#i'm honestly a bit of a workaholic and perfectionist but. god it's so hard when anxiety and feeling overwhelmed gets in the way
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AAAA SO MUCH TO DO
#🌙.rambles#pardon the rambling again#torn apart again w so many dilemmas 🤕#there are so many aspects of my life that i want to work on#i'm honestly a bit of a workaholic and perfectionist but. god it's so hard when anxiety and feeling overwhelmed gets in the way#first off. these days i have realized how much of a fucking loner i really am#and how. i really crave more hmmm friends? closer authentic relationship w people#i want to meet more people and make more friends as well but anxiety ruins me#i'm also really fucking bad at initiating stuff n i've been feeling drained lately so i think i've been coming off as distant n dry#in my hesitation i just end up being left alone. and then my mind just keeps on pushing me further down that darkness#i'm passionate and i thrive when it comes to my creativity and imagination yes#but there's that mental block... i can't start writing. i can't continue playing the piano#n then i want to learn the guitar as well as draw but... :')#n then i also have a lot of games to play. when i'm older i won't have enough time to play anymore#that's what people tell me. and i know it's true#i know it's true for me as well bcs i'm really passionate about my work. sacrifices must be made in the future 😞#time goes by far too fast. i remember each time when i was younger i wld think that#i couldn't really see myself as a highschool student n all that. i would've never even imagined the reality i have now in the present#the unpredictability of the future is smth i painfully love though. all of these possibilities...#it's a bit lonely when i think of the things i've missed out on. but for better and worse (all the good and bad) i am me#and that's enough for me in this moment. a bittersweet acceptance#n then my desire for knowledge applies to everything in life. so there's sm things i want to read and analyze and write and think about#i want to put all my thoughts in a sort of collection. but then i also want to express my feelihns through poetry#and pour out all of myself in a story#n then there's a lot of things i want to catch up on as well. n then i also just want to rest for a while and talk to people#n then i want to learn more. about everything. about me and everyone else and the universe and#i want to understand it all. n i also want to know what is it that's really holding me back#i need to take these steps forward. i need to be patient with myself. but i'm always stuck somewhere in between this and that#so many dilemmas. and i know i shld just /do it/ all n i can do it alone but#everything is tearing me apart and i think i'm tired of myself
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