#i'm sure as soon as i post this i'm gonna think of another quote i'd like to use but this is long enough

[dve]

the saint of duty + an iliad's hector of troy

An Iliad, Lisa Peterson & Denis O'Hare, p. 480 / Harrow the Ninth, p. 124, 133, 191, 193, 194, 204, 228, 267 292, 469 / Nona the Ninth, p. 30, 399, 402

[tawaifeddiediaz]

Hi!

I was just wondering if you have a tutorial on how you created this effect in your gifset, it's something I'd like to try but have no idea where to start. Your set is so pretty! Any helps appreciated x

https://www.tumblr.com/tawaifeddiediaz/712911415428743168/ill-take-you-with-me-then-well-both-die-you?source=share

Hey Nonnie, thank you! This is super late, but I don't actually have the psd for this set anymore (I delete them as soon as I post them), so we're just gonna wing it with a gif I made the other day. I think this ask is about the text, but if it's anything else, just drop me another line and I'll get to it when I can!

I'm pretty sure I got this tutorial from the wonderful @eddiediaaz but I then turned it into Lazy Girl Hours :)) anywho, here we go!

We’ll be making this gif:

This tutorial assumes basic knowledge of gif-making, Photoshop, and coloring. I’ve only described the typography tutorial in this, but you can reach out if you have any questions.

Tutorial under the cut:

Couple things to note beforehand:

There is a lot of trial and error involved when doing any sort of effect, and this is no exception! You might have to play around with the colors and the settings before you find something that looks good and readable and that fits your set!

This text effect works better on big gifs (540px width).

For this, I find that a simple font works better than a fully-cursive one, but play around with what you like. The boxes may need some adjusting if you use a font with too many tall or tail letters (i.e. text where all the letters aren't on one uniform line - that's why capital letters work so well.)

Movement works really well with effects like these, but again, it depends on your gif + readability. If you have a blended gif, it may take a little more trial and error.

I work in frame animation for all my text effects, but this works just as well in timeline as well.

We’re going to start with this gif:

First, I like to put my text on the gif. You can obviously move this around later so don't worry too much about how it looks right now.

The dialogue is "Just don't feel it." "Feel" is one of those Big Words for this quote, so I'm going to emphasize it with cursive text.

I am using Moon for the sans serif text, and Santa Fe Spring for the cursive text. Keep both of these in white for now:

Next, we're going to use the rectangular marquee tool to draw our rectangles around the capital letters (we're not touching the cursive text right now). I just eyeball this, and then try to center it as much as possible.

(The rectangular marquee tool has a keyboard shortcut of M, and it's the second tool in that little toolbar on the left of most people's Photoshop.)

This is what that'll look like:

Next, we're going to go down to the icons at the bottom right of the layers panel and select the half-black half-white circle > Color Fill.... You should get a color dialogue box. Choose your color - I'm using #8d0000. Then, we're going to move that layer below the corresponding text layer, and set its blending mode to Difference. This is what that looks like (click the image for better quality):

I'm going to repeat that with the other two boxes as well, using the same color. The boxes will look different with the Difference blending mode because of the shadows underneath.

For example, the box with "it" looks like a solid red square because it's against a completely black background, while the other two have some blue shading to them since there are some highlights behind them.

This is what my gif looks like now:

Next, I like to go The Lazy Girl™ route and put all three color-fill layers into one group underneath all the text layers. This just lets me edit the drop shadow of all three of them at the same time.

Right-click the group and open up the Blending Options. In Drop Shadow, these are the settings I'm using. The drop shadow color is #0c6477:

(Note: uncheck "Use Global Light" especially if you're working in frame animation to make sure all the drop shadow has the same angle on all frames.)

This is what my gif looks like now:

Now that we've finished that, time to move on to the cursive text.

I usually match the cursive text to the palette of the rest of the text, and since the drop shadow is our "accent" color, so to speak, I'm going to use a lighter version of that color. I am also going to add a drop shadow for readability.

The color I used for the text is #acfffe and I actually ended up adding two drop shadows, just because I needed something subtle that doesn't overwhelm the text, especially since it's a delicate font. Here are the settings for both layers:

And here's what my gif looks like now:

Now, before we move on to the lines, just check the adjustment of all these text layers, see if there's anything you want to change. It's easier to change now than after the lines are added, since you'll most likely have to redraw them if you move the boxes after the fact.

To draw the lines, we're going to use the Line Tool. I just freehand all of this, and I try to go from center to center of the boxes when I can. It all depends on your angles.

My lines are 2px thick, but you can change these depending on your preference. Here's what mine look like right now:

We're going to do the same lazy hack that we did for the color fill, and put all three line layers into a group. Move this group below the text layer and the color fill layers. The reason for this is so that the lines look like they're coming seamlessly from the box, rather than from on top of them or something.

Then, set the group to opacity 50%. I like more subtle, simple looks in my gifs, so I don't like super high opacities.

And that's it! This is our final gif:

Some final notes:

Absolutely play around with the blending modes of the color fill layers for this effect. These two gifs are the exact same color we've been using, just two different blending modes. You can see how drastically different they look. The first one is Linear Dodge (Add) and the second one is Vivid Light:

It can change how your gif looks in a BIG way, so play around with it, see what you like, especially if you don't really like the "two toned" thing going on.

Sometimes, I also like playing with the width and height of the text in the font settings, making it shorter and wider, or making it taller and more compact. You can play with the letter spacing as well. The world is your oyster, etc etc.

One other thing I've started doing is erasing the lines with a big brush, just to fade them from his face a little, like this:

To do that, use a layer mask on the line layer folder, and a brush that's 0% hardness, and at least 200px big. For this gif, I also changed the opacity of the lines back to 100% so the fading effect is a little more pronounced:

(this gif isn't the best example for this, but oh well. Anywho, hope this helps, Nonnie! Let me know if you have any questions.

Enjoy!

[af1899]

FEH - "The outside world...! So vast!" (+10 WIP Sophia mini-showcase and appreciation)

So, with the [Feh Pass] subscription, I've been auto battling as much as I could while doing whatever else and gather [Hero Feathers] to get all the [HM] I had yet to get, and it was absolutely worth it, although I've already spent like 300 out of my 900+ something [Stamina Bottles] in the [Forging Bonds] lmao, I have around 660 now.

But with the obtained [Hero Feathers] I merged up Tailtiu to +6 and...

Poggers

I'm happy to have finished merging Sophia at long last which makes of her my eleventh fully merged project soon after New Year Eir, her build is pretty much done but I'd be delighted to give her more premium stuff she can use in the future and make more builds, as well as giving her the remaining [Dragonflowers (I)] but I'm so close to fully boost Sonya and then I have to boost OG and Legendary Julia because of the post-[CYL 2021] update. 🥴

But her current build does wonders already, true, she's not impervious to nearly everything as it is, but I can give her some team support and the like, she's still great on her own.

Now, onto appreciation talk which includes describing her a little and explaining why I like her. I did this in one of my previous posts but it's time to review the info we have about her and expand on it. As always, feel free to read on (long read ahead)...

About Sophia

She's a half-dragon, half-human girl with the power of foresight, she's a priestess residing in Arcadia, a village that houses manaketes that survived one of the most vicious wars from past lore (The Scouring) located in the southwestern desertic region (Nabata) in Elibe, the continent on which the sixth and seventh Fire Emblem games take place in, she's a playable [Shaman] in the former and makes a minor appearance as a NPC near the end of the latter. Her class makes of her one of the two playable dark magic users in Fire Emblem: Sword of Seals (the other is the guy you're most likely to get while pulling on red stones in FEH, a.k.a. Raigh), and she gains access to basic staves after promoting to [Druid].

In her support convo with Niime, it's revealed that Sophia's father was human, meaning that her mother was a dragon, but neither's identity is ever known to the player. But despite this, she never transforms into a dragon, most likely because she never had her own stone to contain those powers. Being half-dragon also allows her to live much longer, but not as purebred manaketes/dragons.

She's fully self-aware of her heritage and doesn't let that bother her, she accepts both halves of herself which make of her a whole person.

She's somewhat important around the half of the game's duration as she helps a gravely injured Cecilia to at least tend to her wounds while waiting for Roy's army to rescue them as they were both thrown into a prison under Bern's control (the kingdom invading the other countries during the events of the game).

Sophia displays a shy and gentle personality, showing clear astonishmnet yet in a calm way when witnessing what the outside world is like and what it has to offer (beyond the village she's been living for around a century), this is most evidenced in her support dialogues with Igrene. She even feels similarly when wearing a new set of clothes, such as those of Embla in the World of Zenith, anytime after she joins the Order of Heroes.

«As long as I am with you... I can go anywhere...even a new country...»

― Sophia

She also mentions she was raised to avoid outsiders, and in the same aforementioned support convo, it's mentioned why.

«I understand what he's saying... The Dragons' powers could easily destroy entire countries. If the outsiders found out, they would surely fight over it. I've seen many conflicts like that in my life...»

― Igrene

And it's understandable why she feels that way after being raised by the elder of the village to do as told for decades. But in the end, she wants to work towards a world of peace where both dragons and humans live together without a war ever spreading out, and befriend other people, she's appreciative of other's kindness.

So... why do I like her?

Because she's purple-haired and most of her design has purple and I love purple soooooo much, that's all you need to know. :)

...Kidding kidding, that's not actually it, but it's in part true that I find her aesthetic pleasing, partially due to my passion for this color:

(Official artwork from FE6)

Her design is rather simple but so charming, clearly evidencing her shyness (see the way she holds her book and her facial expression), and feeling clean without going overboard on details.

Also, I find long, purple hair a rather rare yet dazzling sight, I always look at it in her artwork and remins me why I love her design.

True, her neck in Zaza's take on Sophia in Fire Emblem Heroes bothered me a little, mostly because her neck is a little long as seen above, but not as slim as long as Zaza has drawn her (it's still a decent artwork and the artist has made some really nice pieces later, look at Emmeryn), the style also felt a little off to me. But her Resplendent upgrade made Sophia look more cute and still being the one we know, doning a brand new attire.

(❶ Original by Zaza. | ❷ Resplendent by Miwabe Sakura)

But for me, it's pointless to be pretty if there's not a likeable personality behind the character in question, and Sophia has been proven to be really interesting, often a mysterious but shy girl, she's capable of kindness and finding comfort with outsiders like Kiran or Roy, when I see her, I always feel that she's so nice, never feeling bitterness towards any of her allies, just being shy due to how she's grown, but with a desire for friendship and peace pushing her forward, even slowly but surely, she's so lovely. 🥰

What's more, some of her quotes show she has a protective side, determined to stand up to help her allies but specially those she's close with, this eventually includes Kiran themselves.

Her voice in Fire Emblem Heroes is also really soothing, Wendee Lee has made such a delightful work giving new life to Sophia through her voice acting, there sure are differences between her work back in 2017 (Sophia is a launch unit, meaning she's been around ever since the game was live) and the work on the Resplendent in 2020, yet both are pretty consistent and equally pleasant to hear. But if I have to vouch for one or another, I give a point to the Resplendent voice acting, her voice can be heard with a little more depth and calmness to it than the original, which feels more natural.

And she's a dark magic practitioner but that doesn't make her evil at all, she's really pure actually. But I actually find dark magic most appealing out of any kind of weapon I have ever seen, the whole concept is cool, being always creepy and nefarious in nature, often portrayed in hues of black and dark purple.

And like, c'mon, this thing is amazing:

I wish that [Apocalypse] was her PRF weapon in Fire Emblem Heroes but neither Raigh nor Bramimond who's its OG owner got it and just got random PRFs instead.

Anyway, in short, I adore Sophia and it always makes me happy to turn a seemingly weak unit into a tough to crack cookie, love for favorites sure can take them far.

"And... as a unit?"

I've been trying her mainly against the foes she has advantage with, but I've been also trying her against red/blue units and sometimes she does a nice job holding them at bay, she has low speed even after all this investment but with buffing it's somewhat usable.

Yet I prefer to focus on her strengths, not weaknesses, and she stands as a fairly good magic tank, with the few extras she enjoys as a launch unit and full demote plus Resplendent skin since around the first weeks of the [Feh Pass].

I actually tried her here some time after posting this because I didn't notice the [Limited Hero Battle] for today requires you use FE6 units, so I went with my faves in the game and it was rather easy. 🙂 But it still took a little thinking.

"Who's the next +10 you have in mind?"

Hmm... actually gonna (at least try to) work on Lilina, another one of my Elibian favorites. I also have her Resplendent upgrade and could revamp her kit. 🤔

But she's currently +3 so her turn might take longer or someone's else may come before, Idk.

And then, hopefully someone I like out of the next potential Resplendent Heroes...!

[getitinbusan]

Prudential Centre Saturday:

I Fucked Jungkook!

I was going through my Journal and found this gem of a memory! Posting on Tumblr so you can all be jealous.

September 29 2018 

Grace asked me last minute if I wanted to go to the BTS show because Ellie couldn't afford her ticket anymore. I wouldn't say I'm a huge KPOP fan but the guys from BTS are pretty fucking hot so I said sure.

The tickets we had were P2s left stage section 18 row 5, not bad but if I'm going to go out I'm going to go big. I told Grace that I think we could do better, I still owed her a belated birthday present so I told her I'd get us upgrades. When we got to Prudential Center I looked for a dirt bag scalper and traded our tickets and $200 for floors.

Once we got in, because it was general admission the front was already packed. So… because I always need to have the best,  I walked up the aisle to the front and chose the most desperate looking security I could flirt with.

The idiot really thought I was into him, which backfired because he just wanted to power trip and keep us there talking to him. Luckily one of the BTS crew was listening in and he came over to the rail to talk to us. I told him I'd do whatever I needed to do to get the best seats. He opened the gate and let us in to the side section reserved for special guests, explaining that this is where the guys would "pick from." So… cool, just flirting got us great seats and the potential to fuck one of the members.

Not going to lie, the concert was great. Even though I would have gladly taken any of them, I found myself watching Jungkook all night.  Maybe because I was fixated on him, he noticed? I swear he kept looking over, flirting with me.

They were doing their endingments when the same security guard who let us in came over. He pulled me to the side and told me that Jungkook wanted to meet me and if it was going to happen, I'd have to leave now.  So.. at this point I basically had to choose between Grace and fucking Kookie??

Luckily I have a pretty cool friend and she insisted that I take the opportunity. As security is leading me away, I look up and he licks his lips and frickin grins at me and nods. Holy Shit it was so hot.

I thought I'd just get backstage and like wait in the dressing room or something but no… there was a process. Security guy walked me through the back tunnels and explained that a car would take me to the hotel by myself. It would raise too much suspicion to leave together so he would meet me there after the show. 

He gave me a key card and a pass and told me to make myself comfortable and just wait. I had to show hotel security my "special pass" to get up to the private level and it just struck me that this was a pretty formulated plan. How many girls do these guys fuck on a regular basis that there is a solid plan like this in place? I mean, I don't really care, it just felt good to be in the running.

When I got off the elevator the staff member waiting explained that I'd need to sign an NDA before they could let me in. So, sure, why not, who'd believe me anyways?

Signed, sealed and delivered to room 913 I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  Should I be naked? What's the protocol for groupie sex? There really wasn't anything to do but wait so I freshened up in the bathroom and played on my phone. There wasn't anything personal in the room but there was a locked adjoining door, which most likely led to his real room.

There were condoms and lube in the drawer next to the Bible. Can you imagine being the staff member in charge of stocking condoms in the boys rooms? What a great fucking job description for a resume. 

He arrived a few minutes before 10, casually entering and grabbing a water bottle he explained that we were going to get in the shower together. He was sweaty and he had to make sure I was clean before, and I quote, "eat your fucking pussy for dinner." 

He walked into the bathroom and took his clothes off and threw them in a pile on the floor. I really don't know when he went from cute kid to fucking man, but he IS all man. His whole body is FIT and his cock is PERFECTION, only slightly embarrassing that he laughed at me staring at him. He got in the shower and asked me if I was coming, because I'm me, I had to say not yet but I hope to be soon. He liked that.

When I got in behind him he praised my body, told me I had great tits and asked me to wash them so he could suck them later. Telling me to relax, we helped each other lather up, you bet I fucking soaped up my hand and pumped his shaft.

Once the water rinsed him off I couldn't resist flicking his tiny nipple's with my tongue, giving them little bites until he moaned. His fucking abs were hard and beautiful and I had to trace them with my tongue.  He was really hard at this point so I got on my knees and sucked him with everything I had. I think I did good? At one point he had to grab the wall to keep himself steady and he moaned, a lot.

You know how some guys warn you...like, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum? He's not that guy, he shot right down my throat and it was a LOT of cum. I didn't want to be the girl who fucking spits so I took it all. Sorry, swallowing cum is fucking gross no matter who it comes out of.

Anyway, he grabbed my hand to help me up and kissed me, like really kissed me. Hand in hair, passionate, tongue kiss kissed me. I'm not delusional but his lips made it feel like he really liked me. 

He put soap in his hand and started rubbing between my legs. His fingers slid over my clit and opened my folds, basically using the palm of his hand to rub me off. He slid his finger in and circled it around, then pushed in another moving his mouth down my neck he started sucking my tits. My God he knows what he's doing.

He was noisy and greedy and he told me he wanted me to cum on his fingers first, his face second and his dick third. So.. after saying that I fucking came, on the spot.

He wrapped his free arm around me so I wouldn't fall while my body was doing that horribly unattractive orgasm spasm. He pulled his fingers out of me and asked if I'd ever tasted myself before. I said no because...do people just do that?? He sucked one of his fingers off and held the other up for me so yeah, I guess I know now.  

He reached down and turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. No towels, soaking wet, he led me to the bed and told me to lay down. I told him the sheets would get wet and his response was that if the sheets didn't end up wet anyway we were fucking doing it wrong. So fuck it, it's his bed right. 

I laid down and he stood for a second looking at me, his dick was twitching back to life again and he stroked himself a few times before reaching down and pushing my legs open. Face and fingers up close and personal he told me that I, or maybe my vagina? was pretty, since that's what he was looking at when he made his declaration, I'm not sure.

His tongue was soft and relaxed and he literally had a make out session with my other lips. You know when you were young and just started to discover the concept of sex, you spent a lot of time making out and it's just dreamy and you float away in bliss at how soft and nice it feels? That, but better.

He took his time and was really really good at it. When I started to moan he switched gears and went full throttle with clit sucking and pumping his fingers in me again. Mission two: Making me cum on his face, achieved. 

He stood up and asked If I wanted some water. Did I tell you how FIT he is. His hard dick just stood at attention against his abs while he opened the bottle and drank half of it. He capped it and threw it to me, like wtf is this, little league? He could at least hand it to me nicely.

He picked up his phone and started playing some music, really good songs that I'm sure were on a playlist titled songs to fuck too. Standing back at the edge of the bed he pumped himself again then reached into the nightstand drawer.

Pulling out some lube he held his cock out in front of him and dripped a line straight down the length. He clicked it closed with one hand and threw it back on the nighstand and began rubbing himself until he was coated.

He moved on top of me flinging my legs open again and pushed himself in. The stretch was so good, I'd take width over length any day but luckily he had both. God, he was wet from the lube, I was wet from… everything, it felt amazing.

He did that romantic thing where he pushed the hair back out of my face and looked me in the eyes and I wanted to fucking die right there. He told me I felt so good and he was going to go slow so it lasted longer, was that alright?  No, nope, no fucking way Jungkook hurry up and get off me so I can leave. Pretty sure I just moaned out a yes please.

He's the kind of guy that likes to kiss while he fucks which makes everything feel 100 times more pleasurable. He asked me to roll over and when I did he looped his arm under my waist and pulled me up so I was on my hands and knees, ughhh his arm muscles. He quickly pushed himself back in and the moan he let out was better than any song I've ever heard him sing.

He was hot and sweaty and his pace was quicker but not hard or rough. He pulled my hair with one hand and grabbed my boob with the other. He HIT so deep and the steady stroke made me cum so hard. He did the wrap and hold again holding me still and telling me not to move, he wasn't ready to cum yet and could I take more?

The man fucks like an insatiable beast and I would be an idiot to say no, so I didn't. He wiggled his eyebrows at me and grabbed a condom from the box, "Safety first!" What a fucking boyscout. Tearing one open with his teeth he rolled it down over his cock, did I mention they were magnum?

He told me he wanted me to ride him so he could watch my tits bounce. I climbed on top of him and sank down as deep as I could go. He closed his eyes while I sat on his cock and clenched around him. BTW, he's the main vocalist for a reason, the moans and noises he made were beautiful and my pussy was drenched listening to him.

I bounced on his cock for a solid 10 minutes before he pulled me down and started kissing me. I made sure to rub my tits across his nipples while I ground him into me and he was whining about how good it felt when I came, AGAIN. He held me tight against him and bucked his hips up hard into me until he came with such force I could feel it fill the rubber. 

I wish there was more, a happier ending where he fell in love with me and asked me to join the tour but that was it. 

We lay there for a few minutes until he told me had an early day tomorrow and staff would make sure I got home. He asked for my number, I'm sure as a courtesy, before he kissed me goodbye, who knows...maybe… Anyway,  best concert I've ever been to. 

[kidmachinate]

Sometimes, You Need Help Standing Back Up

Before I get into what this post now is, let me explain what it was. Similar to posts I’ve made, this was gonna be either a tragedy or thought masked in imagery/gaming/song references. I don’t think this is a shock to anyone, especially to a anyone that knows me. It was gonna be a quote that led into being a “gray rock” with some but not all context provided. This would be looped back around into using a pebble in Bloodborne to kill an enemy. Going through the long grueling process of doing that so I can be like, hey, I did it. Here’s the problem. It stems from an issue I have, an issue that some kind of outside validation is needed. Like hey, I did the thing. Crazy, given I try so hard to be a pillar of hope and inspiring to others. People don’t see what I deal with though inside and I’m tired. Very, very tired. So, this post will go in a different direction. To point at the only person there is to blame for all this. Me.

I have an addiction to toxic relationships. It’s true. Or maybe to fixing others. Is there a term for this? Call me crazy if you will but it is the truth. It’s not drinking, it’s not drugs, it’s not whatever else we commonly speak of…but I promise it is as real as it gets. I read this before making this post. Somehow...it doesn't make me feel better. This is without therapy. These are my thoughts of where it all stems from and why I cling to it whether it be in regard to friends, family, or partners. I will be bringing this up next session and seeing what I can do about it because I need help. Badly. More than Red Warrior needing food. Because my thought is always, I can see that in me. I too am not perfect. I can fix it! No…I fucking can’t.

When I entered a certain period in high school, I was slipping in both the relationship I had at the time by taking on a damaged partner and really dropping the ball on my grades. Said partner was always picked on. I get that since I too was mostly an outcast at school and not one of the "cool kids" as I say to this day. Before someone gets the wrong idea, let’s drop a hint. I got with this unnamed person which apparently held me back from many others I could have pursued, or so I was told. Oops. It wasn’t a crucial relationship in my life by any means, but I wish you peace…wherever you are. I knew I COULD do good and get the grades. My mind just needed to be right. I asked my parents for help. I specifically said the following and I verified this to make sure I didn't remember this incorrectly:

“I think I need help”

They only saw the report card and were like, hey, let’s get him a math tutor. That isn’t the help I was seeking. I asked a few more times, providing more and more context each time. It wasn’t long before I realized I wasn’t being taken seriously. I folded. These are patterns that continued on and on. Over and over again. I would see a math tutor for months. Bless her heart, I wouldn’t have passed math without her. I was slipping in other subjects as well. I worked hard senior year just to graduate. To prove I could. That I was “good enough” to my parents. Looking back, did school really matter? That’s a whole other conversation. Always having to look good for someone. That is technically what school teaches you. To be a good employee. Not an entrepreneur. To take orders.

Is this why it all occurs as it does and I carried it over to every aspect of my life? I don't know. It is my theory. I'll be talking about this with my therapist. In the later years, before Dad's passing, he started to understand why I was defiant at times. Did things differently. Still got jobs done even if not the way he said for the family business. Got zero complaints running the business in his absence. Told you I could do it. He understood. Miss the hell out of you Dad.

The thing is all of this led to me never at any point in time opening up enough to lay out boundaries. This was my mistake time and time again. Any attempt at showing emotion I would shut myself down. My Dad never caved and I'm in a spanish family. Gotta be a MAN! Can't go showing emotion and shit. What an old concept. I'm glad we're starting to change the narrative on that in the world. At times when I would try to make my feelings and/or attempts at boundaries in relationships that lasted long enough for this to matter, it would be shut down in favor or what was going on in their lives. That's fair. Let's ride this wave together. But then my scenario got overlooked. Constantly. Before the no contact suggestion comes, while I get it, it still doesn't solve the me mystery. I seek answers.

This all was my fault. If someone gets mad upon setting a boundary or opening up about feelings, that is probably a sign they were benefitting from you not having one. But how is one to know if it was never stated? I tried more than once but eventually caved, like I did back in high school. I'd brush it off and be like this is fine because I believed in the potential (another mistake) of insert any relationship here. Some didn't last long enough for this to matter but the ones that did took their toll. I could have done better. I'm trying to in the last few months and results have been quite telling. Regardless of what I discover with others, I still need to fix me.

What else is there to say? Not much. So how do we cope? We laugh. We acknowledge. We even make fun our ourselves. I used this before. I found my kirby.

I might lose some people after making this public. The thing of all this is the details don't matter and there is so much that will likely forever go unsaid. I've got a support group for that. The signs were there in each scenario and I stayed. The hard part is still wanting to care and also not letting the scenarios convert to hate and being jaded...and it is really...fucking...hard. I felt myself shifting towards hate so I needed to pull back. I'm scheduling my next appointment soon because I can focus on me without outside scenarios. If I haven't lost you, thanks. This is the most vulnerable post I've made on here. Possibly ever. We shall see. Intent matters, sure. But sometimes, you too, can be the toxic one.

If the healer dies, the raid goes to shit. Time to heal myself and get my shit together. Again.