#i'd still rather not hang out there bc i don't think i'd feel comfortable engaging with things the way i prefer

[theghostofashton]

You see I kinda disagree about Blaine not fitting in in NY, which is cool, we can intepret differently.

My opinion is he’s out of sorts because he knows things aren’t right with Kurt, which he can’t do anything about, and also things aren’t right in their relationship. It’s not NY that he doesn’t fit into, it’s the not knowing where he stands with Kurt, with everything changing. If he were a single man in NY, he’d be having a great time.

I know people might struggle to acclimatise when they move to college in a different city, maybe for the first few months/term/year, but when we see Blaine in NY he’s been there six months. And initially, there’s no indication that he’s unhappy. And ok you may think that’s on a superficial level, but we see him walking around with friends, getting coffee, hanging out with Sam, and later he’s found the food places he likes and a gay club they go to regularly.

I think most of his struggle comes from the idea that Kurt doesn’t need him anymore, or has been distant and pushing him away - all things that play on his paranoia. I don’t think it comes from being in NY, I think this would have happened had they been back in Lima or elsewhere. Plus the loft is an awful place for an engaged couple to live with at least two other friends, no privacy or space. And when Blaine tries to improve that, he gets into a row with Kurt.

I mean , I could analyze every episode, but I won’t! Phew, you say! But I just feel that because Kurt didn’t settle and is still struggling to find his place, it doesn’t mean Blaine is. They are two different types in that respect - Blaine bring more outgoing and sociable than Kurt.

That’s why he is so keen to move back to NY and go to NYU - he never felt he didn’t fit in there.

hi anon! i think that you're taking my words a bit differently than i actually meant them (and you're free to do that, as you've said), but i did want to clarify that i'm not saying blaine necessarily struggled to fit into new york the way kurt did. i feel like most of the kids struggled with it, sans rachel, who seemed to take to it like a fish in water, predictably. which is partly growing up, but for blaine, the way i see it, it foreshadows a lot of what's to come.

one thing blaine struggles with a lot in s4 his identity and sense of self beyond being kurt's boyfriend. when kurt leaves for new york, he's kind of left drowning, and one significant thing about his whole arc in s4 is that things aren't improved just when things get better with him and kurt, things for him improve when he also starts to really lean into the friendships he makes with glee club. because this whole thing is about far more than kurt, imo.

i'd have to disagree with your point that if blaine were single, he'd be having a great time. i don't think that's the case, personally, bc i've always seen the issues he has in 5b as a result of issues with himself, rather than issues with kurt. those issues would still be there regardless of his relationship status. and the issues he has with himself are getting worse and impacting his relationship. (which is why it makes sense that things start to work out for both of them after therapy, where they both work on themselves, individually)

i don't really think kurt's been pushing him away or being distant, either? 5x14 sees blaine clinging, trying to be close to kurt all the time in a way kurt just isn't as comfortable with. they're different people with different boundaries, unsure of how to handle them bc they haven't had a real conversation about it. and 5x16.....i know we didn't get to really see it, but kurt went through some real trauma in 5x15 that he definitely seems to be reacting to. i wouldn't necessarily call that him being distant bc everything is really fresh.

the reason i think blaine struggled to fit into nyc (and find his place, which is an important part of my point) was because, while he'd healed a lot from what happened in s4 and things got better in lima, they changed again. and he needed to find his place. who he is, completely separate from kurt. he is exploring the city, finding food places, etc, but that turns into a manifestation of his insecurities pretty quickly because he's trying to compare himself to kurt, and he doesn't feel needed as a means of protecting kurt. the whole debacle with june starts off as a career opportunity for blaine, but becomes about kurt because blaine decides to lie. that's what i really mean when i say he struggled to fit in. he struggled to find his own identity, separate from kurt.

[blackwoolncrown]

just wanted to weigh in on the texting question if that's ok - I personally am someone who has a hard time messaging when things are not good or negative. If someone asks me to hang out and I can't, I dawdle on saying no; if someone asks me how I'm doing and it's not good, I think about how to respond for a long time and then it feels too late to respond. It's not that I don't want to engage with a friend but more that verbalizing bad times is hard for my brain. I know it's frustrating to others, I'm trying to be better about it, it takes a lot of effort for me, but this could be what's happening with your friend. Regardless, I think it's totally reasonable to bring up and say something about how you feel left hanging with no response, bc it doesn't sound malicious to me, maybe just avoidant while still wanting to connect. Hope that helps a bit :)

Yeah,that's really understandable.

For context that doesn't totally answer for my issue bc this friend and I often have conversations about our pain, grieving etc. Historically he's told me if things are strained, if vibes are off, etc. So usually if he's not doing great he'll actually just say some form of that even if he sort of glosses it for ease of texting.

However the thing about me finding it confusing, and maybe this may help you or other ppl with this issue (I'm kind of like this but generally I actually don't like talking to anyone and balk at being pried into; if I'm going through something I'll tell you but unless you're like...one of three friends or my therapist I won't really respond), is that if he doesn't want to respond I'd rather him just say that instead of repeatedly dodging a 'how are you' after initiating conversation.

In general it's always fine to tell someone you don't feel comfortable answering a certain question, especially if it's a friend, bc otherwise just ignoring them can be hurtful or dismissive.

But also...he texted me first lol wtf

But yes to your overall point that's kind of the issue, he's a tad avoidant- openly so, openly working on it etc but on my end sometimes it puts a bit more emotional labor on me trying to figure out whether he's just busy or being avoidant bc every now and then he does whatever this is instead of just saying what his needs/feelings are.

Of course it's also bc this is texting bc when we talk he tells me everything lmao

ALSO LAST POINT: It's never too late to respond folks! Texts work bc they are timeless. IMO if I ask you how you're doing at 2pm tuesday and you can't respond til the next week, I would rather you pick up where we left off instead of responding w something out of the blue like I didn't ask you a question lol.