#a letter to the cynic

[resonance-eternal]

.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry I missed your last few birthdays. It's not that I don't think of you. January 31st is still etched in my brain. I still sometimes try to find ways to observe it, but it's been hard. I don't really know how to address you after everything that happened. You get that, right? Idfk, I can't find the words, I suck at this haha.

You pointed a gun at mom. Tried to splash bleach in her face. What the fuck am I supposed to think about that? Like you know I'm fucked up about that, but it's an elephant in the room. Fuck's sake. I'm glad that it was you that caught yourself eventually, mom was so quick to stop myself from screaming after she told me what happened, talked about that sudden lucidity. Told her to call the cops and arrest you. Fuck, man. Why? Why did this happen to you? You didn't deserve this shit. WE didn't deserve this shit. But I don't hold it against you, you were so far gone and fucked up on so many drugs; was the only way to cope out there, shit was so hopeless, and you seemed so scared by the end. I knew something was wrong and you were hurt. You had this expression. I didn't see that look in your eye often, the sheer vulnerability and pain. Like every time I'd see you examining sea-life on the shorelines up here. I saw it a lot when you'd listen to Blue October with us, or Nine Inch Nails. I still listen to them, by the way! You remember Trent's "Ghosts" project? He released two new entries back in 2020. I think you would've loved them, it still goes down that "creepy Aphex Twin" kinda vibe. I know you never liked those, but I dunno. They make me think of you. They make me think of many I've lost, but also like many that never really happened to begin with. That sounds like stupid word salad, I know. But it felt right to say.

All those last days with you, I didn't know what to say after you were released from jail. I know you wanted psychiatric help, and you never really got what you needed there. I'm forever angry, I feel like they let you die. But sometimes that sensation creeps up and I remember the things I said after the incident. Or maybe it was the things I didn't say? It doesn't matter. The point is I wasn't there for you and I wasn't kind to you. I didn't know what to do. I was one kid struggling to live, themselves. But if you knew I didn't hate you, that I still loved you, that I still called you my dad, would you have waited at least one more day? Just one more day where I could see you. Maybe I could get you help if I went back in time today. I have what it takes, and the laws up here in Washington would have wiped away all your criminal history! I could have worked. Why did you fucking leave us? Mom and little Jay still wake up crying, locked doors still send Jay spiraling. It's been 6 years. Even if I had one day where I could have told you I loved you. I fucking hate knowing that I let things end so coldly between you and I. And I get scared, I sometimes wonder if you'd be disappointed in me today if you were still here. I made such colossal fuckups and did such reprehensible shit. I don't do anything with my life and I'm cold, lonely, boring and forgettable. I don't know if you'd ever see me as a girl, if you'd accept the real me. You always made those jokes when you were drunk, I wished you did that less but I was so spineless. I feel like no matter which way I slice it, I'm failing.

You were such a mess of a father, but god you fucking tried. But I still have to acknowledge you and mom abused me, when you were both still using. Mom's clean again now, and she finished her degree. I think you'd be really proud of her.

There's nothing I can do or say to really make amends anymore. You're dead. Gone. Nothing left. I hadn't seen you for weaks. I didn't even see your body. I would have fallen apart and I'm too chicken shit to handle that.

I don't believe in the afterlife, but I hope when this is all over I can find you again. I want to be your daughter, and I wanna catch up with you again. Talk about computer science and engineering shit like we used to. Watch shitty arthouse films. I fucking wish I took you up on that when I was younger. I was such trash. I'm done. I can't write anymore. I love you, dad. You left us too soon, and I'm sorry I didn't do more

[lesmisscraper]

'Grand R' Grantaire's Drunken Speech. Volume 3, Book 4, Chapter 4.

Clips from <Il cuore di Cosette>.

[communistkenobi]

trying to get involved in palestinian organising in my city and the mosque it’s being held at is transphobic. lmao

[frostytherobot]

oh man i’m seeing the right wing chud video reactions to the rlm acolyte video show up in my twitter feed now and i’m constantly thanking my lucky fucking stars that rlmblr are level headed human beings that can talk to each other in a civil and articulate manner because . Good fucking GOD dude they heard “if you’re not enjoying something you don’t have to watch it” and lost their fucking MINDS

[fluxedbuds]

Hang in there!

boy im sure fuckin trying buddy

the cat isnt helping though i can tell you that

[navybrat817]

In the past 5 days I have read hold you tight around 20+ times. The grip that your writing has on me is astonishing. Give me some of your talent. I love your work. 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

*****

Oh, my lovely, you are too kind! I'm so glad you're enjoying Hold You Tight. It warms my heart when you lovelies indulge in my nonsense. If only I could write my nonsense for a living.

I hope you enjoy what's to come and sending all the good vibes, love, and thanks your way. ❤️

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Can I just say that as much as I'm usually talking into the void here, I'm so grateful for this community, even if I'm usually hanging out on the sidelines?

It's so nice to be able to come on here and write my silly little posts about the things Taylor's music makes me think about and to then have you wonderful people continue the discussion, or to read what you are all observing or analyzing and have my mind blown or chuckle or share in the joy or whatever.

For comparison, there are people who I used to love talking about this stuff with but over the years they've soured on Taylor (totally her prerogative) and we've stopped being able to have these discussions, because the nuance just goes out the window in the process. Like thinking Taylor was obsessive for writing as much as she did about JG because they were only together three months (when those of us who follow her realize it was more complicated than that), or insisting Midnights is a breakup album and the last year and a half of the relationship with Joe was fake going through the motions or fake and that they broke up way before tour (when... it's pretty damn obvious when it happened from the set list alone) and thinking TTPD is just going to be a diss album used to bury a helpless ex (...) or using the situation last May (ahem) as proof of her callousness or whatever, when again a more human answer is that she wasn't exactly thinking clearly and in The Pit in the wake of a life-changing upheaval etc. Or what really gets me, dismissing the Snakegate stuff as her being petty and holding onto grudges and ignoring the really intense mental and physical consequences that she dealt with for years afterwards.

Which is not to say this is all about her personal life, but that by being able to look at the music through a more nuanced lens instead of, like, taking it literally, for lack of better word, it colours in the lines and not only situates the music more in the context in which it was created, but also makes it feel richer to our own interpretations and associations with it. I LOVE when we all go back and find parallels with her other songs, and it's even more fun now because the mash-ups on stage show Taylor does the same thing with her own music! It's such a rich tapestry and we're in such a unique position as fans where an artist is reaching (if not has reached) living legend status in real time, while at an unprecedented level of creative output, and we get to digest the music and study it and watch it evolve before our eyes!

It's just really nice to have a space online where we *can* do that, because I feel like there just is nowhere else to really do that? It seems like people I know in real life either a) actively avoid her music (totally fair, not everyone's cup of tea) b) only care in terms of current pop culture value (also fair, although it gets annoying when it veers into TikTok brainrot into easter egging and shit instead of being about hte music) or c) obsessed with the Travis romance of it all. And I think most online spaces are kind of caught in these camps too. It's either unrelenting criticism (which is fine, not everyone has to like her and there are valid things to critique, even if I don't particularly care to myself) veering into hatred for the sake of hatred, or obsessing over her personal life to the point of dehumanizing her as a person and artist.

I know I'm being a cupcake but like, this is the cupcake website, so who cares. I use this space to delve into the shows and movies and music I love because there isn't anywhere else you can curate your experience as much as you can here. And when it comes to Taylor's music, I love that I can just spill my guts about what sets my brain on fire (affectionate) and the connections that emerge and just how much it makes me feel. And between the reblogs and comments and messages, it's slightly less lonely talking to everyone else too.

So, thank you friends! I don't know why I'm in my feels today but it seems like as good a time as any!

[agnesmontague]

this is the most amazing """critique""" of a poem i have ever read in my entire life. i literally cannot even be angry. this is the cinemasins sensibility taken to its logical endpoint. the crystalized essence of anti-metaphor anti-imagery brainpoisoning. the walking embodiment of the reddit persona. please, GoodIntroduction6344, lend me your brain. i too would like to see the world sometime as a rock does

[fuckthatroomupgood]

rlmblr. I am so curious about our age breakdown. so tell me

[themalhambird]

One thing I do want to stress is that Ephicke is NOT going to be the Labour candidate for the next election. It still sucks, but perhaps to a marginally lesser extent.

Anyway, there's a growing push towards overhauling the electoral system so that first past the post is scrapped and we move towards proportional representation. This election could wipe the tories off the map, and that's a good start, but if we want to pull politics properly to the left making sure that the balance of power doesn't rely on centre/centre right swing voters every four to five years is going to matter. So I am once again plugging

stopthetories.vote and its parent organisation, themovementforward.com

And remember, contact details for all MPs can be found via Google. Don't be abusive, but complain all you like ;)

[reinemichele]

Btw uh I think it's kind of obvious, but if anyone's wondering

I've been putting my URL over photos because I don't want any gimmick blogs to save and repost them. It's one thing for a low quality picture of a bunny I saw in the yard, but if any of my pet pics were reposted I'd find it really disrespectful

We only have a really short time with our pets, so anyone who wants to get clout by reposting a picture of an animal I view as family should at least ask permission or have a watermark in their way

I know there's methods to remove watermarks, but at least this way it takes more effort than 3 clicks to repost one of my photos

[ms-foobles]

I feel kind of conflicted making a demake of Yume Nikki ... because I do have to do a lot of creative work to make the game even recognizable, and reinterpret the original work to fit a very limited platform. But ultimately I feel like i am copying more than I am creating. When people say "that looks great!", I can't help but hedge that with "thank you! but really a majority of it is Kikiyama's work!" which is true, but i feel like theres not much of my own artistic soul in my game and its making me feel kind of iffy about the whole thing

[biteress]

is it possible for friends to offer you that sort of comfort when you're at that end of hypersexuality?

yes of course!! emphasis on casual physical intimacy. I'm so touch starved right now I think I'm gonna die if it goes on any longer

[montanabohemian]

anyway i just heard back about a job i'd applied to and had three interviews for (the last one totaled two fucking hours and part of it started at 6:30am) that i didn't get it. like what in the entire fuck was all that about then. 😒😒😒

[everysongineverykey]

ok alphys was a character ahead of her time and too good for this damn fandom honestly. she isn't some evil gaslighting lying cringey manipulator who only exists as comic relief for the love of god look at her with eyes less poisoned by cynicism and irony. she is a love letter to... well, a lot of things. a love letter to "cringey" people, to video game fans, to people who try to drown their sadness in fiction. she's so achingly relatable to so many of us that it really feels like toby knows his demographic like the back of his hand. we've all met someone like alphys. maybe we are that someone- awkward, nerdy, can't get over their past mistakes, terrible at phone calls, far more eloquent online than in person, only wants to make people like them to distract them from the fact that they don't like themself. normally, this character archetype is the butt of a great deal of jokes- just a gross nerd who needs to touch grass. but alphys is different. she is, as i said, a love letter. she is one of the best-developed and most complex characters in the game. her nerdiness isn't "fixed" or mocked, it's celebrated. her unabashed love for her interests and her 100% attitude is a big reason why undyne loves her. games, especially in 2015 and before, are not often so genuinely kind to characters like alphys! and in deltarune, too- alphys is still a nerd, despite not being nearly as traumatized as her undertale counterpart. her rambling about shows she loves is a constant across all universes, a fundamental and important and good part of who she is.

and i just think that's very kind, and very important.

[princesssarisa]

I still can't get over that once, I saw someone write that they disliked Elizabeth Bennet because she was an "author avatar Mary Sue."

I understand taking that viewpoint if you only read the first half of Pride and Prejudice, before Darcy's letter. The impression the first half creates is "Most of these people are silly, obnoxious, or both. Witty, sensible, charming Elizabeth, who's usually the smartest person in the room, cleverly judges and mocks them all, while giving warm affection and esteem to the few who really deserve it." This is more or less the way she views herself and the narrative plays along with it. If you stop reading before Darcy's letter, then she might indeed come across as an "author avatar Mary Sue."

But then all of the above is deconstructed by Darcy's letter.

Elizabeth realizes – and we realize – that she hasn't been such a good judge of character or the cleverest person in the room after all. Her cynical, witty judgments have been just as faulty as her sister Jane's naïve idealism. She's been full of herself, and she's judged Darcy more negatively than he ever deserved (not that he hasn't been at fault too, but still...) because he stung her personal vanity, while letting herself be charmed and misled by Wickham because he flattered her. She's been very much at fault and she learns a lesson, just like we later learn that Darcy did after she rejected him.

A similar arc applies to Mr. Bennet, the person who has clearly influenced Elizabeth the most throughout her life. At first we're set up to like him for his wit, and to view him as the good, sensible Bennet parent in contrast to his silly, obnoxious wife. But then we realize – and Elizabeth is forced to realize – that no, he hasn't been a good parent, he's been irresponsible and mean-spirited toward his wife and younger daughters, and he's just as much to blame as Mrs. Bennet for all their problems.

How anyone can call Elizabeth a Mary Sue after reading the entire book is beyond me. Some people can't seem to let go of their first impression of her, even though the faultiness of first impressions is one of the novel's main themes.