#i'm unreasonably proud of that tail

[brothersinablackcar]

My lone @spn-masquerade submission this year! Maybe I'll paint it up a little spiffier later? Maaaaaybeeeee?

J2 pirate/merperson AU 🏴‍☠️x🧜‍♂️

[star-anise]

now, hold still—

I'd kill for some resources on body image in the context of disability, chronic pain, and having grown up with a complicated and intense medical history. I think I've exhausted my local library's offerings. Yes, I'm seeing a counsellor who focuses on this, and he's probably got recs, but I'm pacing my cage and lashing my tail in between sessions.

"Body image" has a particular connotation most of the time, because it comes out of the field that deals with eating disorders. Which is great and I'm glad for the people it works for, but its basic principles and assumptions are for completely different problems than the one I have.

I can't track down who said it first, but in my reading I keep coming across this narrative of, "I saw my body as something to be disciplined and controlled, an object only seen by external eyes. Now I've learned to take joy in what my body can do and experience, and to see it as a site of pleasure."

...Sounds fake, but okay.

My body is a site of pain. It cannot do or bear the experience of many things. I have to exercise a huge amount of discipline and control just to get out of bed every day. I can't imagine my body being a visible object that other people might find pleasing; it's incredibly hard to look up from my continual tooth-and-nail fight getting my body to let me live to imagine what someone who doesn't live with all this shit might see.

When I was a child, I learned to hold myself very still. For a hairdresser, or photographer, or a dentist, or someone who wanted to measure my height, or an injection, or a doctor who wanted a demonstration of how one of my joints looked, or an X-ray, or an IV inserted, or a CAT scan, or to have a cast taken off, or a PET scan, or to have a wound treated, or an MRI, or to have a pin pulled out.

And you know, I got proud of that. I felt like a brave warrior in a fantasy novel. I learned to take deep breaths, and take myself in my mind away from the anxiety and unpleasantness, until I could shut down my reaction to it. So that I didn't flinch or scream or cry. Because there was something wrong with my body, and doctors knew how to fix it.

When I was getting assessed for fibromyalgia, this new doctor told me he was going palpate areas in my back, arms, and knees. I get a lot of massage; I knew what was coming. I slowed my breathing, concentrating on the long outbreath. I took myself away from my reactions and thought continually, obsessively, about letting my body droop, weightless, like the moment when your aching limbs meet a solid surface and fresh cool sheets.

"Hm, I dunno," he said. "A lot of this checks out, but your trigger point exam was totally negative. Most people, when I touch those points, they have a big reaction. Some people even scream and jump off the table."

"Well, no," I think I said. "If I'd done that, it would have hurt way more, for like, hours." And I was polite about it, because you have to be polite to doctors; doctors know how to make you feel better. But what I felt at the time, and still feel today, is a kind of outrage I labelled was unreasonable the moment it was born: You wanted to hurt me, and it's my fault for not letting you?

How do you learn how to ask for things, when you've taught yourself to lie still and cry quietly because the nurse who said they'd be right back is helping someone who suddenly needs the help more? How do you express yourself, when you've spent your whole life gritting your teeth?

The problems I have about my body are not about being attractive or thin. They are, however, about being small. Learning to cry less, scream less, and ask for less. About feeling like my body is a burden to anyone who comes to know it, and like that's a burden I can't ask other people to take on unless I'm staggering under the weight of it.

Right now, what I've got is this:

Remember, you weren’t the one who made you ashamed, but you are the one who can make you proud. Just practice, practice until you get proud, and once you are proud, keep practicing so you won’t forget. You get proud by practicing.

[arbor-et-um]

If you've been living in pandamonium

You may be a trash panda if you're waking up exhausted by your room and other things too probably (This is not a diagnosis, please seek medical advice if you experience symptoms such as lil Grabbies and a very soft tail.) If you're a trash panda, first, I'm so proud of you for continuing to be so punk rock in the face of your mental and physical illnesses, it's really important that you know I see you. (If you're not a trash panda I hope any of this is useful to you as well.)

Trash pandas usually do their snacking in bed or on the move, and they usually fall into a terrible cycle of not having the energy to deal with a situation that's constantly and actively draining their energy. Probably nocturnal by nature but forced by society to adhere to an unnatural "day person" schedule, and definitely overwhelmed, to the extent of possibly even feeling numb all the time due to sensory overload.

You've got a lot of garbage tho, and if you want, you can keep reading and I'll give you some coaching. If you're not in the mood but you're thinking about it just bookmark this or something ok?

Ok. What I want you to do is get a trash bag right now. It can be one you've already started on, or it can be an empty one. Put it up somewhere within arm's reach*, and plop your booty on the floor if you're able to.

*Use your reach extender if you have one and use it regularly. Don't go looking for yours if it isn't EASILY accessible to you, and if you don't have one, there's a good one right here for like fifteen bucks.

If I've just blown your mind and you hadn't even considered getting a reach aid (in the sense that perhaps you are disabled and it hadn't occurred to you that a reach aid would be helpful to you, and that it would be immensely so and you need time to process that), I love you so much, please order one, and gleefully use it as a tool to clean a few days to weeks later when it comes and you're not in unreasonable physical pain cleaning your room. As long as it helps you clean and it DOESN'T end up in your closet and never used and doesn't help you at all and becomes a part of the problem. Take what works and leave the rest, okay?

I love you, now say it back, but out loud, to yourself.

If for any reason you can't put yourself on the floor, easily reach the floor, ask for help, forget the floor for now. Fuck the floor. It didn't get messy overnight, it'll be there tomorrow. I want you to focus on your desk or your bed or your table instead as you've already started and are at risk of losing momentum and as long as you're detrashing any horizontal surface you can reach it will impact your eyes and brain a lot.

If you simply don't have floor space to sit on the floor because of Things In The Floor and that is your only limiting factor to getting down to tushie town, meet the others here by sitting where you normally do and just grab. Grab anything that food came out of. You're not dirty. You're not. Your room is dirty and you are not your room. You are not your actions, your actions are a reflection of your well-being and your state of mind. Put on some YouTube, listen to music, start a podcast or finish an audiobook.

Take frequent breaks for food, water, and hiding in the bathroom for as long as you need, but when you're in your room, you're probably going to be thinking about your trash anyway, so please promise me you'll stop enabling yourself to spend that entire time feeling ashamed of your trash.

If cleaning was used as a punishment for you at any point then you're allowed to feel resentful over your trash's existence, so please be compassionate about your resistance to cleaning. You deserve to walk or drive across your floor without hearing a crinkle or feeling dirt on your feet or having to worry about falling over, especially if it bothers you that you can't.

You might find or recover other things that you don't want to keep on the floor. Pick them up, dust them off, and ask yourself if you put it with the trash because it doesn't actually fill any void for you or if you lost it under the trash and already know where it belongs in your home, and put it where it goes - for now, in a "keep" pile behind you where you're sitting.

When the sphere of space around you is clean, take a moment to be FUCKIN PROUD and do some stretches, and congratulate yourself. Drink some water and decide to stop for now or carry on. Take a picture!!, Look at it for inspiration if that spot gets messy in the future again.

ANYTHING you do at this point is doing one thing and one thing only: giving you a win. Just feel the confidence of knowing you can do this, you really really can. You're allowed to do this in chunks instead of all at once if you allow yourself to. Your space is wherever you put your body and you can do whatever you need to do in that space and I mean that.

If youve been dragon your feet through your clothes

You're a dragon if you don't have a problem with trash in your room, but you do have a problem with clothes, stuffed animals, cords, complain of clutter and other items you really do value being piled on the ground or your bed. It's only really a problem if you're in danger of tripping and hurting yourself or if your treasures make it hard for you to sleep comfortably. (Trash pandas, if you've made it this far, can I hold your hand for 2 seconds so I can cheer with you by throwing our fists to the sky??, Fucking woohoo my guy)

These are your things and you're not bad to or discarding or disrespecting them when you let them end up on the floor and lost in your bedsheets, you're just tired. You're doing a good job and you probably just need more shelves and boxes or box shaped shelves or baskets, and you need to clean your bed off long enough to get one (1) good night of sleep before you start to tackle your room!!!! I don't care if you dump the contents of your bed on the floor just so it so you can starfish. In the morning, you're gonna put your things on the bed again and just get to work. Start with the dishes and step or drive over or around your piles without judgement on your way to and from the kitchen. These are your brain piles man, so let self love win against shame paralysis.

When the dishes are in the sink or dishwasher or on the kitchen counter and not in your bedroom, begin organizing your depressuon den piles into intentional piles. Give the piles mental labels, just a flash word.

Clean clothes

Dirty clothes

Trash

Toys

Paper

Hobby a

Hobby b

Hair ties

Cat toys

Chargers

Make these piles working from left to right. Stop when you need to. Play on your phone for a few minutes or take a food break or a shower and when you come back to the cleaner semicircle of your bedroom, decide to either 1) continue or 2) be done for the day and whichever you choose, just be gentle with yourself. You are mighty and I am proud of you. Your life didn't get messy overnight. Choosing to clean your room when it's THIS hard to clean at all is a really good thing to do for yourself.

When you ARE actively working on your room, I want you to promise me you'll invest your time in making piles and then finding containers for those piles.

Your bedroom being cluttered is. Not. A. Moral. Falling. On your part. Being good or bad at cleaning doesn't make you a good or bad person.

[eat-ones-heart-out]

You're all correct saying Tsu'tey would be a great role model for Lo'ak. Here are some drabbles about that...

648 words total.

No warnings needed.

Characters: Jake, Tsu'tey and Lo'ak.

~~~Exhibit A~~~

Sitting next to each other, Tsu'tey and Jake have been talking for a while already, about which clans are where now, what they are doing...

But now the chief saw that Jake being this attentive didn't happen often, and decided to tell him what was bothering him, "To parents who don't see their child, there is one who was obedient to the expectations given to him by his parents, and the one who isn't. I remember."

Jake was a little confused where this was supposed to be heading, but he tilted his head with an empty half-smile, "What?" He thought that Tsu'tey- childless- was going to judge his parenting.

Tsu'tey nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder briefly, "What you said. Your brother was the one people admired, the better one, and you were not."

Jake considered that Omatikaya chiefs see the children of their clan like their own, and this was an analogy, not meant to hurt him. Tsu'tey continued, "Me and my brother were also like this, you know."

He removed his hand on him, then looked casually over the Omatikaya walking around home. "I was the warrior people loved and my parents 'cut me slack' for that," Jake chuckled at that, "but Arvok... He did not impress them all that much, and my parents used him while he chased their approval."

"Do not make the same mistake our parents did, Jake Sully." He finished with a stern look.

Jake flattened his ears, he felt burdened by things he just hasn't digested from his life as a human. It's not wise to ignore it. He sat and huffed, as Tsu'tey waited to be acknowledged, "Yeah..."

~~~ Exhibit B ~~~

Because Lo’ak was bored out of his mind and didn’t really want to try interacting with the clan kids, he instead came down to watch the chief train the next warriors. As usual, the child being a bystander didn’t bother Tsu’tey, and that alone felt like openess for Lo’ak to be taught as well.

There weren’t many students around yet, it seems it was early, and everyone stood around waiting. It was the perfect moment to approach Tsu’tey with questions. Lo’ak walked up closer, to be heard, "Olo'eyktan how do you deal with the RDA so quickly?”

Tsu'tey blinked, yet stared at his eyes, considering what to say that would give back some pride that kid made him feel, "I'll tell you one thing."

Lo'ak nodded, despite that Tsu'tey wasn't done, "I don't want your father thinking I'm pushing you to fight... Just sit with it, yes?"

He huffed, being asked not to practice what is front of him daily seemed unreasonable. The chief looked to his warriors, wishing they asked him such things, and gave in, "Gah, you can tell him. Just be careful, I will show you.”

The chief pulled out his bow from his chest, and falsely aimed on his field of view, but really, he was teaching him how to wield it for the trick he was to show. "I saw that guns can shoot fast, many rounds, but they're not very accurate. Only a few of the RDA are warriors. Learning to shoot multiple arrows accurately... I can have an advantage."

The Na'vi child looked curiously to his arms, not seeing much difference in how to hold the arrow. But then Tsu'tey pulled out one more arrow, "I have 3 fingers here, then 2 arrows between each."

"Huh..." Lo'ak's tail was held upwards, much like Tsu'tey would typically do, assuming that would help him understand. Tsu’tey looked at him with a proud smile, "You know what I could do If I had 4 fingers?"

"Three arrows..?” The young Na’vi asked

Tsu'tey nodded once, "That's right."

Lo’ak’s eyes widened a little, then he looked down at his hand, picturing the arrows between them... And suddenly, his fourth finger didn’t seem like that much of a problem.

[whywishesarehorses]

Mustang Geldings for Sale

Cisco is a 14.2 hand, approximately 900-pound Sorrel gelding with a Star and Flaxen mane and tail. He is an all-around great horse and fun to ride. He can walk, trot and his lope is great. He also backs up and side passes with ease. He trailer loads and I can open gates with relative ease.

8 year old mustang gelding, starting bid $125

Donut is a 15.2 hand Pinto (Paint) who weighs approximately 950 pounds. He is a horse for any level rider. He moves off foot cues and travels with a fluid motion. He takes the bit and walks with his head down. He is hands down a good horse that will not disappoint.

3 year old mustang gelding, starting at $125.

Pepto is a 14.3 hand, Strawberry Roan gelding who weighs approximately 1,000 pounds. He is a super cool horse who is started really nice and is easy to ride with a light head. He moves real smooth and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He has a great color and is a great-looking horse. This nice horse will make someone truly happy and a horse to be proud of.

3 year old mustang gelding, starting at $125

Spirit is a Strawberry Roan gelding with a star and two white socks; he is 15 hands and weighs approximately 1,100 pounds. He is very sweet and responds to all cues. His walk, trot and lope is very smooth. He is great with all his feet and trailer loading is a cinch.

7 year old mustang gelding, starting at $125 (I'm unreasonably partial to him, something about his video really caught my eye)

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt. 10 (end)

Guerin had gotten the all clear from Charlie, so she headed home with Seyoon and her newest addition, a three month old samoyed puppy that she named Eneoji. She explained to Wow that the name was inspired by HEET but it was also apparent the name was appropriate for the boundless energy contained in the body of the still growing pup.

They both played with her and Guerin gave a demonstration on the training style she would be using with her puppy by teaching her to sit. Seyoon turned out to be very lenient on his criteria for success. Within three attempts Eneoji had learned to con treats out of him for free before Guerin jokingly banned him from teaching her anything.

Eventually Eneoji went into her crate in the bedroom and fell asleep, allowing Guerin and Seyoon to rest against each other on the bed. Both of them were quiet in their own thoughts as they absently stared lovingly at the sleeping puppy.

"I'm sorry." Seyoon said finally.

Guerin looked at him, puzzled, "Why?"

"For Eunkyung. Earlier." His expression was blank with a hint of stress in the corners of his mouth.

"Oh... you don't need to be sorry for that." Guerin shrugged. He looked at her cautiously and she smiled at him reassuringly, "You didn't do anything wrong. And I can't hold you accountable for others actions."

He looked down at his hands, "I should have done more to dissuade her before it escalated."

"Did you ever give her reason to think you liked her?" Guerin asked.

He looked thoughtful, "She was one of our makeup artists. We were all friendly with her. It could have given her the wrong idea."

Guerin scoffed, "It would be unreasonable for me to expect you to not be friendly with people. If someone develops a crush on you it's on them. If they choose to act on that crush it's still on them. What can you do, go around being rude to people?"

Seyoon's expression was still blank as he looked up at her, but his lines had softened. "I expected you to be upset. I feel like I've always been told that girlfriend get upset over stuff like that."

Guerin shrugged, "I trust you. If I didn't I wouldn't date you, the doubt would be too exhausting."

He still hadn't smiled, so Guerin pulled out the big guns. "Seyoonie. Seyoonaaaah. I like you. Kim. Se. Yoon." she said in a high voice, pushing into his shoulder with balled up hands. Wow was surprised into laughter at her sudden aegyo attack and pulled her pouty face into his chest to protect himself from further attacks.

"Yaaaaa." He moaned, feigning distress, "I wasn't ready for that." He pinched her cheek.

She winked and shot finger guns at him in response, "But I like Yoonie so much."

He pushed her away, clutching at his chest and rolling to end up face down at the edge of the bed, kicking his feet and then not moving at all.

She finally broke and started laughing, climbing over to him and shaking him, "I'm sorry I'm sorry don't die please." She pulled his limp body over and he flopped along, staring vacantly at the ceiling before spazzing and feigning a seizure. She laughed and moved away from his flailing limbs until he stilled again.

"Oh noooo, I killed my boyfriend." She sighed and lay next to him, "What a shame. There was so much I still wanted to do with him."

He suddenly rolled so he was over her, grinning seductively, "What kind of things?" He asked.

She licked her lips instinctively as her chest tightened in response to his sudden proximity, betraying her attempt to seem nonchalant, "Oh... you know..." her English slipped out as her brain failed her for a moment, "Going grocery shopping. Taking a trip. Meeting each others families."

"Ah, those kinds of things." He leaned in closer, "Is that all?"

Her breath hitched and her words completely failed her. All she managed to do was shake her head.

"What else?" He asked, his tongue peeked out from the corner of his full lips as he teased her, grin still in place.

She decided words were for chumps, reaching up she pulled him down into her kissing him intensely, tangling her legs with his and pressing her body up against him as much as she could. He returned her fervor, using one of his hands to push her shirt up, exposing her bra. She took his hand and placed it on her breast encouragingly, inviting him to escalate. He broke away from her mouth kissing down from just behind her ear.

"Seyoon." She managed to gasp.

"Mm." He paused and pushed himself up to look at her.

"Do you..." she started.

"I have condoms." He stated eagerly.

She laughed as a knee jerk reaction, "Good to know, and I'm on birth control anyway. But I guess that does answer my question." She pulled her shirt off and started working on his.

"What was the question going to be?" He kept his head enough to he curious.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to have sex tonight." She smiled up at him, patting his chest, then rolling so she was straddling him.

"Yes." He went to hold her hips but she took his wrists and pinned them up by his head as she looked hungrily down at him.

"Thank god." She moved down to capture his mouth with hers.

Woojin had carted HEET to Guerin's favorite park by the Han river where they met up with Charlie. Guerin was intentionally a couple minutes late and hiding to make sure everyone was there before her, fully equipped for a playdate with Eneoji. Once she was sure everyone was there she snuck up as quickly as she could. She was about ten feet away when Charlie spotted her and gave up the ghost.

"Oh my god! Guerin what is that?" She demanded in a high pitched voice. The rest of the group turned curiously to see Guerin approaching with her new puppy. Eneoji was bounding along fluffily by Guerin with heart stopping cuteness. The reactions were varying degrees of excitement with one exception. Minhwan was surprised but looked nervous and hung back as the others surged forward.

Eneoji darted around everyone, clearly excited as they all tried to pet her. She moved so fast the ones lucky enough to touch her had brief encounters at best. Guerin hung back, watching everyone with a grin, holding the end of the long lead she had put her puppy on.

"Everyone, this Eneoji!" She said. The boys all sounded off in approval, happy to have been the inspiration behind the name.

"She must be our mascot!" Gabriel said as Eneoni had finally stopped running long enough to squirm into some enthusiastic petting from him.

Guerin laughed, "We'll see how she likes the idol life."

Everyone eventually settled to the ground, petting and playing with Eneoji. Seungbin had settled close to Guerin. He had been extra clingy with her since she had returned as their manager, she figured eventually he would feel secure enough to return to normal so she allowed it. While Eneoji flitted from person to person she did still make frequent stops to check on her new mom, often throwing herself into her lap for a few moments before getting up to play with someone else. Guerin encouraged the behavior, often cooing at her new pet, enamored with how adorable she was. What Guerin didn't notice was the increasingly sulky looks Seungbin would throw Eneoji's way each time Guerin's attention was stolen.

Guerin did notice, however, Minhwan didn't try to pet the puppy even once. One time Eneoji started to approach him and he leaned away, reaching out and grabbing Woojin's sleeve for support. Tobio managed to divert Eneoji, unintentionally saving their leader.

"Minhwanie," she got his attention, "Are you afraid of dogs?"

He looked embarrassed, "I don't... know dogs. We never had any or any friends with any."

"That's okay!" Guerin said encouragingly, "Do you want to work on it?"

He looked nervous at the thought, but Woojin then shook the arm that Minhwan was still clinging to, reminding the young man of the fearful reaction. Minhwan dropped his hand, apologizing to Woojin.

"You should try. She's very cute." Woojin suggested.

"Yeah... yeah I can. If noona is going to have her around we should at least like each other." Minhwan nodded tentatively.

Guerin began explaining as best she could in Korean about dog body language, showing how comfortable the pup was, but also showing what it looked like when someone tried to hold her paw. She then demonstrated a quick relationship building training session before asking Seungbin to try one as well so she could talk through how it went with someone Eneoji wasn't as familiar with.

Seungbin went along with it but he seemed to agree out of obligation over an actual desire to participate.

He started mimicking the training the Guerin had shown, teaching Eneoji how to respond to her name, or a sit. The puppy was so eager to work that if he took too long to ask for a behavior she would climb up onto his lap and try to give him kisses or barking and wagging her tail for attention. Seungbin's demeanor changed from annoyed to amused and finally when Eneoji ran in a circle and jumped into his lap he stopped pushing her off and instead hugged her, burying his face into her wriggling fluffy form cooing about how she was too cute.

Guerin had Minhwan try next, seated next to him. He only fed treats and offered gentle touches. He was still nervous by the end of the session but admitted he felt a little better.

"We can keep working on it. It takes time! You did really well I'm proud of you." She rubbed his head and slung an arm around his shoulder as she watched Seungbin sprinting around with Eneoji and, surprisingly, Tobio. All three seemed to have been running from Gabriel who had dramatically rolled onto the ground.

As the sun started to set the group had resettled. HEET was taking group and individual selfies with Eneoji and uploading them to SNS using Guerin's and Woojin's phones. The fandom, Joules, had a strong positive response to the puppy pictures and videos.

"Oh they're here!" Charlie perked up suddenly.

"They...?" Guerin sat up straighter and looked around.

"Yeah, I took the liberty of adding to the surprise." Charlie grinned, standing up and brushing herself off as Guerin spotted A.C.E and Minseok headed toward them in the orange light of the sunset.

"A.C.E Sunbaenim!" Byoungjin had been sitting closest to the women and overheard them. He stood up as the rest of HEET and Woojin reacted, greeting their hyungs. Tobio was holding Eneoji who had started to nap, but she woke up with the movement and recognized Wow. Scrambling out of Tobio's arms she ran over to him who automatically crouched down with arms open and a big grin, giving her energetic body scratches before squishing her face and kissing the top of her head.

Charlie had meandered over to Jun who, despite being distracted, managed to greet his girlfriend. The two groups all exchanged greetings all with a freshly revived puppy introducing herself to the newcomers.

Guerin felt her heart rate increase when she saw Seyoon, and melted at how happy he and Eneoji had been to meet again. After their night together she had to forcibly stop herself from dwelling on flashbacks. Maybe she was projecting but it seemed Jun and Charlie were having similar issues as they kept stealing glances at each other.

"Hi Noona." Seyoon had made his way to her, with his usual alluring smile in place. Chan and Byeongkwan had taken over with Eneoji for selfie time, a challenge given that she was trying very hard to kiss them both on the face any time they moved close to her.

"Hi Seyoonie." She smiled as she battled her one track mind. Guerin was offered a distraction as Minseok approached the two of them with Donghun.

"Noona, can we post our selfies with Eneoji?" Donghun asked.

"That's a question for Minseokie, isn't it?" She glanced to their manager.

"Since HEET already posted pictures with her it would make it pretty obvious that HEET and A.C.E spend unofficial time together. Kim Hyeim approved the pictures but said to ask Han Jisoo first."

"I'll text her and ask." Guerin said, pulling out her phone. She had an inkling that given Jisoo's adoration for Hyeim as well as being able to capitalize on the newly debuted group being affiliated with a successful established group like A.C.E, there wouldnt be a problem. Jisoo's response was a simple approval but Guerin knew her friend was probably secretly stoked.

Jun had the fluffy puppy up pressed against his face for a selfie with Charlie when Guerin shared the approval. The two groups got group photos and paired off for personal SNS accounts. Byoungjin and Chan, Seyoon and Seungbin, Minhwan and Jun, Gabriel and Beyongkwan and Tobio and Donghun all paired together for selfies as well.

Unfortunately as the darkness deepened Eneoji began looking more and more tired so the outing had to end.

"Oppa, do you have to go now?" Guerin overheard Charlie ask Jun. The two had separated from the group that was saying their farewells. Guerin whipped around, catching Charlie's eye. Guerin could only see a little bit of Jun's face, but his shoulders had raised slightly as he responded to the term of affection with a wide smile.

"O P P A??" Guerin mouthed at her friend, unable to resist teasing. Charlie gave a small shake to her head, which of course Jun noticed who then got to see Guerin unable to keep her chill.

"Opppaaaaaa." She wiggled her shoulders at the two of them as she cooed the nickname, "Oppayaaaa. It's dark and oppa should walk Charlie home." She pouted.

Jun looked mortified and Charlie was ready for murder, "Guerin if you don't shut your mouth right now I swear to God there won't even be a body to hide." She threatened in English.

Guerin couldnt help but laugh when she felt a familiar arm across her shoulders, looking over to see Wow as he spoke, "I think it's cute. You could call me Oppa."

Jun snorted in disbelieving laughter and Guerin scoffed, "You? Oppa? Hah. Maybe Daddy if you play your cards right." She winked as Charlie hid her face, ducking behind Jun to laugh. The commotion caused the others to look over.

"Noona? What happened?" Seungbin came over as Seyoon dropped his arm from her shoulder, ears red but grin still in place. Guerin looked into the sweet face of the fifteen year old idol.

"Ah, it's nothing. I was just teasing Wowie." She lied badly but she wasn't about to explain daddy kinks to her youngest charge.

Seungbin frowned curiously but didn't press.

Time passed, HEET had made two comebacks and were planning a third soon. Eneoji had debuted as their official mascot, often part of their promotional materials and being featured in their photo books and music videos wearing the neon yellow and white fandom colors. Tobio in particular had gotten an interest in training her with Guerin and had creative ideas about how to include her, but Seungbin and her were particularly inseparable and could often be found napping or lounging together in waiting rooms or recording studios. Minhwan had gotten much more comfortable with her but still wasn't sold on dogs as a whole. Byoungjin and Tobio had written the title track for their third EP that earned them their first win, and Gabriel had come up with the design for soon to be released lightning bolt shaped lightsticks.

Charlie had accepted a full time position at the zoo and moved into her own apartment which made things go much more smoothly for her and Jun.

Sometimes gossip articles and criticisms still cropped up about A.C.E's relationships with Charlie and Guerin, but by and large Choice and Joules supported the groups, who kept working hard, not letting their relationships get in the way of their dream. It helped that the two women were also passionately invested in their careers.

Nothing could be perfect. Guerin and Seyoon were aware that hardship was ahead, they hadn't talked about it at length, but it was looming ever closer. A few days after their one year anniversary the two of them were cuddled up with Eneoji on the couch.

"Guerin." Seyoon said suddenly after a period of comfortable silence. Guerin looked up at him, it was odd that he had chosen to use her chosen name so plainly like that. His expression was difficult to read but some of his personal tics revealed that he wasn't going to be talking about something good.

"Yes Seyoon?" She asked him, sitting up a bit to look at him more clearly, unable to help being somewhat nervous.

"We should talk about my military enlistment." He looked determined and uncomfortable as dread filled her. This explained why he had been so quiet and distracted since their anniversary celebration. "I didn't really want to think about it a lot. But I will be enlisting soon."

Guerin nodded as he spoke, nervously licking her lips and blinking, eyes feeling the strain that threatened tears. She fought to keep her expression neutral but he didn't look up at her.

A million thoughts and scenarios had been plaguing him for a while now, increasing exponentially as he reached 28 and knew he'd have to act soon. On top of the stress of being in the military he had worries about A.C.E, but they had done okay without Chan so he knew they could continue on. Additionally they had increased greatly in popularity, especially internationally. But the uncertainty lay largely in what to do with his relationship with Guerin.

"I think I'm going to enlist in the Army." He added, stalling as he suddenly felt somewhat lost.

"So, that's eighteen months right?" Guerin asked unnecessarily. She had done research and even asked Byoungjin and Woojin about their expereinces.

Seyoon nodded, "It's unlikely I'll get a lot of time to see anyone. Communication is limited too..." he trailed off. Guerin clenched her fists, "It's not fair for me to expect you to wait a year and a half."

"Kim Seyoon if you're breaking up with me I'd rather you not drag it out." Her voice broke as tears started to fall.

His eyes wide he looked at her for the first time since he had started talking. "Break up? Ya, why are you crying?" He asked in shock, "Stop, stop crying." He took her face and wiped her tears away, then pulled her against him.

"Well it sounds like it. You're scaring me." Guerin's voice was muffled as she hid her face in his shirt to disguise further tears.

"I don't want to break up with you. I just... don't want to be selfish and ask you to wait." He said as he wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back soothingly.

Guerin took a minute to compose herself before pulling away from him to respond. She took his hands and kissed each of them before she spoke, "I want you to be selfish and ask me to wait for you. I want you to ask for letters constantly. I want you to miss me and long for the days you can come back to me. I want you to fight through until you're back in my arms. I want that because that's what I want too. I don't want you to leave me at all but that's not an option so instead I want you to get through it for the future when we're together again. I know I'm going to feel all those things too and it would crush me if you found it easy to be away from me. I want you to be selfish because I am being selfish and if you are too then at least we can get through the suffering together." Her tears had started up again.

Seyoon watched her in silence for her whole speech, helping her wipe her tears as she continued. He waited a beat to make sure she had finished, moving toward her he kissed her lovingly, ignoring the dampness of her face. She returned the kiss, a little desperate from the fear she had felt about possibly losing him.

He ended the kiss slowly, then hand his forehead against hers, "I love you." He confessed. It wasn't new, they had said it to each other, but he felt the moment demanded it.

Guerin smiled and gave him a peck, tears no longer falling, "I love you too."

"When I get back, let's get married." He said suddenly. Guerin sat back in shock. Her emotions were in disarray. The past few minutes had been chaotic but she had gone from believing Seyoon was breaking up with her to this sudden proposal. Was it even a proposal?

"You want to get married when you get back?" She parroted back to him.

"We could get married before I leave, but it would be rushed. If we wait until I get back we can plan a wedding with enough time for our families to both be involved." He said sensibly.

Guerin was gobsmacked.

"I love you. Noona. Go Guerin. Paisley. I love you and I want to keep loving you forever." He said with a big smile. Guerin found it positively cute, but not in an exaggerated aegyo way that the two of them indulged in. It was genuine and pure and sweet and her heart swelled as she looked at the man that she believed to be the love of her life.

She stammered then laughed in shock, "Yes, let's do it. Let's get married."

"Now?" He asked perking up.

"No. Well. Maybe. I dont know! Let's figure it out later. Kim Seyoon I love you, I love you so much." She crashed into his arms kissing him as they laughed through the embrace. Flashes of their possible future with this weird, adorable, dedicated and handsome man went through her mind. The matrimonial thoughts inspired the two of them into a mood shift, until Eneoji awoke to the mess that was her human parents and decided to interrupt the flow by trying to join the laughing couple.

-End-

[god--baby]

I'm so excited about the ship thing! I love all the bowers boys & anything poly so if u wanna ship me with all of them that'd be cool but also Patrick is my fave, so rly it's up to u! She/her pronouns. I'm a shy introvert unless I know someone well. I like doing shit like stick n pokes, dying hair, anything creative really. Cuddling (platonic or otherwise) is my fave passtime. Always listening to "emo" music. I'm short, curvy, long brown hair, alt style. I love animals more than my own life.✌️

You got all the boys!!

Your music played fromyour phone, between Henry’s hands where he sat on the bathroom counter watchingyou, turning your phone over and over again in his hands as he listened. As hewatched.

You were sectioningoff Vic’s hair with pins and clips, getting him ready for bleach. He’d beenletting his dark brown roots come in, bad, for weeks and weeks, refusing totake care of them.

Actually, how it wentwas this: you say, Vic, your hair lookslike shit. He says, Who cares?

Pretty quick after thethird time you mentioned it to him, you figured out he didn’t want to do it —not himself. He wanted you to do it.

So here you were,bleaching his hair. Not the most fun thing you could be doing with a Saturday afternoon,but not the least.

You took the bowl inone hand, the brush in the other, and set to spreading the blue goop on hishair. As you did, he sang quietly along to your music, making you smile.

After about fiveminutes of careful work, Patrick pressed himself up behind you, wrapping hisarms around your stomach and bending down to put his chin on your shoulder.

“I’m bored,” he said.

You chuckled.

“Too fuckin’ bad, Pat,”said Belch. “We are, too, but you don’t see us complaining.”

“The only reason you’renot complaining is ‘cause you loveher,” Patrick said.

Patrick wasunreasonably proud of the fact that he’d never said he loved you.

“Damn straight,” saidHenry.

Patrick picked up hummingan eerie tune as you continued bleaching Vic’s hair.

Then he pushed yourhair out of the way and nipped at your earlobe.

“Patrick,” you said,not as sharp as it should have been. “I’m focusing.”

“Focus on me,” hesaid.

“Patrick, I —” you started.

But Henry cut you off.

“Patrick,” he said,his voice truly sharp. “Cut it out. Now.”

Patrick grumbled,pushing his hips up against you. You could feel exactly how badly he didn’twant to do what he was told.

Still, he pulled awayfrom you and sat on the lip of the tub, pulling out his lighter, turning it inhis hand, opening it and flicking it on and off before closing it again to turnit over.

It took you five moreminutes to get the bleach worked through, patting Vic’s shoulder when you weredone.

“Finally,” Patrick groaned.“I’m gonna fuck your fucking brains out.”

“Oh, really?” youasked.

“Yes, really. C’mere,”he said.

You backed away fromhim, smiling.

“No,” you said.

He stood, sighing,letting the sound turn to a growl in his chest.

“No?” he asked. “No?”

He reached out for youand you dodged his hand, giggling.

Then you all but ranaway, laughing.

He followed you,tailed by the other boys, as you went to your bedroom.

“You better not fuck,”Vic grumbled. “Not without me.”

“Too bad, princess,”said Patrick, his eyes fixed on you.

Thirty minutes later,you laid in a lovely pile of all your boys, except for Vic, who watched,sullen, from the other side of the room.

The timer on Vic’sphone went off, and grumbling, he left the room to wash his hair out.

“Poor Vicky,” Henrylaughed.

“I’ll get to him,” yousaid, stretching.

Belch leaned in andkissed your forehead.

“Yeah,” he said. “’Sonly fair.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, listeningto the shower start up in the bathroom.

[wintershieldedheart]

five times reunited:      ( five times the sender and receiver reunited after being apart for a considerable length of time. ) - matt

i. when they moved back to new york after the collapse of shield, margot ended up running into the devil of hells kitchen. for a year, she showed up at the least opportune time just to 'help' him with a case he'd already solved; a little shadow that was unwanted but easy to miss. so when she and her dad moved to the compound for the next year, she found herself quietly missing him. as such, when they moved back margot found herself searching for the usual rooftop places.

it hadn't taken her all that long to find him once she actually started looking, and margot had quietly tailed him until he finally stopped. she had no doubt that he knew she was there. margot caught up to him with an over confident, ' don't worry St. Devil, I'm here to save the day. '

ii. when the accords happened, margot and steve dropped off the face of the earth in an instant. it was only when things had settled down that margot had convinced him to let her appeal to matthew murdock - lawyer extraordinaire - known to very few as the devil himself. dressed casual and in a baseball that stopped people from looking at her face too closely, she walked into the nelson, murdock, and page office with all the confidence she didn't feel and a file stuffed full of the research she had on the accords. margot had given matt a small smile, before presenting the files on the research she'd done. unwilling to show weakness, margot handed him the files with a bold, ' my name is margot rogers-barnes and I think you should take on the case of the sokovia accords. I have a stack of research advocating as to why they need to be overturned. '

iii. though matt knew that hydra was after her, he also understood that she had to go underground in order to take them out. she went ghost in an efforts to take out the cell that was tracking her. it was matt, however, that helped her track them down. it was matt that covered for her, and matt that was her contact throughout the entire operation. three months to the day, margot tracked down their location and put in a call to him for back up. when she came face to face with the familiar red devil, margot gave him a warm, genuine smile as she murmured, ' thanks for having my back, matty. '

iv. ( endgame au ) when the memorial was set up after the snap, margot frequented it often. she'd trace the names of all the people she'd lost and quietly express her grief. surprisingly enough, it was matt's name she went back to the most frequently. most days, she quietly talked through whatever issues needed reasoning, despite knowing that he was as unreasonable as she was at times. still, she knew he'd understand, better than anyone else, and talking to his ghost was easier than talking to herself. a week before they figured out time travel, margot put her hand on his name and vowed, ' we're going to bring you back, matt. we're bringing everyone back. as long as you show up, I promise I'll never say anything mean to you again. I just need you to come back. '

v. ( endgame au ) after the snap, margot was bed ridden for weeks, and then the world went to shit again and she felt personally responsible for it. a month after though, she made a point to check on matt. she'd been half afraid of seeing him, not sure if he'd be proud of her or if he'd be appalled at the shit she'd gotten up to in the last three years. still, she showed up at his apartment with all the intention of throwing a cool and collected greeting his way, only immediately wrap him into a hug. margot hugged him as tightly as she could without hurting him and muttered a quiet, ' you came back. thank god we got you back. '