#i'll happily take the risk of coming off as weird or too friendly

[teleportzz]

"bluntly honest" autism but in the sense that i absolutely cannot refrain from complimenting strangers if i like their earrings or their shirt or i think they have a friendly-sounding laugh or i think their art is beautiful or i think the fic they wrote portrays the characters so well. "bluntly honest" doesn't have to mean "mean". i love to tell people things that are kind and also true.

[the-silentium]

Featuring a Cyborg and a Magician

Masterlist

Pairing: Bad Batch x Reader, Hunter x Reader, Crosshair x Reader

Words: 5667 words

Warnings: Kayden is a warning of his own.

A/N: Let’s have some fun shall we? I decided that now was the time to include Echo if I ever wanted to include Omega.

Taglist: @clone-rambles / @mandaloriandin / @apathetic-catastrophie / @jenstar1992-2 / @haloangel391 / @lightning-wolffe ​ / @cherrydemon5 ​ / @and-claudia ​  / @lackofhonor ​ / @gaymasonjar ​ / @depthsreturn ​ / @koskareevesismyqueen ​ / @leonidas-banana-phone ​ / @mangoberry43 ​     

________________

"Ooooh can I come on this one too?" Kayden clapped his hands excitedly like a child, his eyes wide in anticipation and nearly bouncing on his seat. 

As it turned out, taking him with you all wasn't hard. It only required a Batcher to have your wooden crest in their possession for him to be able to follow them in a 3 klicks radius and his presence on missions had helped on the two previous ones he slipped himself in. 

Retrieving heavily guarded data was a walk in the park when you could have someone walk in there like a tourist, search around for his objective while ignoring the commands of the clankers surrounding him and laugh as the friendly fire killed a majority of the enemy forces. 

He even managed to detonate a malfunctioning bomb by walking right up to it, press the button to blow up the whole base and pop back into the Marauder in a second, whistling like it was nothing. Correcting the error in the programming would have taken too much time and the chances of a Batcher being hurt would have risen exponentially with each passing second. 

He was a precious ace up your sleeves… when he wasn't a shit digger. 

Unsurprisingly, his not-so-hidden talent was to create chaos wherever he passed. It was true back in Alryan, it was still true in the Havoc Marauder. Many new rules were created to ensure that nothing too awkward happened and to keep a somewhat control over the situation. 

Rule number one: Kayden had to be visible at all times when in the ship, the only exception to the rule being when people outside the Batch were around. Two: the barracks were off-limits as he didn't sleep and there were established relationships aboard that liked to have their private alone time. Then came rule number three: do not be a nuisance. This command encompassed the pranks, the whining and the fact that he couldn't be seen or else the Batch would be in deep problems. 

"General Skywalker is a Jedi, Kayden. What if he can sense you? Or worse, what if he sees you? What do you want us to tell him?" 

Cody's debrief has been short and a bit too vague to your liking. Usually, he was more concise but then again, you've rarely worked with Jedis before. In the nearly two years you passed with them, it only happened once and it was a memorable experience. 

Watching those two peacekeepers fight from your seat in the Havoc Marauder left you in awe. Their movements and grace made a straining fight look so easy and- "Dunno. That he should stop doing spices?" 

Kayden said it with such nonchalance that you nearly got whiplash at how quick you turned to face him, although you did choke on air at the mere idea of insulting a General that can use the Force.

"No. You're sitting this one out. We can't risk blowing her cover if he can link you to her and Fors." Hunter intervened while getting his armor on, just like the rest of the team. 

"He could be useful during the recon part of the mission." Tech pointed out, adjusting his pauldrons. "There are still a lot of unknown variables in this operation and his abilities could be desirable on the field." 

"Yeah what he said." Kayden's arms crossed at his chest. You rolled your eyes at his childishness and finished strapping your custom chestplate on to get to your rerebraces and vambraces. 

"If you can refrain from pulling tricks on everyone and follow orders that is." Tech added with a heavy look. If it managed to get his attention away from his datapad, then it was a really important point. 

"I can do that." You would have laughed at how definite he sounded, but Crosshair beat you to it. 

"Right." The sniper sneered and you smirked. Now that he could get away with pretty much anything, Kayden often took pleasure in disturbing the grey-haired clone and rile him up until you had to intervene or Crosshair would blow a fuse. 

"You ass-"

"The answer's still no. We successfully completed missions with bigger holes in them than this one. We'll manage." Hunter put an end to the debate just as he slipped his helmet on his head. 

"Yeah cuz y'all like big holes, eh?" Since he was losing, he retreated to his old habits. You kind of felt bad for him. You knew he was bored of staying on the ship. Hells, even you who were the assigned pilot had more fun in this thin can because you could actually fly it. All he could do was watch all days long and wait all nights long. 

"Better stop talking now." Crosshair too slipped his bucket on and grabed his rifle for a last inspection. 

"Or you'll hit me?" Smugness dripped from each of his words, a daring look in his eyes. 

"Let's not get there, shall we?" You showed him the Core between your fingers, that he knew you could control his density with. Wrecker happily tested your theory a while back. 

"No thank you." Kayden conceded defeat, hands in the air and slumped in his seat behind you, arms crossed. 

________

The recon went well if you based yourself on the fact that everyone was still in one piece, regs and Batchers alike. There was no denying that you were worried Crosshair would cause too much problem to the boys in blue. It seemed like there was tension between them and your abrasive boyfriend, but nothing too dangerous.

As the Marauder's pilot, you stayed behind with the ship and by extension, Kayden, who whined the whole time about not being able to enjoy his time as a ghost. 

"I'm still young! Now's the time to enjoy myself! Not when I'll be an old rat like that chandeler."

"Chancelor." You'd correct him on the title, but not on the old rat. You had to admit that he did give off that vibe. As for his age, you actually had no idea if he was still aging or not. 

You admired your work, the ship was in order, every supply has been replenished in the boys' absence, the fuels tanks were full to the brim and all that was missing for the ship to be complete was the crew of walking testosterone. 

A couple of hours later they arrived and you fussed over them. None were injured, to your relief, and everyone headed to bed for a short night of sleep. Everyone who could sleep, that is. 

You knew it'd be awkward to have a Jedi on board so you geared up quickly, wolfed down your plain food that the GAR dared call a breakfast and put your whole armor on, deadset on keeping your helmet on until the mission was over. Not even Crosshair managed to take it off you for a kiss. 

"It'll be fine." He'd reassured you with that soft tone he only reserved for his time alone with you. The following keldabe kiss put you more at ease. 

The effect only lasted an hour. 

Shortly after, the General entered the ship with his Captain in tow and you set course on Skako Minor. 

You had managed to lay low for a good part of the trip with your Bad Batch fashioned bucket on and some good old shut-your-mouth. The boys at the back kept all the attention, Kayden remained invisible and civilized, while you navigated the ship alongside Tech. 

Everything was alright until you felt Skywalker's gaze taking you in, up and down slowly just like the two Jedis a year ago. He analyzed you the same manner they both did, with an attentive eye and- you couldn't see it but you were sure it was there- a small frown. Your heartbeat picked up again and you forcefully swallowed the lump in your throat. 

Tech's theory about your origins being somehow mixed with the Jedis' must be true to some extent. Three out of three force users took a special interest in you and you were sure what got their attention was the weird wave of energy traveling between you. 

He approached the front of the ship and you could now see his scrunched eyebrows, his head slightly tilted to the side, still trying to figure out what was special about you. 

Heat raised to your cheeks under your helmet, every muscle in your legs contracted to keep you from listening to your fears of being separated from your newfound family and run away. There was nowhere to run anyway, you weren't in the jungle anymore. 

Would he try to invade your mind like Wrecker said? Would he find out who you were? Stay calm. Keep your mask on like in the village and it'll be fine. Calm your mind.

After more than a year on this ship, you developed the useful ability to distinguish who was walking where with the mere sound of the person's steps. Each clone had a distinctive footstep and right now, it was Hunter who moved to your side to save your ass. The sore muscles in your legs started relaxing, followed by the drum in your chest. You'd be fine. Hunter will have it under control. 

Then, right before Hunter could intervene, General Skywalker suddenly gripped his shoulder in a hiss, freezing the blood in your veins. The man looked behind him to find no one close enough to have hurt him and flee. All the others were minding their own business, while Hunter was yet not within arms reach.  

"What…" 

"General?" Captain Rex inquired after he approached at his CO's sound of pain, the confusion on his features reflected perfectly the one on the brunette's face. 

The Jedi stood silent for a moment longer. You felt the energy around him shifting as he searched his surroundings for something. Please do not find him. Please do not find him! 

Thank the gods Texh was actually piloting the ship, your attention so completely focussed on the General that you could have rammed into an asteroid the size of a planet. 

"It's nothing." He shrugged it off and reported his attention on you. "I don't think no one mentioned a pilot. What's your name trooper?"

Talking to General Skywalker was inevitable and you knew it. You simply didn't think that you'd be stuck in a Kayden-induced stress while doing so.  

"Not a trooper, sir." You removed your helmet to show him what you meant and offer him a sheepish smile. "My name's Y/N."

"My apologies. I didn't know the GAR assigned civilians to trooper squads." Again, he eyed you up and down, but you kept your cool this time. He didn't seem to be able to find what was wrong and didn't force an access in your head. 

"It's rare but not unheard of. Her abilities with a ship made her a good match for our team and the," He paused to search for an adequate word. "Type of mission we usually do." Tech elaborated on your situation. 

"And what type is that?" Rex came closer to get a good look at you and even offer you a hand to shake. 

"Downright suicidal, Captain." You managed to genuinely chuckle while shaking his hand in a firm grip. "I'd recommend strapping in, the landing will be a difficult one." You announced as the first turbulence racked the Marauder.

You silently prayed that this situation with the blue-eyed Jedi would be the only difficult part of the mission. Helmet back on, you showed off your skills by landing the ship in a raging storm. 

_______

There was very little you could do for Echo without using the Core. After reading through the whole Forsian book about its powers, you learned that it could be used to heal dying planets and basically anything in the galaxy. 

Your desire to create or heal a planet was extremely low. However, your desire to heal your comrades was very high. Instead of creating life and whatnot, you used the Core to heal their wounds and keep them safe. So far, no one had been on the verge of death so the crystal passed its time tucked in your pocket that was now closed with a zipper to ensure that it did not slip out.

The book didn't tell whether or not using the Core affected the Force so you refrained from using the golden rock on Echo seeing as Tech and yourself highly supposed that it did, as it was said that the Force was connected to every form of life and the Core was the initial creator of life. There was no way you'd leave hints for General Skywalker to pick. 

Echo went off a while ago, looking paler than Kayden, to barge in a strategic debrief with too many Generals for you to ever consider following him. Now that the ship was only composed of members of the Bad Batch, reprimands were in order. 

"You hit the General?!" Despite keeping his voice down, the strength in his tone unconsciously caused you to press further into the cushion of your seat in the cockpit.

"I pinched him because he made her uncomfortable." Kayden popped on the Sergeant's left with a scowl of his own. To his credit, he did stay with you in the ship and followed Hunter's orders. You were sure he would have sneaked the crest on someone's backpack like he did on the very mission he attended. 

"I was going to intervene." You let them bicker, instead turning to Tech when his hand fell to your armored shoulder. 

"I get it that you've had another sort of connection with the General." His curious brown eyes met yours for a whole second. 

"Yeah. It was more powerful with him than with the others." You recalled, remembering how the dull hum between you and General Skywalker was way more significant than the one flowing between you and the two previous Jedis. 

"I highly suspect that the strength of the bond is influenced by the strength of the Jedi. General Skywalker is known to be quite strong Force-wise." He typed away at his vambrace too fast for you to keep up with his notes. Back-Up peered up at you with her dark eyes, her body wrapped tightly around Tech's vambrace to enjoy the warmth radiating from the electronics below the plastoid. "It seems like you can still feel a particular form of Force despite not being sensitive to it. Surely due to your legacy and your connection to the Core. It is the source of the Force after all."

You nearly yelped when a fist collided with your shoulder. Wrecker's playful punch didn't hurt as much as it scared the shit out of you. "Yes because she's a goddess!" 

You sighed at the perpetual reminder that you may or may not be as normal as you'd like to be. Wrecker's excitement was cute and all, but you wanted to be their equal, not some deity that could be perceived as superior or something. 

You knew your two boyfriends had been influenced by it at some point. He never told you, but you were certain Crosshair had been intimidated or would use the excuse of you being "better than he was" to belittle himself. He had started distancing himself a little, although you didn't let him the time to get too far and reassured him that you didn't care who or what you were, that all you wanted was to be his. Hunter found himself on the other side of the spectrum. He would often use the excuse of you being a "goddess" to worship you more than necessary. He didn't get it the wrong way like his brother, no, he used it to his advantage, whispering words of adoration and how he could venerate your body all day long. You blushed at the memory of your last worshipping session. 

"Am not!"

"You are!"

"Am not!" 

"You brought Kayden back! And you healed my blaster burn the other week and you helped that village on Ruusan when their entire crops have been destroyed by the clankers!" 

You bit your lip at the reminder of what you did. Tech had been against your intervention, saying that miraculously reappearing crops would be awfully suspicious and could be easily linked to the team. You'd listened in the beginning, but as the day passed, you noticed more and more people hurting from hunger. Kids who couldn't understand why they couldn't satisfy their rumbling stomachs cried their hunger, mothers did their best to not seem affected but from a sharp, adult eye, their suffering was clear. 

You weren't an idiot. New crops didn't magically grow back in under a minute. No, deep down you wished that there was a nearby undiscovered meadow, hidden in the dense vegetation, where juicy fruits grew in the trees and small preys liked to play. Edible fungus pullulated through the grass amongst the root vegetables that were already ready to be harvested. 

It had been 100% unintentional. You'd thought that this could have been a good idea and the next thing you knew, a kid came back running with two round fruits in his hands, holding them like they were treasures and claiming that there was “infinite” more. Needless to say, the kid's overstatement gave you a heart attack and won you a lecture by not only Tech but Hunter too. Up to this day, you never regretted accidentally helping them. Not when the kids were cheering in glee at the food and the moms were relieved to the point of spilling some tears. 

"She's a what who did what?" A voice rang out from the Havoc Marauder's entrance, sending your heartbeat and body heat through the roof. 

Echo stood there in his new armor, courtesy of Clone Force 99's armor surplus from when Tech developed your own custom model, a deep frown deforming his tired features. 

For a split second, everyone stood there, frozen in place, until Crosshair harshly pulled the clone inside and hit the buttons near the door to lift the ramp. Should have done that sooner. You could at least be relieved that he was alone and not accompanied by either his Captain or General. 

"Who's that?" Echo added once he realized he'd walked in a confidential conversation and that everyone was wracking their brains to find a suitable lie. His features hardened from confusion to suspicion as he shook Crosshair off his arm and stood straighter. 

Kayden, who was still poking Hunter's chest plate, clapped his hands once and kept them pressed together. "No one." There was an awkward pause as he met yours and Hunter's gaze and turned to Echo with a wink. "Don't do spices." He uselessly added before vanishing. 

The gloved hand flying to your forehead was purely unintentional. Idiot! 

"What was that?! Where did he go?" The clone took a step backward, his eyes moving around frantically. 

"He's- eh-" Hunter was the first to attempt to defuse the situation. He was a good liar. Knew what signs to avoid, how to keep his vitals as normal as possible and had quite a quick reply. The thing was, Echo had had enough time to see that Kayden wasn't just the fruit of his imagination and the moron even talked. The alarmed expression on Wrecker's face wasn't helping either. 

Considering all the factors, you decided that Hunter's lie would not do. "Echo, calm down. Let us explain." You abandoned your seat to get closer. 

"How can I trust what you say when you hide things from the GAR and that- the man that was there- he…" He tripped on his words and guilt washed over you. The poor man passed years at the Techno Union's mercy, was brainwashed, butchered up and patched back up with mechanical pieces. He was already lost and confused and what he overheard wasn't helping. 

"Big words coming from you." Your jaw tightened as soon as Crosshair cut him off, the toothpick between his lips moving from one side of his mouth to the other. 

Echo bristled at the attack. "What does that mean?" 

"You've been a Separatist puppet for quite some time, selling the GAR every time you could. Now, how do we know you won't be selling us out?" He grabbed his toothpick and threw it with a flick to the white and blue chestplate before you could even lift your hand to stop him. 

"I wasn't in control! I'd never betray the GAR and my brothers!" 

"Cross, stop." You put yourself between the sniper and the once reg, your right hand falling on the grey plastoid to keep him at bay and maybe calm his arrogance. You knew his whole demeanor was because he was worried you'd be taken away if Echo decided to report you and what happened with Kayden. You were worried too. Scared even. But it wasn't Echo's fault and you couldn't hold it against him. Talking about such things when still on base had been stupid and reckless. 

Crosshair didn't meet your eyes but you knew he'd not interfere when the muscles in his neck relaxed. Your hand fell to your side and you turned to Echo. "My instinct tells me that you're trustworthy, so listen. What I'll tell you must not be repeated outside the Marauder and to no one else."

"Y/N-" Hunter tried to talk you down from telling the truth, a hand softly grabbing on your shoulder to catch your attention. 

"It's alright. Echo's a good one." You smiled warmly at the tattooed clone. "I'm not a goddess," You shot a look at Wrecker who nodded his head in contradiction. "But I can create some things at will. Like crops and such." You intentionally forgot to mention the Core. You trusted your gut, but let's not forget that the Lumsins fooled you once. "And the guy you saw was Kayden. He's- eh…"

"Your brother." A voice rang out from nowhere and everywhere, scaring Echo who jumped and hit a console with his elbow. 

Silently wishing he did not hit his funny bone, you continued. "Adopted. But yeah. He's that. And he's technically dead." 

His eyes grew wide and once again, he seemed to struggle to find the right words."Wh- Did you say dea-" 

Sharp knocks on the side of the ship cut the conversation short. "Permission to get in? I hope you're all ready in there!" 

Everyone straightened, multiple pairs of eyes fell on the 501st trooper to see how he'd react. Against a majority of the expectations aboard the Marauder, Echo kept his mouth shut. 

"Of course General! Sorry about the ramp!" You answered the man outside the door before quickly glancing back at Echo. "If you keep this for yourself, I'll explain more later." You promised and even offered your hand to seal the deal. 

After looking at the boys behind you that you were sure looked back at him with hard looks and maybe some distrustful gazes, he nodded once, shook your hand and stepped aside so you could lower the ramp for the blue Captain and his General. 

"Welcome back." You smiled before hurrying away to your seat, away from the weird buzzing energy that roared to life once the Jedi walked up the stairs.  

______

Flying right towards a Separatist fleet messed with your nerves. Even though you'd previously mentioned trusting the robot-clone, Kayden could easily feel the doubt snaking its way into your mind. Despite everything, you remained calm and focused on your task. As soon as the droid called your permission to land on their big-ass ship, the brunette felt a new wave of pride wash away your worry. 

He had to admit, so far your guess had been right. The clone kept his word and didn't mention Kayden or the fact that you were a goddess to any of the men that radiated authority more than testosterone. Because yes, you were a god damn goddess despite you denying it like a vegan that claims to have never cheated on their crazy diet. 

So far, you were the only member of the Bad Batch who trusted Echo. Even Wrecker was still torn between accepting the new guy or following his brothers' judgment. As usual Crosshair was nasty towards everyone, Hunter was more on his guard than anything else and Tech, well, Kayden didn't like feeling Tech's emotions. They were so fast and too much was happening at the same time that it gave him terrible headaches. From the look he exchanged with Hunter, though, it was easy to tell how he felt about Echo. 

Guess they're like that for every outsider that joins the bubble, Kayden thought. He watched as you landed upside down under the belly of the cruiser and gave your signal to the rest of them. 

Time to go! 

Sneaking the crest into Wrecker's backpack had been terribly unchallenging. Everyone was concentrated on the mission or on Echo, leaving him all the time in the world to fetch the necklace from under your pillow- yes, he wasn't supposed to be in this room but who listens to rules anyway-  pass through the barracks doors and discreetly make his way to Wrecker. No one saw the flying piece of wood and now he could get off this damn ship and maybe even enjoy his time outside. 

Kayden jogged and ran with the group, staying invisible for any mortal and mechanical eyes. He watched as Echo proved his loyalty to the Republic and got zapped when he pushed his luck. 

So far, he'd been pretty disappointed. He thought a cruiser this size would swarm droids of all sorts, giving him some reason to be out and about. Then Skywalker ran away and the action began. He didn't know if he still had veins and adrenaline, but Kayden felt a surge of energy flow through his whole being. Let the fun begin!

He walked two corridors down so he would not be seen by Rex still following the Bad Batch and messed with the droids' internal circuits. He discovered that his new ghost status allowed him to disrupt electronic systems. Tech wasn't too happy about his learning method, but it was a necessary process.  

To his delight, the droids fell like flies under his ministrations and he got to return invisible before the clones even turned the corner. He waited for them, leaning onto the wall with a smug grin on his face. Hunter will love this. 

"What happened here?" The blue trooper's steps faltered as he took in the scene. Hunter shook his head with a low grunt while Tech crouched to assess the nearest robot. The Bad Batch already knew what happened, but needed to put on a show nonetheless. The wave of displeasure radiating off every single one of them minus Wrecker nearly made him laugh. 

"They seem to have malfunctioned, somehow." Tech provided his best half-truth. There wasn't time to ponder more on the matter as more droids marched their way and thus, Rex accepted the explanation and passed to the next problem. 

"There's too many of them!" Kayden scoffed at Rex's statement. Not for this team, bud.

To Kayden's joy, Wrecker got into position. This was his cue. 

"Mind a little help?" He smirked at Crosshair who was currently sniping through his body to hit some targets behind him. From his place right over the corner, there was no way Rex could see him. It wasn't the case for Hunter. 

"Hell yeah!" Wrecker cheered before charging the first droid. 

"Kayden, no." Hunter growled so low he nearly missed it. 

"Kayden, yes." He laughed as he popped at the other end of the hallway filled with droids. Wrecker charged at the B-1s, quickly making his way to Kayden's position as he walked between the yellow robots and worked his magic. 

He was taking down his 7th victim when movement and loud approaching steps caught his attention. A large pile of droids charged his way and would have knocked him over had he not made himself intangible. 

He couldn't control the laugh bubbling out of his mouth at seeing Wrecker throw the droids everywhere. Since the last enemy standing was shaking in fear, Kayden took it as his cue to disappear once more. 

"I heard someone." Rex peaked in the scrap-filled hallway, his head moving right and left to try and identify what caught his ears. 

"Wrecker?" Hunter asked with an impeccably innocent voice. 

"No, not him. It was a laugh. But it wasn't Wrecker." The man was on edge, his senses alert and gun at the ready. 

"Didn't hear anything, Captain." Hunter turned to meet Echo's frowning gaze. Brownie points right there! The peak of gratefulness escaping the long-haired clone was subtle, just enough to breach through his irritation. "Perhaps a defect in your helmet, sir." 

He knew he'd be in trouble later but it was worth it. Doing nothing on their ship was boring him out of his mind. Maybe he should ask you to get him some wood and wood scissors so at least his nights would be interesting instead of playing with his thumbs and doing castles with the toothpicks he found here and there. 

Kayden stayed behind with Crosshair, still invisible to not disturb the guy. Not that he cared, but he was curious to see how the small mirrors he threw on the walls would help. Knowing the sniper, they were all placed perfectly where they should be even if the pattern seemed random. 

He may not like the hard-ass clone very much, but he wasn't ashamed to admit that his skills were impressive. They got to the infiltration point where the others were waiting, Skywalker amongst them, and Crosshair got into position. The thought of moving the first mirror passed through Kayden's mind and prickled at his fingertips. 

Hunter was a nice target to pick on. Crosshair, not so much. 

The mirror stayed in place, allowing Crosshair to execute his awfully impressive shot and take down every single droid marching their way. Without an ounce of doubt, Kayden knew his face was mirroring Wrecker's. 

Back in the ship, it didn't take long for Crosshair to find the crest in Wrecker's bag and shove it into Hunter's hands who closed his fist around it. Oopsie. 

You piloted the ship back to the GAR base and gracefully landed in the hangar, something Tech never learned to do or didn't care to execute. 

Rex and Skywalker exited the ship, the rest of the troops slower to follow. 

"Nice job cyar'ika." Hunter carefully touched your helmet with his, once the two men walked out. Both your foreheads touched for a whole second and Kayden felt the bile rise in his throat.

"You boys did all the work as usual." You laughed, your hand lifting to cradle the side of his neck. 

From his invisible spot near the door, Kayden saw Echo do a double-take in the corner of his eyes before following Rex down the ramp, Wrecker and Crosshair behind him. 

Hunter threw the crest in the barracks, clearly hoping to keep Kayden in the ship while they had to follow their superiors. 

Joke's on you! Kayden internally laughed as they stopped within his 3 klicks radius and received their praises.

Just because you were there and still felt uncomfortable whenever weird people with weird energy were around, he remained from doing shits around the hangar. Then it was time to pack up and go. He did look forward to being visible again, it did consume more energy and was a bother to not be able to pull pranks as he did before, but he could interact with people and it was worth it. Hunter's lecture would be a hassle though. 

Maybe he should look around for a crate to push on someone before the fun time was over. 

Echo, who apparently decided to trust you all despite not knowing the whole truth about you and him, joined the ranks of the infamous Clone Force 69. Watching you all salute, Kayden entertained the thought of kicking Crosshair behind the knee and admire him stumble to the ground. As hilarious as it seemed in his head, he couldn't find the courage to do it. 

You all got in, Wrecker removed his armor, Hunter disappeared in the barracks, Tech helped you pilot and Crosshair hovered over your seat. You removed your helmet and briefly smiled up at him. He kept watching you do your stuff until the Marauder was in hyperspace and the autopilot was engaged. 

Echo was still looking around, wondering what to do with himself. Kayden walked up to him, still too ghostly to be seen and waited for the right moment. 

You stood up to smile once more at the grumpy clone. 

"Now kiss!" Kayden loudly broke the silence as soon as he made himself visible and scared the cyborg. He closed an eye and moved his fingers so he was pushing yours and Cross' heads towards each other.

"Why are you the way you are?" You rolled your eyes with an exasperated sigh and moved around Crosshair to get to the barracks with the sniper in tow, a too familiar glare hardening his gaze. 

"Do not make fun of me because I was dropped!" Kayden laughed at your retreating forms. 

"Wait… I thought she was with Hunter…" Echo trailed off, confused. 

"She is! But she's a girl so she's predisposed to love triangles. Ya know, like in their anatomy. Boobs, south pole. Triangle." He traced a triangle in the air, using your body as a reference. 

"And wh-who are you again?" Echo inquired, frowning too deeply for his fragile features. 

"The Dimwit." He winked with the most suspicious grin on his lips before vanishing into thin air. 

Echo ran to the cockpit and stayed close to Tech for the whole evening.

[littobin]

[1:37AM] "thank you so much for saving me. honestly i can't think of what would be of me without you in my life." still a bit immersed in tries of steadying your breath from the previous runaway, you giggle happily in response and hit your best friend's shoulder playfully the moment you heard him talk sweetly, out of this endearing trail of beauty that was his smile you've always thought as better than the sight of the red roses at your house's garden.

without doubts it only took him the simple action of curving his extra thin lips up like he did now, so you'd always feel comfy, no matter the kind of times or hardships you'd be into. even so despite days like this, where you two just ran like crazy down a bunch of streets until you'd get both rescued at your house, to mislead the uptown gang's members whose once again tried to cage moonbin in his magical transformations.

honestly you couldn't believe at all how was it possible to actually exist such few silly people organized like that only to chase after any unusual beings for experiments, in the middle of a modern city. but if you really were to think neither would it be normal for you to have a man who could turn into a whole giant beast right by your side as well, meeting and staying from nights to nights under the moon living the greatest, most hilarious adventures together as long as both of your uni's allowed you two to.

you've known moonbin before as he's been one of your neighbors for years, specifically that kind and friendly type who always talked to everyone in the neighborhood, until he started changing to be more reclusive out of sudden. but since you've got to occasionally find out about his secret, at one night you saw him when you were going to do your laundry and he vehemently asked you to keep it forever or both his safety and search to end his enchantment would be risked, and you promised him to, both of your lives no longer could be the same.

it was just about naturally how you two ended up getting to be good friends and he grew to be one of the biggest source of joy you'd happen to get gifted with by the skies, as of you got to know more the beautiful human he also was. and where ever couldn't you gladly go with him when he'd text you to come in his sneakings to skip out the routine, although sometimes they could bring way too much adrenaline at once. for sure if it came to him, again it'd be worthy for you to do so, over and over. "ahh stop it's nothing, you know you can always count on my guts. and it's just so much fun to."

you state out as your hand goes to ruffle moonbin's dark hair softly, which felt so silky in your fingers, causing both of you to laugh loud in sync by remembering the early scenes. of how you two fooled around the stupid gangers like it was nothing after you've untied him, scared them and made everyone at the late hour on the streets confused to watch both of you running for dear life, all while holding each other's hand between thrilled loud laughs.

just so you kept watching the boy in front of you move a bit closer, you two still sitting on the floor as he started playing with some keychains and laces you had stuck on your long black coat, one habit of his you'd recognize of whenever he felt enthusiasm, his teeth showing off cutely through the way he kept chuckling with his eyes inclined into crescents. "yes it truly was- did you see their faces when i growled though? that was amazing!"

"oh my god bin don't even tell me, it was the best part. next time we really have to bring a camera to record and rewatch it all seriously-"

once again you and moonbin break down in pure amused laughter with your extra remarks, you not being able to help but hold his hand tightly in the process.

moments like these were all you needed to feel that nothing could change or ruin this fulfilling within your chest. out of your repetitive routine there was moonbin beside you, enlightening everything with his presence and standing as your number one supporter. even though all the things that came with his curse, such as his always hungry state specially for rice bowls, hyperactivity and very little sense of his own powerful strength, things as such that nevertheless the trouble they could give, you still liked a lot.

"next time i'll be more careful.. just know you don't have to go through situations you can't handle, i'm the one who's always here to protect you instead, ok?" he said out with clear worry poured over his expression, causing you to let out another tender smile and rub his almost ocean wide shoulders in a comforting way. "i know. but i do this because you're too important to me, that's why i wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again if so."

this time it was the taller one's turn to feel kind of affected by your words, through he strangely felt a beat skip out his heart's pace and a bit of flustering over his stomach, fondness being the only thing to fulfill his pupils with the more he stared at you.

moonbin actually didn't know what hit him to come to act up so weird because of you, nor to make up such a bunch of sensations and warmth all at once. if was it either because of your extremely affectionate eyes, the sweet smell off your hair or just the beyond wonderful feeling of you by whole, but you were immensely important to him too, since when he got the opportunity to be close to you after the night you saw him transforming, but you didn't treat him like the monster he himself knew he was. thanks to you with time he got back to be his normal self before the curse, always bright and talkative, and in some way, somehow he wanted to show you all of this.

"you really should get a reward one day y/n, for real.." he chuckled softly again, as you raised up one eyebrow, wondering what new goofy stuff your best friend would be planning.

"what kind of reward, sir bin?"

with this for some reason moonbin couldn't get his head together at all. lots of thoughts rushed to his mind about what he should better give to you as response, but no one seemed just as right besides what his heart kept incessantly moving him to. so slowly by the proximity you were into, without taking his sparkling eyes off yours he just let his body lean in along to his arms both at your sides through he crawled a bit to you closer and closer to end the gap, stopping when he could touch your nose on his as your lips were just millimeters apart, his hot and a little heavier breathing against yours.

you just stayed still unable to move out of shock, no choices left but to sense your eyes widening the closer he got and the material between your lungs racing like neither of your runaways would be capable to make you feel so. moonbin in the other hand chose to stay this way for a second, sighing while looking at you in such utter adoration, and you swore to dear lord you've never seen something so preciously gorgeous as every inch of his face at that moment, and the fair light blushing tone on it. not even the three am blue moon, compared to all the comets in his chocolatey irises.

"moon, bin.." nervousness took over you in a matter of second through your lids went shut, tugging on the hem of his white t-shirt you gave him last month, which he still liked to wear often. in the same way moonbin closed his eyes too and tightened a bit his strong arms that supported himself at your sides, starting to lovingly rub his gelid nose on yours.

"i want, to do that so bad.."

just when you gulped, flustered by how his soft boyish voice ringed so much more intimate in your ears like he never did near you, before a word could be said moonbin just pressed his lips against your own, the unbearable warmth radiating from him and his typical smell of cocoa shampoo surrounding everything around as well as causing your ears to go off like set on fire, for the first time in a while.

you felt kind of really wrong to do this, since he was one of your most special treasures, one of your most present and sincerest friends ever. yet there he was kissing you slowly, gently nibbling and moving his flushed thin lips that felt too warm, too soft on yours, in a way you'd never express, amidst quiet melting sounds and more attempts to get even closer to you although his much taller muscular figure and large back made you hardly to be seen.

nowhere into your mind you'd be able to imagine any of this happening. but after all it was still him, it still was moonbin, so in the less matter of minute you'd see it there you were already hugging his cuddly waist the way a few times you'd do, and simply letting him go the further he wished to. as through the first opening of his mouth asking for entrance, when you corresponded him it didn't take long so he'd be on top of you, with the heat of his tongue showing up within the kiss to deepen it still ever so gently, and now your hearts to rush loud in sync at the smallest touches, either by your left hand raising unconsciously to touch his chest but soon going back to hold on his waist, or him picking it for a moment to guide your fingers to the warm skin of his neck so he could feel you there.

still it all kind of felt like a dream, even more when after some more softer kisses moonbin pulled away and you were brought back to reality, but everything kept just so clouded of only him. the way he didn't stop staring at you with tenderness overflowing his manly features, the way reddish hues bloomed up his face as he tried to catch his breath, the way the hold of his hand was the same albeit the silence formed among you two. every single thing made the space marked for him grow more and more in your heart, no doubts you've never been so sure.

"you.. are a little sore, right there-" out of sudden you whisper quietly, leaving his hand to brush your thumb besides a little scratch on his cheek, the softest you could. moonbin only closes his eyes for a bit like the creature inside him would when being petted by you and lets out a small blissful smile, what kept your hand in place so you'd just take in the endearing sight.

"i hope you're not mad.."

he spoke a bit more serious although worry came back to his expression one more time, and you could say with your all it was just loving. how would you be ever mad at him, when absolutely nothing about your love for him could change, but increase.

moonbin always made the stars above the city of your world shine bright. and you just hoped more than ever you'd soon enough find how to give back his freedom and get to break his curse. however not having any clue you already did so.

- insp. beauty & beast!au.

[beaniegara]

trying to save you (from all of the things that I'll probably say or do)

ship: eugene/zach (zagene) rating: pg-13 warnings: alcohol mention and consumption, self-worth issues. tags: friends to lovers, angst, angst with a happy ending, sorta sickfic at first, introspection on eugene's part, eugene's pov show: the try guys. partner: @lilnyckyj​   prompt: allergies, for @thebuzzfeedchallenge​! 

summary: zach is sick so eugene makes sure he has everything he needs at home, including food. and that's when he realizes.

a/n: I’m super late and I’m so sorry! :c but here, have some zagene ♥

[ao3 link]

“Zach?”

Eugene closes the door behind him and toes out of his shoes. He’s not wearing socks. The cold under his feet is more than welcome after the frankly outrageous hot weather he experienced outside. The foam container he’s holding isn’t helping, warm to the touch. He knows that it smells good when Bowie comes out of Zach’s room, pawing happily towards Eugene.

“Hey, buddy,” Eugene says, crouching down to give him a good rub behind his ears and a kiss to his head. It’s almost a bad decision: Bowie tries to reach for the package and nearly topples Eugene over. “Hey, hey,” he laughs, standing up and keeping the food out of Bowie’s reach. “This is for your dad. Be nice.”

“Bowie, stop hogging my friend!” Zach’s whine comes down the hallway. Eugene laughs.

After laying the food carefully on top of the fridge, he goes to Zach’s room. He’s not surprised to find Zach in a nest of sorts. His friend lies amidst sheets, pillows, and what looks like half of his wardrobe. He looks small, sad, and quite honestly—

“Pathetic,” Eugene says, stopping for a second at the door, then walking inside to feel Zach’s forehead. “You can’t be that bad .”

“Oh yeah, and how can you know? Do you have a stuffy nose that won’t stop running like the goddamn Niagara Falls?”

It all comes out in a rush, very much through his red nose. He sounds a lot like Donald Duck.

“Stop acting like a baby and get up, I brought you food.”

“Food?” Zach looks hopeful, but that immediately turns into a scowl. “Food? I don’t know if I can eat today.”

“Too bad, because you will. Come on.”

Eugene offers a hand that Zach takes, letting Eugene help him out of bed.

“And what I mean by that is that it can’t be that bad that you need to cocoon yourself like this,” he motions to Zach’s mess of a bed as they head to the kitchen. “It’s not even, what, 80º outside?”

“It’s comfy, though,” Zach says, and Eugene can’t contain a smile – even a slightly amused one.

Bowie follows them happily into the kitchen, wagging his tail. Zach starts to pull out plates, but Eugene stops him, takes the plates from his hand, and indicates the table with his head, “Sit.”

“You know, I really am not that bad. I’m just being dramatic because I hate this.”

“I know. But you’re taking too many meds at once and I don’t like that,” Eugene says simply. “Your tiny body can only take so much.”

“Wow, thanks, man.”

“That was a compliment,” Eugene says as he finishes setting up the table and reaches for the food on top of the fridge. “You need carbs, but you also need meat to keep functioning like a human being, so I brought two dishes, actually.”

He makes sure to set everything nicely on the table, opening container after container until Zach can see all that he has brought with him.

“Oh my god, this looks so good.”

“It smells pretty nice, too.”

Zach just gestures dismissively at his stuffed nose, “I’ll have to take your word for it. How much was it? I can transfer what I owe you.”

“Shut up,” Eugene says, dropping a generous portion on Zach’s plate first before getting some himself. “I told you, this is on me. You owe me nothing more than a couple of nights babysitting my babies.”

“Eugene, that is hardly payment, I enjoy doing that. Besides, this is like the third time this week you’ve brought me food.”

It is. Eugene hesitates only for a second, because it hadn’t occurred to him that he has been here on Monday, Tuesday and today, Thursday, making it the third time that week alone. Zach has the week off, fighting an allergy-turned-mild-cold that comes and goes around this time of the year. And it’s not like Eugene has been the only one over – Keith has been keeping tabs on him, too, and even if Ned is trying to avoid Zach, not wanting to risk getting Ariel sick, he personally rearranged Zach’s schedule so that Zach wouldn’t have to miss anything important that week. Really, Eugene is not doing more than his part here.

Or so he tells himself.

“I don’t want your money,” he says. “Just, you know, get better so I don’t have to babysit you. And so I can go back to babysitting your dog.”

Speaking of which, Bowie is sat between them, eyeing one and then the other with the cutest eyes Eugene has ever seen. Zach laughs, “You’re just using me to get to Bowie.” He takes his first bite and closes his eyes, groaning. “Oh my god, Eugene, I love you. This is amazing.”

Eugene’s heart skips a beat. He does something with his hands that makes the piece of broccoli he had on his fork go flying through the room.

He’s not sure what just happened, but he can’t meet Zach’s eyes. He doesn’t have an answer either, so he stuffs his mouth with food instead. Something’s not right. He’s overwhelmed, surprised, and speechless, all at the same time.

It doesn’t make any sense; his mind is just a swirl of what the fuck’s and fuck me’ s. He doesn’t know to react, so he focus on gulping down mouthful after mouthful. Zach doesn’t seem to notice anything’s out of the ordinary. “I can barely taste anything but what I can taste is tasty as fuck and it made me realize I was starving, so thank you,” he says.

“Sure, no problem,” Eugene answers, risking a glance. Zach’s not looking at him, busy with his food. Eugene looks down again.

This. All of this. It feels too... intimate? Maybe. They are alone, having lunch together. Lunch Eugene has brought Zach, for the third time that week. It all feels too fucking cozy, too—

Too domestic.

Eugene loses his appetite all of a sudden. He manages a couple more bites, but he starts to feel anxious - his palms start to sweat, and he has the urge to get out of there. This is not a full-blown anxiety attack but it's close enough to make him stand up, cleaning out his plate and giving Zach some lame excuse about needing to be back early for a shot. He’s gone before Zach can say anything.

It’s not until he’s in his car, driving back to work, that he starts to put his thoughts together. First things first: the thing about coming over several times, well... It's not likes it's something new. He isn’t just worried now because Zach is sick – although, yeah, he has been extra worried this week –, he is always worried about him. Not in an overprotective way, just... Thinking about him. Wondering if he’s alright. If he needs anything. If he’s as happy as he should be.

That’s something a friend would do, of course, Eugene reasons with himself, but the panic building inside of him tells him otherwise. He is kinda, sorta, ridiculously attached to Zach. Everything he abhors, from spending the night watching films on a couch that’s too small for the both of them, to missing Zach’s texts when he doesn’t text him in the morning... That’s not something he does with everyone else.

That’s not something he does, period.

“Hey,” Kelsey puts a hand on his arm as Eugene walks into the office half an hour later, too dazzled to have even seen her. “You alright there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know,” she gives him a once-over, as if trying to find out what is wrong. “You look like you just saw a ghost or something.”

You could say that, he thinks to himself.

“Too much in my head,” he says, giving her a smile that he knows will convince her. It does. “Gotta go, but we’re still on Friday, right?”

“Of course!”

They part with a flying kiss from her, and Eugene goes to his desk. It’s still early for most people to have come back from lunch break, so he has at least an hour until the desks around him are busy again. Except for Zach’s, which has been empty all week; a post-it on his screen says, in Ned’s handwriting, “GONE TO HONOLULU! BYE BITCHESSS”.

The thing is, Eugene thinks as his login screen loads, he likes Zach. That much he can admit to himself. But where does friendly affection end and romantic interest begin? He hasn’t been in many relationships, always avoided them when he could. It just doesn’t work for him – that’s how he’s wired, and he doesn’t think there’s any point in trying to fight it.

But then he thinks back to Zach’s kitchen, about how he can easily find his way in his apartment. He thinks about Zach’s laugh, the dorkiest and yet most adorable thing Eugene can think of, especially when it's early in the morning and Zach can barely open his eyes. He thinks about all the times one of them was out of town, and about how it has become second nature to him to text Zach all day when that happens. He thinks about the times he’s entertained the idea of kissing Zach and blaming it on the alcohol – and the two times he actually went through with it.

Hiding his face behind his hands, Eugene sighs. This doesn’t sound good. At all. He wonders briefly if he should drop by Zach’s after work to check on him, to make sure he hasn’t left Zach with the wrong impression, but of course he hasn’t. Why is he so worried about what Zach is thinking? Why should he worry about that?

He tries the opposite of what he usually does. Instead of shutting himself off and ignoring whatever it is he is feeling, he lets his mind wander. He thinks about being with Zach – being here meaning more than just hanging out together. He wonders what it’d be like to kiss him, completely sober now, with no excuses. He wonders what it’d be like to be the one Zach texts first, and realizes with a jolt that he might as well already be. Suddenly the idea of maybe cozying up together on that tiny couch at Zach’s isn’t all that weird, which is weird in itself, because since when does Eugene think about cuddling?

Soon his coworkers start to come back from the break, and Eugene has to pretend he is incredibly focused on whatever is open on his screen. That forces him to actually pay attention to the work at hand, putting a stop to the storm inside his head.

Eugene doesn’t want to think.

Better yet: he doesn’t want to think about that. He needs to think. He needs to put his mind on work, because that’s where he should be putting his mind on, anyway. This is a crucial time, and they have a lot on their hands – Eugene has a lot on his hands already, without the added anxiety of having to think about his friend who he may or may not harbor feelings for.

It’s kinda ridiculous, he chides himself once, when he’s at the break room, getting a cup of coffee. His mind wanders to that Thursday, again, the nth time it has done so that week. He thinks about how easy it is to be around Zach; how comfortable he feels to open up cabinets in his kitchen and in his bathroom; how safe he feels when it’s just the two of them, no cameras, no nothing. He thinks about being around himon camera, and how much more fun and much more at ease he feels when Zach's there filming wih him, no matter how stupid the video they’re doing is.

Coffee spills over his cup and onto his hand. It burns - he hisses and dabs a bunch of napkins on his hand, cursing under his breath. This is not who he is. He’s not one to be getting distracted at work thinking about soft hands and easy smiles. This is not who Eugene has worked so hard to become.

So he starts avoiding Zach.

It’s for the best, he tells himself. And it’s nothing too on the nose, either. He makes sure that Zach still has everything he needs while he’s at home - and even when he’s back at work the next week - but he avoids being alone with him. Avoids being too close, or too intimate. Strict business, his demeanor says, and Zach starts to look at him a little odd, but doesn’t push it. He’s too nice for that. Besides, he has always respected Eugene’s space.

No one tries to ask if anything’s different, even though Eugene catches Keith watching him when the four of them are in a room together. No one ever does because Eugene has mastered the art of concealing his emotions, and so it doesn’t show that he feels, well, like crap. Inside and out, he feels like he’s trying too hard to just be. He pulls a muscle at the gym on a Monday, two weeks into this new Avoiding Zach routine. His skin is all sorts of wrong, and his products aren't helping. He keeps forgetting things, from his keys to the time of meetings, which is new to him.

Everything sucks, but no one notices it.

Maybe it’s for the best, he reasons with himself.

That’s until he’s had more than his fair share of cocktails at one of Buzzfeed's parties. It feels like the entire office is there, more so than in past years. It’s one master event, and the place is so big that people are spread out in clusters, a lot of them already occupying most couches and benches. He has been talking to Kelsey – Impicciche, not Darragh –, Annie, and two other people he’s sure he’s learned the name of, but can’t remember anymore, when someone touches his elbow.

He turns to find Zach, no glasses, holding a cup of something reddish in color.

“Eugene, can we talk?”

“Mmmmm,” Eugene pretends to think about it, then, “Nope.”

He pops the ‘p’, and Zach snickers, “Please? I know—I know this isn’t the best place but I can’t stop thinking that you’re mad at me and this has been eating me from inside out forever now, and I really, really wish you’d just talk to me—”

“We don’t have anything to talk about,” Eugene says, slurring a bit. He has had a lot to drink. A lot. He realizes that when he considers just walking away, both from Zach and from the group he has been standing with, and his legs take quite longer than usual to understand the command. “I don’t have anything to say,” he adds, raising both hands. He fails to notice he has spilled some of his own drink.

“Ok!” Zach says, rather defensively. His face is flushed, and if Eugene were a little less drunk off his ass, he’d see Zach’s had plenty to drink, too. “But I do have something to say. Or actually, to ask. I have things to ask. And I don’t know, man, I can’t just corner you at work, that would be a dick move, even if this is technically work but not really, because we’re not being paid to be here tonight... Sorry, I’m getting carried away, but seriously, can we—?”

He touches Eugene’s elbow again, using his head to indicate that they can step aside, closer to the bushes, away from the group. He is looking so good tonight, Eugene thinks – he almost looks like he’s glowing under the artificial lighting, the pale of his eyes more clear than ever, his cheeks rosy from the alcohol. Eugene looks down at his lips, and his stomach does something weird, like somersaults. Zach doesn't look nice, he looks gorgeous. His hand has left Eugene’s elbow, because he doesn’t force contact if Eugene doesn’t let him, he never does, and fuck, why does he need to be so nice all the time?

“Fine,” Eugene says, walking away with him. If only to hear more of his voice, which he hasn't been hearing a lot of lately – avoiding Zach comes at a great cost, he concludes.

Zach just walks them a little to the back of the crowd, so they can hear each other better, and maybe not be heard by anyone else. They’re outside, and it’s quiet beyond the perimeters of the party – they can’t hear anything else in the neighborhood, and it feels almost otherworldly to be there that night. It certainly feels weird to want to touch Zach’s arms, and his face, when Eugene is standing this close to him.

“So,” Zach starts, clearing his throat. “I just—I just, you know, I wanna know if I’ve done something wrong? If I’ve hurt you, or—I don’t know, if, if—You’ve been distant, Eugene” he says, looking up at Eugene.

And fuck, man. Fuck. Eugene can’t deal with Zach’s big, beautiful eyes, looking up at him like that – nervous, sad, hurt. It makes Eugene feel like the biggest jerk ever, and all he wants is to make Zach understand that nothing is his fault. Nothing about this is on him, it’s all on Eugene, and he shouldn’t be the one looking at him like that.

“It’s for the best,” Eugene says, repeating the words he has been saying to himself a lot lately.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s for the best’? Whose best? Why is that the best for anyone?”

“Because it is! You don’t want me fucking up your life, do you?”

“Eugene, what the fuck?” Zach looks confused. “Why would you fuck up my life? What’s going on?”

Eugene looks away, shaking his head. He feels embarrassed. He understands, deep in his core, that this is all his fault. For letting himself feel any of this, feel this way towards one of his closest friends. Just how dumb is he, really? It’s not like he doesn’t know what would happen. What is happening.

“Forget it,” Eugene says, but Zach is adamant.

“I can’t forget it, not when you’re trying to keep me away from you.”

“It’s—Jesus Christ, Zach, it’s the other way around. You got it all wrong.”

“Yeah? And how exactly did I get it wrong, Eugene?”

“I’m trying to keep myself away from you so I can stop feeling the way I feel about you.”

A pause. Zach stares at him.

“Which is...?”

“This,” Eugene gestures to himself, which in his mind makes perfect sense. He’s showing Zach the walking mistake, the man that can’t get attached, the man that’s bound to make a mess and hurt him and just— “I can’t hurt you. I just can’t. I don’t want to and I don’t think I can fucking handle it.”

“Well, that’s good,” Zach starts, but Eugene isn’t finished; he feels the words tumbling out of his mouth before he has processed them.

“Because that’s what would happen if I let myself have feelings for you, or if I let myself get too attached to the idea of being with you, because that’s who I am. I—I fuck up, I make messes, and I don’t—I don’t know how to be with anyone, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before,” he laughs, incredulous. “Fuck me, I’m in my thirties, it’s way too late to learn this shit. I just can’t.”

Zach doesn’t say anything at first, staring at him, wide-eyed. Eugene is trying to stop laughing, but he’s now giggling uncontrollably, looking at Zach.

“This is ridiculous. Isn't it? How a person can fall for a friend and ruin one of the best friendships, relat—work relationships he’s ever had? Of course I’d do that,” Eugene opens his arms wide, takes a couple steps back. He’s grinning from ear to ear. He says even louder this time, “Eugene Lee Yang, a fucking moron!”

“Stop that,” Zach says.

“I don’t care if they listen.”

“I don’t mean that,” Zach gets close again, tries to take the drink away from Eugene’s hand. “I mean, don’t call yourself that, don’t—You’re not a moron.”

Eugene bats away Zach’s hand, keeping the drink close to his chest. He doesn’t remember what’s in his glass, but it doesn’t matter, because he knows it’s alcohol. Just what he needs, and will always need. At least drunk he doesn’t need to worry about a thing, he doesn’t need to hide or calculate his words. Zach looks weird, now – his smile has dropped, and his eyes look shiny, and he’s not looking Eugene in the eye.

And that’s when Eugene understands what he has just done.

“No,” he says, heart starting to beat faster. “No, fuck, forget I said anything.”

“You can’t ask me that.”

“I just did. Please, Zach—”

“You know, I think we should have this conversation some other time,” Zach looks at him, immediately winces, and looks away. “I—I should go.”

“Zach—” Eugene tries, but Zach steps around him and then away, not looking back.

Eugene’s heart tightens as he watches Zach’s hunched figure dart between the crowd before he vanishes from sight. It’s a stupid muscle, Eugene gathers, and he must’ve pulled it too because it hurts, now. Not something he has ever felt, but like his heart is a tiny bird flapping its wings very fast, trying to fly out of a cage that’s a size too small for him. It keeps throwing itself against the bars, hurting, hurting, hurting, and it never stops, it won’t stop. Eugene feels sick. He chugs the rest of his drink, trying to quell the awful feeling in his chest; the liquid burnshis throat on the way down.

It hurts, and it doesn’t stop hurting the next day. His head is exploding when he wakes up just after lunch, mouth dry and stomach lurching. He hasn’t thrown up in a long time, but if it continues like this, he might be bending over his toilet later. After he has taken care of his most basic needs – water, peeing, a toast to keep his blood pressure where it should be – he checks his phone.

One name stands out in his notifications, and it all comes back to him. His heart clenches again, thinking about the night before.

Zach.

Eugene regrets opening his mouth, but he doesn’t blame the alcohol. If anything, he blames himself. He should’ve known better – he does know better, and fuck, since when does he let any kind of feeling dictate how he should behave? Since when does he let his heart, hurt as it is, dumb as it is, take the reins?

The message simply says “can we meet?”. It was sent around 10 a.m., because of course. Zach probably has a headache, too. He always has when he drinks too much, even if his too much is miles away from Eugene’s too much. Eugene groans just thinking about it. He knows Zach so well, and he knows himself so well – why did he need to say anything?

He texts back with a “Sure”. He’s far from sure, but he owes Zach this. If he can at least explain it, explain why he didn’t say anything before and why he was such a jackass, then maybe... Maybe Zach will just leave it all behind.

Maybe.

After some more awkward, emoji-less texts, they settle for 4 p.m. at Eugene’s place. It gives him enough time to shower, order in some lunch, get onto some important emails. He calls his mom, too, when he’s sure she’s not at church. It’s a weird conversation; he doesn’t know how to explain why he sounds so tired, or why he’s giving one-word answers. He wants to tell her, even if just to let it out of his chest, but this is not something they talk about. They never have, and they’re not starting now. She wouldn’t be comfortable with the topic, and he probably wouldn’t either.

His apartment starts to feel very suffocating.

He does his best to clean up after he hangs up, opening the blinds, changing the towels in his bathroom, taking out the trash. It helps him keep focused, even if his head is still sore, and his thirst never ending. 

Zach is there at 4 p.m. sharp.

It’s a weird thing to have him there, in front of him. Eugene is scared when he opens the door, which is something he isn’t expecting to feel at that moment. Zach, wearing a cap, hands hidden inside the pockets of his hoodie, smiles.

Eugene tries to smile back, but his heart is doing that stupid thing again.

He doesn’t want to lose Zach. He doesn’t want to see that smile any less. He doesn’t want to walk on eggshells around him because he doesn’t know how to keep his emotions in check.

“Hey,” Zach says, walking inside. He doesn’t look uncomfortable, which is good, but he does hesitate, standing in Eugene’s living room before he crouches down to rub Pesto's belly. “Should we, uh… Should I sit down? Can we sit down?”

“Of course,” Eugene follows, but doesn’t sit next to him on the couch. He perches himself on the only armchair there is. Emma is taking the seat, so he opts for the arm.

They are in silence for a couple of seconds before Eugene says, “I think I have—No, nevermind, I don’t. Water?”

Zach chuckles, “No, thanks. I’m guessing all you have to offer is alcohol?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

They laugh; Eugene feels his shoulders tense and tries to relax, but it’s hard. He’s hugging himself, almost, arms crossed in front of him. Zach looks small on his couch, like he’s trying not to take too much space.

“About yesterday, I think I should—"

“Wait, Zach, no,” Eugene interrupts him, sighing. He lets his head hang low for a brief moment before he’s looking Zach in the eye again. “I need to apologize. That’s the first thing that’s happening here. I was… Well, I was a dick yesterday. And I…” He tries to find the right words for this, but nothing sounds right in his head. “I don’t know, I think I had some kind of breakdown. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

Zach watches him, patiently. When he’s done, Zach looks down at his hands and nods.

“It’s alright, I wasn’t—You were drunk, we were bothreally drunk.”

“Yeah, well, that’s still no excuse,” Eugene says, mumbling the words. Zach smiles at him.

“You’re right, it’s not.”

There’s a moment of silence in which their eyes meet.

“Did you mean it?”

Zach’s voice is so low and soft, it’s barely a whisper. Eugene hesitates, mouth hanging open as he tries to think of a way to answer that at the same time that it dawns on him that Zach was most probably holding back tears the night before. The glasses he's wearing now catch his attention, reminding him of how at the party Zach's eyes were clear, shining with tears. He doesn't know how he missed that.

“I—” He stops, wets his lips. “Yeah. I did mean every word of it.”

“So you have feelings for me?”

Eugene nods. He’s proud of himself for not avoiding Zach’s eyes when he does.

“But you don’t… like anyone.”

A beat. “I don’t. Usually.”

“Wow,” Zach blinks, looking down at his fingers again. “A lot to process there.”

Eugene can’t help but chuckle a little, because yeah.

“Why did you act like that was a bad thing, though?”

“Because—” The words die on his throat. Because maybe this isn’t real and I’d only hurt you, he thinks. I’d ruin our friendship by starting something that’s not gonna last. He doesn’t have the courage to say any of this, not right now. Something inside of him is screaming for him to not say it. The part of him that thinks that this is different. That this is not just a fling that may be worth keeping around. He and Zach have known each other for so long now, they know each other so intimately well, it’s absurd. They have talked about everything under the sun, except maybe the things Eugene tends to keep for himself. But he realizes in that split second that he wouldn’t mind maybe - who knows - sharing those with Zach, too. Slowly, someday. The idea of sharing some of the things hidden in the corners of his mind with him isn’t so bad. Zach means all the good things Eugene can think of, including...

Home.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Eugene finally says. His voice cracks a bit.

Zach’s eyes on him are soft, understanding. “Neither do I. No one does, I think.”

“Ned does,” Eugene argues. “Keith does, too. Shane and Sara—”

“Well, maybe some people do,” Zach stops him right there, shifting forward so he’s on the edge of the couch. “But not everyone. I certainly don’t, you know I haven’t had a relationship in forever.”

Eugene shakes his head, both negating what he just said and also to shake off any tears or uncertainty from his voice. “It’s different.”

“How?”

“You’re—” Eugene gesticulates, trying to find the right way to say what he has only felt so far. “You’re open. You wear your feelings on your sleeve and you’re fine with it. That’s how people should be in a relationship. I—I’m guarded, closed off, I—I don’t know—Fuck,” he presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, refusing to let himself get teary-eyed. “I’m not a good partner, ok? I just know that. And you don’t deserve it. Not that I know what you deserve, all I know is that you deserve someone better than me.”

There’s the rustling of fabric before Eugene sees Zach has walked over and is now kneeling in front of him, one hand on Eugene's knee. He’s looking up at him, the corners of his mouth curving up; he looks lovely. He islovely, and this is too much. Eugene wants to touch him, wants to caress his cheek, wants to just know how his skin feels like in a touch that lasts longer than a mere second.

“I disagree with everything you just said, and that’s fine, because you’re wrong,” Zach says, making Eugene laugh. “You’re so worried about not being good enough that you haven’t even asked me how I feel about this.”

Eugene doesn’t know what to say, so he just looks at him.

“I like you, Eugene. Like, as fuck. As in, I want to hug the hell out of you and also maybe have some crazy, hardcore sex, all in one. Or maybe we don’t hug all that much because I know you’re not crazy about hugs, and I completely understand that.”

“Wait, what?”

“I must say, though, that I’ve been pretty vanilla all my life so I pictured more of a slow buildup for our sex live. If we were to have one, of course. Not that I’ve been fantasizing about you but we’ve talked so much about sex, it just comes out like this, sorry.”

“You like me?”

Zach gives him the softest smile Eugene has ever seen, and yeah, Eugene’s heart has stopped throwing itself against its cage; it flies free now, everywhere, giving him the sensation of… fucking hell, butterflies in his stomach.

“Yes, I do. Very much so.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Look who’s talking!” Zach shoots back, laughing. “But nah, I didn’t think you’d reciprocate, you know? Like, even if you somehow looked at me that way despite all the gorgeous people you’re usually making out with, I figured you’d worry about making it weird between us.”

“Well, yeah. We work together.”

“All the better. Office sex,” Zach jokes, and Eugene almost chokes on his own spit, bursting into laughter. “No but seriously, we’re grownass men, we can handle a possible breakup. Although I don’t think we will have to.”

“We don’t even have anything to break—”

Eugene doesn’t get a chance to finish. Zach stands up to reach his face and kisses him, just a press of lips that shuts Eugene up instantly. It’s surreal. It’s what Eugene has been dreaming about doing for what? months now. It’s all Zach - Zach’s soft lips, Zach’s aftershave, Zach’s entire being and existence just in reach...

“Now we do,” Zach says as he parts, smile so big Eugene can’t help but open one of his own. “Please don’t breakup with me, though.”

“Are you sure about this?”

Because as much as Eugene wants this, and oh god, he wants it so much… As much as he wants this, he still fears what the future holds for them. He’s still unsure about his ability to give Zach all that he needs, all that he deserves, and he’s terrified that he’ll eventually hurt him. But Zach kisses him again, this time closer, harder, and Eugene finds himself holding him by the waist as Zach’s arms sneak around his neck.

“I’m sure,” Zach says against his lips. His voice is an octave lower, and Eugene is so terribly, ridiculously in love. “We’ll talk about this, but for now can you do me a favor and just kiss me until I can’t feel my lips? Thank you.”

Eugene grins, and kisses him again.

"Wait, wait, wait," Ned says, smirking. "I got this. The gift from Eugene was... a collar."

The room explodes in laughter as Ariel slaps his arm. 

"What? It's possible! They're two consenting adults..."

"That would be hilarious," offers Keith, red-faced from laughing too hard and from the wine he has been nursing.

"Jesus Christ, can we not talk about our sex lives this early in the evening?" Zach says, but he's laughing. Eugene has an arm around his waist, so he feels Zach shaking with laughter under his touch. "I'm gonna need way more beer for that."

"Good idea!" Eugene kisses his temple and walks out of the room, towards the kitchen. He runs into Becky coming back and asks her about the drinks; she directs him to the right fridge.

It's when he's bent down, piling beers on his arms, that he hears whistling. He turns around just as Zach says, "Damn, I'd so tap that."

Eugene laughs so hard he nearly drops a bottle. They manage to get six of them on the counter, and Zach uses the opportunity to say, "You think we should tell them?"

"Only if you want to. I mean, I think we'll enjoy Venice a lot more if Ned isn't texting us every ten minutes. But if you want to tell them, I don't mind. It's your present, so it's your call."

"Nah," Zach rests his chin on his hand, leaning on the counter. "They're having too much fun to trying to figure it out. But if we get stranded on a desert island on our way there and need them to find us we're so fucked."

"We're fucked either way if that ever happens, but I promise not to eat you."

Zach smiles, "Aw, baby! Thank you! I promise not to eat you too."

They laugh, and Zach leans forward to give Eugene a peck on the lips. "Happy anniversary," he says. 

It's been a year, but Zach's voice still sounds like music to Eugene's ears. He can't contain his smile when he replies, "Happy anniversary, Zach."