#i wasn't sure how to explain. with less words lmfao

[damnation-if]

Congrats on the follower milestone!! Such a huge accomplishment, you and this amazing story deserve it! I knew you were one to follow after I saw the D&D rants. Just thought "yes, a fellow person obsessed with the outer planes. this is someone whos storytelling I can RESPECT!!" 😤 For the ask list, could we get a lil treat with #17?? Tell us more about how demons are as friends and lovers.

hahaha... thank you, i'm glad someone appreciates my D&D opinions. if i had the spare money to hire an artist i've always thought it would be funny to make a logo for the game that is a parody of the D&D logo with the dragon ampersand but D&B lmao... however somebody might talk me out of that at some point, i'm not sure XD

thank you for the ask!

17. What sort of role do they take on in relationships, either familial, romantic or platonic. i.e. are they a defender, protector, nurturer, etc.

i'm not sure if there's like... a set group of archetypes that this is pulling from or if they're just trying to convey basic attitudes so i'll probably just do. basic attitudes. hope that's okay!

Arianis - Arianis' familial relationships are quite different from their romantic or platonic ones; it's not that they don't get along with their dad, but they do get sick of his company pretty easily because the two are very different. when it comes to other relationships they're a lot more laidback and don't mind arguments/cold patches so much as long as they don't get Personal, though they can be sort of fairweather in a way unless they really trust someone.

Heluur - Heluur is really very stable when it comes to relationships (as with everything else)... he has kind of a lot of practice being the mum friend in his group of pals just because he's naturally the most responsible and least chaotic. it stresses him out sometimes because it can be difficult to pull that off when you can't really travel, but most of his close friends have learned to come to him when they need to. he's never been in a romantic relationship before but it'd be similar in principle.

Lithiana - Lithiana is definitely the fantasy equivalent of a Fun Party friend; she's always planning little events and fun get-togethers for everybody. a lot of the people in her close circle of friends are more reticent than most so she often has to work really hard at it, but it's something she likes doing and she's not going to let them dissuade her lmao. she's the same in relationships... she always likes to have some upcoming Thing to be thinking about and preparing for, whether a date or a party or something.

Malkorath - Malkorath's experience with interpersonal relationships is unique and a bit. skewed in favour of ones that weren't very good, especially before the past few years. as a result they're often bad at navigating social situations and friendships and their perception of "closeness" swings back and forth between "i really like that guy, i said good morning to him thirteen weeks ago and it was my Best Ever social interaction" and "following someone around like a puppy dog". they're a bit clingy, but not because they don't respect other people's boundaries, just because they haven't yet worked out how to set any of their own. their adoptive mother is trying to teach them, but it's slow going as they have a lot of shit to sort through. like Heluur they've never had a romantic relationship before so there's not much to say on that front.

Suchebh - Suchebh is very attentive to the people who are important to them; even if it doesn't seem like it or they act petulant or snarky sometimes, they always try to keep in mind what's going on with everyone in their little circle of loved ones and whether or not there's anything that they can do to help at any given time. this includes Twilit... though Suchebh would never admit it lmao

Twilit - Twilit's attitude towards relationships is... complicated. They're definitely the kind of person that you can not talk to for two (hundred) years and yet they'll pick right back up where you left off as though there's no extra distance between the two of you. time doesn't really factor much into their perceptions of how things are going; if they like you then they like you. All of the people who manage to get really close to them basically change their entire outlook and set of priorities, as a function of needing a feeling of newness and curiosity to actually facilitate that closeness in the first place, and romance wouldn't be any different.

[scrawlingskribbles]

like. hmm. I just feel like the relationship I have with polyamory is kinda interesting, I guess xD like, I know my memory is bad but if it serves me right then I might have even realized/recognized that I was polyam before I realized/recognized that I was aroace lmao, which feels like kind of a big deal, somehow?? but I suppose it's easier to recognize something that's present over something that's absent, you know? how are you supposed to know something's missing if you never knew it was "supposed" to be there in the first place?

((I'm still waiting to get a phonecall back from the doc, so I ended up rambling A LOT MORE than I originally thought I was going to with this post so I'm putting it under a readmore xD))

For instance, I have this one vivid memory from back in middle school where I was talking about polyamory with a friend while we were waiting in the lunch line once, & he basically thought I was absolutely bonkers when I attempted to describe it to him lololol. The one picture/diagram I found to help explain it is still in my phone to this day, 19th from the very start of my reel of 2000+ photos. I don't remember how I first found that image—maybe it had rolled across my tumblr dashboard at some point? Regardless, all I know is that as soon as I read it, it made something light up in my brain, a little aha! lightbulb that was like, Yes, This Makes Sense, This Is You.

And like, I'm sure that I had to have some kind of moment like that with being aroace, but I don't have any specific memory like I do with the polyam thing. It probably also doesn't help that for a long while before I realized I was aroace, I felt so broken/wrong/etc. that I'd made up this whole little narrative in my head that I was actually an android instead of a human & was just Missing that one "part" that everyone else seemed to have, that let/made them have those kinds of romantic feelings for others. (Like, I obviously didn't actually believe it, like it wasn't delusion-level or anything, but it Was how I coped with feeling so yucky during that time, letting myself pretend that I was a robot so it wouldn't hurt quite so much.) So I feel like the aroace realization/acceptance came a little more gradually, having to convince myself over time the more that I learned about it that I wasn't actually broken, just different, and working to chase away the residual negative thoughts/feelings that I'd already been living with for however long at that point. Those feelings still crop up from time to time, but it hasn't been a Genuine Issue for me in quite a long time, thankfully.

So I suppose I did feel that Absence Of Something for quite a while, but I just didn't have the language/knowledge to put a name to it at the time. With the polyamory though, it was something that had never really surfaced before, so when that nerve got struck for the first time it was only a Positive note, so maybe that's why I remember it more clearly? (Bc I wasn't even all that bothered with what that one friend thought about it; he just Didn't Get It, and that was fine. ...Okay, maybe it Was actually after the aroace discovery, bc that feels like the kind of backbone that I would have gotten After already figuring out one piece of my puzzle tbh, lmfao. Huh. Darn my shoddy memory xD).

It's also interesting to me because, like, kinda going back to the Absence vs. Presence thing, the polyamory part of me is like, way less... obvious, I guess? I don't think that's the right word but it's all I've got rn xD But like, I feel my aroace-ness every day (or like, at least every Week or so) by virtue of Not feeling attraction towards people. So it's so weird, amidst that vast void of non-attraction, to also feel just as strongly in my bones that I Am polyamorous. Like, there's quote-unquote ""evidence"" of me being aroace because I don't date or otherwise seek out romantic/etc. relationships, but there's no "evidence" of me being polyam because of almost the exact same reasoning xD Like, the way I am with polyamory is the same way that other people feel about their sexuality/attraction as a whole, which is amusing to me for some reason. People can know that they're straight or gay or bi or what-have-you even if they've never been with anyone of the stipulated gender(s), and I know that I'm polyamorous even though I've never been in a polyamorous relationship. Idk, it's just kind of a wild feeling for me, as someone who's far more familiar with the lack of feeling something xD

And like, is my polyamory actually linked specifically to my aroace-ness, no matter how oxymoronic it might seem at first glance? Is the polyamory a side effect or maybe even a coping mechanism of sorts, because I'm aware of my typical-relationship shortcomings as an aroace & sex-averse individual in a world of allos and don't mind the thought of Sharing a partner/partners, especially if that means they can meet each other's needs in ways that I personally can't, because I just want everyone to be happy? Is it a romanticization of the Two Cakes theory but with real human people managing to have open, honest, enjoyable relationships with one another simultaneously, because the more is still the merrier even if it's also more complicated? Is it a testament to my own selfishness/laziness, wanting to have my cake and eat it too, because more hands make lighter work and I can barely keep a simple friendship afloat, let alone anything """more""" than that? Is it an unrealistic idealization that, even though deep down I still feel those senses of being Broken and not anywhere near Enough on my own, someone or even multiple someones would still find my presence in their life(s) fulfilling enough to want to keep me around in a more intimate capacity than ""just"" a friend, because I still yearn for the closeness of a relationship like that even if I don't specifically feel the "attractions" that typically glues that kind of relationship together?

...I think it's probably All of the above, if I'm being perfectly honest. And that's a lot of feelings to have swirling all around at once, let me tell you xD So I guess that's why I had to word-vomit it all out here; there's no real point to this post, just sharing some thoughts/experiences that have been on my mind as of late. It's complicated inside this here noggin o' mine, lol~ TwT

[reynie-muldoons]

'The Dance of the Celestial Orb' liveblog!

for real this time lmfao

book and show spoilers below

I'm ✨nervous✨ please let our children be okay

0:10 this Sticky arc hurts me so kuch

1:35 this music is BUMPIN

2:22 I just wanna know how she got under there without the dude seeing her

2:47 "all systems go" for the Improvement.... yikes 😬😬😬

2:55 she didn't wait even 5 seconds after they left, the door was still closing when she popped up 😂 can you imagine if one of them doubled back right at that moment

3:18 they look like the dudes from that veggietales movie, I think it was Esther- the island of perpetual tickling?? Anyone??? 😂😂😂

4:00 Kate vented.......

4:51 "not a rat" yeah no shit

5:07 if not for the suspense, I would be jamming out lmaooo

6:10 Mr. Benedict is looking at the shoreline, is he about to watch Kate dive in???? Because I mean that's where she's gotta be going

6:20 "memory challenges"? Is Rhonda talking about Milligan's amnesia, or has short term memory been affected as well??

6:29 .....thank you for answering so efficiently 😂

6:42 "I buy it. I completely.... buy it." RHONDA THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AHSKSHDJKD

6:56 can you imagine seeing your friend go down in a sub then hours later seeing the sub float up in fucking PIECES

7:06 KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!

7:06 please let it be reunion time

7:25 oh hello that's a drop

7:38 *to the tune of Bezos I* come on Katie u can do it pave the way put ur back into it

7:51 she craves that mineral

8:06 Sticky, my child

8:20 oh my gosh they went out and LOOKED FOR HER I care them 😭😭😭

8:23 SHE KNEW HIS DREAM SHE KNEW HIS DREAM TELEPATH TELEPATH TELEPATH

8:34 STICKY STOPPPP

8:40 "jumping to conclusions is a failure of character" wow that really is something Curtain would say

8:52 angry Reynie. He is in rare form

8:54 "and you helped put her there!" OOOOOOOH I SCREAMED

9:03 "I shouldn't have yelled" okay but you kinda should have Sticky needs a wake up call

9:06 "dont apologize. I like this side of you." IS THIS THE START OF REYNIE AND CONSTANCE HAVING THE BEST SIBLING RELATIONSHIP

9:22 "if you really cared about me, you'd want me to be happy instead of standing there telling me who I am" oh Sticky my dude I am NOT digging the manipulation

9:36 Reynie pulling out the BFF card!!! Also Reynie digging in his feet because he knows he's right!!!! That's great setup for his arc as a strategist later

9:48 "I'm telling you, Kate's fine." Narrator: Kate was not, in fact, fine.

10:03 "they'll notice." Sticky has made one (1) good point.

10:11 oh dear god are they fingerprinting this bitch

10:19 all this equipment, has no one walked up to the cliff and looked down???

10:23 HAHAHAHA WAIT THEY ACTUALLY HAVEN'T

10:27 "we've been out here all night" that means Kate has been clinging to a cliff by her fingers and toes ALL NIGHT????

11:04 babe I know it's been a long night but maybe wait a second for them to actually leave before you climb back up

11:15 BUCKET NO

11:22 she has to go get it. There's no way someone wouldn't find that shit, it's in plain view

11:37 "WAS"???? WHY ARE WE SAYING WAS????? NO PAST TENSE HERE MILLIGAN'S FINE

11:43 "I only wish we could've known him better" NOOOPE NONONO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS

11:47 Rhonda back at it as the voice of reason!!!!!

11:59 "I have never met a more competent swimmer" throwback to "the baaAAAYYYY"

12:10 MR. BENEDICT'S FACE HAHAHAHA HOLD ON LET ME TAKE A PICTURE IM DYING

12:11 NUMBER TWO, NOT HELPING

12:14 RHONDA'S FACE HAHENDJDKDN

12:33 "we will go rescue him" because of COURSE he would

12:36 Rhonda is his best wingwoman omfg she's so consistent

12:54 MISS PERUMAL??????

12:56 MISS PERUMAL!!!!!!

13:00 SHE KNOWS HE'S RIGHT GAKSHDBDHEKSNND

13:09 "how hard can it be? It's an island!" PFFFFT

13:16 oh SQ baby boy please get out of there

13:25 "I certainly have my own suspicions" he said, looking at SQ why are you looking at SQ like that

13:31 SQ GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE IS2G

13:36 here we fuckin go

13:43 the captions have the f in forest capitalized like it's this special place

13:43 new hc that the Forest is a magical place like pixie hollow

13:57 TWO THINGS: 1. YES stand up for yourself baby!!!! 2. Shepard Quaid? Interesting! I don't think we ever got SQ's full name in the books, I hope TLS made that decision!

14:08 your "father hat"??? Oh my gosh shut the fuck up right there don't even continue

14:16 oh yeah real fuckin cute put on your "steward of this institution hat" and call that a good reason to be a shit person

14:43 "No." GOOD FOR HIMMMM GOOD JOB SQ

15:03 Kate's struggling right by the shore where a certain someone would be returning after a very hard swim, it would be a great time for a meeting wouldn't you think

15:09 KATE THE GREAT

15:11 "THE TRAPESE GODDESS" I WILL REFER TO HER AS NOTHING ELSE

15:26 sorry but that green screen of her falling was kinda funny

15:28 soooooo is someone, a very certain someone, gonna catch her...??????

15:36 YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

15:43 IS THIS IT????@?@?!?

15:46 awww poor baby girl you can tell how tired she is

15:46 just putting this out there- they look so good in frame together

15:46 the actor who plays Milligan is fucking huge in stature so I wasn't sure how that would go but it looks so good

16:00 THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER WITH HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I CANT DO THISSSSS

16:20 "keep going." 😭😭😭😭😭

16:23 "you dont understand." Ohhhh I think he does

16:25 "I think I do." What did I tell you, he's got your back babygirl

16:45 I'm so glad she's talking this out, and with Milligan of all people

17:01 it makes so much sense for Kate to feel alone in that situation, and when Kate feels anything less than positive she goes and does something, whatever that something is.

17:05 "So.. I...." "fell off a cliff and nearly died." Thanks for putting things into perspective Milligan

17:05 Milligan is such a good dad stop

17:19 "most of the way" is an understatement LMFAO

17:29 I'm so glad we know the intimate details of Milligan's illustrious swimming abilities 😂 out of all the new things wfrom the show that one wasnt on my radar

17:52 leave it to Milligan to come up with an escape plan off of an island with no water vessel with four kids in tow

18:08 THEYRE SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭

18:08 lowkey I'm super surprised they didnt take this opportunity to have Milligan's arduous swim force his memories out and have the father daughter bonding time they deserve. I hope they give that moment ample time to flesh out.

18:13 BUCKET!!!

18:13 wait that shot is so artsy hold up lmfao

18:13 this looks like someone's photography final hahahaha

18:26 THE TENDER MUSIC STOPPPP 😭😭😭

18:41 Sticky is still on that jumping to conclusions bs he got from Curtain

18:44 WETHERALL'S WIDGET 😭

19:31 "Kate... she's in danger..." NO SHIT SHERLOCK

19:36 "and it's all because of me." Not just because of you but love to see you taking responsibility

19:52 once again I am asking WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IN THE OPEN

20:26 "Kate. She has changed." "Not really. She's always been who she is." "Her clothes. She changed clothes." PFFFT HAHHAHA they really took a moment of self-reflection and made it so much better

20:55 AYYYYY KATE'S DEPENDENCY ARC CONTINUESSSSS

21:35 yikes yikes yikes

22:16 I love that Mr. Benedict got closure in telling Miss Perumal that her words stuck with him

22:40 the way she just knows Reynie took the position of leader 😭😭

22:54 SHE WROTE HIM A LETTERRR

23:02 "Would it be possible to get this to him?" Ma'am what part of undercover spy don't you get

23:54 it's still really weird that we are now in a position where Reynie is the one who is not trusted and Sticky is the one in Curtain's favor

24:13 and here we see Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues shining through

24:21 "the little things matter. Every minor detail, it all matters!" CALLBACK TO MR. BENEDICT TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THEY ALL MATTER

24:55 "I can tell with complete accuracy when a person is lying." first of all, no. second of all, I cannot wait for him to talk to Constance.

26:33 why is Mr. Benedict graphically explaining the children's potential trauma so funny to me

26:40 "you're catastrophizing." "Yes. I am. Quite severely. Thank you." WHY IS THIS FUNNY

26:58 MADGE!!!!

27:16 she's so prettyyyyy

27:33 GOOD JOB MADGE!!!!!

27:36 wait did she just take the LETTER??? she's delivering the LETTER?????

28:05 WHAT DOES "OKAY FINE" MEAN??? REYNIE??????

28:22 it's sad because it's true 🥺

28:24 "I miss my teacher from the orphanage" the best lies are the ones rooted in truth 🥺🥺🥺

28:48 roll credits

29:16 Reynie honey Orion's Belt isn't on the ceiling

29:29 the way he was so confident that he had it right 😑 Curtain Stop Being a Pretentious Fuck challenge

29:52 our babygirl is so smartttt

29:55 did Milligan plant his prints 😳 oh no OH NO

29:57 MARTINA???? WHATSUEJHDKD

29:57 is this the replacement for when they pin cheating on her????

30:03 THE KEY CARD!!!!

30:11 MADGEEEE

30:21 "one attacked me as a small child" honey you are a small child

30:24 "it did not win," she said, smiling menacingly

30:40 "so we dance again" WHY DID THE MUSIC REV UP WHEN SHE SAID THAT HAHAHAHA

31:01 ✨woodworking is a passion✨

31:58 "was it functional?" "Well I guess that depends on how you define functionality" RHONDA'S FACE IN THE BACKGROUND HAHAHAHA

32:10 OH HEY MARTINA

32:17 wait 🥺

32:22 that has to be SQ :)

32:28 hi sweet boy

32:34 please tell me they did that shot of the sandwich because Madge is about to take it

32:39 LMFAOOOOO

32:44 hi good girl!!! Enjoy your snackies

32:50 oh god oh no the LETTER

33:25 oh wow we're doing this NOW??

33:52 and here we see another example of Curtain's thinly veiled anger issues bubbling to the surface

34:10 hey what if you uhhh weren't such an asshole

34:33 that man's voice is buttery

34:52 REYNIE'S TRYING TO TELL SQ????

35:02 and they're talking about this right in front of the office door, WHY??

35:24 AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE DOOR, WHY????

35:55 he's letting him go 🥺🥺🥺🥺

36:14 why does that look like a body bag

36:17 oh my gosh it definitely is a body bag, hey Martina

36:25 yep, that's about what I expected

36:36 "whoever did this to me, they're gonna pay" oh girl do I have some bad news for you

37:12 ahhhh, so Martina is the burnt out gifted kid who keeps going out of spite and sheer force of will

37:12 everything makes much more sense now

37:30 ohhhhh my gosh feelings time

37:44 "I think it's awesome." "Yeah. I know you do." THE SHIPPERS ARE THRIVING

37:54 THEY REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE HUH

38:10 "it's the least I can do" that's an understatement 😬

38:14 AAWWWWW SHKSHSLSBDK

38:20 "I don't know what I'd do without you, Wetherall" STOPPPPP

38:30 HEY BUD UH MAYBE CLOSE YOUR DOOR???

38:38 he's been writing letters to her every night and now he finally gets one back 😭😭

39:34 so Miss Perumal wrote this letter with the intention of it being sent to him, right- why did she write it like that?? 😂

39:34 they've gone to such lengths to communicate in code but the letter kind of undermines that- it was written in such a way that an onlooker would know Reynie was a spy but wouldn't know what he was doing or why. No wonder SQ was pissed

39:41 KATE!!

40:10 BREAKING NEWS: local bastard man treats everyone like shit

40:15 ohhhhh SQ bud please be careful

40:30 "always have time for my son," he said in a clipped voice that implied that he does not have time for his son

40:35 ohhh he's getting RIGHT INTO IT HUH

40:41 you mean to tell me he's never asked about Mr. Curtain's work?? Ever???? Somehow that doesn't seem right to me

40:57 hey uh what if you didn't talk down to SQ at every opportunity

41:02 "would you care to reconsider that answer, son?" "No." DIG THOSE HEELS IN SQ!!!!

41:22 I'm really not digging that Curtain is using the guise of openly expressing his feelings to communicate his anger and his unasked question. Not cool bitch head

41:33 the fact that he didn't answer SQ's spoken question kind of also answers his unspoken question

41:45 "I knew there was something off about that girl. But espionage?" "How do you so convincingly fake a tetherball obsession?" I love that this entire conversation could be about Martina or Kate interchangeably

42:34 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

42:36 IF IT WAS THAT EASY TO FIND WITH BINOCULARS HOW HAD THEY NOT BEEN SPOTTED UP UNTIL THIS POINT?!!?#? HOW????

43:05 Kate advocating for Martina with the Society 🥺🥺 the interaction I didn't know I needed

43:58 "I definitely don't like to leave anything unfinished." "That's true, I've seen you eat." PFFFFT

44:05 YESS YOU GO STICKY USE YOUR ACCESS FOR PRIME INTEL

44:19 "well, you can't succeed without me, so..." baby girl you have no idea how right you are

44:28 please let that be Milligan PLEASE LET THAT BE MILLIGAN

44:32 YEAAAAAHHHHH

44:35 I simply adore him

44:45 "would you mind helping me down, please? I'm stuck." Your honor I would die for this man

44:54 oh shit, Martina's tryna sleuth it out herself.. this can't end well

45:04 is she about to find Kate's marbles or something?? Callback to the book?

45:26 the absolute MURDER in her eyes

45:31 FUCKIN YIKES

45:41 "the clothes of someone who had given up" ASEJDGEIDNDLFK

45:47 well that's not good

46:00 WELL THAT'S NOT GOOD

46:04 PLEASE let them be on their way already, please

46:14 THEY MADE A BLIMP????

46:17 Goodyear is QUAKING

46:35 why the fuck is Number Two in red, that's upsetting on principle

THEYRE JUST ENDING IT THERE???? goddamnit!!!!

How surreal is it that next week is the finale?? Idk if I'm ready for that????