#i'm functioning with it but it definitely leaks into social anxiety.

[brawlqueen]

PSA * !

while i don't need or really....like? to make these posts, and i try not to be personal unless my mutuals are people that i am comfortable sharing it, but i've definitely been struggling to write period. writer's block, call it what you will, but it's definitely been causing me anxiety when it shouldn't. so i decided to start replaying uchikoshi games of course, i just finished ai.tsf and am onto a.ini, as much as i have some gripes with it, oh well, we make our own canon - but i wanted by choice, to kinda explain that.

one thing that's really really important to me is mutual communication. that doesn't translate to: 'tell me everything that's going on and every personal detail. ' it just means, i feel that if something is up with me that's affecting my fun on the dashboard, then i wanna just bring it up.

most of my friends here know i've been having a lot of social anxiety. which is kinda weird for me since i'm a fairly confident / extroverted person! but you know what that's okay, but i've been kind of a ghost on my discord. i keep second guessing everything i say to most everyone, and it has nothing to do with a single person, there's nothing wrong i feel about any of my friends. i'm just /anxious/.

i also, am just accepting that due to some personal health issues, nothing major, (ex: insomnia amped up, for mental reasons ) that my adhd is all over the place. most of the time when i get to be home i'm snuggling my bear uh -- i mean, my rescue great pyrenees sasha or just doing 'icon therapy' which is me making batches of screencaps and converting them to icons.

i'm not ignoring anyone, and i just don't know what to really say right now in a lot of conversations. i stumble over my typing and delete little sentences because my anxiety has been so bad. but also for me, with that adhd, sitting in it is infinitely worse, and i'm sorry if this sounds like i'm complaining. i just like being upfront!

so yeah, dm buddies i'm not ignoring you, or purposefully being slow. roleplay partners / friends, new mutuals waiting on meme asks or threads, hell even mizuki's birthday stuff, which is FOREVER btw to this stan, i am not trying to make it seem i'm disinterested or quite frankly i don't drop threads unless you would like me to. i just may not be at the speed you like. and that's okay! we meet each other half way.

but yeah i kinda really have wanted to address this because i can feel mizuki kinda coming back if that makes sense? there's so much to explore with her, but even mutuals i don't even know that i dearly want to interact with, please know you can send random asks or throw people at mizuki any time. i know this isn't a job. i know not to force myself, and trust me, i don't.

but i just...didn't want to leave the wrong impression that may be 'lily's ignoring me / lily dropped our stuff / ' it isn't so much bluntly, for anyone as much as it is me wanting to tell you i just don't operate that way i guess? i wouldn't treat someone like that. everyone has their way of operating on this site and as long as it's not hurtful i think it's fair and valid. i just wanted to explain. for myself, and hopefully clear up if anyone is confused about me.

i appreciate everyone's patience and the talent they bring to the dash, even if i don't know your muse(s), but i do know that i followed you for a reason so please be patient with me as i get through this. i think writing is so relaxing for me, so slowly feeling mizuki come back is a very, very comforting thing. she's my favorite girl ever, the girl ever period for me, and i never aim to make this a job.

so i'm gonna be gentle to myself and these asks and threads you might go 'well that was ages ago' and that's okay. what's important for me is that my intentions are always clear, and hopefully, always seen as they are as best i can: well meaning. that said, since i don't wanna make this a job, please don't do it either okay? - lily.