#i'll literally panic trying to control my breathing. but. blowing bubbles. that makes me feel better
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#can i just calm down for 2 seconds please. can the anxiety stop for just a bit please#i'm gonna go buy bubbles#bubbles are nice. i can't do mindful breathing or whatever you call it on my own.#i'll literally panic trying to control my breathing. but. blowing bubbles. that makes me feel better#and it's the same thing but with bubbles. that used to be my go to method before therapy and zoloft#but today i'm just FREAKING out#a friend invited me to something and yesterday when hanging out with another friend i mentioned it#and i was like 'oh you didn't know about it? i'm sure they wouldn't mind. let me ask if you can come'#and that friend left me on read and then finally told me this morning that they weren't sure about it#because apparently someone or some people in the larger like... not friend group more like friend web#don't like this other friend and that's why they weren't invited. that and it was gonna be just a couple of us.#and after apologizing a lot and going back and forth being like 'i'm so sorry this is my fault'#and them being like 'no it's not i should be more inclusive i feel bad not including them'#and me being like no you're allowed to not invite people i shouldn't have mentioned it ahhhhhhhhhhhh#so i don't know where host-friend stands right now about the other friend coming#BUT that other friend invited me out tonight and i had said i would come but that was before all this chaos#so if i go meet them i'll have to avoid the whole invite thing and hope they forgot but i don't think they forgot#and i'm like who doesn't like this person and why because i think i know why and that it's a misunderstanding#and tonight i could casually be like 'hey you should text so-and-so about that thing and touch base' to fix it#BUT if i'm wrong and it's someone ELSE then i don't know why and just ahh i hate drama especially theatre people drama#and i feel extra bad for creating this mess ahhhhh. so now i've been a ball of anxiety all night.#hmm. venting and writing this out made me calm down a little. god i need to get back into journalling
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