#i wasn't ready for arcana sads

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I'd like to rerequest the crybaby ask. While crying over a sad story is relevant, I was thinking more and Mc that can't help but respond to certain things by crying, not necessarily because what's happening is sad. Like if their yelled at, they'll cry even though they won't give in to the person's yelling at them. Or if their angry or frustrated about something, they can't help but cry as a response.

The Arcana Mini-HCs: With a crybaby MC

Julian: panicked the first few times you cried in front of him because he thought he'd done something wrong without realizing it. now he stocks up on handkerchiefs and is always ready to drape an arm around you with a comforting pat and a "let it out, my dear, don't mind me". will hide you under his coat if you get embarrassed about it

Asra: after you came back, your crying used to scare them slightly because they were never totally sure what it meant. he quickly came to think of it as your way of expressing yourself and has never once made you feel ashamed for it. has wiped your eyes on just about every article of clothing they wear at this point (and Faust, once)

Nadia: has always been so private about her tears that she found your open expression awe-inspiring. can and will give the world's scariest stinkeye to anyone who tries to make fun of you for it and has started keeping handkerchiefs and tissues stocked in every room in the Palace. holds your hand subtly when you cry, so you know she's there

Muriel: felt so awkward when you cried in front of him the first time, he just pretended it wasn't happening and fumbled along with what he was already doing. after he challenged Morga on your behalf for it, he came to see your tears as a sign of strength. it took years for him to be comfortable doing it, but now he uses his thumbs to wipe them

Portia: you two are somewhat similar, though where she tends to lean into angry tears, yours encompass almost every emotion out there. she finds crying with you to be incredibly cathartic and has started crying more often now that you're around to do it with. might establish "cry nights" where you just listen to music and let it all out

Lucio: teased you about it at first because, where he grew up, it was something only babies did. when you visited him in the realms, your tears landing on his hand were the first warmth he'd felt in three years. now it's something he's learned to appreciate and it's made him feel less ashamed of the times when he really needs a good cry

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 16: Mercedes/Dedue)

Mercedes: If I were someone else, perhaps a commoner without a Crest or stature, maybe things would be different. It's a bit sad, but…this is the way things have to be. After all, only the goddess can decide our fates.

Each character in the Blue Lions was a victim of Faerghus's patriarchal culture. Mercedes was adopted for the purpose of being married off for her Crest. The Crest of Lamine is associated with the arcana of Judgement. It represents an important decision that needs to be made regarding love and romance. It also symbolizes a solution to a protracted problem, and a feeling of freedom.

Mercedes was separated from her brother at a young age and had to make a new life for herself in the Kingdom. What got her through those hard times was the support of the church. That's why her dream was to work there to help people, just as they did for her. But doing so would be difficult if she married a nobleman.

Mercedes: Though, just because two people share a promise, that doesn't guarantee they'll be together forever. You've noticed many nobles at the academy, right? They very rarely have the freedom to choose their own partners.

Mercedes had a lot in common with Ingrid. She did not want to give up on her dream to be used as a broodmare for her Crest, like her mother was. However, she felt like she had no choice.

Byleth: You can't just give up on your dreams. Mercedes: That's a very good point! We're only given one life, so we must do all we can to pursue our happiness! OK! I think that may have been just the push I was looking for! I'll tell him the truth. That I've found a life worth pursuing and I must decline the proposal! Maybe I should tell him I've fallen for someone else?

Mercedes had difficulty standing up to her adoptive father. She was willing to lie to him by telling him that she had fallen for someone else. That might explain many of her pairing options.

Ferdinand: You baffle me. Do you not wish to be free? Mercedes: Of course I do. Let me try that again in a way you might understand. Ahem. A true noble cuts their own path, seizing freedom from the clutches of tyranny!

I suspect that the reason she rejected Ferdinand's help to sever ties with her adoptive father was because she wasn't sure if his gesture was an attempt to woo her. She wasn't sure if she would have the will to decline if he proposed. In their paired ending, she severs ties with her adoptive father and marries him immediately after the war. She lives the traditional life of a noble wife while her husband is recognized for his achievements.

Mercedes: I don't care to flaunt my noble past or my Crest. I have no desire to return to that status. Lorenz: Then, if I may speak hypothetically a moment… Does that mean that if a nobleman were to offer you his hand in marriage, you would decline? Mercedes: Not at all. That's a separate matter entirely. Even if I were to fall in love, regardless of their social status… I'm not looking to marry right now.

Even by the end of their A-Support, she still didn't seem to like Lorenz very much. She was unusually sarcastic with him. And she specifically said she wasn't ready to marry even if she was in love. But it is still possible that she will marry Lorenz immediately after the war. It shows how difficult it was for her to deviate from her path.

Mercedes: …No, I'm glad. I feel like I saw your true face for the first time. …Hey, Sylvain. Would you be able to save me from the curse of my Crest? Sylvain: I…I'll save you! With my heart and soul! I love you! Great! Let's get married!

Mercedes also had a lot in common with Sylvain, and the two actually became close friends. They are both Gemini, the zodiac sign which is thought to be two-faced because of their natural duality.

Mercedes: Don't be ashamed of crying. I'm here to protect you. Will you protect me in return? Sylvain: I will. I promise. You know, Mercedes, you really are a special lady.

Because Mercedes was able to empathize with his pain, he let the mask slip with her, and she saw his other face. Because of that, she was also the only character to see him cry. She wanted him to save her from her arranged marriage, and she had a genuine desire to save him from that fate, too. So, she is one of the very few women Sylvain is able to marry and have a paired ending with.

Mercedes: You're much the same, yes? People like us have to try to bloom as best we can. Sylvain: Never really thought of myself as a flower, but I get what you're saying. Flowers are stuck in the same spot for life, whether they like it or not. And if they happen to sprout in a bad area, they're out of luck. But we have legs, not roots. We can go wherever we want.

But Hopes does a good job of showing why that's not the ideal solution to their problems. Even if she did marry him, she would prefer to be doing charity work rather than living the life of a nobleman's wife. Sylvain was fine with that, but Mercedes did not want to stand in the way of him marrying the person he truly loved.

Sylvain: To be perfectly clear, I'm not making advances on your or anything. But I'm the heir of House Gautier. If I ask you, this other guy will have no choice but to bow out. Though I doubt he'd be happy about it. After that, you can do whatever you want. Go work at a church or ladle out soup or whatever makes you happy. I won't stop you. Mercedes: But that would prevent you from marrying the person you love.

She didn't realize that Sylvain didn't want to get married in the first place. He would be marrying her because she offered him a loophole to his own predicament. With her as his wife, he could fulfill his noble obligation, but still be able to live freely. They cared for each other and shared mutual respect, but neither of them seemed like they would have considered marrying the other without their fathers pushing them into an arranged marriage.

Mercedes: And before that, when I lived with my mother and my little brother. It also reminds me of the time I spent studying with friends at the school of sorcery in the capital. Things may not have been easy then, but I would give anything to return to those days.

The tagline for the game was, "Sweet memories twisted by time's cruel hand". The best option for Mercedes might seem like recruiting her into Crimson Flower and reuniting her with her brother.

Mercedes & Jeritza Once those who slither in the dark were finally defeated, Mercedes left home and opened a small orphanage in the Faerghus region with her mother. After many years of kind service raising children who had lost their families, she received a letter bearing familiar handwriting. Its author, a prisoner in Enbarr, expressed his sincerest well-wishes to Mercedes and her family. Still more time passed until, one day, the man who wrote the letter paid her a visit. With joyful tears in her eyes, Mercedes smiled, took Emile by the hand, and at last welcomed him home.

And their ending is certainly touching. I was never really a big fan of it, though, because Jeritza's condition is resolved without any explanation. In Mercedes' paralogue, the Death Knight said his soul had long departed. He was not fully in control of himself, which is why he continued to fight on the opposite side from his sister. Before this DLC update, it had been implied that Emile had probably been experimented on like the Remire villagers. He was barely human anymore and it was impossible for him to return to normal.

Mercedes: It's sad, but the truth is that people forget. You may be afraid to forget your past, but you'll never be able to revisit it. Living in the present is the best we can do. We owe it to those who can't come back. Dimitri: If someone had said those words to me five years ago, I would be a different man today.

As sad as it is, Mercedes had a stronger character arc in AM where she had to accept that she's unable to return to the past.

Annette: You know, I've always loved you more than anything in the world! Mercedes: My, is that…a confession of love? Hehe, I'm so happy~. Annette: Uh, um, I wanted to say I love the sweets you bake more than anything in the world! Mercedes: Oh, is that so... Well, I love you, Annie.

Other than Emile, Annette was the most important person to Mercedes. In their A-Support they both confessed their love for each other. While it did seem like the bisexual Mercedes may have loved her beyond friendship (particularly in the Japanese), Annette seemed insistent on emphasizing her platonic love.

Annette & Mercedes After the war, Annette and Mercedes lived separate lives: the former as a teacher at the school of sorcery in Fhirdiad, the latter as a cleric at Garreg Mach. Though they lived apart, they exchanged letters so frequently and shared their lives with one another in such detail that it was as though they were side by side. After many decades, they resigned their respective positions and reunited at Garreg Mach. In their final years, they relocated to a modest house in the Fortress City. It is said that they were happy together to the very end.

They will not be life partners even if you go for their paired ending. While they do keep in touch, they'll live completely separate lives until retirement age. It's a slightly bittersweet ending, showing how, as we get older and pursue different life paths, things don't always stay the same. I don't consider it to be the most satisfying ending for either of them. Still, the fact that Mercedes will move away from her best friend shows how important it was to her to pursue her dream.

Mercedes: I just don't want to let go of the life that I've made for myself. I know it's not what my heart wants, but I don't have the strength to say no.

After Garreg Mach fell, Mercedes returned home to the Kingdom capital and joined the merchant business. She told Byleth that she didn't want to give up the life she made for herself in Fhirdiad.

Annette: Since our time in the capital, so much has happened. We've had to make new lives for ourselves, and we've seen at least as many hard times as good. If things keep changing like this, I wonder if we'll be able to stay the same people we are now…

And Annette also didn't want things between them to change by starting completely new lives again, which is what happens in their paired ending.

Dimitri: My own dreams… I have never given it any thought. What about you? What do you want, Mercedes? Mercedes: I want to keep sewing and training with you, even after you've become king. I want to be your friend.

Mercedes even wanted to stay friends with Dimitri after the war, which would only be possible if she kept her old life in the capital.

Mercedes: I'm going to Fhirdiad to meet with my adoptive father, and I'd like you to accompany me. Byleth: What for? Mercedes: I feel the need to set things straight with him in my own way. I've already decided exactly what I'm going to say. I'm choosing to live my life how I want, in pursuit of my own happiness. I need you to accept that. I'm in charge of my own destiny. Not you, not anyone else. Just me. Ah… I've waited so long to say all that.

The best thing for her would be to sever ties with her adoptive father, without the excuse of already having a fiancé. She always left her fate in the hands of the goddess or people above her. But her character arc was about acting of her own free will.

Dimitri: Do you remember the child who cursed me after my father's funeral? Dedue: Ah, yes. I believe he was the son of a knight who fell in Duscur. Dimitri: He was furious that I would not take revenge on your people, and even more enraged to see you serving as my vassal. He berated me without mercy, demanding I kill you then and there. All I could do was walk away. Everyone desires revenge for that day. Survivors and the dead alike cry out for retribution.

Dimitri was also a victim of Faerghus's violent patriarchal culture. He was expected to carry out vengeance for the Tragedy of Duscur. His violent urges were encouraged and rewarded by the society he grew up in. At times, he was chilled to the bone by the depravity of his own actions, such as suppressing a rebellion.

Dedue: When I stood before those soldiers and their swords that day, I was prepared to die. But then you suddenly appeared, and you shielded me. I knew then that a savior's hand could reach into even the deepest darkness.

Dedue was the biggest victim of Farghus's retaliatory violence. His moniker is "Taciturn Devotee". A devotee is a person who strongly admires a particular person. But it can also mean a strong believer in a particular religion or god. It probably would not be an exaggeration to state that Dedue saw Dimitri as the Fódlan goddess.

Dedue: And I would cast it aside in an instant if my death were to your benefit. For that reason, I cannot consider myself your friend. There are still many in the Kingdom who despise the people of Duscur. It would be selfish of me to stand by your side as an equal.

Many people interpreted his feelings for Dimitri as having a romantic aspect to them. I certainly wouldn't reject that interpretation. After all, by reaching out his hand, Dimitri served the same role that Byleth did for him.

Dedue: You promised me you would build a Kingdom that is proud to boast of Duscur blood. In this Kingdom, where there is no distinction between the people of Duscur and the people of Fódlan… Will I finally, without reservation, be able to call you my friend? Will I…Dimitri? Dimitri: Dedue… Yes, you will call me your friend, again and again. No matter how many hardships I must endure… Dedue: I will do all I can to bring about that world as well. To be your friend…is what I have always wanted.

During their A-Support, we learned that Dimitri made a promise to Dedue before they attended the Officer's Academy.

Dimitri & Dedue After his coronation, Dimitri assumed the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, and his loyal vassal, Dedue, remained ever at his side. Among Dimitri's achievements was the reconciliation with Duscur: an extraordinary effort that required extensive negotiations to get past a history of betrayal and oppression. It was a trying task, but Dimitri never once considered giving up. While they behaved as lord and vassal in public, it is said that Dimitri and Dedue were more like family in private. When Dimitri finally fell to illness, Dedue tended to his liege's deathbed, and then took up a post at his grave for the rest of his days. When the time came, they were buried beside each other.

Their paired ending emphasizes Dimitri's efforts reconciling with Duscur and how he never gave up. But it does not specify whether the Duscur people were able to proudly live alongside people from Fódlan without distinction. In fact, because Dedue had to behave as a vassal in public, it implies that there was still hostility between Duscur and the Kingdom for the majority of Dimitri's reign. Dedue only gets to stand by Dimitri's side as an equal in death.

Also, there was no mention of Dedue's efforts bringing about the world he wanted to see. It only mentions him serving Dimitri for his entire life as a subordinate, then guarding his grave for the rest of his days. It is not that different from his solo ending, and I don't think it's a particularly satisfying ending for Dedue.

Dedue: I would regretfully decline. I cannot know happiness without you by my side. I would still seek vengeance. Just… for my own sake, not yours. Dimitri: Interesting. And nothing I say to the contrary will change your mind? Dedue: Your Majesty, can you not live for your own sake? Dimitri: My life is not my own. It belongs to my kingdom, my people, and the dead.

Neither Dimitri or Dedue knew how to live for themselves, and neither could live without the other.

Dedue: I…can still fight, Your Highness. Dimitri: Shut up and retreat. You must live, Dedue.

During his boar phase, Dimitri was willing to mow down any of his old classmates, even if they were not his enemies. And he was willing to send all of his friends and allies to their deaths, too. The single exception was Dedue. He is the only person Dimitri tells to retreat at Gronder Field. And Dedue will live only to seek vengeance.

Dedue: Ngh… I'm not finished yet! Dimitri: Fall back, Dedue! Please! I cannot afford to lose you!

In Scarlet Blaze, Dimitri also begs him to retreat in the Valley of Torment. Dedue would have gladly fought to the death, but Dimitri personally made sure he didn't. It was because he cherished Dedue so much that he wanted him to live for his own happiness.

Dedue: Someday, I hope to show you a whole landscape of these flowers in full bloom. Byleth: You mean Duscur? Dedue: Yes. Once this conflict is over, and His Highness ascends the throne, I believe it can be done. You must live at least until then. Understood? Byleth: Same to you. Dedue: That's true enough. I had not thought much of my own life, until now. Except that I would gladly cast it aside for His Highness. That is still true, but now I desire to see the end of this war. Until I can show you the fields of Duscur in bloom… I will go on living.

Other than Dimitri, the only other thing that gave Dedue a reason to live was showing Byleth the flowers of Duscur in bloom.

Dedue: When I left the capital, I told His Majesty that I would be leaving his service. Byleth: What?! Dedue: He accepted my decision with a smile.

If you go for Dedue's paired ending with Byleth, you learn that if Dedue were to leave Dimitri's service, he would accept with a smile. And I think Dedue has a better character arc if he is able to grow past his codependence on Dimitri and find his own reason to live.

Dedue: To Duscur? There is nothing of interest left there. Mercedes: Isn't it where you were born? And isn't it where your wonderful food and stories come from? I think those are reason enough to visit at least once! Dedue: Mercedes… If you will allow it, I would like to accompany you. His Highness would surely grant me leave to go.

When Mercedes asked Dedue what his plans were after the war, he said it was to serve Dimitri for the rest of his days. And in most of his endings, that's exactly what he does, even if he's married. Going with her to Duscur and praying to the gods (and goddesses) of his own culture changed his entire fate. That's probably why his ending with Mercedes is so different compared to all of his others.

Mercedes: I think a place is only truly destroyed when there's no one left to remember it. You should tell more people about Duscur to keep it alive.

The whole relationship between Mercedes and Dedue revolved around the idea that they could keep their loved ones alive through their memories. He taught her many things about his culture, and she taught him a family recipe that would have otherwise been forgotten.

Dedue: I understand how you feel. I had a younger sister. Sylvain: Had? Oh. Tell me about her. What was she like? Dedue: Hm. She loved flowers, and often made crowns out of them. And once she set her mind to something, nothing in the world could change it.

I really loved their Support in Hopes. It felt exactly like a post-Houses version of their relationship after they had travelled to Duscur and fallen in love. There are rarely any times where Dedue seems happier than when teaching her and the kids to make flower crowns, in memory of his sister. They seem like a married teacher couple, too.

Dedue & Mercedes Two years after the war, Dedue and his wife, Mercedes, opened a school in the Duscur residential district in Fhirdiad. The school educated Duscur children, who had never been given structured learning before, in reading, writing, arithmetic, and even Duscur history. Many years later, when the Duscur people reclaimed their homeland, the people who attended this school were able to resettle there and revive their old culture. Because of this, Dedue and Mercedes were forever renowned by the Duscur.

This is the only ending where Dimitri's promise to Dedue is actually fulfilled, as it mentions the Duscur people having their own district in Fhirdiad. And it just so happens that this is the only paired ending (besides the one with Byleth) where Dedue isn't described as a vassal. He is still living in the capital, so we can assume that he and Dimitri are close friends. But they live as equals. Dedue has his own life now and his own achievements are renowned.

In Hopes, Mercedes said she wanted to go back to Fhirdiad, but not live with her adoptive father. This is the only ending (other than with Dimitri) where she can live her dream, help those in need, and stay in Fhirdiad with her other friends. With Dedue, they get married two years after the war. So, she clearly didn't marry him just to escape her arranged marriage. Dedue and Mercedes bonded over their sense of loss, but they used that pain to keep Duscur alive, so I think it's the absolute best conclusion to their character arcs.

[arcplaysgames]

God Margaret you are like so pretty?

So yeah on the final day of the game, I'm gonna shoot my shot, why not

.... oh. dang. /tugs collar

I mean, I expected nothing less from her, she was the one who started the Empress SLink really, not me. She had that fucking incredible line, something like "Entangle me in your string of fate," it was gorgeous.

I'm mostly sad Margaret isn't even more of an option because I find her really interesting and very, very charismatic. Being around her feels like being around someone who is much more important than you are but she still decides to grace you with her attention.

As an Empress, she's an interesting choice. The Empress is seated, is passive in her observation of her kingdom, but holds a wand aloft. And Margaret's was certainly instrumental in using power to illuminate the path for Reverie. She makes for a rather cold temperament, but her efficacy cannot be argued with.

Also she KISSED REVERIEEEEEEE. gosh. golly.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: Six out of Ten.

OH RISE. You know I have no idea if I would say I "liked" Rise but my got was she like.... the exact chaos the group needed. Teddie and Rise both brought a tremendous amount of energy to the team, both joining at the same time too.

I really admire how decisive Rise is. Which, of course, Lovers, obviously. She may struggle to figure out what exactly she wants, but once she does, she already has her shoes tied tight and is headed forward. And her journey being set up from the start with her Shadow, how there is no such thing as the True Self, and how that continues to be the core of her arc was really very fucking good.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: 10 out of 10, honestly.

Marie is great but does suffer a lot from being added into the game. There is a very inorganic element to her. However, given what we learn about her, that she's a creature of the other world meant to doom humanity, that she's almost a cuckoo bird in the human nest, it... sort of makes perfect sense, doesn't it? That she feels so Off.

That's making excuses for the game honestly but I'm gonna do it because while the way she fit into the game was always very pasted on, her voice acting was honestly great and smoothed over a LOT of issues I had with her. Like, I could sit here and point out the flaws but why? I like her enough.

Character Accuracy? Abstain, as I'm not very familiar with the Aeon.

I feel like i don't even need to say anything about Kanji. I'm willing to wager if you could make a pie chart of every dialogue box I screencapped, Kanji would have an outsized percentage.

I came into Persona 4 Golden with carefully calibrated expectations. I Fully expected to be deeply disappointed in Kanji's writing. But he started out amazing and he literally never ceased being amazing. This is the guy who punched his own shadow and affectionately told him to get up because any shadow of his could take a punch. This is the guy who makes "very elaborate" dolls for sad children. This is the guy who is willing and ready to beat up someone if that'll save them. He's the heart of the fucking team and he hits like a mack truck. I love Kanji.

IF ONLY HE WERE ROMANCEABLE. GODDAMMIT.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: Solid 7 out of 10. I still think Dojima would have been a better fit but Kanji's dedication to taking ownership and care of his community is very Emperor.

shut up kanji you aren't allowed to make me cry twice in one playthrough

Best Girl Yukiko.

God, she is so weird. She's so heartfelt. She's so funny. Her arc makes a tremendous amount of sense. She's selfish and mean, she's generous and kind. She got drunk off the atmosphere in Iwatodai. She never talks about Chie as much as Chie talks about her. My heart aches for her, and I hope she's made the right decision to stay. I hope she'll have the strength to leave later if she discovers it wasn't.

I hope she and Kanji become best friends.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: 0 out of 10, she and Yosuke shoulda swapped.

[pseudofaux]

Hi there Pseu!!!! I'm glad you're not leaving tumblr, I'd legit be so fucking sad to see your writing go away 🥺 since this is the last request period, I'm gonna change it up! Could I please get some sexy first time goodness with Muriel from The Arcana with a male MC? I've picked that game up again recently and Muriel is such a sweetheart, especially when he opens up fully towards the end of his route!!!!! Thank you for all the requests you've done!!! I'm lookin forward to whatever the dev notes bit was about 👀

Hello, sweet! MURIELLLLLLLLLL omg, such an entire unit of tenderness. I wasn't sure what you had in mind in terms of what their first time would look like, so I'm going to make my best guesses there and just try to make it nice (because that’s what Mountain Man deserves) but keep it vague, but also… clear. I'm sorry it took me so long to address this ask, I hope you see this and enjoy!

(Requests are closed, I am finishing up what I owe people from earlier this year. I will post a masterlist when they are all completed. Thank you for reading... after this, just 13 left!)

It made sense to be at home for this, but it also made sense to be far away from home for this. It made sense to never, ever do this, and it made so much sense to move... forward, or whatever direction it was, and do this. But every single thing that had become comfortable between them jangled now, right under Muriel’s skin, louder and less welcome than a crowd.

Glances that were sweet above a smile made him sweat. Gentle touches that were appreciative but unpresumptuous made him swallow and turn his face away. In the beginning, when Muriel was getting to know him, Muriel turned his face away because he didn’t want to look. Now he turned his face away because he was afraid to be seen, especially so wanting and vulnerable. All this desire made him feel like he bumbled through every step and bumped into everything in their home.

But as hard a thing as it was to know and trust,  he did know and he did trust that the person he was turning away from wouldn’t hurt him. He deserved Muriel’s best effort.

So Muriel took several deep breaths, and began to try.

At home after all, of course. Because that was the safest place, and the only place he didn’t think he would ever really be able to run away from. And after a comfortable dinner at the end of a calm day. Not a calm day for Muriel, who couldn’t think of anything else from the moment he woke up, but for the house, for the forest, for his... love. And then a monologue at the hearth given to the most careful listener Muriel had ever known. And then another several deep breaths.

“Of course we can,” his lover-- well. His person said, with a smile like firelight. “As long as you’re ready.”

Muriel sagged like someone had thrown a bag of bricks onto his back, but when a firelight palm slid smooth and warm over the back of his tense hand, it felt like each brick had become a dandelion seed that wanted to fly, and his burdens were nothing, nothing.

It had been their bed for awhile now, and the scent of the pillows-- there were pillows now-- proved it. Muriel still felt nervous, but there was a calm to their sleeping space even his overworked heart could not refute. This was a place where they rested, and where they had held one another and helped each other. Maybe it would be better to think of this as holding and helping one another.

Muriel was so willing. Muriel was so confused. Muriel was nearly in pain, he was so aroused.

Thankfully, he was not alone in the bed, and the other person in it did not look confused or in pain at all.

“I’m going to ask before I do anything,” he said with a grin. “I’ll only touch and do what you agree with, and I’ll stop immediately if you tell me to. Okay?”

Slowly, Muriel was able to say, “Okay.”

And that was how it started.

The bed was not a calm place, he realized. It was the center of a volcano, maybe even a star. Hotter than the bottom of a pot licked by flames.

Sweaty. But good. And in that goodness, Muriel discovered there was nothing asked of him that he was not already eager to give.

Their hands were all at work together, stroking and gently grasping. Muriel felt like he was being touched everywhere by affection itself, and it made him flighty, made him want to laugh. It was like being tickled with all the joy and none of the flinch.

His touches were so mortifyingly, magically pleasant, his hands on Muriel so calm that Muriel knew those fingers could feel every shudder. But they remained soothing, still, and strong. They felt the way Muriel hoped his own hands did when he held an injured animal.

Muriel knew himself to be an injured animal, then. And he knew the hands that held him were at least as safe and kind as his own intentions. It made his own hands feel more brave. And more capable. So he touched again, with his palm instead of his fingertips, and they shuddered together as he made a slow stroke down, all the way down, until he wrapped his hand around something that was definitely as brilliant and powerful and magnetic as the center of a star.

Muriel barely remembered how he liked to be touched, but he touched with the knowledge of what memories remained to him, and after all the warmth and flawlessness of the touches that had already happened that evening, when he felt it was the right time to put his mouth on him, Muriel simply did so.

A short hiss and then a lingering moan that slid like a note from a tapered instrument, high to low. There was no fear in it. Somehow he made the sound show only bliss. And it made Muriel red in the face, and ruthlessly determined to trust his instincts. Sometimes, good things could come of that.

Could a man as bulky as he was ever be in any way akin to a butterfly? When he looked up to see him wrecked and panting, against the wall, with one hand cupped gently over the side his chest, Muriel felt chrysalis tension in his shoulders and just on the urge of flying.

He tried to suck for the first time, and that musical noise filled their home again, air and tension and bliss triumphant and true. Muriel let it carry him up as his head went down.