#i'm being melodramatic but i really do despise it

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

someone appears to have sent me a tumblr chat message and then (I can only assume) immediately blocked me, because for THREE DAYS I've had a little "1 new message!" bubble but there is NO NEW MESSAGE.

It is driving me fucking insane. I just want to see the chat message. I just want to be able to mark it read. Is this what you wanted, random person? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED????

[ajjconcertat2am]

this shit shoulda gone to the notes app but whatever idgaf

Sometimes i get really numb to the idea of a romantic or sexual relationship.... its hard to muster up a fictional ideal, a detailed dream or fantasy. The repetitive times of forced desires upon me during what i can only describe as the peak of my youth and malleability had created this instilled feeling that my time has past. I have to be deserving and disciplined and needed before i can even begin to think about what i want. Its not only that there cannot be pleasure without pain, but the idea they need to be happening concurrently.

When i say these things i know in my mind i am being melodramatic and impatient, my brain wont let me rest in pity. I understand my insecurities and i cannot cave to same fate, the same mistakes. However, understanding my mental state and causes and correlations, how to break it down, how to channel it into a better outlet, theres days where i am numb beyond a point of ration. i cannot force myself to feel positive of my desires and i experience a sort of un controllable response to what i thought was my own bodily functions. What was pleasure in an instance become a flash of fear in a self curated environment, where i am alone in the bed. I cannot bring myself to imagine what loving me would look like, and despite that pain my brain still betrays me and makes me afraid of my own satisfaction. It makes me feel as if i was a cube jammed into the wrong circular shaped hole again, again, and again. Surley there was the right shape for me but now im so bent none of the shapes look recognizable to me, and myself is so abstract and foreign at times it seems unlikely theres a solution.

Maybe I'm too focused on what the perfect fit wants me to be shaped like, what it likes about me, what IT wants. I need to be careful of being molded if i so desperately want it. But maybe I'm too focused on what i want. If i'm desperate to fit, i will jam myself in a desperate attempt to make it work. What seems impossible, if reflected on, becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, a nightmare waiting to happen again.

Posting this seems like the wrong choice and im tempted to write something stupid like anyways i need back shots 💖 to lighten the mood at the end, however with writing out something so sincerely im not going to lie at the end. I must say i desire the ability to desire again. I desire the ability to desire without the concurrent destruction of myself. And truely i do not despise the pain, I want the perspiration, the nausea, to be sick, to make a mess, the odor, the spectacle, i want it again, but this time, mutually.

[ramblingromance]

A Reckless Match: Book Review

A family that's been at odds for centuries, secret caves, and a smugglers' plot! There's all this and more in A Reckless Match by Kate Bateman, so read along for some of my thoughts, feelings, and rambles on...

Meet the Davies and Montgomery families - two households locked in an ancient feud, destined to be on opposing sides forever. Until now... CAN LIFELONG HATE Madeline Montgomery grew up despising––and secretly loving––the roguish Gryffud “Gryff” Davies. Their families have been bitter rivals for hundreds of years, but even if her feelings once crossed the line between love and hate, she’s certain Gryff never felt the same. Now, she’s too busy saving her family from ruin to think about Gryff and the other “devilish” Davies siblings. Since he’s off being scandalous in London, it’s not like she’ll ever see him again... TURN TO TRUE LOVE As the new Earl of Powys, Gryff Davies planned on spending his post-war life enjoying the pleasures of London. But when an illegal duel forces him to retreat to his family’s Welsh castle, he realizes the only exciting thing in the dull countryside will be seeing the fiery Maddie Montgomery. Thoughts of his nemesis sustained Gryff throughout the war; but the girl he loved to tease has grown into a gorgeous, headstrong woman – who loathes him just as much as she ever did. Will secret tunnels, dangerous smugglers, and meddling from their feuding families be enough to make Maddie and Gryff realize that their animosity is really attraction...and maybe even love.

_________________________________________________

If you're looking for an enemies to lovers in the same vein as Darcy and Elizabeth, you'll probably find that this isn't quite an exact match. There's definitely witty teasing to be found, but despite the fact that Maddie and Gryff's families have been at odds for centuries, they don't exactly hold any real disdain for each other. Think of it more along the lines of the boy that tugged the pigtails of the girl that he liked.

In a way I was relieved by this, because I almost feared it was going to take on a melodramatic Romeo and Juliet sort of feel, but it never delves much past its initial genre: romantic comedy.

Thankfully this isn't a tragedy, and while I knew that there would be a happily ever after waiting for me at the end, I still worried that the melodrama of two feuding families might be a bit too much for me.

No, if anything, this family feud is much more like the Hatfields and McCoys (although certainly not quite as bloody, especially during the regency era where this is all taking place), all the way down to a supposed stolen pig which started the feud all those years ago.

This novel is charming, and takes on a tone reminiscent of Tessa Dare, I would say. There's nothing too serious about it, which is nice when you're not looking for anything that's particularly dramatic or angsty. The characters are fun, and I'm certainly interested to see what other adventures this family takes in the future. I think the second installment in the series is already out, which I'm sure I'll get to in the future.

I think a few of my only complaints would be in, one, the odd chapter lengths. They were incredibly short, usually only ranging five pages long. This in itself isn't a major issue, but it just sort of made the story feel a little disjointed at times when you're expecting a new scene in a new chapter or a different POV. With the chapters being so short, it left me wondering why some of them weren't just combined to make one longer chapter, but that's just a nitpick on my part.

And two... I know I said I didn't want anything super melodramatic, but I do wish our main characters had been fleshed out just a tiny bit more. It felt as if I was missing something about them, though I'm not sure what. I think maybe it as the fact that there was never really a moment where the focus was on any sort of past traumas or insecurities. Gryff reflects a bit about his time in the war, and the guilt he feels about leaving his friends behind when he suddenly became the new earl. Still, the surface was only just scratched there, and there wasn't even too much talk on the grief he felt about losing his father. On Maddie's part, she talks a bit about her near death experience and the literal scars that were left behind, but again, we only get a light scratch here.

Aside from that, this novel gets a few extra points for featuring a sex in one of the more unique places: a cave!

Thanks for reading this far! I've noticed that with Twitter going up in flames, a resurgence seems to be happening here on tumblr. I never left, but I did start to miss how active the romance novel community had once been on here. Let's hope we can bring it back to its heyday! Until then, happy reading!

____________________________________________________

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of death, war, and violence. Attempted blackmail, Claustrophobia (there's a cave trapped scene).

Heat Level: 3/5

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hello, I hope I'm not bothering you, but do you have any good "enemies to lovers" recs, may they be books or movies?

I neeeever am bothered by people asking for recommendations.  Those are my favorite asks because I am nothing if not in love with my own opinions, lol

Books

Obviously, The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn, the best Bridgerton book, because I’ve been blogging about it lol.  If you haven’t read it, it’s basically “rake tries to seduce the beauty of the ton, beauty’s older sister cockblocks him, he realizes that He Is Into It” 

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne is a classic.  Very light and fluffy contemporary, two people who’ve always hated each other begin competing for the same job and fall in love.

Kate Quinn’s Mistress of Rome series is a saga and the initial big ship of the first book (which you do have to read lol) is not enemies to lovers.  However, the NEXT ship which dominates the last two books of the series (which is four books long, and tbh... I recommend the second book but it’s a prequel and can be skipped technically) is SOOOOOOO GOOD.  It’s really “childhood friends to young lovers to SEVERE ENEMIES still secretly in love” and it’s literally epic lol.  Essentially, the series is set in Ancient Rome and Sabina (very bitchy Roman noblewoman) and Vix (child of a former gladiator, soldier) are friends who I think lose their virginities to each other?  And are in love as kids.  But then she fucks him over and marries the emperor.  Who he actually begins to loyally serve!  But he haaaates Sabina because she.... constantly backstabs him lol.  But he also looooves Sabina and gets off on everything she does.  And she wants him so badly.  And it is delicious.  And I live for it.

Both of the Evie Dunmore books I’ve read, Bringing Down the Duke and especially A Rogue of One’s Own are very enemies to lovers.  In Bringing Down the Duke it’s a bluestocking versus a duke who for political reasons is her enemy.  In A Rogue of One’s Own it’s another bluestocking versus a rake who has known her basically all their lives.  They have to begin working together and fall in looove.

Sarah MacLean LIVES for this trope lol.  Her first true enemies to lovers was Twelve Scandals to Start to Win An Earl’s Heart, in which the heroine is a scandalous young woman and the hero is a duke determined to avoid scandal--and he rebuffed her before the book began, so they hate each other.  But he also has a massive boner around her, of course. 

My favorite MacLean book, A Rogue By Another Name is another “childhood friends turn enemies to lovers”.  The leads, Penelope and Bourne (last name lol) were best friends as kid and he basically fell off after life set in.  Her family now has hold of his ancestral lands, and Bourne essentially blackmails Penelope into marrying him so that he can get those lands, after which she DESPISES him even though they had..... extremely great sex lol.  It’s SUPER GOOD, and it involves borderline voyeurism, which is great.

Then No Good Duke Goes Unpunished is very enemies to lovers.  The heroine was set to become the hero’s stepmother--then he woke up covered in blood with her missing. He then finds out, after years of being despised by society as a presumed murderer, that she is very much alive with a fake identity lol.  It’s WILD.

The Rogue Not Taken is an enemies to lovers roadtrip romance.  The heroine thinks the hero is a horrid rake who purposefully ruins marriages.  He thinks she’s a stuck up brat.  They end up journeying together and he eats her out in a moving carriage.

Theeen there’s Daring and the Duke.  The hero literally thought the heroine was dead (MacLean loves this) and is OBSESSED with her, but she hates him because the man who raised them both basically pitted them against each other after their days of being childhood sweethearts.  It’s very dark and delicious, and there are blow jobs!  Blow jobs don’t happen enough in romances, especially historical romances.  More BJs!  They are fun!

If you’re interested in a dark and BONKERS romance, Desperate Measures by Katee Robert is a retelling of Disney’s Aladdin about a modern Jafar and Jasmine getting together after he takes over her father’s criminal empire.  It’s definitely extremely explicit and a bit fucked up.  The book comes with content warnings; the first sex scene is dubcon.  (Like you’re reading from her perspective and she WANTS IT but she says no.)

Beach Read by Emily Henry is a cute contemporary in which the hero is a literary author and the heroine is a romance novelist.  They find themselves in neighboring beach houses and basically challenge each other to write in the other person’s genre.  Very light enemies to lovers.

A Heart of Blood and Ashes is a fantasy romance by Milla Vane!  Essentially, the hero’s parents were killed by the heroine’s father and he’s out to kill her father and overtake his throne.  Luckily, she’s on board.  But he needs to marry her in order to accomplish his goals.  They do not trust each other whatsoever and torment one another a lot.  For context, within the first fifty pages she gives him a handjob while her hand is covered in her own brother’s blood (and yes, he did kill her brother).  It’s great.

The Worst Best Man is about a wedding planner who suddenly finds herself needing to work with her ex-fiance’s brother... who she holds responsible for her fiance leaving her at the altar.  Very fun and sexy contemporary.

The entire Four Horsemen series by Laura Thalassa.  In each book, the heroine falls in love with a literal embodiment of one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, who is here to bring the end of the world.  VERY heavy enemies to lovers.  Kinda dark at times?  Kinda fucked up at times?  I love it a lot?  It begins with Pestilence; War and Famine have already been released, but Death has not.

From Lukov with Love by Marina Zapata.  It’s a figure skating romance; a down on her luck skater pairs up with a male skater who is extremely successful, and who she’s known for years and hated.  Verrrrry slow burn, but fun.

Movies

The Proposal, of course, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.  You’ve probably seen this, but the setup is that she’s his evil boss, he’s her assistant, and she’s about to lose her visa so she bribes him into marrying her so that she can get citizenship.  But ruh-roh, they have to go to Alaska for his family reunion and he’s also got a great body and is like, an Alaskan Rockefeller?  

Obviously, Clueless which is enemies to lovers by way of former stepsiblings, and also by way of the only valid retelling of Emma.  Emma itself is not enemies to lovers, really, but Clueless amps that aspect up a bit.

If you want a super tragic version, warning lol--House of Flying Daggers.  It’s a wuxia movie, so melodramatic to the max.  She’s a blind daughter of the leader of a vigilante group, he’s a soldier who’s gone undercover to follow her to their stronghold.  Many reveals and one of my favorite dramatic love stories ensues.

Princess Diaries 2, duh.  Baby Chris Pine?  Anne Hathaway?  PLEASE BITCH.

365 DNI.  If you haven’t watched yet, watch it and thank me later.  The greatest cinematic contribution of the last decade.

Down with Love.  It’s a delightful take on like, 50s/60s sex comedies in which the heroine writes a book that convinces women to ignore love and men, which makes the hero look bad and makes it difficult for him to get laid.  So he sets out to basically.....  wear a different persona?  And seduce her?  It is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and I adore it.  Renee Zellweger and Ewan Macgregor have great chemistry in it too.

The Thomas Crown Affair, starring extremely hot Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo.  She’s an insurance investigator, he’s a billionaire who basically is suspected of stealing priceless works of art because he’s bored.  She investigates him and immediately begins fucking him.  Has a scene where she dances with him while wearing a completely transparent dress.  Then they fuck everywhere in his house.  I have never wanted to be between two people more.

The Painted Veil.  A socialite marries a dorky scientist for convenience, then cheats on him.  He finds out and basically forces her to go to China with him, where he is fighting the cholera epidemic, as an extremely long and petty murder suicide attempt.  But they get to know each other!  And the ice begins to melt!  Warning: tragic but lovely.

Casino Royale YES I SAID THAT.  The James Bond reboot movie that explains why he’s such a whore!!!  HE WAS BROKEN!!!  Basically James Bond is not like... a learned man... in this movie.  So he’s a cocky bastard and the Bond girl is impossibly sexy Eva Green as Vesper, who’s the “money man” on his mission.  They begin as bickering assholes and then fall in love.  But also!  Tragedy!

The animated Anastasia movie is one of the finest enemies to lovers movies of any time, I will defend this forever

Anyway....  Hope this gives you some ideas!  Lol

[spiderxwebout]

HOMESTUCK ASK MEME PART TWO

ACT FOUR PART TWO "i'm motivated by self-interest" "this is bullshit its an unfeeling monster who gives a fuck" "who gives a fuck?" "that just made me feel upset to think about" "drop some hard, peer-reviewed motherfuckin' science on his ass" "that actually sounds pretty good i guess" "i don't see how we're supposed to be friends if you recoil from my olive branch" "i just think it's still cumbersome and completely illogical" "why are you in cahoots now?" "it's for our candle light hate date" "fuck you" "i'm sure many highly justifiable punchings will happen" "it was because shut up" "imagine the worst day of my life just stood up and clinked a glass like it was going to give a speech" "please, just once, shut the hell up" "you can't overthink it" "stop being a tool" "what kind of civilization wouldn't invest in orange creamsicles?" "now i feel kinda bad" "no more coy bullshit antics" "you're really not all that terrible" "why am i so fucking awesome?" "that's the best fucking question anybody ever asked" "this is kind of perverse. what's wrong with you?" "this is always a terrible idea" "you're fucking welcome" "get off my dick" "welcome to the party, motherfuckers" "what else is new?" "think of something better" "why are you burning your wizard fanfiction?" "i can't keep track of what you like anymore" "this story sounds suspicious" "i'm out of the loop again" "the best thing about how i did that is how it in no way will ever come back to bite us in the ass ever" "ditch the body" "fuck you and goodbye" "you have sounding stupid down to a science" "we're all sort of like superman?" "you've assassinated my patience" "i could give myself a hernia trying to be as big a douche of that guy" "i'll help you instead" ACT FIVE ACT ONE "in case it wasn't clear, magic is real" "you're on your own now" "i wonder what i did in the future that i'm being punished for in advance" "maybe i'm like, the worst piece of trash and don't know it yet" "all i see is motherfucking miracles" "fuck you for me just hearing that" "you flip your shit about everything" "here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped" "that sounds like melodramatic bullshit" "i don't know why most of our friends are such psychos" "i can't talk to her, she's spooky" "stop being so sensitive" "i hate you way more than i hate myself, and that's saying something" "the idiot gets a time out and shuts up for a second" "i'm such an idiot for not rewarding your bubbly personality and impeccable people skills with leadership" "i knew you were a cheater lowlife scumbag with no self esteem and were basically worthless on every level, but somehow i'm still disappointed in you" "how do you get out of your bed every morning knowing you're the worst thing a universe was ever responsible for?" "shocking development!" "you shouldn't be afraid of anything" "unlike you i have a fucking smidgen of maturity and self respect" "this is what i was made for" "this is the kind of thing sane people say" "whew, back in sane land" "don't pretend you didn't enjoy going around killing things" "why don't you just fuck off and go to hell?" "you're always the victim of something" "sometimes you think you suck when you really don't" "that's just some personal private emotional issue and i'm dealing with that" "i will have a fucking blast and you can't stop me" "i'm okay with a lot of things. even our inevitable failure" "that was so much more depressing than the thing i just said" "but you like to talk to me" "this is a fact, not a question" "why do you like to talk to me?" "i despise myself" "you seem so sad and angry all the time" "bye bye friendship!" "you were a fraud all along" "your bluff has been called" "you are the dumbest motherfucker on the planet, i swear"