumors were ripping brutally through my life and they really seemed real and as we all know i was crying about it literally every day! i think by some point my brain was just in desperate need of something else to think about, and conveniently, i saw the god amongst fic authors @protect-daniel-james 's fic "Just," and not gonna lie, just the summary alone got me, but the fic finished what the summary started and i read it like 7584930 times, plus a couple others that had popped up in the tag after that (shoutout to @new-berry 's "Proud of heart (pride of London)" which was a fantastic twist on their relationship and ends with a BIBLE VERSE). then i read the NYCFC-related interview with him where he mentioned that one of his favorite NYC restaurants was this one that's like a 5 minute walk from me, and the very crude foundation of what turned into Digestif started forming in my mind. my summer vacation started just a couple weeks later, during which i did the world's fastest speedrun of a Person, and the Lampardverse began to gather strength.

the rest is Long Eyelashed History!