#i was thinking origami or a bracelet or a little knitted critter 🐸 but i just knowww i won't have enough time bc of work

[girltomboy]

Last night I had yet annnnnother fight with my boyfriend over video games, and I just could no longer hold back from observing out loud how this always happens when I finally get to play with them lately. It's always when I join the team too that my boyfriend either rage quits mid game, tells me I'm not playing or doing anything even though I clearly am, or throws a tantrum because I don't appreciate his "tips" if I can't even apply them, then tells me to stop talking. Only one of our friends had the sense to point out how nasty he was being. He kept insisting (I made the mistake of texting him today instead of just focusing on my Sunday and forgetting all abt that) that I "raised my voice at him while he was just being helpful" and not only did I not raise my voice at all and I'm sick of him throwing that accusation at me any time I'm not speaking in a soft, dainty tone just to reach for a reason to be upset, it also didn't warrant him saying rude things to me in a passive-aggressive way and then telling me to stop talking. WHILE OUR FRIENDS WERE PRESENT. Like that's a different type of assholery. It's an assholery that's free of fucks. Just plain, careless assholery in your face type. I felt enraged and humiliated and just went to bed, and today I told him via text to either quit playing video games and get a different hobby, or do it like an adult, which I know he's not exactly capable of because we've had this conversation MANY TIMES. And I told him to go ahead and ask any of our friends whether or not I raised my voice and made him a victim, but deep down I knew he would go to the one who would validate him the most because he has the same issues with rage and general lifelessness 🤭 and I was right! But when one of them called him out last night I felt like I was gonna break down immediately cause people taking my side is my biggest weakness. Like I'm stone faced in petty and one-sided conflicts, I'm unscathed and victorious in the idgaf war, but when someone defends me or takes my side it's like Moses striking the rock with his staff for water to burst out of it. That's probably why I was so deeply affected and hurt when my mom lied about grandma saying mean stuff about me; it's because I knew grandma would instead stand up for me. Anyway, I'm soooo sick of the same wrung out apologies from my bf after long back and forths and I feel like taking a break from talking to him, which is very odd and wrong to me in a long distance relationship no less, but his moodiness is off the charts lately and I need to focus on things that extract less negative energy out of me.

So I met up with my work bestie to watch The Conjuring 1 and 2 today! I'd seen the first one before, but I only remembered bits and pieces of it, and tbf I liked it better than the first one. Unfortunately I don't feel like I can talk about either of them because all that's left in my mind is the memory of Vera Farmiga 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 We had a lot of fun and laughs like we always do, and I can't wait to meet her again at work this week. Our next movie marathon will contain The Conjuring 3 (not excited for it bc of the low rating 😔 - but apparently a 4th one is coming this year?? So we might be able to see it in the theatre!!) and then the Annabelle movies. I don't know if I watched any Annabelle movie, so that's exciting too, although I'm not super into this type of horror.

Also, my best friend is gonna come to the city AGAIN this next weekend and we can hang out! 😭❤ I need to actually make her something this time, but I have yet to even think about it. But even if I don't get to, we'll still have a sweet full moon weekend together