#i will probably eventually start getting it done at a salon when i'm ready to do something other than black

[hikeyzz]

(re)dyed my own hair for the first time 😎

[inherstars]

Personal blathering, you know the drill.

I'm in kind of a transitional period where I know I want to do SOMETHING new, especially as Marc spends more time doing improv, and I don't want to fall into the rut of spending my nights folding laundry, or whatever other chore needs doing, or scrolling online for hours while something's on TV in the background that I don't really give a shit about.

Those things are RELAXING, sometimes, but it's not how I want things to be.

I'm on a writing tear right now, which is super nice, but I'm also realistic that this can't last forever. I also acknowledge that it's a muscle I need to keep working, even when the mood eventually flags.

I was baking a fuckton, for a while, and I still enjoy that (actually hoping to get some pumpkin bread and bagels done this weekend), but there's only so much of that I can do. I have like 2 pies in the freezer and I can't even remember what kind they are. Plus donuts. Plus jam. I can't just be like, "Ooh, I'm gonna make a cake!" because... bitch, what the fuck am I going to do with an entire goddamned cake?

I did a HUGE purge of art supplies at the start of Covid, because it was taking up so much space, and the reality is that I was just never going to sit down and do all the projects I once imagined. I still have all my digital and traditional painting supplies, I just wish I enjoyed sitting down and doing it like I used to. It may be like writing, I kinda just need to make time for it.

I am also finally at the point where I think I'm ready to sell the sewing machine. If I haven't learned to do more than simple hand sewing by now, it's not going to happen. I don't have the temperament, and I need to be OK with that.

Archery? I miss archery SO MUCH. I just fucking hate that I can't grab my bow and some arrows and go out somewhere and shoot. It's a whole fucking involved THING. Gotta join a club. Gotta hope a lane is open. Gotta make small talk with the redneck Trumpers.

I think that's a huge reason why writing and baking are such easy fallbacks for me. There's no prep work. I pick up the laptop and start. The kitchen is so organized that I can crank out two entire batches of bagels before work in the morning, and then polish off the dishes I used while they bake.

If doing something requires a huge amount of assembling materials, prepping them, then cleaning and putting all those materials away when I'm done, it feels so exhausting that I don't want to bother. I already have a fucking full time job on top of all the other mental loads I carry. I don't want to relax by doing more work.

Hence why I've toyed with the idea of picking up guitar again. I actually had a guitar YEARS ago, and tried to teach myself, but (at least for me), it's not a self-taught thing. Marc has a guitar he stopped taking lessons on. I just took it to the town's only music store to see if it will fit me, and got the most lukewarm, disaffected response from the owner.

Is this too big for me? Eh, a little, but it's fine.

Do the strings need to be loosened or restrung? Eh, they're probably fine.

Like, fuck, why do you even have this store, my dude? Do you even like what you do?

Then I'm like, hey, getting my hair done might be a nice pick-me-up, let's go do that. It's 1:30 PM. I call every salon in town and none of them can give me an appointment, including the ones that are open until 7 PM.

Sooooo I guess I'm doing laundry and scrolling on my phone and watching TV again. Nice.

I don't know what I'm feeling. A kind of restlessness, I guess. Last summer I was busy almost constantly with rescue, but it sucked so much out of me physically, emotionally and financially that I haven't wanted to do it again this year, especially after seeing for myself that it didn't even make a dent.

Blehr, I don't know. I need to come up with something to do or somewhere to go and stop bitching about it.