#id.honeypot

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON 1NFERNO’S LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCE JANG WOOSUNG...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 21 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 14 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): Meongddaenam (멍때남) - short for 멍 때리는 남자 (zone out man), a slang coined by his fans to mean a guy who’s so good looking you zone out and stare at him; also used to tease Woosung for his habit of zoning out. Golden Boy - as he gets a lot of screentime, fans claim that he’s being favoured by the company. His fans call him it to mean that he’s skilled and talented at everything, while his antis use it to mock him, attributing his success to MSG giving him more screen time. INSPIRATION: Woosung has always loved dance. There is nothing he would rather do other than dance— it’s been his dream for as long as he could remember. Originally, Woosung wanted to be a contemporary dancer, the emotional and technical movements catching his interest. However, as a teenager, he decided to branch out and discovered a love for hip hop. He got scouted by chance, and decided to try branching out some more. When he discovered his love for singing, his goal switched from contemporary dance to being an idol, pouring all of his efforts into training until he was able to debut. SPECIAL TALENTS:

Speaks fluent English

Studied ballet, modern and contemporary dance until he became a trainee

Knows how to do makeup from his time as a competitive dancer

NOTABLE FACTS:

His mother was born and raised in the US and works as a Korean-English translator, so he speaks English fluently with her side of the family despite living in Korea his whole life

Has two younger half sisters from his dad

Studied at SOPA, but did not continue on to university

Joined a hip hop dance academy and was scouted out of pure luck only two months after joining

Has an interest in choreographing, but is only comfortable with contemporary routines at this point

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

Woosung really wants to improve his skills, focusing on honing and refining them. As the lead dancer in a performance heavy group, he feels a lot of pressure to look good onstage. While he is a skilled dancer, the majority of his training is in a completely different area, and he still feels that his movement quality doesn’t quite fit 1nferno’s concept, that he lacks the power and strength in his movements necessary for their choreography. He also wants to take his vocals to a higher level, as he feels like the difference between himself and their main vocal is a really significant one. He knows he has the charisma and presence to warrant a large amount of screen time, but he wants his skills to match.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

Woosung loves performing, but the reason why he’s in the idol industry is for the money. His mother did absolutely everything for him growing up, broke the bank trying to provide the best of the best for her son. He wants to be able to pay her back, buy her a nice house and let her live comfortably. Once he hits that point, he plans on stepping back from the idol industry quietly, simply by not renewing his contract at the next renewal opportunity. After that, he plans to devote himself to dance entirely, perhaps as a choreographer with MSG or a teacher at his own studio.

IDOL IMAGE

On stage, Woosung is a captivating performer. Explosive energy and charisma, a coordinated dancer and stable vocalist, with a cute yet handsome visual to boot. He’s magnet on stage, someone who fans’ eyes are drawn to despite not being the best dancer or vocal in the group. He can handle the experimental concepts that MSG throws at 1nferno and is able to take most of the intense concepts in stride, finding it not terribly difficult to get into a character and convey the appropriate image onstage.

Offstage, however, Woosung is incredibly different. Having a naturally meek, introverted, and insecure personality, he tends on the quieter side during interviews, lives, and other social situations, finding it hard to talk and share his opinions. MSG pushes him as a chic, artistic personality, capitalizing on his contemporary dance training as a testament to his artistry and emotionality. It’s an easy role for Woosung to play, as someone who is much more comfortable staying quiet regardless of his image. During public appearances, he tends to let the stronger personalities in the group take over, chiming in rarely and even then, it’s usually only when he’s directly referred to or asked a question. Some fans complain about this behaviour, calling him cold and distant from the other members of the group, but his dedicated fans claim it’s because of his emotive side, reasoning that he’s one to read the situation and observe in order to match the others involved, rather than take charge of things.

When Woosung does speak, he’s surprisingly insightful despite his shyness, a delight to both fans and the company. He’s the type to consider unusual perspectives, without being strange enough to be labelled as a 4D personality. He’s thoughtful and considerate, easily able to gauge the needs of others around him. He does have his spacey moments, though, tending to get lost in thought. Thankfully, it’s more endearing than frustrating, and is marketed as simply another aspect of his emotionally-tuned personality.

IDOL HISTORY

1998.

Jang Woosung has always been a boy caught between two worlds, even from birth. He is born on January 26, 1998 to a Korean father and a Korean-American mother, and given two names— Woosung, a Korean name given by his father, and William, an English name given by his mother. Neither quite fit, each one missing a component of the other, and as Woosung grows up, he comes to resent them both. His English name as a target of ridicule, the label of gyopo, his mother’s roots in America. His Korean name as a cover up, trying to conceal the other half of him; but also, as a constant reminder of a father who left him, who gives him that name before leaving when Woosung is less than six months old. His mother has already established herself in Korea, has already planned a life here for her son, so despite being alone, she stays, intent on raising her son like she had planned, just without Woosung’s father. And so she does, the two of them in a tiny apartment in Ilsan, an infant Woosung crying for a father he wouldn’t even remember.

2001.

There’s no reason for Woosung to attend nursery school. His mother’s job as a freelance translator means she can work from home, balancing her responsibilities for work and responsibilities as a mom. They don’t go out much, simply stay safe in their own little world. Woosung’s mom is all he needs, and his mother is happy to provide. That is, until Woosung turns three, and his mother takes him to America to meet his grandparents. Look at him, Mia, they tell Woosung’s mother. He never leaves your side. He doesn’t talk to his cousins. He hardly plays at all. He keeps to himself too much. He doesn’t know how to socialize. What kind of adult will William be if he doesn’t learn how to act as a child?

And they’re right. Woosung is withdrawn, looks at others with fear in his eyes, holds onto his mother’s skirt wherever they go. So, as soon as she gets back to Korea, she enrols him in the first activity she can find that will take three year olds— a ballet class at a studio just a fifteen minute bus ride away. Woosung cries during the first class. He cries during the second. He clings to his mother and begs her not to go. She hushes him, gives him a kiss on the cheek, tells him that if he goes to the class, tries his best, acts like a good boy, they’ll get ice cream later. Isn’t that nice, Will? Wouldn’t you like that?

This is where everything begins.

2003.

Woosung excels in his ballet class. He takes it very seriously, practices at home, hums the complex classical melodies even when class has long ended. He doesn’t become the most talkative kid in the class, not by a long shot, still insecure and devastatingly shy, but he comes out of his shell a bit, shares short sentences with a few of the other kids in his class before and after their lessons. I want to be a dancer, he tells his mom, and he’s good enough, loves it so much that she kisses his head and says of course, Will, whatever you love to do is something worth doing.

But then, Woosung starts school, and the bullying begins. In his dance classes, the other children were too young to understand what it meant when Woosung spoke another language with his mother, and they spent too little time with him to be bothered by it. The children at school, however, understand the difference. They realize that Woosung is different because he speaks a language that isn’t Korean with his mother, because the food he eats for lunch is a bit different from theirs, because he has two different names on his report. So they tease him, pick on him, call him a foreigner, a gyopo, a fake Korean. Woosung’s personality doesn’t help him either, his shyness and lack of interest in anything other than dance making him an easy target. It never progresses beyond name-calling, but it hurts just the same, presses down on Woosung until he withdraws entirely, speaks to hardly anyone. It’s then that he vows to never use his English name again.

2007.

It’s not until Woosung is nearly ten years old that he meets his father again. They never talks about him much, Woosung and his mother, and he would never visit— he lives far from us, Will, it’s hard to get here from Busan. Woosung was never able to forget him, though, reminded of his father’s existence by the cards and small pockets of money that double as birthday gifts and seollal presents. But one November day, when Woosung gets home from school, his mother tells him (in a voice so quiet, nearly sad, your father wants to visit you, William) and Woosung stops.

His father is tall, intimidating, dressed in a suit when he drives up to meet Woosung. (Even that detail is strange to Woosung— his mother has never had a car.) He takes Woosung for dinner, to a restaurant with food that Woosung doesn’t like but chokes down anyways because he’s scared of seeming impolite. He finds out he has sisters— two of them, aged five and two— that he’s never met or heard of before. Woosung, talking for the first time since his father picked him up, asks how they can be his sisters if they don’t have the same mom. His father doesn’t answer, takes him home twenty minutes later.

Back inside his house, the small apartment he shares with his mother, he feels like he’s back in the safe zone. But there is no safe zone anymore, the influence of another world with his father weighing on Woosung even when he’s alone with his mother. And so he withdraws into himself even further, stumbling along the line between two contrasting worlds that he must exist in at the same time.

2011.

Woosung dances every day, now. He’s moved on from ballet, branching out into contemporary, modern, other styles of dance that make use of his lithe frame and flexibility. He finishes school each day and goes straight to practice, logging long hours at the studio, coming home well past sundown and still slaving over his homework. He doesn’t do great in school, but his mother keeps on him, tells him it’s good to have a backup, Will, what if you get injured and you have to stop dancing? It’s a thought that scares him immensely, but he trusts his mother, so he tries his best, forces himself to keep going, stays up well into the night just to keep his head above the water.

But the lessons are getting expensive now, the older Woosung gets and the harder he pushes himself. He starts competing— starts winning, bits of money here and there, small scholarships to workshops— but the costs rack up. His mother is alone, just her and Woosung, and while his dad visits sometimes, he never provides. So it gets harder to put food on the table, harder to pay the bills, and the night that he notices his mother not eating simply because there isn’t enough food, Woosung breaks.

For the first time in his life, Woosung reaches out to his father. It’s not like Woosung has never contacted him before— since Woosung met him four years ago, he makes sure to message him on important days to wish him well, like his father’s birthday, or Parent’s Day. He’s a good son, polite, and he never asks for anything, never asked until that day, when he meets up with his father and asks him for money.

His father doesn’t agree. His father denies him vehemently, once he finds out what the money is for. He’s fuming, yells at Woosung, I already have two other kids to provide for, and you have the audacity to ask me for money for a hobby? For ballet? I won’t support something gay like that.

It’s the first time Woosung hears the word gay like that— used to describe something he loves so dearly, curled up into the seat of his father’s car, his head down and tears in his eyes. He’s heard it snickered behind his back in school, as he got older and the bullying had turned from shouts and jeers to things more subtle. I heard he dances ballet. And he’s never had a crush on anyone, he’s never even talked to any of the girls in our grade. Do you think he’s gay? It still hurt, a lot, his heart aching at each comment, but it was easy enough to tune out, used to it after eight years of snide comments and insults— but this is the first time he hears it so directly. He doesn’t realize why it would be a bad thing, his mother always telling him gently it’s fine to like what you like, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone. But from his father, it sounds bad. It sounds wrong. Woosung doesn’t even know what he likes yet, doesn’t know if he’s gay or not, but it plants the seed then— he can’t be gay, not if he wants to be loved.

Woosung goes home and cries, locks himself in his room, presses his face into his pillow and tries not to make himself as small as possible in hopes that he might disappear. He deliberates it for days, stays up all night thinking. The thought of quitting is unbearable, but there’s no way he can let his mom keep doing this to pay for his dance. After a few days, an idea comes to him, risky yet seductive.

If I get accepted into a good company for my dance, will you help mom pay for it? He texts his dad, too scared to ask him to his face after last time.

His dad agrees.

2012.

Woosung gets scouted less than three months later.

He’d cut out his ballet classes, cut out modern and contemporary, switched to something that people would be interested in him for. Something that people wouldn’t call him gay for. He joins a hip hop academy, fills his time outside of school with that. He learns the basics voraciously, dedicating every second of his time to be able to improve as fast as possible. He doesn’t have the power and swagger that the other dancers have, but he’s toned, coordinated, and expresses feelings well onstage, uses all of it to his advantage to put on a good performance. He tries his best to fit in, to not draw any criticisms, feigns confidence like it’s his job. Two months after he joins his academy, they put on a public performance, and someone in a suit approaches him as he leaves the venue. I work for an entertainment company, they tell him, but Woosung doesn’t hear anything, only sees the MSG on the business card they hand him. We’re looking for new trainees right now for an idol group. You should audition.

Woosung does. He goes to the first audition he can make it to, forks out the little bit of money he has saved to travel to Seoul for it. A week later, his name is on the contract.

2015.

Trainee life is exhausting. As much as Woosung wanted to leave school, dedicate every minute of his life to dance and performance, his mother and the company wouldn’t let it happen. He enrols in SOPA with the companies help, in the Department of Practical Dance, goes to school and study only to train into the wee hours of the morning. He moves into the dorms, away from his mom— as much as it breaks his heart, going between Ilsan and Seoul every day on top of his already intense schedule just wasn’t feasible. Woosung never takes it easy on himself, always pushing himself as much as he can, working as hard as he can. He’s self-critical, incredibly so, uses every second he can in the studios and practices until his body is screaming at him. It seems to pay off, getting him noticed by the company. He doesn’t rank too high in his evaluations, maybe a bit above average, but he gets compliments from his coaches, trainers, teachers. He doesn’t dare take any of it for granted, though; he’s seen it happen, talented trainees letting the praise go to their head, getting cocky, getting comfortable, and in the end, getting dropped from the company. He makes sure he’s always consistent, always hungry, searching to be better. Woosung doesn’t pay much attention to the other trainees, never really makes friends— it’s not like that’s something he’s ever been in the habit of anyways, after how his school life turned out. The cutthroat nature of the trainee industry makes it harder on him too, because the comments turn from general meanness to picking on the parts of himself he has confidence in. They pick on his dancing, about how he lacks power, how he’s too soft in his movements, how he stands out too much that he’ll never fit into a group. The comments break him down even more, tear his confidence to pieces. He doesn’t let it destroy him though, and he doesn’t back out— he’s come too far to quit now, and besides, what would his mother and father think? So woosung just does what he’s always done— keeps his head down, his mouth shut, and works until he can’t anymore.

Then at the end of 2015, right before Woosung is about to go home for the holidays, he’s called for a meeting with five other boys and told they’ll debut. Management explains the concept to them— experimental, powerful, conceptual. It doesn’t seem like it’s anything Woosung will fit into at all, especially when he’s given the label of lead dancer and lead vocal. He doesn’t have the strength behind his voice, the power in his movements to carry such a title. But the company assures him, all smiles, hands on his shoulders, you don’t need to worry, Woosung, you’re handsome onstage. It clicks then, why he’s gotten as far as he has, why the company always seemed to be a bit softer on him. It wasn’t because of his talent, because of his hard work— even though he’s a good dancer and a decent singer, what the company wanted him for was his looks. Everything feels fake now, the compliments, the encouragements, all the work he put in discounted. It feels like a weight on his shoulders, another thing crushing down on him. He resents himself for it, resents not being able to get by on his talent alone, resents the company having to lean into his looks to justify putting him into the group. And yet, months later, despite everything, he debuts.

2019.

Woosung has never had a crush. Never had a true friend, someone his age that he could talk to. Never had a goal other than dance. Never had an urge to open his mouth and speak his mind. But now, things are changing. Woosung has a couple people that he’s comfortable with being around, people who he trusts not to tear him down at the first chance they get. They’re few and far between, his friends, but at least they exist. People still intimidate him, strong, aggressive personalities easily overpowering him, and he’s still devastatingly shy, but he wants to work on it, wants to be able to open up more, be able to show himself in the hopes that people will like him. He has a crush now, maybe. He doesn’t know what it feels like to have a crush, but he thinks this might be it— the heart fluttering, cheek reddening feeling whenever that certain someone is around. He doesn’t think anything will come of it— who would want to date someone like him, twenty-one years old with absolutely no experience— but it’s there. (He’s not gay though. Or, he doesn’t think he’s gay. He can’t be gay, not after what his dad said to him.) He has fans, people who like him, hears good things about himself. They like his English, find him relatable, coo over him, find out his English name, call him Will without it twisting his stomach in the same way. There’s not as much direct bullying anymore, but Woosung is so used to it now, feeling like he’s being criticized for everything he does, that he finds himself being hard on himself. Late nights spent crying in the practice rooms, his body aching so much that it’s hard to get off the ground. He wants to snap out of it, but it’s hard— especially when he sees comments online, fans pitting the members against each other, pointing out how he lacks compared to the main vocal and main dancer. But he’s trying— really, he is— and maybe, one day, he’ll feel good enough.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON NIGHTMARE’S VOCAL, DANCE ZHAO DAXIA...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Xia CURRENT AGE: 19 DEBUT AGE:17 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 16 COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): nightmare’s babydoll, xixi INSPIRATION: daxia was largely inspired to be an idol by her favorite groups, who she’d began to love after seeing online videos. after winning a small talent contest at her school, she said that it showed her what fame and being loved by fans felt like and that she’d give anything to feel that for the rest of her life. from there on, she began grinding to work towards becoming the sweet and talented idol she is today. SPECIAL TALENTS:

martial arts - she started learning at the six and continued classes off-and-on until receiving her black belt at the age of thirteen.

choreography - after being a dedicated for so long, she’s practiced many years so master several of her favorite group’s choreographies from the last three generations, going as far as to try to mimic their mannerisms.

impressions - often teasing, but she has a special skill for impersonating both her members and other idols she’s fond of.

NOTABLE FACTS:

she was first found after starring on the show “superstar k”, where she placed 4th.

she once went on a trip to new york city and took a picture with rihanna.

daxia’s a huge fan of western music from the 90’s, and once a week she posts song recommendations for fans to follow and add to their playlist, along with an extended explanation and preferred method of listening.

she is known for her significant weight loss during her time as a trainee to debut, losing around 22 kg in a month. she refuses to say how, for fear others will try it as well.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

daxia does not hope that nightmare will change their concept, but instead that it will be better received by the public as they keep promoting, she also hopes that as they get more experienced, she will be more natural at fitting in with the dark concept. she wants to also better connect with international fans more, and hopes to be able to travel to china on tour and connect with fans in her native tongue.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

despite the cultural difference, daxia hopes to become a beloved figure of the korean entertainment. while highly ambitious, she hopes that she’ll have a lengthy and successful career and eventually be able to venture into other types such as acting and more variety. she wants to be a long term public figure known for her personality, and eventually be able to earn enough to move her parents to korea.

IDOL IMAGE

[did you see that new girl  they added, daxia? she doesn’t look like the nightmare type at all.]

cute face, devilish grin. daxia’s introduction to nightmare was certainly a shocking one, such childlike features accompanying such an eerie concept. and yet, in a way, it works. the deceitfulness in her smiles is just the soft energy they need. sure, nightmare doesn’t ever catch a break because of their concept, but in a way it’s xia who helps bring the cuteness back that they’re missing.

[i heard she’s the least talented out of the bunch, though. is she just a pretty face?]

upon her debut, she receives almost instant criticism. she’s lacking skills. she shouldn’t have debuted so soon. she barely can speak korean. all in all, everyone seems to view her as a trainee who still needs lots of work. what could she do? it’s not like she doesn’t agree, but daxia had been dying to make it big and nightmare seemed like her only chance. she tries her hardest to work hard, but they don’t seem to get past her swift debut and lackluster skills. the only thing that’s saving her is her charisma, even the anti-fans can’t deny she has an incredible stage presence and personality onscreen.

[yeah, i think so. but she’s a little cute….right?]

so koala.t uses a new method, using her downfalls as their strength. within a month of debut, they stray her away from the dark character it seemed everyone else was playing. instead, they have her play dumb. since they can’t seem to do much with her, they work with her flaws and make them “cute” to the audience. her korean, which is lacking but nevertheless improving, is told to be intentionally worse to play the clueless foreigner card. her voice cracks are made to be a cute mishap, and her lack of coordination can be attributed to her adorable clumsiness. koala.t feels that all her critiques have been swiftly cleaned up, but xia can’t say she feels the same. unable to be completely herself, to be made to be some quirky, relatable little kid for the public’s sake.

[i guess so. she’s sweet, at least. i think she likes what she does.]

but it’s not all bad, in xia’s book. being among the youngest of the bunch means she’s frequently doted on, and gets the privilege of teasing her members without seeming to mean. she’s known as “nightmare’s babydoll”, the sort of sunlight in such a dark concept. her fanservice and frequent streams make her a favorite among those who prefer personality to skill, something she can’t decide on whether she likes or not. whatever her beliefs, her marketing as the cute side, the “dawn”, of a hellish nightmare, has been one that’s put xia out of the darkness.

IDOL HISTORY

begin. from the very first few seconds she left the womb, daxia knew she was special. born a daughter, the only child to parents who for so long had tried to conceive a child. while she wasn’t hardly wealthy enough to be deemed spoiled, daxia always felt confident that there was a place for her in the world. her first steps, first words, first meal, all of it was caught on camera alongside the cheers of proud parents. they cherished her. cherished her so much that they never let her out of their sight. how could they, anyways, when all the bad in the world was so willing to swallow up girls like her? daxia was known to be terribly susceptible to colds, had an extensive list of allergies, and all the likes. even her asthma, which she felt was a minor setback, would result in panic anytime it decided to cause her some trouble. she was a small, cute thing, their bao, or treasure.

both in their mid 30s, they raised her in a disciplined yet loving household. to satisfy their fears, the girl was homeschooled all throughout her schooling years, drilled with lessons in math, english, and more. her friends all lay within her stuffed animals, and when she got older shifted to living souls behind her computer screen. with the bulk of social interaction coming from her parents and penpals, xia soon got bored and resorted to a different form of entertainment. something fresh. something….exciting. kpop. her parents, being extremely traditional, accepted nothing but the chinese ballads they filled the house with. so, in secret, she plugged her headphones in and began to fall a little deeper for the celebrities who seemed so far away. her hobby soon became addiction, and within a few months she could tell anyone who listened an alphabetical list of over a hundred boy and girl groups. you see, it took her away. away from her parents, from wuxi, from china. for once, she felt like she wasn’t trapped within her house but instead apart of something much more. korea, in general, soon gained her interest, and she slowly shifted from interest solely in idols to learning the language and culture. by the time she turned 17, she’d begun learning simple phrases and had her eyes set on the country.

if she was being completely and utterly honest with herself, daxia knew she had no place at home. she had no work skills, no real talents, only a passion and a kind soul. it was only when she stumbled upon an advertisement for a talent competition based in korea that she began taking the idea of a future seriously. a future with her passion, in which she may even be able to share the stage with her idols. daxia, being the ambitious teenager she was, worked her hardest to land a spot. staying up late at dance studios, visiting vocal coaches. her savings account, which had largely been holding funds from her job, was emptied to get her plane ticket there.

those dreams soon came crashing down, when her reign of superstar k quickly ended as she left the show with 4th place. the people had loved her bright spirit and small-town girl feel, but it hadn’t been enough to win a talent-based competition. with low spirits and even lower funds, she’d just begun her travels back home when the company she knew well, koala.t, contacted her in hopes of bringing her into the agency. it was clear she had a lot to improve, but her bright spirit and work ethic gave them a sort of momentum.. sooner than she ever thought possible with the talents she had, she was put into nightmare’s lineup. how was it possible? even daxia knew, with the optimistic lenses she saw the world with, that there was less celebrating than she’d hoped. other trainees had worked far longer, far harder, and had the talent to back it up. what was daxia doing, standing next to such talented girls? the thought haunted her, and the constant criticisms of her surprise debut didn’t make it any easier.

just like that, all daxia’s ideas of what reality was were all ripped from her eyes. she was thrown into the trainee scene faster than she could imagine, as her family watched on with shock. in a country she could barely understand, working to be just like the people she’d always felt were in another universe. the transition was anything but easy, filled with tear-filled nights of frustration and the same, sad homesick feeling whenever she thought of her family back home. she was 16, her parent’s bao, who had always been raised a baby. now, here she was, with the culture shock of her life and struck with the reality of independence and the entertainment industry.

nightmare’s concept hit her like a pound of bricks, as she had to learn concepts such as alluring and sexy. never had she been associated with these words before, but she tried her best to catch up with the rest of her members. the cute, soft daxia was certainly still there. but with such high stakes, she was willing to do whatever it took. she was already let go once, and she’d be damned if she let her only opportunity to be a somebody go through her hands like that again. her hard work seemed to be working against her, though, for every time

everyone swears her charm is in her uniqueness, but daxia wishes everything in her it isn’t true. because it’s all her differences that make her faults, and no matter how out there nightmare might be in concept she hopes they don’t say the same about her, the individual. so she smiles like everyone, tries to speak like everyone, and doesn’t dare complain.

because she’s different, she knows, but will do anything to hide from the spotlight and blend into the background.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON NIGHTMARE’S MAIN RAP, LEAD DANCE JIA MAIALEN ACOSTA...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Medea CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 20 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 17 COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): Brujita; because of her heritage, Jia is popular among some Latin Americans. They declared her their little witch, or “nuestra brujita”. The name has caught on, so others now call her “little witch” INSPIRATION: Jia’s personal inspiration comes from her years of acting and her father’s obsession with gothic literature. He would have preferred for her to become a professor instead of an idol, but her family is still very supportive.  SPECIAL TALENTS:

Languages-Jia was born in America to a Puerto Rican/German father and Korean mother. She grew up surrounded by different languages. As a result, she speaks English, Korean, Spanish, and German. Her German is probably weakest, but she can still speak enough to entertain people on variety shows.

Monologues-Because of years of acting auditions, Jia has several monologues she can still recite off the top of her head. Macbeth is a popular request.

Tarot-Jia doesn’t personally believe in tarot readings, but it seemed like a good skill to learn once the group changed direction. She now knows how to do readings and carries a deck of cards as a prop.

NOTABLE FACTS:

Jia has been acting since she was six years old, though most of her experience was small scale commercials and school productions.

In December of 2017, she had a mediocre appearance on Hit the Stage. It could have been better, but it certainly could have gone worst. Mostly it was a combination of nerves and food poisoning. She has not touched oysters since.

Koala.T has been pushing Jia to continue acting. Her most recent experience was a lead role in Last Minute Romance.

Jia is incredibly intelligent. Her father is a professor so she grew up with a nose in a book.

She has a fascination with Japanese horror, particularly anime and manga. Her current favorite anime is Angels of Death.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

Jia wants to grow the popularity of Nightmare. While their followers are fervent, there aren’t many. It would be nice to see Nightmare more widely accepted by the mainstream population, particularly because Jia actually believes in the concept.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

Someday,  Jia would like to be a soloist. It seems like the only opportunity for her to take some type of agency in her career and she is genuinely devoted to music, particularly to writing lyrics. However, the company thinks she would be better off continuing her acting career. Despite this, she is determined to prove to them that she can be a viable candidate for a soloist someday.

IDOL IMAGE

Sassy. Fiery. Extroverted. Sexy. Koala.T quickly realized Jia would never fit any of those molds, despite their expectations of what a Latina should act like. She was too quiet, too introverted, too uptight. She had spent most of her life sheltered, especially for a child actor. While this meant Koala.T never had to worry about her getting into trouble, it also meant they had to rethink who she would be in the group.  The most they could hope for was quirky, odd, maybe a little eccentric. They settled on restrained. After all, what was a nightmare without a bit of mystery? Everyone would dream of uncovering the “real” her and her other, bolder, group members could take the lead in interviews. She could speak every once in a while, make people work for her words. Koala.T never had to worry that she would take it too over the top and become unlikable. She had acted for years and certainly knew when to smile and when to hold back. In fact, it would make their vision for her as an actor all the more impressive. People would line up to see her quiet nature break down, to find a crack in her armor on screen. Since Nightmare’s debut,  that has been the role Jia played. She is cute, quiet, and shy, except when performing. She raps and dances with her entire soul, almost becoming a different person. Koala.T knows she wants to be a soloist someday, but they don’t see that in her future. Not with her image and not with her past as an actor. It is much easier for them to market her as such, to place her in television shows and web dramas. They see her as perfect for the small screen. Unfortunately, her personality has typecast her in roles  similar to her image, despite her range.

IDOL HISTORY

Everyone in Los Angeles is an actor. Jia was no exception. Her father, Gabriel Acosta, was Puerto Rican and German and damn proud of both. Her mother, Da-un, was Korean. Among Americans, she went by Daisy. Both might have never met had her father not broken his arm. Her mother was the nurse on call. Her three older sisters strived to be academics or doctors, but Jia knew that was not for her. She was a quiet child, almost worryingly so. Her mother began putting her in school stage productions hoping it would cure her shyness, despite the lack of love she had for the theater. Everyone was stunned to realize Jia was actually good in front of an audience. Despite her nerves, she excellent at memorizing lines, having always been a smart kid.

After a few school plays, her parents decided to explore the world of child acting, figuring it was a good way for her to earn money for college, because she was certainly going to go to one if it killed them. It was a tough market. Though Jia knew several languages, Asian roles were few and between, and no one would cast her as a Latina despite her proficiency in Spanish. She was never a stranger to racism, but those years helped her realize just how different she was. She didn’t fit in anywhere, not entirely.

When she was twelve, her grandfather on her mother’s side developed cancer. Her mother was the only one left to care for him, so the Acostas uprooted their children and moved to Korea. It was a culture shock for Jia, who had never set foot in its soil. Her Korean wasn’t bad per se, but it was rougher than her Spanish and certainly worse than her English. It was a difficult time for her. She decided to continue acting, mostly to make herself comfortable with speaking Korean among natives, but she did not have any jobs for a while. During that time, she discovered her love of writing.

Jia grew up around books. Her father never failed to bring classics home. She read Frankenstein at an age most kids were looking at Judy Bloom, but she never considered writing anything, not until she moved to Korea. She always had trouble making friends with her quiet personality, so writing was a way to escape her problems. At first it was about her day, then turned into practice for her Korean, until it shifted into creative pieces. However, she had to push that aside once her acting jobs started coming in again. Jia was filming a commercial when Koala.T scouted her. She was seventeen and figuring out what to do with her life, already becoming tired of the same acting roles over and over. They thought she had potential as an idol and invited her to audition. Her parents had mixed feelings about the situation. They wanted her to go to a university, for her to be a doctor or even a theater teacher, not a performer. She managed to convince them, mostly because it was a long shot. Her vocal and dancing experience was limited to school musicals, and there idol market was much more difficult to enter than the child acting market. To her surprise, she left the audition as a trainee.

Her parents gave her three years after she graduated high school to debut or else they were pulling the plug on the whole thing. It it was their compromise because while they were supportive of their daughter they were unwilling to have her throw away her life on something so impractical, something that had so little chance of working out. She trained every day and discovered a talent for rapping, which she honed. She found herself in a line up for a fairytale themed girl group until the company pulled the rug out from under them. Having always been obsessed with Japanese media, Jia had a much easier time adjusting to the shift into the pop rock occult. Jia always had a fascination with the macabre. Despite her meek personality, she loved horror movies and had the stomach for the goriest of films, having spent her share of time in the ER, waiting for her mother. She even suggested several stage names, before they decided on Medea, figuring the witch from the Greek myth fit the idea of the group well and would lend an edge to the sweet Jia.

While none of her other languages were useful in an Asian market, they made her a favorite in some international markets, particularly Latin America. For the first time in her life, being a foreigner was an asset, especially when domestically Nightmare was practically a flop. It was disappointing, but Jia remains hopeful. It has after all only been a little over a year. There is still plenty of time to turn things around and she is determined to make it work. However, some contention does exist between her and Koala.T. They want nothing more than for her to continue acting, having already seen her capabilities on the small screen. However, Jia would rather explore being a lyricist, maybe even a soloist. She has had people tell her what kind of material to produce her entire life. While it wouldn’t be perfect, being a soloist would allow her to finally shine on her own. Of course, it is still early in her career. She has to exercise a bit of patience as she can’t rock the boat too much, not when they are just getting started and certainly not before she has enough fans to back her up. Thankfully, Jia is good at playing the long game.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON 1NFERNO’S LEAD DANCE AND LEAD RAP, CHOI WOONG...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: n/a CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: 19 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: Acting

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): woongie, giraffe, beanstalk, zac (his english name being zachary) INSPIRATION: dax was inspired to be an idol because of his dance teacher in osaka. when dax moved to japan, he couldn’t speak to anyone because of the language barrier, so he started to dance after seeing street performers. his dance teacher taught him to express himself through the movements and pushed him into his idol career. SPECIAL TALENTS: 

fluent in english

celebrity impressions

flexibility

NOTABLE FACTS:

parents & older sister all born abroad while woong was born in korea

acted in small theatre roles as a child

plays some guitar and piano

currently studying acting at sungkyunkwan university

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

woong’s main short-term goal is for 1nferno to get a music show win with their next comeback. everything necessary to make that happen is included: improving his vocals, improving his variety skills, keeping the fans interested, and getting the group more public attention.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

ultimately, woong would like to be a serious actor. the ideal would be something along the lines of exo’s d.o’s career, where he is not grouped with other idol-actors but performs more serious roles and is seen as capable in both capacities. 

IDOL IMAGE

choi woong inspires a feeling of trust. he’s a good guy, goofy and lovable, a boy next door - all wrinkles are carefully ironed down and presented only when they are perfectly erased. a combination of becoming an idol and trying desperately to incorporate acting into some part of his life meant that he spends every moment he has in the public eye appearing exactly perfect. he knows when to be silly, exactly how silly to be, and when to withdraw himself. the company shows him off as a pretty boy with a heart of gold, and in spite of his skills not quite living up to those of the other members he draws generally positive attention. unfortunately, this typically doesn’t gain too much traction - one fan will make a post about how he stayed behind after 1nferno had recorded a show to push in everyone’s chairs and it gets some response from people within their fandom and some from outside, never quite going viral. being kind isn’t flashy and it doesn’t get woong much attention but it does build a solid foundation for his relationship with the general public.

this is all a far cry from his offstage personality. woong’s real self is loud, obnoxious, clingy. he’s enthusiastic and good at improving the mood of a room - all good traits, but not quite the put-together persona he’s meant to put on as a member of 1nferno. he’s an extrovert in the most obvious ways, making friends whenever he has an opportunity and is typically the first person in the room to break the ice and start a conversation. some of these details come across to avid fans through when woong gets carried away and acts louder and more extreme than he usually would in front of the public, but it’s been received as him becoming more comfortable with being an idol rather than him breaking character.

IDOL HISTORY

woong has always felt like he had gotten the short end of the stick. his mother and father were born in vancouver and san diego, respectively, to korean parents who had immigrated after the korean war. his sister, older than him by eight years, was born in los angeles and had stories about family outings to disneyland and in-n-out, about endless sunshine pouring through the windows and the constant smell of the sea. when his mother was pregnant with him, however, she received a shiny new job offer that brought the family to live in south korea. on may 17th, 1996, choi woong was born in yeosu, only months too late to have qualified for an american passport.

perhaps as a result of his idea of his family’s past in the united states as glamorous and exciting versus his boring jeolla upbringing, woong decided on stardom from early on. he begged his parents to fund classes after school for anything that might help him get there - he signed up for piano, guitar, voice, dance, and acting lessons, all with the hopes of discovering some kind of innate talent. but at such a young age he was easily discouraged when these proved to be harder than anticipated. his parents refused to let him give up on everything and told him to choose one and to see it through. he chose acting.

it worked out well, for a while. he ended up liking it more than he had expected, eventually developing it into a modest, if not fantastic, skill. as long as he kept his grades up, his parents let him go to auditions - yeosu wasn’t exactly overflowing with acting opportunities, but he got a few chances to stand onstage, playing small parts as a couple’s son or a younger version of one of the main characters. but as he grew out of his cute childhood self and into a pimply and awkward teenager, the few roles he had been getting dried up.

at first, he figured this was for the best. he’d acted, he’d enjoyed some of the exciting aspects of it, and now he could move on with his life. he cancelled his lessons; that was that. except weeks passed with no shows and no practice and no lessons, and woong couldn’t stop feeling antsy and restless. he’d loved being out onstage in character more than he’d thought. he confided in a friend, who suggested trying out for an entertainment company - they won’t care that he’s in the middle of puberty, since they invest for the long haul, and lots of them train actors who don’t sing or dance as well as idols. he was hesitant - seoul was so far, would his parents even let him move there on his own? - but a bunch of companies were holding auditions next month in gwangju, which was too close to home to resist. he signed up for one audition slot per each company from the family computer that night.

being untrained in vocals, rap, and dance, woong got rejected from most of the places he had auditioned for. but a monologue he had delivered when a member of the audition panel asked if he had anything else to show got him a contract with msg entertainment. he phoned his mom from the building, telling her for the first time that he was planning on pursuing this. it took some convincing, but after some arguments and a few tense days she sat down to help him pack.

he moved to seoul and began training. the company insisted that he put in hours working on vocals and rap and dance, because “you never know”. he hadn’t changed much since his early years of quitting when something was hard, and the temptation was strong, but he didn’t dare do anything that could get him kicked out of training - this was the best shot at fame he’d ever gotten. he persevered and sweat and bled through it all. when his scheduled time with the acting coach started to get cut to less and less, he didn’t notice or process the change until weeks later.

the company promised him a debut and insisted that it would be easier to make it as an actor with a spot in an idol group. woong then half-unwillingly agreed to join the predebut training group that would become 1nferno, msg’s highly anticipated new boy group. his skills were below those of the other boys’, but he had other things to contribute - an infectiously bright attitude, a pretty face, an additional skill that has the potential to bring msg more money down the road.

woong’s acting debut has been scheduled for after 1nferno’s first music show win. he’s been struggling towards that goal for two years with no success; each promotion ends with no wins and huge disappointment. woong has grown to like the idol life, but it’s not the glamour he had wanted growing up and it’s not his passion. his resentment of the company and 1nferno’s shortcomings is starting to boil in the pit of his gut, and he knows it’s unfair to blame anyone in particular, especially any of the other members, but he’s growing sick of giving and giving without his promised return.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON MAYDAY’S LEAD VOCAL BANG SEUNGAH...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 19 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 14 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): peachy, because she reminds people of a peach and because peach (복숭아) sounds like her name. INSPIRATION: she always cites diamant, royal-t and other girl groups as her inspiration to become an idol. SPECIAL TALENTS:

correctly guessing which panel, page, volume, and series a junji ito illustration belongs to

falling asleep anywhere

can play twinkle twinkle little star on the recorder with her nose

NOTABLE FACTS:

throughout elementary and middle school, seungah was always picked/voted as the class president

huge fan of junji ito

has a great fear of roller coasters

has been collecting 10 won since she was 10 and plans to count how many she has collected when she turns twenty

played the harp since she was little — whether she can still play it or not is a secret

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

currently, what seungah wants more than ever is for mayday to pick up and get going. she wants the general public to at least know the group’s name or their debut song, so the group as a whole can successfully launch their careers. and after that, seungah hopes to feature in a viral song or a popular drama, anything to get her name out.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

after mayday has found closure, she wants to be known as bang seungah — not seungah of mayday not the peachy cutie seungah but just seungah, the famous actress or entertainer. all she wants in the world is fame and the spotlight all for herself.

IDOL IMAGE

seungah is agreeable as they come: do this or do that, and she’ll comply without much fuss, because she has goals and she can’t reach those goals if she bites the hands of those who feed her. some might call her respectful, and some might call her attention-seeking but at least she’s getting her name out in one way or another, and she thrives on the people who have nothing but love to give or hate to spew.

she’s cute — in the right way: not too in your face and not too subdued to the point where those would assume she is a coy snake. the perfect balance, and she’s discovered it. it’s a blessing. she’s not what a stereotypical girl is supposed to be. she is not an innocent, demure lamb, because she represents the young girl in the modern day — a girl who is wild but pure, a controlled hurricane who brings joyful tears than chaotic cries.

in all aspects, she’s just a girl who runs in the field, running around with peach colored secrets on her cheeks and a bright giggle lining her small lips — all natural, nothing calculated. her bright energy, her youthful clumsiness, her approachable femininity — she’s the ideal girl-next-door: relatable.

and due to this image (and partially influenced by the accidental aegyo that got her name known to a wider audience) msg has their eyes set on making her the future “little sister of the nation,” dolling her up in soft pastel, yet relatable apparel and plastering her with dewy pink lip glosses.

seungah is far from that stage costume. in reality, she prefers sharp eyeliner and a bold, red lip but she’s gotten used to being a little pawn if she can become the queen she’s always wanted to be in the future.

IDOL HISTORY

she’s taught from a young age that the world is a competition; that if she doesn’t weed out the weaklings before they realize they can never make it out on top, she’s selfish — that’s a mighty fine thing to tell a fifth grader, she remembers her father comments, sarcastically, under his breath. but it sticks to her — not just because seungah was impressionable back then, but because her mother was right. (she always is. that’s why she earns way more money than daddy and has nicer things than him.)

sadly, her mother doesn’t deem her as smart as her brother or sister. well, she is smart — just not book smart.

(instead of memorizing the pythagorean theorem, she’s memorizing and imitating what sounds a corpse makes as it decomposes.)

so her mother drags her to a busy city, into the breeding ground of potential idols, hoping seungah would capture the attentions of a talent scout. the first day is unsuccessful but seungah’s mother or her mother’s grandmother did not raise a quitter, so they repeat this sequence — a mother rushing out of her meeting and a daughter eager to trade a safe but stagnant life for that dangerous spotlight. from head to toe, she’s dressed like she has the potential to be worth a billion won with pink frills and laces that adorns her tulip-patterned dress and pearls her mother bought her a few minutes ago at the shinsegae department store a few blocks down.

over the years, both seungah and her mother become busy with their own lives and they’re passion to get her name out burns out and turn to ashes. perhaps the disappearance of their desperation is what gets her noticed by a scout who thinks she has a chance to become a celebrity.

her singing is mediocre, and her dancing is worse but they see her try her best and notice a potential in her and that somehow melts their frozen, sharp eyes.

criticism is nothing to her; she’s gotten enough of them from her own mother — you’re not smiling enough. you’re not good enough. why aren’t you getting better? — those stick inside of her — not in a negative way but in a way that will make her better because her mother also teaches her that criticism is just encouragement to make one improve, no matter how harsh they are. she doesn’t count how many evaluations she’s gotten — but the numbers dwindle dangerously quickly yet painstakingly slowly. she’s gotten away with her stagnant progress by being cute but it’s harder for her to hide with so few girls. she piles up her evaluations and analyzes them to improve — her mother probably wishes she could put this much effort into school.

she sticks around the girls she knows will make the final cut — the ones who cry but improve, the ones who grip on the edge of their dreams even if their nails break. and to the rest who smell like weaklings, seungah only gives them a shallow smile. “maybe next time,” she’ll say with fake, crocodile tears and a voice that would send shivers down their dead-end dreams.

she debuts.

good.

it was about damn time.

her debut isn’t as herself but she has to begrudgingly convince herself that beggars can’t be choosers. every. single. morning.

but this day will change her.

a girl cries in front of her, at a fan meet, in public — why?

she doesn’t know what to do and, and for a split second, she stares at the girl, eyes blank and devoid of any compassion until her mother’s roar clicks her back in place — “behave,” she hears. she’s heard this enough time to know what and how to act.

seungah eats up her tears and shows the crying fan a heart — to be specific, three of them: two over her eyes and one perched under the fan’s chin.

she doesn’t know why or how that was considered cute, but the fans, the company and her mother seemed to love it. though if you asked seungah, she’ll say doesn’t care for it. but it’s the image that works wonders, an image made just for her when there is nothing special or innovative about it.

but if it’s to get her ahead, seungah will gladly swallow her pride and act like a fool.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON XLNC’S BASSIST, LEAD VOCAL, MAIN RAP MIN HANEUL...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: n/a CURRENT AGE: 20 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 15 COMPANY: Koala.T Music SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): God-given-visuals, something often used to brand him but is never really said as more than a joke between band members. Ha-choo, a fun play on the fact that he tends to sneeze a lot. Not often used amongst fans, but a staple between friends.  INSPIRATION: Growing up with an musician mom and singer dad exposed him early to music and art, and he’s always been in love with it. Becoming an idol only helped him find a way to channel his passion and make something great. SPECIAL TALENTS:

aegyo

freestyle rap

did taekwondo for a while, able to ‘show off’

NOTABLE FACTS:

currently studying a music major in university

knows how to play the piano

is allergic to dogs

has a small following from his brief days in modelling and as an underground rapper 

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

Haneul had always wanted more of the ‘idol’ side compared to the band side of things, and the company’s lack of promotion and exposure for the group is something he wants to fix. He aims to slowly bring XLNC into the public spotlight, either through their songs or something else entirely. He also wants to fix their unprofessional image, and he wants it done quick- preferably in time to show a new side of the band when their next comeback rolls around.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

Despite being unable to go solo, Haneul wants to make it big- even if he has to drag the rest of the band along. He hopes that XLNC can be the ones to change the scene of kpop and make it big, bringing back the popularity that bands once had. Instead of Nitro and Nightmare being the breadwinners, and despite knowing that it will probably never happen, he aims for XLNC to be at the top of their company and be the most respected ones.

For himself, Haneul wants to expand his talents as an artist. He wants more of his input in their songs, their music, and how they play, the whole works. His goal is to become more or less the de facto leader of the band, and become well known for his songwriting ability, not just his pretty face.

IDOL IMAGE

Despite the so called versatility and freedom that Koala T was supposed to give them, the image presented for Haneul is a fairly stereotypical one. He starts off as the flower boy- the pretty one, the icon of a bubbly rookie but not the one meant to be saying very much, doing very much, more or less just there as a placeholder, a space filler. After that it’s the story of how he grows. A showcase of rare moments of genius, then hard hard work and a few emotional breakdowns here and there, and finally bam, real talent and the fans were the ones who helped him do it. In contrast to his more rough-around-the-edges (and dare we say it, raw and real) bandmates, Haneul is expected to be the perfect one, the good boy, a mary sue story with just enough heartbreak in it for the fans to buy into.

Of course, like any good story, it has just a tiny bit of truth in it. Haneul’s always been fairly friendly, mostly calm, and a good boy when he wants to be. His smile is too pretty to be considered fake and of course that plays into both his and the company’s advantage- despite being almost entirely written up on a piece of paper during a company meeting, his facade fits perfectly. Haneul can be the perfect statue: there’s no need to talk too much about a song he didn’t write, think up new details to stories that didn’t really happen, get frustrated over things he knows he can’t change only to expose even more vulnerabilities for the knets to latch onto like vultures. That’s everyone else’s job. It’s all too easy to play innocent and shy and docile, the rest of his personality just comes as a ‘pleasant surprise’ when he does show it.

That’s what makes the ploy real, of course. Haneul’s usually playful, plenty clingy, just enough mischievous and even the slightest bit of a playboy. Or what’s what the watered down version that KTM presents to the public. In truth he is all of those things and far more, a charming player with too much wit and too much ambition for his own good. But even he knows that it’s not in his favour to be this bold- perhaps if he was in a typical idol group, but not with XLNC. Instead, all the ambition and rebellion is written off as being passionate and free spirited, falling into the funnel of whatever they deemed as ‘emo’. On stage, he is expected to be cool and charming- or depressed, or angry, whatever the song calls for, he acts it out. And yet off stage Haneul has to play nice, like the stage was just for performance and well- both of them are, really.

The only thing that the company allows, that he allows himself, are brief moments of weakness. Briefly lapses in his golden personality, shows of the vulnerable teen inside who can still cry, still scream. And yet for the sake of a good show, these moments have become just as manufactured as the next. Sometimes Haneul can’t tell what he’s really feeling anymore, but as long as the fans gobble it up, that’s fine, right?

IDOL HISTORY

Haneul’s life was one of the things that Koala T like to dig out and show off over and over again, and yet it was not nearly as glorious as they made it out to be. Yes, he was born to a family of artists, but they had never been celebrities, they never lived in fancy houses, never were the musical geniuses people thought about. No they were rather plain, some third rate singer that had enough time on his hands to pursue a full time job on top of occasional gigs and a classical musician that, despite never being home, made just enough to keep up their modest apartment. Being born into his household meant that from young, he had no misguided dreams about what it was like to pursue the path of an entertainer. The starving artist trope was all too real and, as time went on, music just existed to be less and less of something that was enjoyed and more as a burdened tool that could not perform well enough to grant them the life they wanted to lead.

He was never encouraged to go down the same path his parents did- quite far from it, all Haneul’s parents wanted from him were good enough grades, a solid university, and some boring office job that could coast him (and them) comfortably through the rest of their lives. And for much of his childhood that’s what he had followed. A free spirit hammered down to a neat and tidy uniform, a lopsided smirk straightened to the perfect schoolboy’s smile, at least 16 teeth showing in every school photo. Perhaps that was when he got so good at acting, so good at pretending. If it made his parents happy and in turn benefited him, then it was okay to keep at it for a little while longer. And then when he grew up, he dreamed, he’d be the biggest superstar, far better than his parents would have ever dreamed of. And for a while he had almost thought this would come true.

The boy’s pretty face garnered attention from youth and soon, Haneul had been scouted away to film a commercial. Yet his doll like features were truly as empty as a doll’s, completely lacking the spark of energy the producers had wanted. That plus the strong opposition from his father soon had the boy dropped out of the program, and that was meant to be the end of the story. The whole ordeal fizzled to a lackluster end and life went back to normal, falling into the monotone best that it had been all along and which he was probably doomed to listening for the rest of his life. At that thought, whatever was left of Haneul’s wild dreams gave one last lurch. If his parents had thought he was still the goody two shoes he had been before, then they would soon be proven wrong with the twisted streak of rebellion growing inside.

Middle school found the teen packed away to some mildly prestigious boarding school half a city away. Middle school also found him… never where he was supposed to be. Yes, he went to most of his classes, yes, his average was at that rocky 90%, but what his parents never knew was that the rest of his time went to busking on the streets, in cafes or around Hongdae at night, wherever he could get his hands on and wouldn’t get kicked out of just because he was a lanky kid with a half broken mic and some soundcloud mix of beats. But he had never been the type to do things without a goal. Oh yes, Haneul knew exactly what he was doing. There had always been star scouts regularly in every spot he went to and he knew if he could make any sort of impression then… his chance came. It was KTM that extended to him the olive branch, the alluring words- the chance to be the next big thing. And of course he said yes.

That’s how Haneul left, left the boring life he had behind. It had taken a few angry phone calls, perhaps, a trip home where more than one curse was thrown around and furniture with it and Haneul couldn’t even quite remember how he did it but- he went back with signatures scrawled unwittingly across some paperwork. The then 16 year old was filled with no, not dreams, but ambition and plans to prove himself to the world and most importantly, as better than his parents. And like always it was too late when reality caught up. The company had been interested in his appearance, that was all. Nothing else was expected of him, no chance given to even prove himself. Despite the days laboring away in lessons and training until the wee hours he was, until the end, just a pretty face to stuff wherever they needed one. And when the managers settled upon an idol band concept but conveniently had one last open spot with nobody particularly suitable, then it was time to show his worth- to mold himself into the band player they needed. Make yourself useful, they told him.

Debut a year later was underwhelming. Even though his teammates were so talented, even though he himself had at the last minute found talent in playing the bass and was deemed acceptable, even though he was supposed to make a splash in the world- Haneul’s appearance on the scene had hardly dented the water. And it was in this- mediocre fashion that they continued, never really good but never really bad either. They had minor struggles, minor successes, and that was it. It wasn’t going his way at all. And the scary thought that slowly surfaced was: maybe he would have been better off just as a typical accountant or salesman? Haneul would not let that happen. He had so much potential, so much to prove…. and he was so afraid of failing.

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON NIGHTMARE’S MAIN DANCE NAM HEEYEON ...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Riley CURRENT AGE: 23 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE: 18 COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: n/a

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): tiny beyoncé (because of her dancing skills and small stature), nolang(because of her blonde hair when she debuted), namri (her last name + english / stage name combined) INSPIRATION: when she was younger, riley heavily looked up to galina ulanova; a russian ballerina who has passed away just two years after riley was born. the way she moved, the grace that oozed from her limbs and the commitment she poured into the art, riley had wanted to be just like her. but as she grew, so did her inspirations. from her fellow underground dancers inspiring her to better her skills in street and hip hop dancing, dance crews such as royal family and poreotics expanding her view and knowledge of the world of dance to the point where riley was determined to know at least the basics of every dance style, and, when she discovered her love of rap, she added eminem, tupac and kendrick lamar to the long and seemingly never ending list. SPECIAL TALENTS:

freestyle dancing — during her trainee days under both MSG and KOALA.T, riley became known for her ability to freestyle dance to just about any song.

flexibility — thanks to her ballet training, she is extremely flexible, more so than most people her age.

choreography — riley choreographed a lot of dance routines during her trainee and predebut days, it is one of her talents that she is proudest of.

NOTABLE FACTS:

she was originally scouted by MSG entertainment when she was 13 years old and was meant to debut in cherry bomb! but left just months prior to the group’s debut to focus on her studies

she considers herself the visual hole of the group so she works especially hard to better her skills

she hopes to take part in choreographing and producing future songs for nightmare

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

to make it as short and sweet as possible, she wants to see nightmare succeed. sure, they may not have had the best of starts and they didn’t exactly hit the ground running, but who did really? sure she has personal goals, small ones that would (probably) be easy to achieve even if nightmare doesn’t succeed (except for one), and that’s why she doesn’t look much further than the future of her group. riley isn’t naive enough to miss the fact that their concept and sound immediately intimidates some and makes others declare them as too ‘out of the box’, a concept that ensures they have a small (but loyal) fanbase, but she’s a positive person; intimidating could turn into interesting, ‘too out of the box’ could easily transform into ‘a group with a concept unlike no other’, and their small fanbase could quickly grow if luck favours them — and riley sure hopes that it does.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

in all honesty, riley hasn’t had much of an opportunity to look past the future of nightmare. she’s always been focused on the here and now, and whether or not that’s a bad or a good thing is up to you (though she prefers to think of it as a strength rather than a fault), and whenever she’s asked about the future, she never fails to come up blank. her personal goals are small; help her parents out financially (aka the one goal where she depended on nightmare being successful), maybe choreograph songs for other groups, but, above all else, she wants to open up a dance company; she wants to share her love for dance, she wants to share the feeling it gave her with younger kids, she wants to help people, the way that dance had helped her.

IDOL IMAGE

classified as the ‘visual hole’ of the group early on in their career, her harsh visuals often being compared to the softer, gentler visuals of her members, and, ever an inventive company, koala.t decided to use this to their advantage when creating riley’s on stage persona.

one of the members with a darker concept, something somewhere in between gothic and something straight from a nightmare, a darkness that is contrast to her members, the mysterious dark figure that waits in the night, the dark that makes you curious but also insanely unsettled — she’s the unseen venom, something that slowly but surely sinks into your bloodstream and refuses to disappear, dragging you into her trap, into nightmare’s trap. with this thought in mind, riley is often portrayed in darker scenes compared to her members, alone in dark alleyways as she peers over her shoulder with a knowing gaze, almost beckoning others into her trap, as though she is the one that trapped the other members there and has them under her watchful eye. she’s mysterious and dangerous, someone you want to know more about but someone who terrifies you beyond reason.

on stage, riley has this concept figured out to a t; monolids painted with the darkest of charcoal colours, lips curling into an attractive and intimidating smirk, piercing eyes oozing charisma and mystery, her body an instrument as she captivates the audience and, with the aid of her overwhelming stage presence, drags into the nightmare. off stage, however, riley is known for being a positive and optimistic person with not only with an obvious talent for dance, but also a major talent for variety; and her currently featuring on KBS’ variety show roommate has only helped that discovery. that is her brand, her image. riley is the bias wrecker of the group, the one that not many immediately stan thanks to her harsh visuals but the one that digs her claws into their hearts later on with both her on stage persona and stage presence and her off stage skills.

IDOL HISTORY

tw; brief mention of bullying, abuse, and cancer

I’M OPENING MY EYES UNDER THE SKY THAT’S SO BLUE IT’S COLD

riley had been dubbed a miracle before she had even been born, before she had even properly formed in her mother’s stomach, she had always been her parents miracle. the child that her mother was never supposed to be able to but, by the grace of the gods (or whoever you wanted to thank), she had been conceived in a last ditch attempt to have a child. even if she was the only biological child her mother would ever be able to have, even if she wasn’t the perfect child that she knew her parents deserved, even if she wasn’t born with a soft beauty that left others breathless, she had always been her parents little miracle; and her korean name, heeyeon, made sure that everyone knew that,

heeyeon; the one that brings happiness wherever she goes.

and she had been young when she had decided that, no matter what happened, she would live up to her meaningful name.

THE OUTPOURING SUNLIGHT MAKES ME FEEL DIZZY

the first major shift in their tiny family unit happened not four years after riley had been born, her father had been contracted to move to chicago to take part in the construction of multiple high rise apartments, and her father, desperate and willing to work wherever and whenever to support their family, had instantly taken up the opportunity. and her mother, having promised to never part from her father’s side (a promise she took very seriously, mind you), was quick to agree to go with him, not caring about the cultural difference nor the entirely new language, especially if it meant that their family could stay together.

if you wanted riley to be honest, she had little to no memories of daegu, of south korea at all, her whole life had revolved around and was spent in chicago, illinois. that city held all of her memories, the memory of when her first tooth had come loose and her father had convinced her to let him tie floss around it and use the door to yank it out, the memory of when she was first bullied for her looks but, ever the stubborn optimist, riley had come home with that bright smile that her parents told her made her look beautiful, and the memory of when she was accepted into the joffrey ballet company when she was eight.

for as long as she could remember, riley had wanted to be a ballerina; she would spend her nights watching old videos of world famous ballerina galina ulanova and trying to perfect the complicated moves in the mirror, she had wanted to be as beautiful and as graceful as ulanova had been. but, alas, the world wasn’t always kind, especially to a child filled with dreams. whilst she had been accepted into the company, she would soon discover that becoming a ballerina was grueling work, even learning the basics almost pushed the young girl to tears, being made to bend and contort into unnatural positions all in the name of making sure her muscles and ligaments wouldn’t lock up as she grew older, her face was made fun of by the other students and one instructor even asked the young child to maybe consider plastic surgery just to stop the bullying which often disrupted classes.

but, still, she continued to refuse to let it all get to her. she just continued to smile her brilliant smile that made her look pretty and went about her life.

MY BREATH IS QUICKENING, MY HEART IS RACING

in a world where she was scorned and excluded for her odd and harsh features, even as a young child, riley would discover a small pocket of the universe where she was accepted without issue; the chicago underground dance scene.

she was ten when she stumbled across the old and somewhat run down dance studio on her way home from ballet training, the pounding of the bass resonating deep with her chest and the sound of synchronized footsteps drawing her closer until she was completely ensnared in the beauty that was street dance. it didn’t take riley long at all to enrol in the studio, running to the class everyday after school and every weekend after her ballet lessons, all of her spare time was spent in that rundown studio learning the art of street dance and hip hop.

I CAN FEEL IT SO EASILY; I’M ALIVE

riley had heard many a horror story about the korean entertainment industry, stories of trainees who had been diagnosed with mental health issues after years of abuse that they had suffered at the hands of their trainers and other staff under the companies, stories of trainees and idols who had been made to have plastic surgery in order for them to meet south korea’s beauty standards, and, if you wanted her to be completely honest, riley had had absolutely no desire to ever have anything to do with said industry.

or at least, that’s what she had thought up until she read the positive stories about idols successfully paying off their parents debts, of idols making lifelong friends, and god how riley wanted to be able to experience and do both of those things. she wanted life long friends, she wanted to be able to lean on people without worrying about them leaving her, but most of all, she wanted to make sure her parents lived easy and worry free lives. it’s what they deserved after everything they’d been through.

it had been with this dream, this desire, in mind that riley would secretly send off an audition tape to one of the many, many entertainment companies in korea, a company by the name of msg entertainment, swearing to herself that she would tell parents about the audition if, and only if, she heard back from the company — which she had highly doubted at the time. they undoubtedly received hundreds, if not thousands, of audition tapes a day, she had been sure that hers would just get lost in the noise.

which was why she had been indescribably surprised when, not even a week later, she received an email from the company written in both hangul and english informing her that they would like her to attend an audition at the main company building in seoul, south korea. and if that hadn’t been enough to unleash a swarm of butterflies into her stomach, the idea of sitting down with her parents and telling them that she had received a reply to her audition tape definitely was.

her parents had been worried, distrustful of the entire system, but it hadn’t been the industry or even the successful idols that had come out of msg to convince them to allow riley to go back to south korea for the audition, it had been riley. riley who had stayed up until midnight telling them of her dreams of making friends, of dancing on stage, of performing for people who liked and looked up to her, her dream of making sure her parents could live a comfortable life.

it would take a blind idiot to not see how much this dream meant to riley, but thankfully her parents were not blind, if anything, they had better foresight than most. and that was all it had taken for them to agree to go back to seoul with her, for them to be there whilst she worked to achieve her newly found dream.

MY COLD HEART HAS FORGOTTEN HOW TO CALL YOU

coming from a ballet background, where riley was made to restrict how much she ate and diet from the age of eight, training under msg entertainment came relatively easy to riley; even the bullying, which seemed to follow her no matter where she went, was something that she had expected. though, there were some things that riley had to quickly grow accustomed to; the korean social hierarchy that she had never had to experience back in chicago, the rap and vocal training that she was sorely lacking in, living with other trainees and not with her parents, it was all a tad much but, thankfully, it didn’t take riley long to get used to it, it never did.

though what surprised riley the most was that, not even a full two years later, she was placed into the lineup of cherry bomb!; msg’s newest upcoming girl group as the main dancer when she was just fifteen years old. her dream of getting up onto that stage was finally within grasp but, for the first time in her life, the universe would deal her a crushing blow, one that she wasn’t quite sure that she would ever rise from.

BUT I’M NOT LONELY, I’M FINE, I’M FINE

you know that feeling you get in your stomach when you feel like something is wrong, so incredibly wrong but you’re not quite sure what? that’s what riley had woken up to on the morning of april 6th, 2012, just mere months before cherry bomb was expected to make their debut. it had been pure instinct that had caused riley to go against her usual morning routine of not checking her phone for a whole two hours after she’d woken up, her long fingers instantly wrapping around the reliable brick that was her phone to check for messages and, sure enough, there was just one waiting for her; one single message that somehow managed to shatter her whole world.

her mother, her strong, kindhearted, and terminally sweet mother who would rather give away the clothes on her back to someone who needed them than to leave them in the freezing cold, had been diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. and her decision had been immediate; she couldn’t keep training for a dream that, realistically, may never come true even after she debuted, her mother needed her, her father needed her now more than ever, and if it meant giving up her dream to look after them, she would without a doubt… even if they had been the reason she had started to chase this dream in the first place.

after explaining to the company what had happened and her decision, she was surprised at how easily they had let her go, telling her that they would pray for her mother’s wellbeing and that they hoped the future was kinder to her.

and god how she hoped it would be, not only for herself, but also for her family.

THE DARKNESS OF THE NIGHT SHAKES ME FROM MY DREAMS

the year following her mother’s diagnosis was a turbulent one, but thankfully the nam family was nothing if not tenacious; her mother had even laughed and said that ‘a little cancer’ wasn’t going to stop her. when riley had informed that she had left msg in order to focus on her studies, get a job and be around more for her mother, the very woman had threatened to beat riley over the head with the nearest object (which happened to be a pillow, thankfully); telling her that needed to stop being so selfless and focus on herself more, that she couldn’t keep giving up her dreams for her parents. riley had only rolled her eyes and told the woman that the only long lasting dream that she had was of her parents living good lives, even if deep down her mother’s words had affected her more than she would probably ever admit to.

it didn’t take riley long to realize she much prefered training than she did school; at least while she was training she knew what she was doing, she was working on her skills and adding to the the ones that she didn’t already have. and sure, she was good at school, at the top of her year, but that was all she was good at there; no one liked her, a few students went out of their way to make her life hell there, making fun of her looks and the few that didn’t, only liked her because she was kind.

and it was with that realization, and her mother’s constant badgering about riley giving up on her dreams for stupid reasons (and yes, she was referring to herself as the ‘stupid reason’, much to riley’s irritation), that she decided to audition for the underdog of the korean entertainment industry koala.t music.

an underdog from chicago auditioning for the underdog of the korean entertainment, it could be a match made in heaven if the god wanted it to be.

BUT I’M NOT AFRAID, I’M FINE, I’M FINE

by the time riley had successfully joined koala.t music after a grueling audition process, she was eighteen years old and had already come to terms with the fact that there would always be someone prettier than her. she wasn’t ugly, she knew that much, but her visuals were far harsher and stood out amongst the other female idols, or so the company said. but riley didn’t mind, she had never particularly relied on her looks to get her through life, just her tenacity and her positive yet determined attitude towards anything that life handed her.

I’M FEELING JUST FINE, FINE, FINE, I’LL LET GO OF YOUR HAND NOW

she was four days off her twenty second birthday when nightmare debuted with a concept that was, for lack of a better word, either a hit or a miss with the general public. despite the concept of the group being the complete opposite of her own personality, riley finds enjoyment in the image, looking forward to each comeback and wondering just what the next comeback had in store for them. but even with the excitement of each comeback, there’s a tiny voice in the back of her mind that’s telling her that their concept is too polarizing, that if they don’t change it up soon, things will get worse, but she ignores it.

besides, riley has gotten this far in life on pure positivity and optimism and if it’s gotten her that far, she doesn’t doubt that it’ll get her through the rest of her life… right?