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#i will do an image id later I’m sorry words dont exist right now
littlemsterious · 10 months
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i was thinking about that post comparing Jessica Rabbit as an asexual to Barbie and an asexual and then i thought of the Neil Gaiman post (was it a post?) about Crowley and Aziraphale being asexual sexless and then this happened.
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anyways. thoughts?
sorry it took so long I meant to do this a week ago but my brain is full of rocks.
[Image ID a three sided venn diagram. the big circles show Margot Robbie's Barbie sitting in front of a mirror, Jessica and Roger Rabbit from the poster of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens standing back to back. Between Barbie and Jessica Rabbit it says "sexualised by society". Between Jessica Rabbit and Aziraphale and Crowley it says "Knows what sex is". Between Aziraphale and Crowley and Barbie it says "no reproductive system(?)". the center is the asexual flag. End ID]
Also i haven't seen the Barbie movie as of this edit so at least please tag your spoilers.
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doomstypewriter · 3 years
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abt the last ask: u dont have to include it ofc (if u write it at all) but i thought id let u know that its based on the mental image i suddenly had of j climbing up to pats window, knocking on the shutters, pat pulling him in by his lapels and immediately kissing him (if you can even call it that with how hard theyre smiling) & then sometime later pat hearing like his dads footsteps coming toward his room as theyre making out so pat scrambles off his bf & shoves him in his closet (the irony)
Anon, finally, here you have it, but with a twist. This got completely out of hand, as per usual when I write anything. Since you were so nice (/li) to send me your request in two parts, I will actually break your prompt into two parts, otherwise, it’s never going to end. I hope you’re pleased by the first part, also, I am answering to this first because it matches the content of the first part. 
Thank you so much for your lovely prompt! Hope you enjoy! 
If anyone wants to be tagged for this let me know in a comment!
AO3
Chapter 2 >>
We call it an affair because it’s a forbidden romance
Summary:  An encounter in the dark. The disdain of society. A forbidden romance. Royalty is involved and a title is at stake. Will an aspiring count, Patton Morandi and his rogue lover Janus overcome the barriers laid in front of them?
(We're in it for the drama)
---
“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”.
“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?”
Word count: 3848
Pairings: Moceit, future Prinxiety.
TW:  Homophobia, internalised homophobia, deadnaming a trans person, misogyny, mentions of religion, hopelessness, ideological things you would expect from the period (I'm not sure if there's anything else, but please tell me).
Chapter 1 of 2: 
Balcony kiss
How the moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. It was a mostly clear summer evening, the second day of the week-long festival. The sounds of music and colourful lights could be heard and seen from the distance, but gradually decreased as a certain thief made its way across the gardens of Villa Morandi. For certain, the head of the family would not be excessively happy about the entire ordeal, but no disgruntlement could come out of those things of which one has no knowledge of, and Janus surely intended to keep his entanglement a secret. 
He crossed the bushes and jumped over marble balustrades expertly, careful to avoid the lights of the servant quarters, where their residents were reading themselves for departure. 
“Signor Morandi seems to be in good spirits lately, it is fortunate that most of us can leave for the festival”. 
Any news about the man was something worth listening to, given his situation, so he decided to stay and see if they mentioned something useful. Also, he, admittedly, enjoyed gossip. 
“Loretta! Don’t be such a bragger in front of us!”
“Why? I’d say the only one lamenting not being able to go is you. You should be ashamed for dragging poor Virginia in with you to make yourself sound less self-centred”. 
Janus silently nodded. 
“That is not true! I am merely trying to make the newcomer feel welcome! And here you are making her feel excluded, who is now in the wrong?” 
Weak retort, wannabe-partygoer, he thought. 
“Va, va…” the other maid answered dismissively “Quit holding her like that! Don’t you see she’s uncomfortable?! Povera bambina”. 
“Come on Virginia, don’t you think it’s a waste for such a wrinkly woman to be let out instead of us?” 
“Who are you calling old?!” 
“You did, but now that you so kindly brought it up, you are old! Turning wrinklier by the second!” 
Alright, at this point, Janus could not help but be rooting for Loretta, going for the old card was the low-hanging fruit. 
“I may be your senior, but I promise you that regardless of that nonsense about wrinkles you’re babbling I’m ten times more fair looking!”
“Ah!” she exclaimed with feigned indignation. “Can you believe her? She’s delusional!”
“Well then, the delusional one will not search for a man at the festival, such a pity I will not be introducing anyone to you this week!”
He smiled at the comeback. Way to go, Loretta. 
“Loretta! Just because you had the luck to get engaged doesn’t give you the right to rob others of their chances. Don’t be so mean, I’ll apologise if I must”. 
“Alright, but never dare call me wrinkly again, for you will owe this old woman when I find you a husband. Virginia, I can help you too if you want it, I know plenty of young lads who would love to…” 
“Oh, no, I’m not really interested”. 
At this point Janus had quenched his thirst for amusement and begun to lose his interest, having more pressing matters to attend to. But, one new comment made him reconsider the usefulness of his eavesdropping for longer on the ladies’ conversation. 
“That’s right, Loretta, don’t you see she’s here on official duty. To suggest for her to slack off with men… ts, ts… “
“Oh, you shut up! Don’t fret, Virginia, dear, I should have remembered you were sent for an urgent matter”. 
“True, true! Tell us if you can, is it as they say? Was her ladyship done in by pirates?” 
“Elda! Such crude language, you dare call yourself a lady, how can you say something so insensitive?”
“What? You want to know as badly as I do, besides, if it is true, then there is no changing it, and if it’s not then it’s fine, as her ladyship is still alive”. 
“I’m so sorry, Virginia, just ignore her”. 
“Don’t worry. As far as I’m willing to say, her ladyship still lives but I cannot disclose any further information”. 
Oh. 
No. 
When one spies on others, bad news exists as a possibility, but, usually, in the form of getting caught. This happened to be worse. Being spotted? That he could deal with. Having his heart ripped out after one stellar month? Not so much. 
He ran. 
Not from his problems. More or less towards them. 
The marble balcony seemed as unreachable as ever. A sense of dread loomed over his thoughts, while a mix of feelings, now turned into urgency, settled in his heart. 
Raising a hand Janus willed his trustworthy companion to fall from the nightly skies. Meanwhile, he began to climb the walls of the manor. There was an undeserved elegance in his motions, not becoming of such an honourless goal, and, nevertheless, fitting for a thief like him. 
The hawk swept inside the room from a window and cast the doors to the balcony open. 
Janus promptly grabbed onto the bass of the marble balustrade. One month ago he had received news of something that would simplify his life. He knew he should not care, it was going to end poorly no matter what. But, rereading two months worth of love letters and hoping for an uncertain future, he could not help but feel happy. That made his resolve to return in time for the festival. 
From the room came a sound of rushing footsteps. 
Three months of yearning to see a face again. 
That image made Janus more desperate, and, in his haste, he committed one fatal mistake. His grip on the marble slipped. At a thirty feet height, the ground beckoned him. 
But, just when his doom seemed so certain, he was caught by the front of his cape and safely gathered against a pair of lips. 
With such smiles stretching their faces, it could barely be called a kiss. But, the intensity of the affections behind it rendered the notion meaningless. 
“My love”, Janus muttered as they parted ever so slightly. 
“You scared me, silly. I miss you for three months and when you’re returned to me I almost lose you for good”. 
“Let’s be happy you were there to catch me”. 
“Thank the Lord, and if He wills it, I will always be”. 
“I ought to be grateful to you, my dear, not the ones above” he answered while stepping to the safe side of the balcony. 
“Well, our poor feathery friend can’t be too happy about that” Patton laughed dismissively, gazing at Janus’ hawk. 
“You’re right. I neglect to show my gratitude, perhaps you could give me somewhere to start?”
“Oh, but how can I hand you my room, my sweet, the stones of the house are too heavy!” 
“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”. 
“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?” 
Janus laughed in delight. 
“Let me make you smile in turn, then”, he said, whilst extending his hand. 
The touch of Patton’s palm felt like a warm pressure through the barrier of his leather gloves. Perhaps all of his interactions were as imperfect as their naked hands not being able to meet. Janus’ fake gallantry, their hopes, may be short-lived in the face of change. But, for now, he would rather enjoy pretending. 
He pulled Patton to the inside of the alcove. 
“Are you refined now?” Patton laughed. 
“Of course, I have always been. Whatever could lead you to ask such a question? If I were to be a thief, which I am not, I would be the most honourable”. 
There was a certain amount of delight to be found in catching his lover in the midst of changing into his night robes, judging by those being laid out onto the bed’s ostentatious covers. Despite such a degree of luxury surrounding Patton, he still refused to task any servant to dress him. What was there not to love about the man? 
Patton made a motion as if to hold his hands, only to surprise him by pulling his gloves off. Any other person, and it would have been a display of sensuality, coming from him, it was like movement turned into honey, perhaps a mixture of both. Indeed, there was everything to love about him. 
Maybe not all. Janus dreaded to admit how deep in he had allowed himself to be for this man. 
A fool for a good man. 
His hands felt the light night coldness in their grip on the linen shirt. Janus almost wanted to chastise himself as the thought of kissing away the kiss of the midnight breeze came to mind. He hid in the curve of Patton’s neck, sliding his lips along it, feeling like a coward whispering a lie. Countless lies. Telling himself this was enough, that he could bear the thought of this man taken away from him by a woman, that the thrill in this forbidden form of vice was not his worry taking yet another disguise. 
“Oh, you’re a thief alright”. 
“Is there something of yours I happen to have taken?” Janus retorted with a vague tone of amusement. 
Patton cradled his left cheek in a firm request to see his face. Who was Janus to deny him? 
“You know all too well you have”. 
Oh. 
“Well, that would make two of us”. 
Patton’s expression melted into more honey. It always made Janus unsure as to whether he had made a mistake, no matter how unfounded the doubt was. 
“Thank you” the words rebounded in proximity against the other’s lips. Janus didn’t know Patton could also be cruel. 
“A little sincerity never hurt anyone”. 
“You are not anyone” he smiled softly. 
“Then make the pain up to me”.  
Both their lips made contact like a wax seal on a letter. Janus pushed Patton against a low piece of furniture. From how the other fumbled, he could tell a corner was pressing against him. Despite the sting, Patton still committed himself to their affections. If that wasn’t a metaphor for their relationship Janus didn’t know what it was. Janus knew Patton would disagree, of course. 
It seemed that exchanging one piece of furniture for another, the bed, would not be possible. Someone was knocking on the door. 
“Janus…” Patton panicked in a hushed voice.
“Not a problem, my dear, this is my speciality” he smiled at him. 
Janus’ feet almost flew over the carpet, muffled by the Persian fibres and his expertise on avoiding the parts of the floor that creaked. He turned the key of Patton’s wardrobe without the distinctive noise most people couldn’t avoid. Luckily for them, he wasn’t most people. The door mysteriously closed itself from the inside. Janus could swear to hear Patton draw a breath in wonder as to how he had done it. 
“My son, let me in!” a voice came from the corridor. 
“On my way, father”. 
The mule-like bray of the alcove’s door hinges Janus detested preceded the sound of a set of footsteps he knew and loathed just as well, if not more.
“Were you reading yourself for bed? Ah, do not answer, I can already see your night robes over there. How many times need I tell you, call the servants to dress you, it is unbecoming that you do not. Moreso with the status you are to acquire”. 
Janus almost scoffed upon hearing it.
It wasn’t that Janus outright looked down on Signor Morandi. He certainly held an admirable reputation and an even more admirable wealth. He contributed to the church, upheld his honour, was a patron to a few talented artists and did everything expected from someone of his status. By societal definition, he was an outstanding man. But, he could never understand Patton. Yes, Patton’s behaviour in public also stood to scrutiny. He was a young man to be admired, for sure. Yet, it somehow mismatched any other person’s strive for reputability. Patton lacked this performative quality, eagerness, if you will, that he found time and time again in people. 
At first, Janus struggled to comprehend it. Everyone had desires outside of the strictly polite, they either pretended they didn’t or tried to hide it, that’s why they paid the church, after all. Janus didn’t believe people made an effort to actively align with the global canon for morality, just to look like it or deceive themselves. This theory on society made it so when he met Patton he simply dismissed him as a try-hard, later to relabel him as self-deceiving. Maybe he was a victim of his own biased cynicism. 
As they grew closer, he started to get the whole picture. To his surprise, Patton tried to get his desires to align with what he perceived as morally correct, sometimes failing miserably. Janus’ presence in his room didn’t qualify as a success by society’s criteria... Patton’s effort to be ‘good’ did not come from a place of wishing to be perceived as such. Patton didn’t want to look good, he needed to be good. A good man. The realisation was hard to process but true. 
Once he understood that, Janus could not let go. It stands to reason that, if that kind of person were to earn his affection, someone like his father would awaken his spite. Signor Morandi had simply never made an effort to understand his son’s motivations, unlike Janus. If he was a cynic, Patton was a victim to his own good intentions. 
“I do not understand”. 
“Lady Renata Regio is alive”. 
“Oh”. 
“Yes, it is most fortunate, you will no longer have to stay inside and miss the festival”. 
“Well, father, I am not sure if that is appropriate, her ladyship must be feeling poorly after such a horrid experience. Perhaps it is best if I stay in and promptly send a letter to help soothe her”. 
“Patton, it honours you to be willing to put the weak’s suffering before yours, but it is not needed in this case. You do not have to concern yourself with her. I am afraid that she is safe and sound on the account of having planned her own kidnapping. Lady Renata Regio has joined the pirates bringing disgrace upon her family, the wretched woman”. 
Yes! Janus thought. Neither the wardrobe nor the entire room could contain his joy at hearing it. 
“That is most unfortunate, should I reassure her family that I do not hold any resentment towards them?” 
“It would be no good, there is going to be a scandal!” Signor Morandi sounded too happy. 
Janus could not help but to smile a little.
“Are we going to pursue any retaliation?” Janus almost saw Patton shudder in the tone he used. “I do not think it necessary, it is a matter of marriage, although important, there are many other options that--” 
“Yes, there are many other women to pursue, that is the spirit! In said spirits, I must inform you of the most wonderful news I have just received”. 
What? 
“Today a trusted servant from the Regio estate arrived at our home”. 
“Yes, Virginia Fusco”, of course, Patton knew her name. “I personally received her, she refused to tell me exactly why she was sent here, also insisted to wait to talk to you”. 
“Precisely, well, it turns out she is the personal servant of Lady Romina Regio”. 
“The eldest of the twin daughters of the Regio?” 
“Indeed. Let me be frank with you son, the Regio know they cannot keep the true actions of their lesser daughter hidden forever, a rumour is meant to surface eventually. This is very unfortunate for them, I have heard they were planning to match Lady Romina with a higher member of the nobility. Her sister’s actions have ruined her chances, it is unlikely that whoever was to marry her will accept such a union. My son, you know I always have your best interests in mind, Lady Renata Regio was a fine choice to provide you with connections to nobility. In turn, her family would have got access to our wealth, which, after their losses in the war, they need”. 
Oh no. 
“This being the circumstances, they have to choose how to align themselves in the future and what would be more advantageous to the family”. 
“Shit” Janus said under his breath. 
“We are about to reach an agreement for a marriage between Lady Romina Regio and you. I need you to understand that, if you are to accept, you will have to face some troubles, at least initially. The rumours about Lady Renata’s motivations may taint your reputation for a short while and the Regio’s rush to marry off Lady Romina will raise more rumours”. 
“What choice would please you the most?” 
“Oh, Patton, you idiot”. 
“The union could make your child a count, you could potentially obtain a title depending on how we negotiate with the family. It is my wish that you accept this marriage”. 
“Will this bring honour to our family?” 
“Certainly”. 
“Then…” an air of doubt went through Patton’s voice. 
Janus was debating whether or not to burst out of the closet, either to tell him to refuse or to scold him for not accepting immediately what was probably the best opportunity of his life. 
“Of course I will accept”. 
“You make me very happy and proud, my son. I will meet with the servant girl to send her back with a letter requesting to meet with Lord Regio”. 
The words were spoken carelessly. Signor Morandi often did that around his son, not knowing how many times he had been overheard by him. He may be a great man by society’s standards, but he could never be a good man. 
Janus slumped against the back of the wardrobe, surrounded by pieces of clothing he could never afford. There was a world in which Patton had refused. But Patton hadn’t been left a real choice, so he could find some comfort in knowing this thing between the two had to end due to him being backed into a corner. Better than having Patton’s morals come between them. That, he would never reconcile with. 
This was better than before. Being cast away for something as mundane as marriage, no matter the useful connections involved, was one thing, being left for a countess, well, if that’s what it took to refuse him he wouldn’t complain too much. 
He would have preferred a marchioness or a duchess. 
He would have preferred to be the only thing standing in between Patton and kingship and still win. 
He would definitely prefer it if Signor Morandi was to accidentally fall down a flight of stairs on his way to writing his pesky letter. 
There was nothing like a fire to persuade someone, even a countess… 
But Patton would be upset. 
His hawk screeched from the roofs above. Then footsteps rushed to his side, followed by candlelight flooding the inside of the closet. 
Patton had no right to look so humble yet so marvellous. Not even the warmth of the flame could rival with that of his gaze. A gaze that was his’, not of any countess. But, still, a gaze that deserved to become a count. 
“Janus…” 
Honey clogging up his ears, that was the shape of a whisper. 
“I suppose”, he shook off the dust of his cape and held his head up with dignity, “this is when we part. I’d love to say it’s a pity, but we saw it coming. Guess it was nice to enjoy it while it lasted. I’m always a letter away, my dear, that countess of yours wouldn’t ever find out”.
This was the bitter taste of selflessness. He never understood how Patton enjoyed it. 
Janus turned around, ready to make his merry way out of Villa Morandi or fall off the balcony properly this time. Suddenly, Patton’s armed chained the two of them to their spot in the room. Patton’s chest heaved pitifully in a mockery of a hiccup. 
“I’m sorry. What was I supposed to do? There was no other choice. I didn’t wish to upset you. Please--” 
“What do you think you’re doing?” 
He promptly let him go. 
“I…”
Janus turned back to face him.
“You think crying will make this easier? Do you seriously think I enjoy this? I would gladly rob you of everything and have you entirely to myself. It is taking so much self-restraint to not get your father into a tragic accident, my dear. If anything, you’re making it worse by crying. I am doing this for you. Don’t you dare ruin the one honourable thing I will do in my life”. 
“How can I pretend to be happy when you’re leaving?” 
There were sparks of light encased in his tears. Something about their ironic beauty left him even more heart-broken. 
“What am I going to do, then? I can be selfish to an extent, but I cannot take the rest of your life too. You’re being offered a title and a wife, all the things someone at your level could wish for. Don’t be more of an imbecile, keep it. It is already inappropriate for you to be seen with the likes of me, and it’s even worse with me being a man”. 
“You’ve never cared about that”. 
“But you do! Let resume, dear”, he tried to say in his most condescending voice. It didn’t sound even remotely like it. “You go to church each Sunday, you have five bibles just in this room and the most sincere good-samaritan complex I have ever seen. I know you can’t bear to live in sin”. 
“I can’t bear to live without you either!”
Oh, Patton, you fool, silly, ridiculous man…
  “What…” he felt as if he was going crazy. 
A chuckle escaped through the spaces in between his teeth. Janus looked downwards and whispered. 
“What are you saying?” 
This self-consciousness, he had never felt anything like it before. Was he blushing? 
“I love you… I know it’s wrong, so why doesn’t it feel like it?” 
More honey. What a way for his plan to backfire.
“This is ridiculous, you should be concerning yourself with more important--” 
Patton placed the back of his hand under his jaw to raise his head with such gentleness... stupid. 
“Is it ridiculous when it’s making you cry like this?”
A compassionate man’s tears were not worth his. He had never been as sure as now that this was a mistake. Yet he longed for him more than ever. 
“Of course not” he wiped away his tears feigning some kind of dignity. 
As quickly as ever, he also pretended to regain his composure. 
“Do you have any sort of plan for what you’re going to do next? Under pressure, you’re a terrible improviser, my love”.  
“Well...I can’t let you go. I know as much. I should, for my family, father, my honour. But I will not. You’ve shown me that acting selfishly doesn’t make someone evil. I will find a way to fulfil my duty without giving you up, you have my word”.
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