#i'm worried this doesn't come across well in my writing bc the second half is very personal

[shirogane-oushirou]

[cw mentions of ableism. talking / venting about the sharing vs non-sharing shit (i do not lean towards supporting one "side" over the other); starts out relatively neutral-toned but i start to sound frustrated part way through. i also have a more personal ramble at the very end that has a separate cw list. it's also long... don't feel obligated to read. i just needed to say things and be Done with it.]

man. i'm ready for all of the sharing vs non-sharing back and forths to stop.

to be clear: this isn't some "i'm above this argument" thing. on the contrary; i completely see where both "sides" are coming from! i simply mean it shouldn't be so difficult for a select few shit-stirrers to Get that selfshipping is a personal thing, and we should be able to ship in whatever way makes us most comfortable.

if someone is non-sharing, they should be allowed to create those boundaries without being harassed or called "immature" or "delusional" by sharing people. beyond how supremely ableist that is, nobody has the right to say they can't view their f/os in a certain way, no matter if other people don't understand those feelings.

if someone is sharing, they should be allowed to share their feelings for a character openly with other sharing people without being sent hate from non-sharing people who think they're "loose" or who want to be their f/o's "one and only". shaming people for being open to sharing is fucked from multiple "sexual / romantic purity" and "anti poly-[sexual / romantic / platonic] relationships" angles, and nobody has the right to claim sole and total ownership over a character they did not make.

and yet, every couple of weeks, we get posts from a vocal minority making a huge fuss over "the other side", when it's just a vocal minority FROM that other side ALSO making a fuss. and then those vague posts leave their intended orbit and cause more mis-worded posts and misunderstandings and off-the-cuff bigoted statements, and the cycle starts again.

we should theoretically be able to respect each other while focusing that energy on, oh i dunno, chasing harassers out of the community? getting selfshippers who aren't part of a specific marginalized group to help selfshippers from that group when they're harassed, maybe?? especially when the sharing vs non-sharing Thing very often coincides with bigotry; people who are harassing others tend to not just stop at being petty or mean, they make it personal.

and -- not as important but a nice little bonus -- i would think that working towards a community that's more safe for everyone in it would also "coincidentally" (/s) get rid of the shit-stirrers, whether because they were kicked out or because they realized what they were doing and grew as people.

---

[cw ableism, vague death ideation, non-physical self harm mention]

i was originally gonna put this bit in the tags, but i think i should put it under the cut bc it's a little personal + it got too long.

also, i try to stay in my lane and not discuss details about delusions or how to approach them -- i've only experienced them a couple of times, so i'm not going to claim to know much about them -- so if i've overstepped, PLEASE let me know and i'll edit or remove anything i've misspoken about.

but coming from someone who went too deep into selfshipping in the past and worries about the mental health of people who do: It's None Of Your Business!!

delusions aren't morally "bad" or "wrong". holding deep feelings abt a character isn't inherently delusion-based and also isn't morally "bad" or "wrong". and neither of those is the same as -- speaking from experience (above content warnings come into play here) -- being obsessed with a character to the point that you self-isolate and emotionally self harm because you wish so badly that the character was real and you believe there isn't a point to life if you'll never meet that character... and this is also not inherently delusion-based and ALSO not morally "bad" or "wrong".

these separate things -- delusions, deep feelings, and unhealthy obsession -- CAN intersect but just as often don't. none are immoral, and all are deserving of being approached with compassion and respect, in whatever way is most appropriate.

negative, harmful ACTIONS that some people take in these states are worth bringing up to them when it's safe to do so, depending on the details of their situation, but the states themselves don't have any moral weight. ie, if someone's harassing others for sharing their f/o because they're in a dark, obsessive place, that is a morally negative ACTION, not a morally negative mental state. they need to take responsibility for harm they've CAUSED, not for what they're experiencing internally.

but if you're calling people "immature" or "delusional" as an insult, something tells me you're not really considering that! whether through malice or just a lack of compassion, you don't see worth in how another person approaches this community.

you aren't better for thinking of a character a certain way, and neither is the person you're being ableist towards. if no harm is being done to you or others, you're just being a dick for the sake of being a dick. listen to other people, learn, and do better.

if you think someone is genuinely in a bad mental place because of selfshipping (wrt isolating and self harm), approach them as another human being. meet them where they're at. don't patronize them, don't call them "delusional", treat them like someone who has their own thoughts and values.

they may want help, or they may not, and you have to respect them for their choice no matter what YOU think is right. there is no truly right way to approach someone who's in a dark place, but you can at least avoid saying things that FOR SURE will make them feel talked down to, belittled, or shamed. if they aren't ready now, maybe they will be ready for help in the future, and shutting them down will make them less likely to seek that help.

(i was also going to put THIS in the tags but i should probably put it here: when i say 'learn and change' i mean it as a positive. people have the capacity to learn and grow and become better; if you've said something in all of this that can be read as harmful... consider why it's harmful and why you said it.

you aren't the same person you were a year ago. 5yrs ago. 10yrs ago. you have grown and you will continue to grow. but if you can be more aware of it and grow more purposefully and consciously? all the better.)

[crystalsnow95z]

hi love, i missed your fics❤️i had a request for you!

jimin & hoseok go live together after a concert and jimin can’t stop sneezing bc of his allergies. (add your little bless you commentary pls it’s so cute😔)

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you like them, I'm sorry I disappeared for a bit but I think I fixed my mental state enough to write again 😅 for the first time in a month and a half I'm actually decently happy with this one.

In case you missed it in the request..

Warning: sneeze content

"I love you! I'll see you tomorrow!" Namjoon calls ad the seven boys slowly disappeared underneath the stage.

Jimin tried to speak, but the itch in his nose he's been trying to ignore all concert was building up, so he opted to make a heart above his head instead, scrunching his nose to try to hold the sneeze in for a few seconds longer.

"Eh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes as soon as the lift drops him out of sight of Army sniffling to stop his nose from dripping. "Heh'hehitchi!" The sneezes he was holding back hit him all at once, Hoseok wrapping an arm around him to keep him from falling while the lift drops to the floor. "He..heheigh!"

"Aiigo..Bless you..are you sure you aren't sick, Jiminie?" Hoseok asks Jimin, rubbing the back of his neck. "You don't feel warm.."

"I'm fine, hyung. Staff already checked..che..sh..tich!" Jimin sneezes again, rubbing his finger across his nose. "I saw a doctor this morning before the concert. There's something about the air here that's setting off my allergies.."

"Did you take any medicine?" Hoseok asks, searching for a tissue for Jimin's runny nose, bringing him the box.

"Thanks hyung.. I don't understand..I'm usually not allergic to pollens.." Jimin blows his nose, sniffling again. "Yeah. I did before the show, but it really started wearing off during dope. I almost sneezed during my part..it was awful.. my nose itched so much.." he complains, his breath hitching for another sneeze that doesn't come. "Ugh.. I promised Army I would do a live tonight because I didn't join you guys for the live in Amsterdam."

"Army will understand if you aren't feeling well and skip it until you feel better." Hoseok reassures him, rubbing his dongsaeng's neck.

Jimin doesn't answer right away, trying to tickle the painful sneeze out of him, his breath hitching once more. "Heh..heiycvh!"

"Bless you.. Jiminie you don't need to force.." Hoseok starts, but Jimin interrupts him.

"No, no they'll only worry if they noticed I was sneezing a lot on stage then don't keep my promise. I want to at least expl..ah..heh'tichiu!" Jimin sneezes into the tissue, trying to clean up the mess that dripped from him.

"Are you sure you're okay Jiminie?" Namjoon asks, offering Jimin some water. "You've been sneezing quite a bit today.."

"Jiminies having issues with his allergies..I noticed there's a lot of plants I've never seen before by the hotel and stadium. Maybe one of those are setting them off." Hoseok explains for Jimin when he notices Jimin's face contorting as another sneeze builds.

"Heh'heh..ktchitxh!" Jimin stops fighting the sneeze when Hoseok finished talking, taking the water Namjoon offered. "Thanks Hyung.. all this sneezing is starting to hurt my throat..I'm surprised Taehyung-ah doesn't lose his voice when he sneezes.."

"Bless you.. make sure you wear a mask when you aren't singing to try to reduce the pollen that you breathe in.." Namjoon tells him with concern. "I'll ask staff to get you one with a filtering system."

"Thanks hyung.." Jimin takes a drink of water, trying to soothe his scratchy throat."Jungkookie seemed pretty sniffly today too. You should get..h..hey..iyfxh!' Another sneeze erupts from Jimin.

"I'll make sure he gets checked, too. Hopefully, it's just allergies for him too." Namjoon leaves to check on Jungkook.

"Go get changed so you can go home. I'll join you for a quick live session, okay, Jiminie. It'll be easier to do a live with another person with you." Hoseok offers.

"Thanks, hyungie. That'd be great."

Jimin followed Namjoon's advice, pulling up his mask as soon as they pulled up to the hotel, but he swore that whatever was setting off his allergies were still penetrating through the mask, causing an unbearable itch at the bridge of his nose.

Hoseok leads him inside, quickly using his key card to open the door to the hotel keeping his arm around Jimin's shoulder.

"He..he'hitch.." Jimin sneezes, grimacing when he feels the liquid drip down his nose and soak into the mask. "Eugh.." Jimin sniffles unhappily, not wanting to remove it until he was safely in the hotel room.

"Bless you Jimin-ah.. the medicine will kick in soon.. we can stay live until the sneezes settle down, but you should sleep after." Hoseok leads him to his room, fighting back a yawn.

"It's okay if you get tired, hyung. You can leave whenever you..he..geychi!"

"Bless you.." Hoseok says sympathetically.

"I can do it on my own or ask Jungkookie or Taehyungie to do it if you're tired.." Jimin digs out his key to his room.

"I'm not tired, Jiminie. I'm hungry..don't worry about me. Let Taehyungie and jaykay sleep. Those two were already falling asleep on the ride home." Hoseok reassures him, going into Jimin's bathroom to get a washcloth, wetting it and returning to Jimin, wiping his face clean. "Your nose is still so red, baby."

"Hyung that tick..eh..heh'tichi! Heyh..hitdhu!" Jimin sneezes, quickly backing up to avoid sneezing on Hoseok.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it worse.." Hoseok apologizes, giving Jimin the wet cloth.

"Heh'itchiiugh...it's okay.." Jimin sniffles, wiping his face.

"Bless you.." Hoseok goes to the humidifier at the side of Jimin's bed, hoping it would help. "I'm going to make food, do you want anything?"

"I'd like some ramen.. something a little spicy to help clear my nose." Jimin starts setting up for the live, adjusting his phone so both him and Hoseok could be in frame.

"Alright, coming right up. You can start without me while I cook."Hoseok starts boiling water for them.

Jimin goes to speak, but ends up sneezing instead. "Heh..heditxxchu!"

"Bless you Jimin-ah. I'll make you some tea too." Hoseok searches for teabags in the kitchen.

"I'm going to fix up my make up first.." Jimin goes into the bathroom, blowing his nose once more before trying to use some concealer to lessen the redness. "Ugh..my eyes are a bit puffy..and I look like Rudolph..!"

Hoseok giggles when he hears Jimin whining at his reflection. "You still look cute." He calls to him, reassuring the younger boy about his insecurities. "Army will still think you're adorable too."

You're just saying that..I'll just do what i can to cover it up, maybe if i dont sit too close to the camera no one will notice. Jimin finishes up his face just as Hoseok gets the noodles into the living room. "Foods done?"

"Yeah, but it's still super hot. I burnt my mouth trying it.." Hoseok warns, sipping some water to try to soothe his tongue.

"I'll be sure to..to..hyh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes, sighing irritably. "That one hurt..:

"Bless you.. Are you okay?" Hoseok asks, concern etched on his face.

"Yeah.. I'm okay.. are you ready for the live?" Jimin checks the angle once more before sitting down next to Hoseok.

"Ready when you are." Hoseok confirms, blowing on his noodles to try to get a not so painful bite.

Jimin hits play, picking up his noodles, surprised that within seconds there were already people in the chat. "Hello army.."

"Hi Army." Hoseok greets the small handful of people who already entered, then slurps his noodles. "Aiish, I shouldn't be eating noodles before the show tomorrow, my face is going to be so puffy.."

"You look cute with chub..ch.." Jimin puts up a finger thinking he had to sneeze, but nothing comes. "Chubby looking cheeks." He finishes his sentence, taking a bite of noodles.

The two eat chatting with each each other while they wait for more army to join, watching the comment section.

LovePJM13: hi Jimin oppa, I saw the show tonight and it was amazing, but in one of the photos I took it looks like you were crying. Are you okay?

"Ah, no. No i wasn't crying at all tonight. I was really..ah..Heh'hehitchi!" Jimin sneezes before he could put the noodles down to cover his face, choking on the noodles.

"Bless you baby..Are you okay? Drink some of your tea.. " Hoseok quickly takes the bowl from him and moves the camera so Jimin is out of frame, rubbing his back to try to ease his cough.

Jimin takes a drink of the tea, trying to wash down the noodles. "Yeah,yeah, I'm okay now..but that was awful.."

"Here.. you got broth on your face." J-hope uses his sleeve to wipe Jimin's chin. "Ah, the chat is worried.."

Jimin looks over, noticing the comment section flooding with concern. "Don't worry. I'm fine. It didn't really hurt it scared me more than anything.."

Tannie13: Do you have a cold?

Jungshookie9: Are you sick? I saw you sneezing during spring day..

Hoseok readjusted the camera so they could sit on the floor, looking through the comments. "Jiminie isn't sick. It's just allergies. Him and Jungkookie are both having issues, but it's worse for Jiminie."

"We'll only be here for another two days. I'll be fine. It's more annoying than anything." Jimin tries to reassure army, but his body has other plans. "Heh'itcgih! Heh..itcvxhyu!" Jimin covers his face with his arms, sniffling miserably.

"Bless you Jiminie.. they really aren't going away.." Hoseok frowns, rubbing Jimin's back. "You poor thing.."

"I'm doing better than earlier.. my eyes were more puffy when I was in the bathroom.." Jimin looks at himself through the camera lens. I wish it was my sneezes improving though..

"Are you guys healthy army? I know a lot of people get sick when the seasons change. Jinnie-hyung was just getting over a cold when we left Korea for our tour.." Jimin asks, but when he tries to watch the comments, his eyes start to water, another round of sneezes building covering his face.

"Hey'Itfgih! Heh'hehitchi! Ah..ah..hitcxhi!" Jimin sneezes, quickly standing up. "I'm sorry.. I got to blow my nose.." his voice comes out congested and soft, leaving Hoseok in charge of the chat.

"Bless you.. take your time Jimin-ah, I'll keep army company." Hoseok tries to calm Jimin's concerns about having to get up so suddenly.

"Army if you saw the show tonight what was your favorite part and if you didn't go what did you do today?" Hoseok asks, watching Jimin leave with concern. "Jiminie Army says bless you!" He calls to Jimin when he finds that he can't catch any of the comments except for the bless yous and I love you Jimin that flooded the chat. "We love you Jiminie!"

Jimin was glad for Hoseok's shouting, helping to conceal the sound of him blowing his nose, the clear gooey liquid soaking through the toliet paper. Maybe I should ask Hobi-hyung to take over the live.. I'm such a mess..Army want to see me when I'm handsome and smiling..

Jimin takes out his phone to text Hoseok, hoping he'd check it, but after retouching up his make up and still not getting a response he returned to the livingroom, bowing to the stream. "Sorry everyone.. I know this isn't what you had in mind when I said I'd go live in the next city.."

"Jimin-ah, you don't need to apologize. No one's upset that you aren't feeling your best.. we're just worried about you." Hoseok pulls him into a hug.

"Hobi-hyung.. I'm so ugly and gross right now.. I think we should turn off the live and you can do one on your own for army in my place." Jimin whispers so only Hoseok hears, only earning him a tighter hug.

"Don't say stuff like that Jimin-ah, you're being too hard on yourself. You look fine.. it's just a little redness to your face, it's no big deal. Okay?" Hoseok whispers back to him, gently ruffling Jimin's hair and letting him go, turning to talk to the camera. "Army! Isn't Jimin so handsome today? I don't think a stuffy nose is enough to ruin it."

Jimin watches the comment section flood his jaw clenched with nerves. They're just going to say Hyung always thinks I'm cute or lie just to make me feel better..

DaddyJoon9:You have the cutest little sneezes I just wish they didn't make you miserable 😔

HEYStobit77:You think the sniffles are enough to ruin your pretty face? You're crazy oppa. You're still handsome!

Ot7borababy:You're still my beautiful angel. Sick or not. Just feel better soon.

Tannie13: we don't care about your looks. You're very handsome but I'm here for your sweetness, Mochi. Please smile.

Jimin tried to catch every comment that rushes by, his eyes filling with tears when he sees all the supportive comments flooding into his heart, sniffling once more.

"Jimin-ah are you crying?" Hoseok asks in concern when Jimin lays his head in his palms, letting out a shaky breath. Hoseok leans forward to read the comment section, relaxing when he sees nothing but positivity, a mix of compliments and concern. "Jimin-ah tell Army why you're crying.."

"I-i'm just happy.. Thank you Army.. I love you guys so m-much.." Jimin lifts his head to speak to them, smiling through his tears.

Hoseok uses his thumbs to dry Jimin's eyes. "Hey, hey Jimin-ah? Guess what?"

"Huh?" Jimin sniffles, looking at Hoseok's bright smile.

"You haven't sneezed since you sat back down. They're starting to stop." Hoseok announces relieved for his stressed out dongsaeng.

"Hyung..don't jinx it.." Jimin smiles, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Let's finish our noodles and get to bed.. I think I've had enough excitement for one day.."