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#i'm gna try to just be productive w what's required of me
noxtivagus · 2 years
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#🌙.rambles#i'm still feeling very sick today so#i'm gna try to just be productive w what's required of me#that said tho. just a random thought#i love the intimacy in acknowledging another#whether it be using their name in casual conversation#like. don't you love the way someone says your name while smiling n laughing#& giving someone a nickname. a form of affection#or associating someone w something else. like an animal or color n stuff like that#n directly sharing how you see someone else. what they mean to you#i love that so much#direct stuff like that makes me feel like i'm actually seen and perceived positively. one affirmation that it's real#sometimes i'm shy but i love the way i want to love others#yeah thinking about it n i love the way i think of others#i ultimately do love myself and life so#in stories for example my childhood friend back in gr 4! i'd have a chara w a similar role#romanticizing aspects of my life in a fantasical n writing n fictional way#to whoever will love me in the future in a romantic n relationship way yeahh#it'll probably have a lovely balance between feeling like a dream n knowing it is reality.#smth like a story. but our story#anyways tho i'm proud of being able to recognize n acknowledge all this ! self-awareness yeahhh#n i'll try my best to improve myself#wah i feel so sick rn#sigh i'm still a bit sad tho#bcs my other friend among these two uh#idk it's a bit of a red flag imo that after meeting that dude earlier this year#hmmm. she usually initiates convo only when she's bored (not talking w him) or if she needs help w something#before she met him she'd ask if we cld call everyday bcs she felt lonely. n when we'd call she'll talk a lot but not rlly give others#a chance to talk as well? n she stops talking to whoever it may be if he replies back. that dependence seems unhealthy n i'm worried for her#she's her own person ! as her friend tho i'm :') knowing her for a long time n her patterns i can't help but worry aaa
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