#i will genuinely get confused when charlie isn't gay in fic

[anders-hawke]

Bridges and Buffers

AO3 | @today-in-fic | 1,449 words

The airport is loud but the thoughts in Dana’s head drown it out. She hasn’t seen Charlie in three years, since she attended Melissa’s Halloween party and he was in town. Missy isn’t with them anymore; she can’t act as a buffer between them, a bridge. They have to interact on their own now.

Missy and Charlie were always closer, leaving Dana to spend time with Bill, which was akin to spending time with a small replica of their father. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to fix the present, though. Not when Dana can pinpoint Charlie’s shock of red hair from her vantage point on the second floor of the airport, leaning against the railing. Baggage claim is on the first floor, so she takes the escalator down and meets her brother by the entrance to baggage claim.

Dana gives him a tap on the shoulder with a tremulous smile on her lips as he turns around. “Charlie.”

“Dana.” He hugs her, and she replies in kind.

“It’s good to see you,” she says, as if the past twelve years are something other than what they are.

Charlie nods. As long as the next few days don’t go to shit, everything will be alright.

—

Of course, things do go to shit. Dana makes it through her memorial speech without devolving into sobs and hugs Charlie as he makes his way behind Missy’s grave to give his own. Unfortunately, their mother tries to get him alone to talk when the funeral’s over.

“He’s not interested, Mom,” Dana says, one hand on her mother’s forearm.

“He’s my son, Dana. I have the right to talk to him.”

“He’s not interested. Don’t do this.” Both women are in tears. “Let him be.”

“What’s going on here?” Bill comes up and stands next to them, eyes flicking from Dana’s hand on their mother’s arm to his sister’s eyes.

“Nothing, Billy. Dana and I were just having a chat.”

Margaret gazes at Charlie for a moment before she hangs her head and walks away.

“What was that about?” Bill asks, looking over at their brother with mild suspicion. He’s bent down as if they’re going to share secrets between siblings.

“None of your business, Bill,” Dana says, walking around him towards Charlie, who’s been waiting by her car.

The eldest Scully sibling lets out a mirthless laugh and sidesteps her, putting a hand out so that she has to stop. “I think it is my business. I don’t want to be left out of shit that happens in this family again! I have a right to know!”

Dana shakes her head and looks up at her older brother, anger building up inside. “This isn’t about you, Bill!” she eventually exclaims. “You—you always viewed this as a slight against you when it has nothing to fucking do with you! Charlie is who he is and it shouldn’t matter who he loves because what actually matters is family! And—and that is something that, as much as I’ve denied it and hate to admit it, you and Dad and Mom have never truly understood. And for a long time, I didn’t, either. But Missy understood that. She understood that family comes first and that love should be unconditional.”

Bill’s lips are pursed and his eyes look sad, as if he feels regretful, but he doesn’t say anything as he steps away from Dana. She takes a moment to compose herself before heading over to Charlie, head held high. “I want to go to Missy’s place,” he tells her, and she nods, starting the car.

—

Missy’s apartment is barren of all her personal touches now. Dana and Charlie sit on the floor, backs against the couch, and pass a cigarette between them, as well as a bottle of booze. Neither of them bothered to check what it was.

“Can I tell you something, Day?” he starts, blowing out smoke.

“Sure.” Dana takes a swig from the bottle.

“You fucked up.”

To her credit, she doesn’t even look phased. She can’t say she’s surprised that he’s bringing this up. “I know.”

“Well, you continued fucking up, so if you were intending to isolate yourself from your little brother, you sure as hell succeeded.”

Just because she expected it doesn’t mean she’s immune to the sting of Charlie’s words, though.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, trying not to cry. If she cries, it’ll look like she can’t take valid criticism, and their relationship is on the rocks already.

Dana takes the cigarette back and thinks of how Missy stopped dating part of the way through college. She thinks of how Missy cried to an unprepared Dana when they were seventeen and nineteen, respectively, about how she was broken because she didn’t love her boyfriend—or any of the other guys she’d dated. She thinks of the girl in her algebra class with the kind eyes and kissable lips; the guy she sat next to in her  AP Physics class and the notes they passed; the girl she kissed as a freshman in college; and all the girls she’d wanted to kiss but didn’t out of fear.

“Can I tell you something, Charlie?” Dana asks.

“Go for it.”

She takes a drag and blows it out. “I like women,” she says, voice shaking. “I also like men.” She’s ashamed that she’s crying despite her best efforts not to. “I thought there was something wrong with me... And you know how I practically worshipped Daddy...” Dana’s breath hitches as she stares at the wall. “I was scared, Charlie, and I thought, Well, there’s lots of people like you, but I’ve never heard of a person like me.”

He places his hand over hers and takes the cigarette away, putting it out in the tray. “Danes, there’s lots of people like you. I know that you’re gonna say something about knowing that based on statistics but seriously—I know lots of people like you, just like I know lots of people like me, and lots of people who aren’t like either of us. Be proud of who you are. This is D.C.—I’m sure there’s places that’ll appreciate your sexuality, and people who’ll appreciate it, too.”

Dana doesn’t say anything immediately, choosing to lean over and hug Charlie instead. “Thank you.”

“You should visit me in Seattle, meet my fiancé.” He sighs and takes a sip from the bottle. “Missy was so excited when I told her. We’ve got a little pupper named Benjy. You’ll love him. You’ll like Marcus, too.”

She nods, taking the bottle when he passes it to her. “I will. I’ll bunch together some vacation days to take a week off. You can show me around and I’ll tell Marcus embarrassing stories from when we were kids.”

Charlie lets out a chuckle and leans his head on Dana’s shoulder. She leans her head on his and looks out the window at the night sky. “D’you think Daddy’ll accept us up in heaven?” she asks.

“I wouldn’t know. I have my sights set elsewhere.”

“Missy did, too.”

—

She heads into work on Monday feeling hollow now that Charlie’s flown back to Seattle. “Morning, Scully,” Mulder greets. Dana gives him a feeble smile as he vacates his chair with a gesture for her to sit in it. “Boy, do I have a case for us, Scully. We’re going to Kansas tomorrow.”

At her lack of response after she sits down, he drops the cheery act. “Sorry,” she whispers, letting her head fall into her hands. “I don’t—”

“No, it’s fine—”

“My brothers were in town for Missy’s funeral, and...”

“You don’t have to explain. We can stay in town for a while if you’d like.”

“I don’t know...” To Dana’s great shame, she begins to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Dana...” Mulder murmurs, brushing his hand through her hair before pulling her into an awkward hug. She sniffles and tries to calm herself down, letting her tears stain her partner’s shirt. “You should take a day off. It’s fine if you need time to process, to—to find yourself again.”

At his words, Dana peels her face away from his shoulder and makes eye contact for a brief moment. Mulder’s gaze is too intense to hold for long, though, so her own skitters away. “I don’t know if I ever knew myself in the first place, Mulder. I’m not the same person I was when I met you.”

He reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear, tenderly stroking her cheek with his thumb. “And I’m not the man I was when I met you, but that doesn’t mean I lost anything along the way. I’m still a bachelor chasing lights in the sky.”

Dana lets out a watery laugh at that and wipes away her tears. “And I’m still here to make sure you don’t injure yourself along the way,” she tosses back.

“You always are. And, who knows; maybe our sisters are hanging out in the afterlife together. I think they would’ve gotten along nicely.” Mulder shoots her a sad smile and takes her hands in his. “Take some time off. I promise I’ll manage for a few days without you.”

She gives him a small smile and, after a moment of deliberation, leans forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you, Mulder. I’ll see you in a few days, then.”

They stand up and Mulder steps away so she can walk back to the coat hanger by the door. “Just a few days, Scully,” he repeats, giving her a small wave as she adjusts her coat and leaves the office, bag in hand.

—

Dana sits on her couch, freshly-showered with a glass of wine in one hand and her phone in the other, holding it to her face. Someone answers from the other end and she starts, setting the wine glass down. “Yes, hi! I’m Dana Scully. I’m looking for Nancy Dasilva? No, no, just give her my number, if you could, and tell her that I asked her to call me. Thank you.” The conversation ends, and Dana replaces the phone in its cradle with an exhale, a small smile on her lips.

Missy was right when she told her little sister to loosen up and have fun. It feels liberating to be acting on her feelings after so adamantly repressing them. She just has to hope that they’re reciprocated, now; but Dana can make an educated guess that they are.