#i'm surprised nobody took this url already

[bumblebeerror]

oh jesus christ you're driving me up a fucking wall, dude.

how long have we been going back and forth now?

i was just trying to help you when i offered medical advice. i've been in and out of hospitals since i was a kid and met many different doctors, so i do have a lot of medical knowledge. i was just trying to be helpful.

"novella sized asks" WELL EXCUSE ME FOR CARING AND GIVING A FUCK. I DIDN'T KNOW SHOWING AN OUNCE OF PASSION OR EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT IN SOMETHING WAS A FUCKING CRIME. I AM SO SORRY FOR PUTTING EFFORT INTO MY COMMUNICATION AND WRITING. YOU HAVE MY SINCERESTS APOLOGIES.

i already said what the benefit of being bullied is. it made me stronger, more determined and more resilient. i don't cry anymore and i get back up when somebody pushes me down (which is what you're attempting to do me right now).

i did try to improve myself many times, that's whole point. and i failed each and every time. it's not that i don't want to improve, it's that i CAN'T improve. i am physically, emotionally, mentally, biologically incapable of improving myself and my life. i just can't.

"By all means, be miserable and remain scared and alone." you think i have a choice in that matter? that's how it'll be whether i like it or not. nice sarcasm and mocking tone, though. i'm surprised it actually took you that long to start hating me. most people hate me as soon as they see me.

"similar lived experience" i'm sorry, but you don't know what it's like. you just don't. your life was never anything like mine. if it was, you wouldn't be in the position you are in currently.

i am not trying to scaremonger you. i am trying to warn you of the dangers that exist in our society. i am trying to help you. i also wasn't implying that you'd go out of your way to put yourself in danger. i said that when you inevitably come across dangerous, evil people by chance, your worldview might cause you to see good in them that is not there which would in turn out you at a higher risk of getting hurt by them.

"Someone intent on being violent toward me will not care if I think they have the basic right to being treated like a human." EXACTLY. no matter how "kind" you are to them, they will still hurt you. so there's no point in fighting for the rights of genuinely bad people. all they will do is use those rights to violate other people's rights, which may be your own.

i'm not "feigning" concern for your well-being. i DO genuinely care. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I WASTE HOURS EVERY DAY WRITING THESE LENGTHY RESPONSES TO YOU?! BECAUSE I CARE!

i said tumblr users would make bad parents because most of them are terminally online. terminally online people make bad parents.

i have nothing in common with that disgusting man. i don't look like him, i don't act like him, i don't exist like him. just because we're both extreme doesn't make us similar. the comparison is completely unwarranted.

you're accusing me of being condescending? if we're gonna play that game, then you're extremely patronizing to me! insultingly so!

YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! PLEASE STOP ACTING PATRONIZING ME LIKE I'M YOUR CHILD. STOP IT. I AM NOT YOUR SON.

M8, calling you on how you’re speakin’ to me isn’t pushin’ you down.

All I did was be blunt - I never said I hated you. I do find it annoying when others give me unsolicited medical advice and talk to me as if I am not a 27 year old who deals with the various ways the world hates me on a daily basis. I’ve stopped being nice to you, nothing more. You are scared and alone, and you are openly refusing to continue to try to improve your circumstances because your attempts failed in the past. If you want a medical term, look up “Learned helplessness”.

Just what is your goal here, my guy. What’s your desired outcome for this conversation. Because I’ve got zero idea what you want from me.

You’re on anon. Literally if you hate responding to me, you have every opportunity to not respond and you lose no credibility, nobody knows your url.

[grumpysesshomaru]

samuurots >> grumpysesshomaru

totally belated FYI welp

[kinkijew]

Damn, you scored big on the blog name. It's literally perfect. I'm kind of surprised nobody took it already.

please i'm so happy i got this url—

[roccinan]

I'm risking sounding terribly egoistical by sending a public ask about my own url here but I'm doing it!!!!! I need the super graphic-details

Your ego is my ego, dearest nharidy. There's a reason the doc is named after you hahaha

[ 👉 My Wips ]

OK so the Absolvisti sequel's been sitting in my head since well, the week after I published it lmao. But I never got around to writing because I wasn't sure if it was being too self-indulgent (I'm feeling more confident about it now that I know you'll be pleased by it!). Also because I was having trouble deciding on a pov: should I continue with the Tatiana 1st person pov as always? Change it up to Martin 3rd person? or surprise: 1st person Don Juan?? Should it be a new chapter or new fic? (def. open to suggestions here!) Also I think it'd be Iconic to publish a story in the Dies Irae universe with our new cat profile pics.

Graphic detail time :D Prepare for a SUPER LONG answer LMAO. Most of the things I mentioned here and here will make their way in, with maybe a bonus ns/fw chapter from Martin or Andres' pov. The main story is SFW however, and there's like a hilariously high amount of hurt!Andres, who doesn't have demons to rely on anymore but still carries all the permanent damage the demons left on him:

It takes place some months after Absolvisti so Andres is doing better, but not fully well yet. He's not actively dying anymore but he does faint a lot and isn't exactly making a full recovery. Because I wanted to make things harder for Martin. Because he's not a young man anymore, the wounds were super extensive, and this is the result of years of accumulated damage + a form of "withdrawal" (the shadows/demons that used to feed on him were also the things that kept him alive so it's one big cycle that his body isn't leaving that easily).

This means every time Martin plans something nice for him like seeing a play or going out for a nightly walk, Andres can't go through the whole thing without feeling unwell. (Martin: "I over-exerted the love of my life. I am so SELFISH. what does Andres see in me??" Andres: "I disappointed the love of my life. I am the WEAKEST. what does Martin see in me??" Tatiana: feed me, bitches)

They manage to sit through one play though (not sure if I want this at the beginning or end of the fic LMAO). It's the one Bogota wrote, The Necromancer's Lament, a "biopic" about Andres' life. And it's every bit as terrible as Martin expected. Bad special effects, bad acting especially from Martin's actor, Andres' actor has a beard, and Tatiana looks like this:

Andres thinks it's the best play ever. Martin hates it and demands a refund. Tatiana hates it too but Don Juan's like, "mi amor, you are still beautiful to me, even as a deformed puppet."

Martin's 120-page complaints aside, Bogota runs the theatre troupe with his partner, Nairobi/Agata, and they're both going to start teaching performing arts at Santa Catalina because the last drama professor died lmao

Meanwhile, Santa Catalina has a new bad girl student, Tokyo/Silene! Sergio took her in as a charity case after some dark and mysterious events in her life. But Tokyo being Tokyo can't stay away from trouble, and she becomes obsessed with finding the demons that Andres expelled. Some bizarre possessions start happening again and the school's sponsors force Raquel to keep it under wraps. (Raquel: maybe if you increased funding, we wouldn't have so many problems!!)

In the meantime, Martin gets that letter from a long lost relative asking to meet him. Not sure about the order of this either. Anyway, Martin was planning to ignore the relative, but Andres insists he go. Either Tatiana or Don Juan accompany him. Martin learns that he's the sole heir of his dead parents across the sea (the will: “we forgive you for being a heretic, a freak of nature, and the alchemist of Palermo. also no hard feelings for leaving you to die as a baby xoxoxo”). There's one (1) condition though: he has to end his partnership with the necromancer. Martin: NO THANKS.

So while Martin's dealing with this unexpected drama, Sergio decides to call in Andres' expertise TM again because it's also a good excuse to talk to his brother. Martin is Very wary about this and rejects him. But Andres insists that it'll be fine. Plus, maybe he wants to turn a new leaf and help Santa Catalina for nothing in return this time. Not everyone gets a second chance at life and he doesn't want to be a bad person anymore uwu (Tatiana: "Andres was a pretentious piece of shit, surprising no one." Martin: "Nobody deserves Andres, not even me, and I'm like, the most amazing person in the world.")

Andres comes to do the exorcism with the random priest the school hired. And they discover there aren't any demons- it's just some ghost fucking around (maybe I'll make it the spirit of Gandia or Alicia since they haven't shown up yet lol). Anyway, it doesn't go very well but Andres gets rid of the creature or whatever. Not before it punctures a hole in his side though. Then Martin loses it, just full-on screams at Sergio for almost getting Andres killed again, makes a lot of threats against the school, etc. etc.

Raquel, being more useful, plugs up the wound. But the priest accidentally provokes Martin more by asking Raquel if he should mop up Andres' blood with holy water or something. What if the necromancer's blood is cursed?? And now it's all over the floor, so disgusting :/

Martin, already in a very bad mood, beats the priest up.

They go home. Martin's in a really sour mood and he just doesn't understand why Andres isn't mad at Sergio. Martin: "It's really emotionally damaging to me if you don't give a fuck about yourself." Andres makes him even angrier by bringing up the Berrote family will and having the audacity to suggest Martin leave him for money. He makes a huge case about how he literally has nothing to offer Martin except a body that barely works and a terrible reputation. Martin: "I lost a fucking eye for you??"

They fight and Martin storms away, and also kidnaps Don Juan, his honorary new soulmate who would never betray him like Andres.

A while after this, the Spanish Inquisition local clergy arrests Andres for "questioning." Because the shenanigans at Santa Catalina are still going on and that one priest suspects him of being behind everything just because. Raquel's the one who bails him out. She may not like Sergio's brother, but the way everyone else treats him is ridiculous.

Andres limps home, hoping Martin's still away. Surprise! Martin felt guilty and came back. And it's pretty obvious that Andres has just been tortured. Martin: "Say no more. I'm going to kill some people."

Andres gets Martin to not do anything stupid by dropping the thing with the will. He admits he was wrong for saying those things to Martin and he selfishly, genuinely wants to stay with Martin forever. Martin: "I'm still going to kill your brother. You may appease me with a kiss."

Does it end here? No! Because the shit at Santa Catalina is still happening. Andres and Martin solve it for good though. But it's all very dramatic. I'm vaguest about this part, but maybe Nairobi's injured saving Tokyo, and this gives Tokyo the wakeup call to move on from whatever baggage that got her into this mess in the first place. Then Andres' solution for saving Nairobi is to ask Martin to work that alchemist magic and transfer her wounds onto himself (at this point, we're just going overboard with the Andres whump but asdfasdf why stop??). Raquel: Sergio, tell your brother to stop dying. That's a bad example for the kids.

It takes a lot of convincing, but Martin relents in the end, only because he trusts Andres. At this point, Andres has been through so much that he physically cannot take any more damage. Like, he just can't lmao. So the whole process puts Andres into a coma or something. But we don't need him anymore because now we can revel in Martin's angst!

Martin spends the rest of his time crying and angsting and guilt-tripping Sergio, and just being very loud in general. He also writes back to his family and tells them to fuck off.

Once we indulge in enough of Martin's pain, Andres finally wakes up. Still very bad off but he's alive and not showing signs of dying any time soon. So that's good enough for Martin. They have a nice heart-to-heart, and idk, maybe Raquel comes to see them because Sergio's too embarrassed to. Until Andres insists, because he loves hermanito unconditionally uwu. Martin: "watch your back, Sergio. I might murder you in your sleep (:"

Then at the very end (I have no idea how long this story is LOL), there's some kind of family photoshoot between Raquel, Sergio, and Paula. Everyone's raving over this new invention called the "camera." Andres is admiring it from a distance until Raquel's like, "get over here. what part of FAMILY photoshoot do you not understand!?"

Andres is shocked pikachu face because good will towards him for once?? he's being included in something?? people want him around?? what is happening??

Martin's happy for him though. Then he's admiring from a distance until Raquel's like, "I said FAMILY photoshoot. Get over here, Martin!"

Tatiana didn't want to be a part of it, but Paula saw her favorite talking cat and like, grabbed her lmao. Don Juan photobombs it because he can't be excluded from an activity with Tatiana, especially when his former rival Andres is in the photo too. (His current rival is Casanova, an unworthy white cat vying for Tatiana's affections)

Sergio proposes to Raquel. The end! Yes, the kitty love triangle is also a central theme of this story LMAO Hope that satisfies you, nharidy! And I welcome any and all suggestions!