#i'm really hoping this isn't what happens bc it would be absolutely DEVASTATING

[exandrianpunk]

i just hit the 3hr mark in ep 96 and was struck by a horrific idea. what if...

the hells find a random dilapidated bot while exploring, like how the nein found "charlie" in c2. they bring it along for a bit, and it's got a similar dopey personality (played by matt) and lack of processing capacity to charlie. essek was with the nein during their aeorian expedition, he could probably get the group back to the genesis ward to get the bot repaired...

and out steps sams new pc. another aeormaton with the same "personality settings" as fcg, maybe even sharing the designation of faithful care-giver. the same voice and cheerful disposition fresh cut grass had, maybe they'd even greet the party with "smiley day!" of course they wouldn't have any personal ties to or memory of bells hells, they just came back online!

could you imagine???

[troglobite]

skdjlkasfjd

i'm too tired and i have other shit to do so this isn't going to be long

but like are you fucking telling me

i can't even put this into words correctly i'm too overwhelmed and tired

sean said the world was better off without him

"maybe by trying to be a monster i can finally be a hero"

and i guess in a way, he managed that

fuck just. FUCK. his whole story was so utterly devastating. to be saved and damned by this fucking creature who really WAS "the same" as you.

to choose death. to choose ending it all. to say no, i'm not going to let some multifaced evil conniving creature kill my friends--if it's going to happen, it's going to be me, and i'm going to know and they're going to know why and how.

the fact that auntie bea knew it was him the whole time, even while the others saw the turn and thought it wasn't

the fact that he went into that knowing HOPING they would kill him

and auntie bea did

that she was the one to kill him

WHOOPS I'M CRYING AGAIN

anyway the point is this

that, in comparison to marion

who the whole time wondered whether it was worth being alive

sean told him over and over and over

you're worth more than what you do for other people

you're worth more than how they exploit you

you're an incredible man and person, fuck your stupid soul, who needs a soul

if you're soulless then you're better off, bc everyone i've known with a soul has been a piece of shit [referring to himself]

and marion accepted that

and found love and pursued it with jean--in his last like. 1 hr alive.

and he found ACCEPTANCE.

he looked back and said yeah y'know what. fuck all of that hand wringing and existential worry and self-hatred and insecurity.

i had a lot of good times. i'm fine with whatever happens.

and sean coming back and saying "after this i'm done, i'm out."

and marion saying "are you really done? if you are, then i am too. i'm not doing this without you."

and marion takes his OWN soul from HIMSELF as a child.

and auntie bea kills sean.

and jean dies closing the rift to save auntie bea.

and marion says "absolutely not" and hands his own 7 year old soul to jean and shows her all of the lives they could've lived, asks her to live a full life. maybe even a life for two.

and he chooses to die.

sean chose to die and marion chose to die.

for completely separate reasons

but

"if you go, i go. i'm not doing this without you."

but in the LEAST suicidal way possible. idk how luis/marion fucking managed that.

and with all of this soul talk and everything else--i have to believe that sean and marion found peace. that marion helped him in the After.

bc sean didn't deserve to die

but he didn't want to live

and auntie bea understood it all. so she held him one last time.

and marion had accepted it, had let go--but knew jean hadn't. but that she could.

so he gave her his soul and followed sean on the way out.

and behind them all, nathaniel. once a lieutenant, now the one offering covering fire to let everyone get the job done.

but sean and marion still died for him, in a way.

and now nathaniel has so much more to do for them.

and i'm just.

sean and marion died for the same reason in different ways. and both died because of an act of love.

I'M FINE I'M NOT SOBBING RIGHT NOW AT 2 AM

FUCK ME DUDE I HAVE SHIT TO DO

[gutsfics]

Since you write for multiple Choices stories, I'm curious: (how) do they all intertwine? Do your various MCs know each other? How do they get along? How did they meet? If any of your stories don't exist in the same universe, how would the characters get along if they did?

aaaa i love this question!!!! i love figuring out how these stories all fit together even if they don't interact <3

they do all intertwine, but in some places what's 'canon' and what isn't gets a little muddy. like for example, for me both RCD and HWU are equally canon, but its impossible for them to both exist in the same timeline, but that doesn't mean that there isn't connections that happen in both versions. Simon is Hunt's nephew in both RCD and HWU, but how he met Avalon is different because how Hunt met Avalon is different. and that's not even touching on all of the different versions for It Lives I have, and how those different endings would change how It Lives connects to all of the other stories. plus also: all of my sillies fun aus (which i will not talk about here at risk of this post going wayyy too long)

this might get a little messy, my mind is bouncing all over the place. under a read more bc i Will talk way too much about this <3

Simon

anyway since i mentioned Simon by name I'm gonna start with him. im ignoring choices HSS for him & his friends, bc i don't like that it kind of retcons some of HSS prime + makes all of the original friend group just People Who Go To School Together And Barely Interact.

obviously, he is Thomas' nephew, his dad is Thomas' older brother. they're very close, Thomas is his favorite uncle & he's very supportive with Simon figuring out his gender stuff. in fact, he's the person who buys Simon his first suit and the person who helps Simon find a good surgeon for his top surgery, as Thomas himself had issues with his own and didn't want Simon to experience the same things he did (more on this later)

in the HWU world, Simon meets Avalon over his spring break, which he used to sit in on a few classes of Thomas' classes. they know who each other are in really simple terms, just "there's that tall guy from that one class Thomas teaches, he sure is a nice dude :)" "oh, there's that high schooler who's sitting in on classes that Ethan wants to be the agent of. i hope he doesn't feel too pressured to make a decision right now, he's still got plenty of time to figure things out". they do eventually form a stronger relationship but that's only after Thomas and Avalon end up together officially- Simon thinks Avalon is really cool, and Avalon likes that his daughters have a cousin they can look up to (Simon LOVES babysitting/hanging out with Dawn and Lily btw theyre defo The World's Most Chaotic Cousins)

in RCD world, Simon was very small when Avalon and Thomas were together the first time and he knew Avalon just as Thomas' Cool Fun Roommate. he was absolutely DEVASTATED when Avalon "moved away" (read: they broke up) bc he thought Avalon was just SO COOL. but alas, since he was so small at the time he doesn't really remember Avalon all that well. But he is excited when Avalon reenters Thomas' life, and even more excited to find out that they're getting married (he'd be about early/mid 20s by this point). he may not remember Avalon too clearly, but he remembers how much he loved it when Uncle Thomas and his Best Friend Avalon came to visit

in both worlds: one Dr Bryce Lahela does Simon's top surgery (i'd say he gets it maybe mid/late 20s). he specifically chose an Edenbrook doctor bc Thomas knows Dr Banerji and he asked if there were any surgeons that Dr Banerji would trust to do the surgery properly, and he recommended Bryce :) more on how Thomas knows Naveen later

Baxter & Reigan

theyre getting a whole section to just them bc theyre BoyBestFriends and there's a lot about em (but ill try to keep it short)

Baxter and Reigan met in high school, after Baxter was deemed healthy enough to actually attend school instead of just being homeschooled in a hospital room (it was absolutely 100% Baxter's idea and want to do this, their parents wanted to keep them in the hospital 24/7 bc they were worried they'd immediately get sick)

at the time Baxter had been super standoffish and did not like being around people, so Reigan was the one to approach Baxter first. he was fairly well liked and respected by their classmates & he wanted to make sure that they didn't have an awful experience in school. eventually Baxter ended up asking Reigan out, not because they were particularly attracted to him (they were a bit of a late bloomer in that regard) but because they wanted to have all of those Normal Teenage Experiences(tm) and they did like spending time with him. and he said yes, bc even though he didn't feel any attraction either (he's ace/aro), he did like spending time with them as well (and to some degree was hoping that attraction might happen eventually)

dating for them just looked like how hanging out did, although they did hold hands a bit more and kiss at some point, when Baxter decided that they were at The Point In A Relationship Where You Kiss. they also went to prom together.

they broke up shortly after graduating high school, half bc Baxter achieved all those Normal Teenage Experiences(tm) they wanted to and half bc Reigan felt bad that he felt no attraction to Baxter, although he didn't mention it at the time bc he didn't want to hurt Baxter's feelings. there was a bit of a pause in their friendship after this, as both of them felt that they had to give the other some space to get over the romantic part of the relationship, but in the end they realized that neither cared? and went right back to being close good best friends :)

their friendship ended up being long distance for a while, as both college and career choices got in the way of being physically near each other. but. the week that Reigan got the job offer for McGraw Byrne was the week that Raf broke up with Baxter AND Ethan left for the Amazon, and the idea of being just a three hour train ride from his best friend defo played a role in him deciding to take the job. he actually flew to Boston instead of NYC so he could spend a little time with Baxter before he got too busy with his job. Baxter, Aurora, and Bryce actually spent one of their days off helping Reigan's dad furnish Reigan's Cool New NYC Apartment :)

speaking of Reigan's dad. Baxter is actually WAY closer w Reigan's parents than they are w their own. in fact, when Baxter went NC with their parents, Reigan's parent's were like "cool WE'RE your parents now :) we love you kiddo"

anyway. the attack in OH year two happened to line up w the end of LOA book one/beginning of book two (at least it does in my timeline) & Reigan immediately dropped everything to head to Boston to make sure Baxter was okay. while he was there, Martin kept trying to give Reigan really petty cases that were a waste of time, even though Reigan had taken time off and given a reason for it. he ended up chewing Martin out over the phone and quitting, deciding that he'd just look for a job in Boston to be closer to Baxter anyway. he stays in Boston for a bit to help take care of Baxter after they're discharged from the hospital, and when he gets back to New York he learns that Aislinn and Gabe also quit & have started their own law firm, which Reigan has been given a job offer for. he takes it only after Baxter assures him that they will be fine if he stays in NYC

Baxter is the reason that Reigan and Tobias meet (but not the reason that they end up in a qpr together) and they're also the Best Man Of Honor at both the weddings they end up having (Reigan and Tobias marry twice-- once in a Boston courthouse bc they decide that the legal benefits of being married work with what they want from the relationship w each other (Baxter's role here was just a witness), and a second time a more traditional wedding (more of an exchange of vows than a legal process this time) a year or two later to appease the parents)

and this does Not have to do with Baxter and Reigan's friendship but it doesn't really warrant it's own section: Reigan and my Bachelorette Party MC, Hallie, are friends from law school :) and speaking of Hallie, she's the twin sister of one of my Lovelink MCs, Harvy, although Harvy and Hallie were separated at birth bc their bio mom didn't know she was having twins until giving birth & she was unprepared to raise both so Hallie was put up for adoption & raised in the US (Harvy was raised in Vancouver, Canada). it takes em a while to find out about each other (Hallie knew she was adopted but didn't know she was a twin (her adoptive parents didn't know either) and Harvy just straight up Didn't Know he was a twin as his mom didn't tell him). also Harvy technically is just A Character I Have Now bc i really don't care for Lovelink anymore

It Lives

ok so here's where it gets messy. also i might kind of be vague here sorry

the It Lives series has a bunch of different ways to end (zero thanks to pb, this is 100% itlivesproject's win [blows a kiss for the itlivesproject crew <3]), all of which i really like.

so tbh for my world. each and every one of the endings is both canon and non canon, depending on which one i feel like writing for. bc sometimes i wanna write some cute soft fluff where Noah and Devi get to overcome their trauma. and sometimes i want Noah to fucking wallow in his pathetic meowmeow sopping wet sadboy misery where [SPOILERS] bc [SPOILERS] and [SPOILERS] (seriously pls go read the it lives trilogy theyre so good, especially It Lives Within)

however. It Lives IS canon in my worlds. i like the idea of a very mundane world having some kind of exciting magic to it, even if its mostly unknown. just. a magic that touches everyone's lives in little ways and connects us all together :) and that's EXACTLY what the Power is

anyway the ending where the It Lives characters get to interact with characters from other stories is the one where Noah and Devi get to overcome their trauma, and they open up a restaurant together <3 basically i think at some point All of my characters will end up having a meal at Baby Jane's. not all together, but they'll make their way there eventually :)

also there's my au where It Lives is a tv show which I KNOW i said i wouldn't talk about aus BUT i just want yall to know that the actor who plays Devi (i don't have a name for him yet, bc hes not technically Devi) sees Avalon as a mentor figure :)

Thomas & Naveen

(tw for medical malpractice and transphobia)

hey so remember when i said i'd talk about Thomas' top surgery later? and that i'd also talk about how he knows Naveen? well.

my Thomas took a gap year between his senior year of high school and his freshman year of college to medically and legally transition. he was moving to a new place and he wanted to be as stealth as he could be. so as soon as he turned 18, he got his name legally changed and started on testosterone, and got his top surgery scheduled. his plan was that by the time he started college, he would have recovered from his surgery and he'd have been on T for long enough that he'd be going through most of the changes he'd want from it

he specifically found a surgeon in the same town his older brother (Simon's dad, his name is Jonathan) had moved to so he'd have some company/a caretaker while he recovered. unfortunately for him, that surgeon... kind of sucked. his surgery was done wrong, and wasn't healing properly, even though both Thomas and Jon were making sure they were doing everything right. but when they tried to talk to the surgeon, the surgeon would just say "nope everything's fine nothing is wrong you are delusional :) its SUPPOSED to be all rotten and nasty :) stop bothering me" and no one else in the clinic seemed to care at all?

anyway one day Jon just had Enough, bc he'd heard from other people who'd had this surgery how recovery typically looked, and his brother was just wasting away, too weak to do anything bc of how his surgery got fucked up and he kind of just. snapped. and started yelling at the surgeon to Please Fucking Do Something.

while the surgeon didn't do anything, Jon's yelling attracted the attention of a different doctor, one who had only heard bits and pieces about this patient who's brother kept stopping by to ask over and over again if a surgery was healing properly, one who'd heard said surgeon being kind of a dick about it in the breakroom, and he decided that someone needed to do something to help these brothers

that doctor being a young Dr Naveen Banerji, pre diagnostics team and pre Edenbrook employment

he caught Jon just outside after Jon had been..... "politely" escorted out and asked what, specifically seemed to be wrong with his brother's recovery

immediately recognizing the problem caused the surgeon's incompetence/prejudices effecting the health and safety of a patient, Naveen helped Jon find a hospital to take Thomas to, one that would actually help him with what was wrong and set him onto a proper path for recovery

he also quit his job at that hospital. he'd noticed things similar to that happening before, but this was just the final straw. he helped as many patients as he could there, but at some point you have to know when to walk away. but that was a good thing for his career, as he was able to start the diagnostics team at Edenbrook, not to mention that other hospital ended up getting shut down for medical malpractice

Thomas and Naveen stayed in touch, and now whenever Thomas ends up in Boston for whatever reason, he'll stop by for a visit :)

[kamikanlupanari]

Hey, I saw your post about Li-Fraumeni syndrome. I just learned about it today bc my grandmother was diagnosed with it and my mom is absolutely horrified that she might have it and is scheduled to get tested soon. The genealogist isn't actually certain if it's genetic in my grandma's case but doesn't have any other leads, hence my mother getting tested.

If my mother has it, then there's a 50% chance that I could have it. I can't lie, I am devastated and scared shitless. I don't want to die young or continuously battle cancer throughout my life. I'm also scared of the changes I'll have to make to my body in order to survive—like getting a double mastectomy, for instance. (Not that there's anything wrong with people who get or want them btw!! I'm just feminine and genuinely enjoy this part of my body.)

I am so scared and have no idea what to do. I'm sorry for dumping this on you, but do you happen to have any advice for me?

I'm really sorry to hear about that. If I could give you a hug, I would. Cancer is always scary, whether it's a family member or yourself. My mom was already in remission for Lymphoma and Breast Cancer before they discovered the genetic aspect that prompted testing for my siblings and I, and then had a brain tumor removed last year. And even then, my sister was diagnosed with Breast Cancer shortly after coming up negative for Li-Fraumeni, so even that's never a guarantee, I'm afraid.

For my case, I was always afraid regardless that I would get some kind of cancer just because I've had several family members on both sides die from cancer - if I did get it, it'd be caught too late kind of fears. Being diagnosed with Li-Fraumeni just meant that my doctor and I had a genuine reason to get frequent screenings ordered for scheduling. So instead of the every 5 years or as needed that would've been before, I get some form of preventative screening every year (usually an MRI with contrast), along with the surgeries I personally had always wanted regardless without having to argue and find a justification for them. (In that way, I'm in the opposite boat as you; I wanted the surgeries, but am certainly not gonna judge anyone for NOT wanting them.)

And, honestly, that's really the best advice I have for you. If you and your mother do come up positive, though I certainly hope not, then don't treat it as a guarantee that you'll get cancer and die from it, but as a reason for you and your doctor to work together to get those frequent early screenings scheduled to catch anything that does start to grow before it goes out of control. And if your doctor isn't willing to help you with that, then you find a different doctor who will. Even if you come up negative for the genetic test, if you one day feel something is wrong with your body, you fight for yourself to get whatever tests are needed to find the reason why. My mom's Lymphoma almost didn't get caught in time because her old doctor kept saying it was her diabetes or her weight that was keeping her from keeping any food down for weeks, if not months. Getting that second opinion and the tests saved her life. I hate to think of that happening to anyone else, but unfortunately it does happen pretty frequently for some people.

I rambled a bit here, but that's truly the best I can offer. Regardless of whether the tests come up positive or negative, just listen to your body if something starts to feel wrong, and find a doctor who will then listen to you and work with you to keep you healthy, in whatever way that means to you.

My best to you and your family. I really do hope you get good news, and have a wonderful year.

[j-nope-not-today]

TMNT reaction to s/o dying

Genre: angst

A/n: I haven't written in a while I'm busy moving, but I hope you guys like this :) of course requests are welcome.

Raphael

How could he let this happen?

He had been gone for like five minutes..he should have been there.

Boy beats himself up over it.

He's out for revenge.

Hunts down the person responsible for your death and unalives them.

But it doesn't bring you back.

He tries to drown out his sorrow by fighting crime.

But the hole in his chest will never truly be filled.

He's filled with so much anger.

He cries about it so much, but he doesn't let anyone know how hurt he really is.

He has to be strong for his brothers.

He hopes that one day he gets to see you again.

Bc your the one thing that held him together

And now your gone.

Leonardo

He can't even process the words when he's told your gone.

He doesn't believe it until he sees you.

This boy is HEARTBROKEN

Absolutely devastated.

Tries every method under the sun to cope with your death, but nothing helps.

You were his whole world

And when you left..the world stopped spinning.

He talks to you every day.

Hoping you can hear him from wherever you are.

He ends up throwing himself into helping others.

Tries to move on the best he can

Do as many good deeds as possible.

Bc he knows in his heart you would want him to be happy.

He tries..but without you he can't ever be truly happy.

Donatello

Your not dead.

You can't possibly be gone?

Cries for hours. He's completely unconsolable.

He works so much and he never leaves his workspace.

He tries to find a way to bring you back.

But he knows deep down he won't be able to

And it breaks his heart all over again.

I mean what is he supposed to do without you?

He talks about you all the time

He knows your gone, but he makes sure your memory lives on.

He can't bring you back, but he can remember you.

Bc if he doesn't talk about you were you ever really there in the first place?

Honestly he's broken and he wishes you were there to help pick up the pieces.

Michaelangelo

He really tried to save you..but he couldn't.

It tears him apart that he couldn't and now your gone.

When you died so did he.

No more jokes bc every time he waits to hear your laugh

Now he can't hear your laugh ever again.

He tries to stop fighting

But the others remind him you would want him to keep saving people.

So he keeps on saving lives he just wishes he could have saved yours.

Cries so much..he can't even eat pizza anymore.

It reminds him to much of you and now he can't stand it.

You left and it broke him.

He honestly isn't the same person and he knows that.

He tries to keep living life for you

But he wishes you were here to live it with him.

[mikelogan]

Considering some angst where like. Perry is much much closer with Paige than he is in canon. Like. Maybe something happens and she has to move in with him or something.

And it's established jdox but when Paige comes around, she's like really passive aggressive with JD and is constantly telling Perry that he's going to hell for dating JD and he should absolutely get back with Jordan.

He has a child/children with her. He was married to her. She just wants him to be happy and she knows he'll never truly be happy separated from his children and their mother. And Perry has so many complicated feelings for her that he starts to believe his sister. But he loves JD. And they're so happy together.

He goes to Carla for advice and she's like. If you still have feelings for Jordan you need to break things off with JD before you hurt him! If you can't be sure that you'll choose JD over Jordan what are you doing with him.

And like. The constant pressure from people around him makes him tell JD he needs a break to figure some shit out. And during that break he ends up spending more time with Jordan because Jack is sick or something and. She's Jordan. They could be a family. Paige would approve and Carla would stop being mad at him and. It would be easier. And. He loves Paige and this was really upsetting her which isn't right and he doesn't agree with this. But.

So he gets back together with Jordan. But doesn't tell JD. Because he doesn't want to hurt him. So he just starts avoiding JD until eventually JD hears elsewhere that Perry moved on during their "break".

(this story is brought to you by my ex boyfriend whose conservative religious parents didn't approve of our gay relationship (well pan/bi relationship but i don't think they appreciated the distinction) and the fact that we went on a break in February of 2020. He 'temporarily' moved back to his hometown for COVID and was with his high school sweetheart his parents loved in April. I'm not bitter.)

Okay first of all, I am SO sorry you experienced something like that, that's awful! Sending hugs 🥰

Secondly, FIX IT?????????

But this is Very Interesting and completely unexplored as far as Paige is concerned. Like Dan usually throws quite the wrench in things, but not from a homophobic perspective. Just an idiot perspective lmao. And I can see Paige at first hiding that from Perry and antagonizing JD behind Perry's back. And JD doesn't want to hurt Perry and he knows things haven't always been good between him and his sister and he doesn't want to be the reason that happens again. But he gets increasingly uncomfortable and literally when he finally decides to try and tell Perry what's going on, that's when Perry says they need to take a break.

And of course, JD is heartbroken. He saw a future for them and while he knows (or thinks he knows) a break doesn't necessarily mean the end, he's still devastated. But he keeps holding onto that hope that Perry will do whatever he needs to do and come back to him. Until he finds out he's back with Jordan. And then all the instances of Perry avoiding him make so much more sense and honestly, the whole thing just threatens to break him completely.

And JD, on the outside, forces himself to seem fine. (He doesn't, everyone sees through it.) He only lets it out when he's alone in the middle of the night, physically aching bc Perry's not there beside him and he never got an explanation as to why. Did he do something wrong? Did he push Perry back into Jordan's arms?

Um yeah so anyway now my heart hurts real bad and I need you to fix this lmao

[ruks44]

Thursday 9th May 2022

Day 81

G, from my bottom of my heart, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot be in limbo. You can't be messaging me here and there acting normal. I cant do it. I have feelings for you and they are never going to go away. I try so hard to distract myself but nothing has been working. All I want is for you to come back to me.

I've actually lost everyone in my life so to be completely honest , it's nothing new to me. I am disappointed because I thought you were bigger than this. I thought you were able to speak to me but clearly not. You've left me so broken that I can never be fixed again. You know they say once shattered , try piecing back together and it doesn't fit the same. I trusted you with all of me and you actually betrayed my trust by doing something like this. My brain can't comprehend this. I felt comfortable speaking to you. You were always there for me. Now I really do feel alone. I feel like if I mattered to you, you would have tried to fix this. I cant have you messaging whenever you feel like it. I'm frustrated at that bc you give me hope whilst you said to not hold any hope. I dont understand why.

When people get physically close to me , it scares me because of something that happened to me before. I still don't quite understand it and I don't think I ever will. But you leaving, has left me broken in a way that I can never trust anyone ever again and I'm not just saying that. I feel like I have been used in every way possible by you because you just got up and left with no reasoning. I dont know what you have going on but you chose that over me. I let you in my world , fully and completely. I allowed myself to feel again. I allowed myself to be able to open up to you because you made me feel comfortable and wanted and you're all that I ever want and was ever looking for. But I don't know 😕 I don't know how you could do this to me. I feel so lost and so broken. I've said it so so so so many times before but there isn't a way you can fix this unless you recognise what you did was wrong and selfish. You thought about how you feel and you said to me "thanks for understanding". Well, here's the news, I dont understand. I don't understand any of it.

If I told you what I have been through, if I told you my whole truth and whole life , then you would feel guilt of what you did but also you would understand my point of view of why I am the way I am, it is because of things that have happened. But now , I am glad that I didn't tell you my whole truth , bc you would have stayed out of sympathy and guilt.

I wish you understood my point of view.

Imagine someone did this to your sister . Yes , she would been devastated and that would have left her broken. Same way I feel broken.

My mum saw a pic of you and I together the other day , and she was intrigued. She didn't say anything much but asked me directly. I said the truth " you don't have to worry about anything " .

My brother saw a picture of you and I and he didn't say anything at all. So my point is , what is your reasoning for doing what you've done ?

Tbh, I've walked this earth alone and God will continue carrying me alone.

I absolutely love you, but if you cant communicate with me then you surely do not feel the same. Let me reassure you, I am not a weak bitch, I handle everything that comes my way. I am not like any of girl you have met or come across. I am me.

I am just so disappointed in you because I did never for a second think, this would be the end for us at all. You never showed signs of this and that is the most scariest thing of all. How do I trust you again for you to not to do that to me ? I dont think I can. Because you caught me by surprise and I feel very overwhelmed and underappreciated because i showed you all of me and you haven't respected me enough to let me know what's going on truthfully.

I will come to your door , one of the days and you will speak to me because when people have done wrong, they do not like confrontation. So I would like this confrontation with you, to understand , what this situation is and why we are in this situation.

I know I will never be the same person ever again. I feel awful within myself . And tbf I'd never hated myself so much until now. I hate that I showed you my vulnerable side. Never again will I fall in love ever again.

[dramayeoja]

Goblin ❣︎ 도깨비

Kim Shin, an undefeated war general, is ultimately killed by a jealous young king named Wang Yeo. After death, Shin is revived by the gods—but his revival is by no means miraculous. He becomes a 도깨비 (dokkaebi, goblin), and is cursed. He will have to pay for all the lives he took in battle by living alone in immortality, witnessing everyone he's ever loved, die. Remaining lodged in his chest is the very sword that killed him. There is only person who can see that sword, and draw from his heart so that he can finally rest in peace: his bride... whom he's yet to meet.

Things get spoilery under the cut—you've been warned! ;)

Chipper, yeah? Haha so, right off the bat, the premises of Goblin remind me of like, a much more morbid version of the legend of King Arthur. You know, a man draws a sword from stone to prove himself the greatest king in all of Britain? Yeah. Just to be clear: this is a good thing (imo). Like, I personally think this is just such a cool idea for a drama 😍

Let's jump right in. I'm gonna be honest and say that, at first, I felt a little turned off at the female lead, Eun Tak, being nineteen (in the beginning of the show), meanwhile the male lead, Shin, is 900+ years old (but physically looks to be in his thirties). It just... rubbed me weird. But hey, the Twilight series (both the books and the movies) is exactly the same—high school girl, century-old man, bananas yet somehow romantic storyline... And I loved me some Twilight as a young adult. So I mean, I have no right to judge, really. Plus, Eun Tak soon turns twenty anyway. So that's an improvement I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ We follow her character into her late twenties, nearly thirty. So things are definitely fine by then haha! 👍

Don't let that previous bit make you think I didn't enjoy Goblin—I LOVED it. That detail is just a lil funky to me, is all. Back during my Twilight obsession days, I was nearly twenty myself, and the thought of being pursued by an older man was exciting. Hell, I mean, it still is! But now that I'm two years shy of my 30th Birthday, I feel differently sometimes. I think, LAWD get that girl away from that man, she too young for him LOL. I am definitely getting old... Enough about Twilight now, apologies! I'm only using it for the sake of conveying similarities seen in Goblin 🙏 Let's talk cast!

Kim Go Eun as Ji Eun Tak and Gong Yoo as Kim Shin

Eun Tak is a bubbly young woman with limitless energy! While still in her mother's womb, Mama Ji was involved in a hit-and-run incident which, sadly, took her life. During Mama Ji's dying moments, she prayed to anyone above that her child's life be spared. Sat on a rooftop from afar, beer in hand (lol), Shin hears her prayers, as he is a god of sorts. He appears before Mama Ji, and shows mercy to her unborn baby. Eun Tak grows up with the ability to see/speak to ghosts. Said ghosts tell her constantly that she is the goblin's bride. How do they know? A strange birthmark on the back of Eun Tak's neck tips them off. Eun Tak unfortunately was taken in by her abusive bitch of an aunt, who jabs Eun Tak every chance she gets. Her cousins are assholes. Eun Tak's aunt really only keeps her around in hopes of collecting Mama Ji's savings (intended for Eun Tak) one day. Sad, right? I mean, isn't Eun Tak being born without her mother enough as it is? Life can be so cruel 😔

Lee Dong Wook as Grim Reaper/Reaper/Wang Yeo

This is Grim Reaper (or Reaper for short), portrayed by the handsome Lee Dong Wook. His character is just this strange, not at all tech-savvy man with a constant deadpan facial expression. Said facial expression provokes so many giggles during funny moments, and drives home the longing and desperation during sad times. We learn quite a ways in that he, in his previous life (again, just in case: spoiler), was Wang Yeo G A S P ! The young king that is essentially responsible for Shin's death, as well as all the misdeeds that were done to Shin's family. Again, this is something I don't want to spoil. Well, more, anyway 😆 You gotta see it!

Yoo In Na as Kim Sun/Sunny

Kim Sun, or simply, Sunny (she loves to spell her name for people lol, S-U-N-N-Y!) is the second female lead. Yoo In Na is so gorgeous that one look at her makes you feel like such a potato hahhah. 🥔 This fact about her beauty bleeds over into the show itself—every time another character meets Sunny, the camera does this slow motion pan into her lmao. She really is that pretty! Sunny's personality comes across so odd at first... Having watched all of the episodes now, I feel the intention of Goblin's creators was to make her seem like a soul searching for something it has lost in a previous life. idk if that makes sense, but yeah. She has this way about her, like she's disconnected from others, and is sifting through the haziness to find this thing she feels she's lost.

Yook Sungjae (my BtoB bias 😍) as Yoo Deok Hwa

Sungjaeeee ahhhh 💘💘💘 I had to gush, sorry! Hehe. Meet Deok Hwa: unofficial nephew of Shin. Deok Hwa is a third-generation chaebol (heir to a family-owned corporation) and spoiled man-child, always seeking his credit card hahaha 🤣 But I love him so much. Between Gong Yoo, Lee Dong Wook, and BtoB Sungjae? Man, I'm dying over here! Deok Hwa's true identity is revealed later in the show, which if you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil it. Just watch. But his ending sucked. Like where did he go? Everyone else's endings got tied up neatly except for his. What gives, man? 🤔 Edit: I was actually reading an online conversation about what happened to Deok Hwa online—someone jokingly said he was reincarnated as BtoB Sungjae LOL 💯

Other various comments

AMAZING OST 😍😍😍

Good pace, episodes drag at times. A little confusing in the beginning, but you get there eventually. Maybe this is just me though, viewers who are a little more keen than I will likely catch on sooner ;) My mom was a little confused as well, and actually said at one point, "This should be called the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on' show," hahaha. Like I said though, we quickly moved on from this, and loved all the things. There are actually, I think, three (?) specials that were made to aid viewers in making sure they understand the complex events and relationships clearly. I haven't watched them yet, but want to!

Quite repetitive tbh, as there are unnecessary flashbacks often. Probably for two reasons: the obvious of reminding you what's what, but also to create suspense. Typical duration of most tvN dramas seems to be about 16 episodes, so it's possible these flashbacks and things are, for lack of a better word, filler. I don't know how rigid or lax tvN is about having a drama set at 16 eps, but I get the idea this is their preference. Seeing as so many of their programs on average last that long, I feel this must be what they want. Such has the potential to affect the writing, either positively or negatively.

A continuation of the previous bullet: I think Goblin's creators oversimplified the plot at times. I'm unsure if this is due to possible pressures to meet a specific requirement(s), or what. I'd rather forgo ALL restrictions and let creativity flow, let the story be told without pressure to fill a specific amount of time, etc. but TV production is weird. And contracts are weird. tvN might not to blame for these issues, could simply be that storytelling isn't always easy, man. I'm a writer myself, it's hard! I'M being redundant now lmfao! Anyway, yeah ~

Absolutely LOVED all the scenes that were filmed on location in beautiful Québec City, Canada 🍁 Tall, romantic trees, the fall foliage, historic buildings... sigh. Now all I need is Gong Yoo chasing me and we're all set! ;D

In addition to Shin being revived, my crush on Gong Yoo has been revived as well LOL. He fine 🔥 A classic K drama crush, can't go wrong with GY👌

Gong Yoo is always stellar at doing kiseu (kiss) scenes, and in Goblin, he does not disappoint. He really goes at it 🙈 which is preferred vs. the typical person kissing a stone statue that you see so often. He even did a lift kiss with Kim Go Eun that was reminiscent of THEE Coffee Prince kiss he did with actress Yoon Eun Hye! 😍

I never saw it coming, how the sword would wind up being removed from Shin's chest. I worried what the writers were going to do, how would they approach this, and just wow. The way things turned out is such a relief. It also told me that Shin's love for Eun Tak is true. I mean, I didn't need that scene to occur for me to know that, rather it just adds extra oomph that yes, Shin really does love Eun Tak. He didn't want her to suffer knowing she was responsible for his "death," so he thought quick and used her hands WITH his hands asdfghjkl. How dumb (bc noooo now you're gonna die) and amazing he is at the same time 💜

I love how Shin made his way back to Eun Tak after passing away, it was such a powerful scene. I could really feel his struggle, and kept yelling at my TV for him to stand up lol!

Devastated that Eun Tak died 😭 I really thought as many times as she'd cheated death before, she would somehow continue cheating death again and again for the rest of her days. But no... What a selfless person, Ji Eun Tak. Her being reincarnated as Park So Min gave me some closure. Not the closure I wanted, but closure.

The relationship between Shin and Reaper is ADORABLE. Whenever they interact with each other, they just have this great dialogue. Shin pings, Reaper pongs, Reaper pings, Shin pongs. It's great 😄 I still laugh about the slow-mo scene of them returning from the market with green onions HAHAHA 😂

I love Sunny & Reaper ~ However, their history as Kim Sun & Wang Yeo in their past lives is so very sad. I don't even know where to start RE: my feelings on this 💔 imo, their ending kinda sucked. I just wasn't satisfied with them having had this complicated, tragic story, only to be reincarnated in this fashion that I ultimately found to be just... idk, disappointing 😩 Again, closure, but not the closure I wanted.

I thought Reaper, the other grim reapers, the name cards, the depiction of what happens immediately following death with the brewing of the tea, the afterlife, etc. was all very creative. We really don't know what awaits us when our time comes—it's interesting to wonder if it's anything like it is in Goblin 🍵

Can't stop thinking about Goblin, even though I'm now watching Thirty but Seventeen & Mr. Sunshine! I'm emotionally cheating lol halp.

Photo credits: tvN & AsianWiki

Yo yo! I'm sorry I took so long to watch + write up this review! It's been a long couple of weeks for me, I wasn't always able to watch when I wanted. It was maddening 😆 But I have finally watched, and feel like the most accomplished person on the planet hahaha. xoxo 💜