#i was on reddit last night and got sick and tired of all their bs

[sage-greenery]

no matter what happens we are the smartest people watching this show

if (when) byler is endgame, we'll have been able to figure out everything leading up to that while the GA was either in denial or completely curious (or caught on, but thats a rather small group)

if byler isnt engame, then we uncovered a story ten times better than what was written, that would have easily gone done in history but they were to cowardly to make it happen

in conclusion we're iconic 😌

[ah17hh]

partner being friends with their abusive ex via /r/polyamory

partner being friends with their abusive ex

I literally can't fully fall sleep I'm so nerve racked right now. I just want this pain to stop; I feel so hurt... everyone I've talked to agrees it's an "extremely stressful" situation for anyone to be in, and I've been dealing with it for weeks now... everyone I've talked with has said I'm nsot being possessive or controlling, yet I am accused of it because I simply don't trust someone that it's not rational to trust someone who a month ago tried to break me and my partner up, someone who's abused, even assaulted my partner and cheated on them... yet some how it's all forgiven because they apologized? Said they didn't realize they did some of those things, or that they were that bad? They want to be their friend? And I'm being blamed because rather than discuss strict boundaries my partner decides to cut off the friend last night. I've become suicidal over this situation and I can't take the stress. I love my partner but I just feel like I'm loosing my mind.

When me and my partner were broken up and not talking for about a month and a half. I stupidly believed some messed up stuff the people I was living with told me about my partner during a rough patch and a really bad concussion, and repeated them after we broke up, which caused them to make contact with their ex. I learned they had gotten back with their ex a while after that that when I contacted my partner again once I realized how insane the people I was living with were. They told me they still loved me, but didn't want to leave their ex. At first I just barely said I was okay with sharing my partner because I wanted to make them happy despite my distrust of the ex, but then their ex did a 180 and claimed they wanted to be monogamous. So my partner ended up choosing me. All of the time I was with my partner before (6 months) they insisted they wanted monogamy although I was a little ambiguous about what I wanted long term until I eventually agreed to that having felt pressured, since I've always been curious about non-monogamy and they told me they were poly friendly when we first met. Even despite that there wasn't anyone I wanted to be with.

Well later I learn that their ex had cheated on them claiming "Oh i thought I told you (BS since the ex was saying they wanted to be mono), and possessively just told them they were together again, even pressured them into accepting an engagement. Then later the ex pressured my partner to break up and so when the ex several weeks later came around to saying they would finally agree to being poly with my partner. I was asked permission by my partner and said hell no, given recent behavior and learning of the cheating.

I've never been poly before but I know what isn't good poly and what kind of people aren't truthworthy. My partner said her ex was starting to talk "stalkerish" and they stopped talking a while after that. Then a week or so later, they run into each other in town and their ex apologies and tries to "explain" a few things and suddenly they are friends again and my partner is saying they are full poly and were "in denial" for all those months. Yet based on things they said in the past, and the way they talked about it, I'm not sure they would truly be okay if I were to be with someone else as well. I feel as if they only want to be poly to be back with their ex while still with me.

Ever since I've not liked it or been okay with it, and it resulted in two huge fights, and in this most recent one they said they felt "trapped" because they can't "do things" but to my knowledge the only thing I've done is disapprove of them being friends with their ex, and the stress from that has been killing me. Now my partner has just cut off their ex, has blamed me saying it's the only solution they saw as they were tired of the fights and has been accusing me of being insecure, jealous, possessive and controlling (I think their ex might be saying these things to them as it's something they started saying after their ex accused me of it). I've asked one poly person, a coworker, and three psychology professionals working for an organization that serves our community (two of them are familiar with polyamory even) about tthehis and none of them have said I am being possessive when I asked, but all have said this is an "extremely stressful" situation for anyone... one called it "high stakes". I just don't know how to tell my partner how I feel, and if they end up leaving me over this I think I might just break inside. I wish I never let myself fall in love again because I can't take this kind of pain after everything I've been through, and I'm so scared I'll loose my job and end up homeless again because the stress is killing me so much. I'm transgender and if I have to move back "home" across the country to survive I'll dash any chance of a full transition and I'll kill myself if it comes to that.

I've come to this subreddit as we happen to know a lot of the same people (only found out after we met), I moved across the country, got involved in a community, met them on a dating site... just to learn they were part of the same specific community. There isn't anyone I can vent to that doesn't already know them and I don't want all our friends to know our dirty laundry.

Also if it matters, I'm 28 and have bipolar, and my partner is 33 and has a panic disorder. I also have an emergency therapist appointment in a day for this and one of the professional friends I had talked to are going to check in with me until then to make sure I've not done anything to hurt myself. I'm a DJ for an event later today for Halloween so I'm trying to hold it together to finish last minute preparations and go through with the show, and hold off discussing it until after the event.

Until then, I'm going to try to get a tiny bit more sleep as I also got a shift at my day job :/ I'd call off but too new to call off again after I was sick just a bit ago. I feel like I want to die.

edit: i know they love me, because they stuck with me through some of the worst moments of my life, and bailed me out earlier this month on some financial stuff... so please don't think they are just using me... it's... just a complicated situation.

Submitted October 31, 2019 at 06:15AM by RajoGuna via reddit https://ift.tt/2qdNV0P