#i'm so used to not even being able to afford gas to work and suddenly

[wereshrew-admirer]

:..)

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen.

I hope you're well. I was hoping you can possibly give me some general life advice?

I have the possibility to finally move away from home and live with a friend I've known for 8 years (I am 26). My homelife is allright and my dad is accepting of my sexuality but mildly transphobic to the point where I'm not out and don't feel comfortable bringing it up.

I have saved up a sum of money (above 5k) to fund this move but the only problem is I don't currently have a steady job. (I've freelanced for the past 3 but it's not enough to cover rent)

We'd be sharing the apartment and to get it I need to be on the lease. The idea of signing for something without steady income to cover it makes the alarm bells go off in my head. Me and my friend have discussed this and she assured me that she would cover the rent completely until I actually move in/find steady employment (her current apartment costs the same). We've also discussed what would happen if she were no longer able to afford the place and the full responsibility would fall on me, but she doesn't see that happening as she has her family to fall back on for that if she was suddenly unfit to work.

Am I right to still be wary? Should I just go along and sign the lease even though I'm really scared of the possible consequences? Should I just stop overthinking this and just enjoy this really good thing that's about to happen??

please let me know what you think

As a parent of several 25 year olds (3) and as a former 26 year old (long ago) I would say it is time to move out and try life as an independent adult. It sounds like you have a decent relationship with your parent(s) so if things went terribly wrong you would have a place to land.

There is never any guaranty in life that a roommate situation or even a living alone rental situation will go smoothly or as planned. It is almost a sure thing you and her will have to navigate some unforeseen incompatibilities or iron out some quirks to make cohabiting comfortable for both of you. It is part of life to learn how to negotiate needs and boundaries with other people. It starts as we become teens with our parents and then, for me, college roommates and then apartment living with 5 gay guys in the very early 90's.

I think you will find that the move to share rental space and responsibility will be mutually beneficial to both of you. It is best to not be financially reliant on each other, basically, with a short grace period to get moved and your feet under you, you should work to pay your fair share. It is a great idea that in the interim while you seek gainful employment you use the extra time to give a little more effort to the household. Extra cleaning, errands, cooking is a way to show you appreciate the short reprieve from being a full financial partner while you get settled.

Having a roommate can mean learning to negotiate what is fair in payment, cleaning, and other responsibilities but it is also nice to have someone around. Having a sound relationship with a roommate means a built in support. She gives you a ride when the bus won't do and you give her gas money. When she wants to travel for a few days you are keeping the house safe, watering plants and bringing in the mail. When one of you is sick the other can pick up some of the cleaning slack until recovery.

When I rented my first place with those 5 men I had just started a new job, fresh from my undergrad and going to grad school. I paid my fair share and contributed by cleaning the kitchen and shoveling the drive during snowy times. When I lost my first job I only had enough money saved for half the rent. I was not instantly homeless because my roommates picked up my share and in turn I did some extra errands and cleaning for the house. I worked VERY hard to get a new job and did after two weeks. I often wanted to quit that flower shop job but did not because I LIKED the independence and I enjoyed not owing anyone anything.

I believe you will find that moving on your own will give you much more drive to find a job with consistent earnings. It feels good to feel stable and be an equal contributor. Having your name on the lease insures you have some skin in the game. It ensures that you ARE accountable to pay your part AND save for future mishaps. If two people are working together to make living more affordable it is a wonderful partnership.

This world is not build for single income independent living. It has not been as long as I have been alive (54 years) and perhaps never has been. Mutually shared space and financial responsibility is a long standing survival tactic. And learning to communicate and navigate in such situations is a beneficial skill.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

So, the drama currently going on in my life is Dave throwing a 3- month temper tantrum based on something I said months ago.

3 months ago, we were in a motel, and I was STILL sleeping on the floor. We had no food left besides bags of rice, cans of mixed veggies, and cans of diced tomatoes(plus salt, pepper, and garlic powder). Obviously, everyone was hungry. We only had a few dollars in the PayPal, and that money came from a renewed Subscription on my Ko-Fi.

At most, it was enough for rising-crust pizza at Walmart. Or... a tub of ice cream apparently.

See. Dave spent the past several hours complaining about there being no food and everything Bethy suggested was shot down cuz he had no money. Mom had no money. And there was less than $10 on PayPal, which was given through Ko-Fi, which PayPal took a portion of, so it was even less than the Subscription cost. And after hours of back and forth he suddenly sits up and goes, "Let's get ice cream."

So I, being the one with common sense and no small amount of annoyance, asked, "Why are we wasting money on ice cream after going hungry all day? Why would you buy ice cream instead of food?" (And his ass wonders why he can't lose weight? What is the obsession with ice cream ffs?)

Ever since then, he has been throwing a tantrum. Turns out, he HAD money of his own he just didn't want to use it personally. So, he drove out to get HIMSELF ice cream, and got like a pack of already-made cones, that he then ate all right there.

He was going to use MY MONEY to buy ice cream for everyone instead of getting like, stuff for PB&Js(which we could have afforded). He had some petty cash of his own on hand AFTER filling the gas tank, with more of MY MONEY.

His tantrum has extended all the way up to now. I've talked about how we've been able to do so much since we're not homeless anymore and we now have a stove. We've made homemade cheese sauce for mac n' cheese, homemade biscuits, homemade gravy, and homemade pasta. We've had chili, quesadillas, spaghetti & meatballs, baked chicken, ham & scalloped potatoes, hasselback potatoes, oatmeal, sausage gravy & biscuits, pancakes, rice, all sorts of canned veggies, soups, cereal, egg & cheese bagels, grilled cheese, PB&Js, lasagna, French Toast, and homemade Salisbury steak with a different homemade gravy.

Also, we made brownies. (And I'm gonna make choco chip cookies and Rice Krispy Treats soon.)

AND DAVE ATE NONE OF IT.

He whines about going hungry and having nothing to eat to anyone who will listen, but it's because of his own fragile ego. All cuz I had a problem with his plan on spending MY MONEY on shit we did not need; he's making it everyone else's problem.

(The biggest issue is that the lease is in his name this time so... mom doesn't want to start anything with him just to be safe. And ain't that a sad reality? We have to worry about potentially being kicked out if we offend him too much. After an entire year of me and donations from generous strangers keeping us afloat so we're not in a van all the time, we still can't fully relax cuz his ass is ungrateful. He's now telling people he's been working this entire time, and he will ignore all the good other people have done for us because it didn't come from him specifically.)

[empatheticallyslighted]

For when I Delete everything and Move

Blog #1 Part of What I want to post but can't tell anyone yet.

Was working on a resume for a job I want. One of several I've pursued. Rearranging things to defend myself in this context and that to make my self more appealing for the HR person in the job I don't want to give me a chance at the work I do.

Found myself carried away today. Suddenly all the time has gone out the window, into the screen that I know no one ever see's.

Today I didn't finish the resume and I didn't even apply, so I'm posting what I wrote here to be less of waste of my time, but this is the first time, a chance for someone looking into my window to know what I was doing, to know why I wasn't doing anything it would seem from the outside.

I have things that I want and things that I need. I need to take care of my health by myself. That is my ultimate pursuit, by far. Even Though I know that’s not easy. I’m making many advancements in my goal although the biggest setbacks and hurdles are what's keeping me. Finding work that is what I want and gives me the financial independence I spend all my anxiety pursuing is something that it keeps me from.

Would love a single level, 1 bed/1 bath, but you know how the housing market is. Not to mention renting. My ESA is another thing that I have to figure out entirely because even though by law I can’t be rejected, I can’t afford to fight everyone I find myself rejected by if I can’t even afford the rent they’re asking for.

I cook all my food and do all the things you should do when you can’t afford anything when I'm renting. Wouldn't have left my old apartment even with the 5 other people living there had it not been the increase. My Grandma thinks I should get a boyfriend. I shouldn't have to get a relationship to be able to afford to live anywhere. I hate the usery in that.

Not to mention the difficulties of having two jobs and not having two hours between them to go anywhere else, Another big hit to my social life. Imagine having nothing to talk about with your co-workers because everyone else is going out frequently and you’re not because you can’t afford to use the gas to get you there. I have been trying to save up to move out of Utah for years and every time I do something hits my bank account and the digits play jackpot with zero's. Don't get me started on the people who tease me for acting like I never have money because I don't and accuse me of just being a scrooge or cheapskate.

That’s me but I’m working on it.

I saved up and dyed my hair, for example, since I knew my preschool job would be ending and I could get a day off from the pizza place to do so... Half paid in advance so that I'd force myself to go so that when an inevitable disaster like my check engine light coming on for the 2nd time in a week three weeks after buying the used car, for comical comparison wouldn't stop me from going. hahaha!

I need more money than I have, so much money. Unlike most people I've heard say they're broke, I don't buy anything like alcohol or the newest phone. my phone broke and I got the oldest version being sold which is two generations after the phone I broke. Shout out to my X-Step dad, Jarhead for that coupon and adding me to his unlimited data plan and for assisting with fixing my recent car troubles. keeping me grounded, you will probably never read this, but I love and appreciate everything you anyway.

Thank you, Joy, my house grandma, for letting me live here rent free for longer than anticipated! Not a day goes by that I am unappreciative, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't want to leave, because, well, look at me. I'm a loser in every measurable way. Although we both know you are too kind to mention it. I'm 23, will be turning 24 in August I need to get my shit together, like please.

Some people will say I should get more into social media if I just want something to talk about. Here's a shot with this post I guess but Listen I can't help but be an internet recluse. If I listen to too much music, I enter this state of hating all sounds to the point that cutting myself up sounds more interesting. Not to mention the Scroll of a thing is less hypnotic to me and more like torture. I can only stand so much, so talking about the nerdy nuances of the internet or even things with people I enjoy while still feeling as socially inept as I am, is a major contribution to the depression I already over experience, so social media is not an option for my survival. Like telling someone with lung cancer to smoke Enthought they don't enjoy smoking or get anything out of it except more cancer.

I want to have work that is rewarding on a level that I’m performing meaningful service with people who care about what they’re doing and aren't just doing it because their aunt or father got them the job without an interview. I want to utilize the skill sets I have instead of just filling space for entry jobs I don’t have any interest in doing. It’s a moral drain on my spirit. However!

HERE I AM! WORKIng In FOoD! like I don't have a 4.0 or like I haven't finished puberty. fuckin hell

Mostly I’m tired of being told that I’m an exceptional worker and never being officially recognized for it in some tangible proof aside from the private quiet compliments of people trying to be nice but clearly don’t think anyone aside from them deserves recognition. who never go out of their way to do anything that shows they appreciate others or anyone below them or on the same level.

I'm pretty certain this is a Utah culture thing, but I'd love the opportunity to work and live elsewhere to be proven wrong or right in my hypothesis.

I'm so tired of constantly trying my best and working to get even better while co-workers take advantage of my work ethic keeping them afloat, and their family connections, sitting around talking like nothing's happening meanwhile I’m balancing all the hot pans in my smoldering hands and cleaning up the teacher who brought in her baby let it crawl all over the floor with a full dipper letting it leave a trail of shit all over the floor and leaving me to clean it up because she had other things to get to before the next class started.

I hate to say it but the first people I’ve met, ever, in the most recent jobs that gave me recognition are not A. Mormon or B. From Utah with family here. Were at this pizza place. I wouldn't have applied if any of the jobs I wanted got back to me or if I didn't need a second job outside of the temp daycare. For real the only reason I've been staying at the pizza joint is them. Obviously, I am applying to and looking for work in jobs I actually want, shits hard.

The manager, the one I like because he doesn’t treat me like an NPC in his main storyline, The they, the one that slays and still has time to recognize others. He who has actually gone out of their way to help me. Is leaving for better opportunities. GOOD FOR HIM! He Deserves everything in life Genuinely!!!!! Man was the first manager to make the store I work at profitable. Love so much, huge respect!

Yes, I am terrified and salty to the realization that I will be subject to what I am unfortunately used to at this point from new Managers with a capital M, that is of course self-centered workmanship, complete lack of humility and what is known as big dick energy small dick insecurity. Snaps in comments if you know what I mean!

The other, my manager friend who, although being there longer, was insisting to the GM of the other store at the time that I should have been promoted Since I was doing just as good if not better in some levels, then they were and keeping up everywhere else. That was just such a real experience because they did it in front of me and the GM and weren’t just saying it in private to me to blow smoke up my ass or boost my ego. Even better because I have asthma, We stan a Queen of Coworking allyship.

So, yeah… I guess I will take some blame for not just letting shit hit the floor when everyone wants to go chat in the break room like we actually have a time for break at this moment. I’ll accept fault for letting it get to me, because I know it does. I can be a very spiteful bitch babe, it’s true. I learned it from you.

I come from a fractured family, a low income child of teen pregnancy. It doesn't matter that you were technically married before I was born, that marriage lasted zero memories in my baby brain, less than 3 years barely two if we’re being generous.

Me, oh my who is I, has been passed along from family member to relative family member, up through college in the department of dependency like a child of the state or orphan with none of the benefits to identify as such in any legal capacity for the stupid FAFSA consider me an independent adult before the age of 24 for financial aid consideration. look it up. Of course, now that I'm turning 24, I want to leave this state and live for a minute independently for minimum 1 year to take advantage of in-state tuition in one of the states I've been eyeing but that is neither here nor there at this point.

GET ME A JOB AND A PLACE TO LIVE ON ONE OF THE COASTal STATES, PLEASE I'll EVEN TAKE MAINE, OR or FL at this point.

I'm just trying to finish college which I’ve been saving up for to put myself through, independently so that I might actually have a chance.

Yes, I am 1 math credit from having an associate and have been so horribly paralyzed with math anxiety that I have missed a few days of practice to get my score high enough to just test out because I really can’t afford the time or money for that one class to get to the class, I actually need for the credit to count.

I am an orphan without ever being put up for adoption. All the guilt and imposter syndrome to go with the therapy I can’t afford to go to as much as I feel would help and the ceaseless questions of When I’m getting a car or going to do what other people my age have already done already to combo the peer pressure of not fitting into society with this social media mania that does not match my psychosis. She's a spring and my mental state's a fall, we just clash, you know.

wow, actually it's great that you've read this far honestly thank you for that. I feel like I can really tell you this.

I need Something that lets me be physical, can be a little spontaneous, is social in more than just the deescalate a situation kind of way, I am burnt out on de-escalation. I’m looking for something that can afford me the ability to pay for my pre-existing conditions, a safe place to sleep and have my mail sent to, perhaps some social time to make genuine connections with people. I know that’s asking a lot considering the peers I find myself part of. If I mention anything going on with me, they feel the need to explain to me how their life is so much worse like some sort of limp dick measuring contest to see who's is more flaccid. my apologize for explaining it this way considering that I actually don't get sexual stuff, but I find this is most understandable to the people who can look at someone and just steam over with horny.

I know, you know, we all know, things could be worse and yet every time someone mentions that a baby kitten dies. Are any of us happy over that, indisputable fact? No, but here we are. living life and I don't mean the miracle that is life I mean the circumstance of our place in society-based life being resistant and uncooperative in genuinely helpful change. I can help you get a job at the pizza place if you walk in the store because I have a job at a pizza place, I cannot give you recognition in the job, I can't give you a house, or a functioning car or... you know what let's make this simple I can't give you anything I don't have and everything that I do. I doubt you want that; we'll have to surgically remove 70% of your thyroid and add some problems you have no control over or money to fix. That's life. Impossible and I wouldn't let you get away with half of that stupid pursuit. I don't want whatever you have in exchange anyway even if I had nothing to lose and everything to gain in the swap.

Anyway I suppose that's the whole of the defense I was trying to make for my character as a hard-working individual which ultimately evolved into a rant and roast of myself like so many wasted hours of talk which involves the subject of me goes. You'd think I'd go do something productive after posting this but nope. I'm going to delete it off my resume and then post it and that will be all.

Good night!

Note to self: Delete Now.