#i'm meeting a on the weekend and i have to unearth a carefree personality from the confines of my joyless existence for it
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wishing it was all different but also not having the means or the bravery to change anything
#we (unfortunately) live in a society#<- i'm kidding kinda#been pondering a lot today#just sitting on the edge of my bed thinking about shit#e is ignoring me once again#i'm meeting a on the weekend and i have to unearth a carefree personality from the confines of my joyless existence for it#i need to come out to my mom and brothers sooner rather than later#life is complicated. shitty most of the time. and the non shitty moments definitely don't make up for the bad ones#life just doesn't really feel worth it anymore#i thought i was getting better#but this past month has been very reminiscent of summer 21 aka the worst summer of my life aka the one that made me try and punch my ticket#i'm lonely all the time. my dorm roommates don't give a shit about me. my brothers don't care either. everything's difficult in my family#i have no real connections or friends#i have a group of people i like to meet up with in my hometown but i'm not within the /main group/#everyone i thought cared about me has just sort of floated away from me and now they're all doing better#i'm just biding my time until i die in an /acceptable/ way#because i have to think about other people's feelings first. my own pain#knowing that life is not worth the trouble has to come second#journal eb
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