#i'm sure i'll post a million more times today but happy new year y'all

[thirddeadlysin]

My year in review is never going to look super thrilling or impressive but here's some things I'm proud of accomplishing in 2023:

asking for a new title at work that actually reflects my work and experience (literally nothing came of it except my growing sense of resentment but I did it)

telling my doctors and trainer that I don't give a shit about how fat I am and I don't want to be advised on weight loss methods anymore, only on behaviors and therapies that will make me stronger/healthier (boy did that not work 90% of the time lol)

switching to a new obgyn because my old one made me feel very stupid and unheard when I had questions (the only unqualified success)

barely writing any fiction or poetry, barely reading any books, and barely watching any TV or movies all year without beating myself up about it (this means I prioritized things like sleep and being outdoors and learning new skills and volunteering and reading very cozy comforting fic of all kinds, bc in previous years I had started making all of the barely-done things into weird stamina/endurance/popularity contests and/or put undue pressure on myself to meet totally arbitrary goals)

recognizing that i put myself back into debt by spending too much money on everything in an attempt to outrun grief it feels like I should be past already (idky I think there's a timeline???? but now i can work on not doing that)

deleting all my dating app and several social media accounts because I realized I was using them for ✨️validation✨️ that would either never arrive or would feel hollow because there's work I need to do first to feel worthy of accepting it

So a lot of my year kind of sucked when you look at it this way! It's hard enough to do a thing that needs done and when it doesn't get the result you want it can feel even worse! But all of these are things I couldn't have done in any prior year and that's growth, even if the end results look largely the same.