#i would simply have driven his fancy jeep into the river and made sure i made it out so i could watch it drift downstream

[ilgaksu]

i'm finally in enough of a bad mood today to take it out on something by breaking my long-held promise never to write fandom meta on disability again so HEY LET'S GO.

so, go read this post first (spoilers for fullmetal alchemist, but the thesis of the post is that respect for bodily autonomy is a sign of love, even when in most modern media it's disregarded as a sign of it, especially in medical contexts. it's so eloquently and beautifully put that it's a great jumping off point.)

okay, so: did anybody else get given this kind of dilemma in early critical thinking studies at school? the example we got given is this: your wife is dying and needs a medical treatment to save her life, but the medical treatment directly contravenes her lifelong religious or spiritual beliefs. should you do it?

honestly, i think a lot about how the husband in those articles and examples is framed as some kind of unspeakable monster if he upholds her beliefs and lets her life be lived in continuous honour of those beliefs, knowing she will die in alignment with them but that she will die. he's always a monster if he does that, or backwards, or unscientific, or uncaring - as opposed to, depending on how you frame it, and you can frame it so many ways, the one person in that room truly on his wife's side, and having to make the worst decision anyone can make. and how the only compassionate thing is to have no judgement and instead pray like hell that you're never personally standing there by someone's hospital bed having to make the kind of decision like that, with a time limit on life and death, and having to war with your own wants over the explicit known desires of the person you love.

and the medical staff are trained to save someone's life at all costs. that is their remit. but what about yours?

what if it's life and death, but they're conscious? what if the person is entirely cognisant, and conscious, and able to make their own medical decisions, and is, despite their medical situation, currently able to physically live alone without support? what if they aren't, but medical autonomy and human dignity is based not on the necessities of physical support, but in the inviolable right to self-determine your own medical decisions for as long as you can? and how often are those necessities perceived as demands? what if we show, often, more respect for the dead and their burial wishes than for their final medical wishes when alive? what if we have to acknowledge that us doing that is out of love and fear and more love? that we're the person standing at that hospital bed, and we prayed like hell but it happened to us and to someone we love anyway, and now we're having to choose but what we actually want is more time and we'd do anything on our end to ensure it?

why is it easier, in that moment, to empathise with the person standing at the end of the hospital bed, and not the person in it? is it because we're far more likely, statistically, to be the former and be able to communicate our feelings on it after the event, compared to the person in it, who may pass away? is it because we're a society so afraid of death that we're afraid to meaningfully debate on what it means to die on our own terms?

what if the person shuts you down and refuses to engage on the topic, beyond being very clear about what they want? what if it's no longer up for discussion, but you have, you believe, options left that they aren't seeing or agreeing to? what if you know they won't consent to it if you ask honestly and ahead of time? do you then have the right to show up and demand it of them? do you have the right of intervention, if you know it's a decision they've already made, because you feel the decision is wrong? do you have the right to tell other people their private medical information without their consent to gain that help? do you have a right to any of it? do you have the right to override someone's autonomy like that?

what if you are their partner? what choice is you showing up for them, and what choice is you just bargaining for more time, at any cost? even if it feels like they aren't even showing up for themselves anymore?

anyway heihua movie is solely about a tentacle monster in a cave, nothing else to see here