#i'm kinda scared of facing my birthday when i wake up haha

[anonbinaryweirdo]

happy New years everyone :) this is for (almost) all of my mutuals 🫶🏽 vi gave me the motivation I needed to finish this hehe...

irls get their own paragraphs on new years day (suckers)

@floraldresvi — my love, my angel,, you've been an absolute blessing. for as long as I've known you (four months, believe it or not) you've been nothing but sweet and sincere. loving and understanding, even when I don't seem to understand it at all. I'm very thankful for you and everything you've done. I know things are a little rough for you right now and all, but just know that, despite it all, you're still my vi. through the worst of through the best of days, you're still my vi, and nothing will change that, I will still love you all the same, i pinky promise ! <33 thank you for being one of the best things that's happened to me all year. I love you, so so much. I don't think you understand just how much, but trust me, my queen, I really do adore you. <3

@ilyuu — yui, my sunshine.. you're something I look forward to seeing in my notifs from the very second I wake. even through the days where you don't feel yourself, you still carry the entire sun with you and it brings a smile to my face every time. like I said with vi; i appreciate you, and everything you've ever done for me. 2023 hasn't necessarily been kind to me, and I can't remember a thing about it before.. July? but you're something I could never forget. your optimism is something that's held me up for the longest, and I thank you for it, full heartedly. I love you and your absolute silliness, dear <3

@noxs-daydream — moony !! my favorite chao. you're really cool, and I'm glad we've kept in touch for like. a year, haha,, you're a really sweet and understanding person as well. enjoy seeing you on my dash and in my notifs, even if we don't talk as much. that's partially on me,, I've been deliberately trying to avoid talking to you to appease my guilt,, but it's coming to be a new year ! so, we'll see,, but I'm always happy to be able to talk to you !! out of everyone in the garden, I'm glad I kept in touch with you the most. you're kinda like a big sibling to me, hehe,, that being said; I love you <3

@mondaymelon — ah, so we meet again. my twin. you're a genuinely funny and amazing guy.. can't believe we haven't met before?? we get along well (where it matters) and we both have an amazing taste in chaos, so it was only a matter of time before we go to meet one another. aside from being funny, you're really cool and sweet, and it's always so nice to talk to you, even when I'm convinced you have some sort of rabies. jkjk hehe, I love you tho <3 never change

@alexisomnias — Alexis my sweet baby D: you're so sweet and kind and... aaa it's always so nice to see you in my notifs <3 I love everything you have to say, from thoughts about kaveh, to ramblings about your OCS, your joy is infectious and never fails to bring a smile to my face, big sis. you're so sweet and I wish we could talk moreee !! i love you sm <3

@lillonvia — I'd like to talk to you some more ! we just met as the year was ending, so why not use the new year as a means to get to know each other better? love ya <3

@raingoesboomboom — birthday twin !! like the prior, I believe we should talk more :D you seem like a genuinely fun and chill guy, and it was a shame I didn't get to talk to you as much as I wanted to during the few months we've known each other.. so let's get to know each other a little more next year :D

@mysnowmanandmebaby — JOOOOOOO !! :D hehe you're so silly and fun to talk to !! you're really nice and cool and just omg. i was scared to talk to you at first despite finding you cool because of the minors dni thing.. but I'm glad you allowed me to talk to you and get to know you a bit :D I also believe that you are very funny because you make me giggle and everything else 🫶🏽 I see a lot of people on here as big siblings... and you're no exception; love you <e

@nordicbananas — omg is that the coolest mushroom EVER OMG?? no but you're so silly and like so fun and so cool and like. everything. everytime I see u in my notifs I gasp in a :D way because of how silly you are hehehe,, I love you, timezone stealer <3

@k1an4a — YOU 🫵🏽 you silly soul of a mf we need to talk moreee😭 you're so funny like what <//3 m always happy to see you around even if you aren't as active or if we don't talk a lot. you're just really silly :] love ya <3

@auroratumbles — you cutie !! I'm glad I got to keep you in my basement all year <33 don't worry I promise I'll let you go this new year hehehe... maybe. you're just a cutie patootie and I needed to keep the cutie to myself :( you're really sweet and nice and a joy to talk to when I'm not holding you hostage hehe. i love you tho <3

@aphroditesswan — you. you you YOU pls talk to me more I think you're really cool <//3 the times we talked you were really nice and I think we could be good friends :D love ya <3

@delusina — my sweet horizon.. I know you're on hiatus, but I'm including you anyway because you are. so sweet and amazing. I'm glad I could get to know you, and I hope for the best for you and your brother come this year because I just. i believe you deserve to be loved and cherished despite whatever you might think :) m here for you kazzie, I love you <3

@maehemthemisfit — I don't know where you might have gone, but I havent forgotten about you !! i hope you're doing alright, and I wish you a late Merry Christmas and a great new years mae. you're very sweet and very big sibling and you're just really cool in general,, glad we could be friends :) I hope to talk to you more this year, if you ever have the time. i love you <3

@n3r0-1417 — sunflower :D (I'm never stopping with this nickname) you're a really cool person and. very funny I believe. i always like it whenever I'm able to talk to you, even if it isn't a lot,, another potentially big sibling person :D happy New year to you albedo and Apollo and I love you guys <3

@m1shapanda — the silly !! i love your art and I think you're really fun !! aaaa I wish we could talk smoree.. also I'm bonking you on the head and telling you to start resting and taking more breaks <//3 love u tho <3

@soleillunne — lyssy <33 I apologize for the things you've had to see on this blog this year. I can assure you, you will see the same stuff next year 💞 AKHDKHD okay okay but I think you were the third big sibling figure to me on this app/website, and you're so sweet and really amazing :D every time I wake up and see your notifications on my lock screen I smile and go "lyssas active :D !!" i stalk your blog alot,, <//3 you're so amazing my pearl, I love you <3

@https-furina — perse !! i didn't tell you the nickname I had for you omg,, i was between both my ocean and my waterfall, because everytime I think of you I think of pretty waters,, anyways hello :D I hope you're alright <33 omg I'd love to talk to you more,, you're really silly and super nice?? everytime I see you and Alyssa paired together in my notifs I smile and i immediately have to see what's going on with you two, I think you two are really sweet :]] i hope i get to talk to you more !! love you <33

@papiliotao — you absolutely cutie of a patootie. remember when you willingly became my mother? good times.. SDJKD you scared the living hell out of me when we were first getting acquainted and,,, I think it's a bit silly now, considering the fact that you're literally one of my most adorable mutuals ever what😭I hope you're doing alright moonlight, I love you <33

@mikacynth — I MISS YOU. :( I hope you've been alright with your studies, and you are one of the nicest souls. second ever big sibling figure I've had on here !! i adore you, you're the cutiest ever !! i hope you'll be able to come back and talk to us some day, we alk miss you snowball :(( i love you !! happy New Year and belated Christmas <3

[resonance-eternal]

.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry I missed your last few birthdays. It's not that I don't think of you. January 31st is still etched in my brain. I still sometimes try to find ways to observe it, but it's been hard. I don't really know how to address you after everything that happened. You get that, right? Idfk, I can't find the words, I suck at this haha.

You pointed a gun at mom. Tried to splash bleach in her face. What the fuck am I supposed to think about that? Like you know I'm fucked up about that, but it's an elephant in the room. Fuck's sake. I'm glad that it was you that caught yourself eventually, mom was so quick to stop myself from screaming after she told me what happened, talked about that sudden lucidity. Told her to call the cops and arrest you. Fuck, man. Why? Why did this happen to you? You didn't deserve this shit. WE didn't deserve this shit. But I don't hold it against you, you were so far gone and fucked up on so many drugs; was the only way to cope out there, shit was so hopeless, and you seemed so scared by the end. I knew something was wrong and you were hurt. You had this expression. I didn't see that look in your eye often, the sheer vulnerability and pain. Like every time I'd see you examining sea-life on the shorelines up here. I saw it a lot when you'd listen to Blue October with us, or Nine Inch Nails. I still listen to them, by the way! You remember Trent's "Ghosts" project? He released two new entries back in 2020. I think you would've loved them, it still goes down that "creepy Aphex Twin" kinda vibe. I know you never liked those, but I dunno. They make me think of you. They make me think of many I've lost, but also like many that never really happened to begin with. That sounds like stupid word salad, I know. But it felt right to say.

All those last days with you, I didn't know what to say after you were released from jail. I know you wanted psychiatric help, and you never really got what you needed there. I'm forever angry, I feel like they let you die. But sometimes that sensation creeps up and I remember the things I said after the incident. Or maybe it was the things I didn't say? It doesn't matter. The point is I wasn't there for you and I wasn't kind to you. I didn't know what to do. I was one kid struggling to live, themselves. But if you knew I didn't hate you, that I still loved you, that I still called you my dad, would you have waited at least one more day? Just one more day where I could see you. Maybe I could get you help if I went back in time today. I have what it takes, and the laws up here in Washington would have wiped away all your criminal history! I could have worked. Why did you fucking leave us? Mom and little Jay still wake up crying, locked doors still send Jay spiraling. It's been 6 years. Even if I had one day where I could have told you I loved you. I fucking hate knowing that I let things end so coldly between you and I. And I get scared, I sometimes wonder if you'd be disappointed in me today if you were still here. I made such colossal fuckups and did such reprehensible shit. I don't do anything with my life and I'm cold, lonely, boring and forgettable. I don't know if you'd ever see me as a girl, if you'd accept the real me. You always made those jokes when you were drunk, I wished you did that less but I was so spineless. I feel like no matter which way I slice it, I'm failing.

You were such a mess of a father, but god you fucking tried. But I still have to acknowledge you and mom abused me, when you were both still using. Mom's clean again now, and she finished her degree. I think you'd be really proud of her.

There's nothing I can do or say to really make amends anymore. You're dead. Gone. Nothing left. I hadn't seen you for weaks. I didn't even see your body. I would have fallen apart and I'm too chicken shit to handle that.

I don't believe in the afterlife, but I hope when this is all over I can find you again. I want to be your daughter, and I wanna catch up with you again. Talk about computer science and engineering shit like we used to. Watch shitty arthouse films. I fucking wish I took you up on that when I was younger. I was such trash. I'm done. I can't write anymore. I love you, dad. You left us too soon, and I'm sorry I didn't do more

[illdrawmywayout]

Hi! I'm still alive, don't know if people even remember me haha been going through some stuff but the AmericanRev community is still very close to my heart so, idk, today it's my birthday, i'm turning 20 and it's extremely scary and wtf am I supposed to do with my life, mentally I'm 5 years old lol idk, I just felt like sharing bc this always felt like a family :)

[sunnysunoo]

Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

__

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

__

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

__

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

__

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

__

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

__

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

__

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.