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[horriblevomits]

“ill do it later”

into never doing it

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“it’s only one bad day, dont push it, you’ll be fine”

when will the “bad day” end? im tired

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why cant i remember?

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sorry mom, i shouldnt feel like this right? youve scarified all this for me, just to act like an ungrateful brat.

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last night, it happened again, i couldnt move or speak, i hated it. now once again, i am afraid to close my eyes and sleep.

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maybe it was just all in my head, she knows me better than i do.. right?

[horriblevomits]

i dont need anyone but me

[horriblevomits]

“but what if i’m faking it?”

traumatic memories, especially traumatic memories from when you were a child, are notoriously difficult to access in their entirety. there are a lot of reasons for this- dissociation, injury, and memory deteriorating over time to name a few- and this can present a challenging question to survivors: how do i know i’m not lying?

people who are faking trauma or mental illness in general know they’re faking it. if you didn’t wake up one day and plan out what a fake traumatic memory you were going to have, and all the triggers you wanted to have, then you’re not faking. 

processing trauma memories is difficult and frightening and confusing, but you are not a liar or a faker.

[horriblevomits]

why wont somebody help me

[horriblevomits]

"my child is fine" your child wanted to kill herself at 11 years old