#i'm out to her as genderqueer she should KNOW why i'm not comfortable with mentions of harry potter

[gay-otlc]

Transgender ally tips with S's mom: Tell a transmasc that he looks like Harry Potter

[starcchild]

where does Carter "fall" in the gender spectrum? I know she is genderqueer, I know she uses she/her, but I know that as a parent she prefers "Poppy" for example so I was wondering if there are any more specific stuff we should know about it!

((sfghjsdf this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days and I apologize for not getting to it sooner!!

anyway, she falls more along the lines of nonbinary! She doesn't identify as male or female, but doesn't fluctuate between either or, both, or something else - she's just... a person, is the best way to describe it! And, to be fully transparent, I'm loosely basing it off of my own gender, since I'm nonbinary, but I would also like to clarify now that I am only referring to myself and Carter! I can't speak for any other nonbinary or genderqueer folks out there, nor do I plan on trying lol - it's not universal, and these are personal labels!

with that said, uhh... yeah! Carter falls in the "neither" category, so to speak, and uses genderqueer as a label because that's what she's comfortable with. She tried out nonbinary and agender in the past when she was still discovering herself, but didn't click with either one. Despite her fc, I do see her more often than not wearing jeans and sweaters/button-ups than dresses/skirts, but she has no issue dressing femininely in general. It makes her feel nice when she does, and did try dressing androgynously when she was younger (before she even understood she wasn't female), but she honestly didn't like it. She felt stifled and just... not herself

like you mentioned, yes! She does prefer she/her pronouns, but honestly wouldn't mind/be bothered by they/them, but would not like it if someone used he/him for her. Certain "feminine" titles are fine with her, such as daughter/sister/girlfriend, but, to go off the poppy thing, she doesn't like the idea of being referred to as a mother, or as mom/mommy/mama! Those specifically are too connected to being a cis woman that she's uncomfortable with them - I've actually talked about that a bit here and here - so she'd just prefer being called a parent, and being referred to as poppy! As for girlfriend, I'm honestly not too sure why she has no issue with it lol, but she definitely wouldn't mind being referred to as her partner's... well, partner lol, and wouldn't mind still being referred to as their partner, or simply even as their spouse, if married. She'd probably be fine with wife? But I'm a bit unsure about that, so right now it's honestly fine until I can figure out her feelings around it eventually dsfgjhdgfs

Carter does not like being referred to by honorifics. I found that out back on ironxkid sfdjhgsf - like, being referred to as Miss Stark, for example, is something she hates. It made her uncomfortable as a kid when JARVIS would call her that (and that was even before she, again, realized she wasn't female), and it's why I have it in my rules not to refer to her as such. She also hates being referred to as a lady dsfgjhdsf - like, she will tolerate both things from strangers, but she doesn't have the patience for it from those that know better. Like, she has no issue explaining her gender! She will gladly sit down and talk about it to help someone better understand her view of it, and has no issue going over it multiple times with the same person as long as they're respectful about it and her. The only time she'll get impatient/snappy is if someone she's talked to about it refuses to respect her, or is an asshole about it in general - like with someone who will tolerate her, but then turn around and rag on anyone else who isn't cis

I... think that about covers everything I wanted to discuss? But feel free to send more questions if I missed something or didn't really clarify something! <3

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

This is embarrassing, but I had to ask. I'm writing a story and I have a character who is afab and agender, but they switch between he/him and she/her pronouns. Right now, she's using she/her. I've read into it, and so far I've been consistently using the correct pronouns, but is that all? I know gender presentation is up to the individual, and I hate saying this, but what should I do so that I can portray the character as being more female presenting?

Hi there Nonny! I’m so happy you asked this question, because I think gender presentation is really neat and it’s something that sometimes gets overlooked in stories. Maybe people are too concerned that they’re giving their readers too much physical description (we’ve all seen the advice that you shouldn’t do that!) or maybe they’re just not sure how to do it. That’s okay - let’s chat!

So first off, for our followers who might not be sure, what is gender presentation? Well, simply put, gender presentation is the way you present your gender to other people - your hairstyle, clothes, makeup, even body language can all be a part of that. So can secondary sexual characteristics, like body hair or breasts, or choosing whether to speak from the chest or from the head to lower or raise your voice. There are lots of different ways people present their genders!

When you have a character who is non-gender-conforming, whether they identify as agender, genderqueer, nonbinary, or something else, it can be very difficult to know how to bring that across in a way that your readers will understand. Since you want your character to present more femininely right now, you want to focus on aspects of presentation that are normally considered feminine. Although I don’t personally like to associate appearance with gender, I know that in our society, if you put on makeup and paint your nails and wear a skirt, people are more likely to view you as a woman, because those things all add up to femininity in the culture we live in. You could experiment with details like that, adding things like jewelry or eyeliner or whatever your character is comfortable with that affirms her gender when she’s feeling feminine. When he’s feeling more masculine, think about the styles of clothing that feel affirming for him, whether that means board shorts that help minimize his hips or a binder to help flatten his chest or even just a pair of sneakers that he likes the way he walks in.

Something else to consider is body language. Again, I can only speak from my experiences in the culture I was born in, but body language can be a big part of gender presentation. If someone walks with their shoulders parallel to the ground and a sway in their hips, for example, we might consider that a feminine gait, while a more masculine gait might mean keeping the hips parallel to the ground as much as possible and compensating with the shoulders. Longer strides are considered more masculine than shorter ones. Aside from walking, feminine people generally use body language that doesn’t take up a lot of space - they’re more likely to cross their arms or hold them close to their bodies, to cross their legs at the knee when seated or to cross their ankles under their chair, to sit with their legs close together, and to keep their hands and feet inside an invisible bubble of personal space the majority of the time unless they’re in a space where they feel comfortable. Masculine people, not so much. We’ve all heard of man-spreading by this point (the position in which a man seats himself and immediately spreads his knees as far apart as possible, often encroaching on the personal space of others), but masculine people are also more likely to spread their arms over the back of a seat, slouch with their legs or feet stretched out in front of them, or gesture expansively with their hands or arms while speaking. Mind, I’m not saying that all feminine or masculine people move in these ways, but there are observable trends for which we have plenty of data, and that’s what we’re looking at here. Most people tend to mix and match a little bit, depending on their comfort level with their surrounding, whether anyone else is nearby, and their own situational awareness.

Last, let’s look at those secondary sexual characteristics I mentioned. That’s anything biological that isn’t necessary for reproduction that differs between the sexes, although there’s still not a lot of black-and-white in this area. For example, most people grow body hair regardless of the sex they were assigned at birth, and some people grow more than others, and that’s totally natural. Facial and chest hair are considered masculine, which is why people who want to appear more feminine who have hair in those areas may consider a variety of methods of removing it. In terms of feminine secondary sexual characteristics you could use to help your character’s gender presentation, you’re pretty much down to breasts and hips. At puberty, the distribution of fat in the body changes, giving people with vaginas fatty deposits in the chest, hips, buttocks, and thighs. Since that’s where the fat goes, those areas end up being rounder and more curved than other parts of the body, whereas people who have penises tend to have their fatty deposits around the waist and stomach. This gives feminine and masculine people really different silhouettes, and it also means that feminine clothing is cut differently than masculine clothing to compensate for those differences. You’re more likely to find feminine shirts with lower necklines that show off the chest but tailored fits that show off the waist, or feminine pants and skirts that cling to the hips and thighs. People who want to be viewed as more feminine often choose clothing that flatters these aspects of their bodies and shows them off, because these features are seen as more feminine. That extends to choosing shoes, too - the silhouette of the body is very different when one is wearing sneakers as opposed to high heels, and that’s because high heels are designed in part to show off those feminine fatty deposits!

I hope this gave you lots of things to think about, Nonny, but in the end what I really want to say to you is this: gender presentation is ultimately a social construct. It’s a set of rules that people more-or-less agreed to follow so that people could be put into categories more neatly. You don’t have to follow those rules in your writing if you don’t want to, and you can even make up new ones if you like, especially if you’re building your own world with your own unique cultures. Don’t be afraid to let your character explore and figure out what makes them feel secure in their own gender, because that can be an important part of their story, too. Good luck!

-Kyo