#idek if thts a real word i probs made it up

[cherriedsin]

            𝙸𝚃     𝚆𝙰𝚂     𝙰     𝙻𝙸𝙴      when     they     smiled     and     said     you     won’t     feel     a     thing     !

tw     :     child     abuse     ,     alcoholism     ,     death     &.     murder     mentions     ,     ferocious     writing     .

well     hello     lovely     inhabitants     !     tis     i     ,     honey     the     nineteen     year     old     hick     cowgirl     residing     in     the     est     ,     here     to     bring     u     my     three     terrible     muses     and     writings     and     hope     u     accept     us     regardless     of     our     smell     .     i’ll     keep     each     of     these     personal     ooc     intros     short     bc     these     are     gonna     b     very     long     but     ,     i     am     beyond     excited     to     be     here     and     can’t     wait     to     meet     every     single     one     of     ya     !     plotting     will     taken     place     after     a     simple     heart     is     given     on     this     post     or     simply     by     hitting     me     up     on     the     cord     which     i     can     give     to     u     via     ims     !     now     let’s     continue     .

╰     𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍     𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒     𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓     𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄     𝐘𝐎𝐔     𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄     ;     now     will     it     matter     after     i'm     gone?     because     you     never     learn     a     goddamn     thing     !

government     name     :     katrina     dilara     yilmaz     roma     .

nicknames     :     kat     ,     lawyer     lady     ,     attorney     annie     ,     kitty     (     given     by     father    &.    sends     shivers     down     spine     )

physical/actual     age     :      thirty     eight     .

hometown     :     watermount     .

occupation     :     town     attorney     ,     struggling     mother     &.     wife     .

gender     :     cisfemale     ,     female     pronouns     preferred     .

orientation     :     pansexual     .

height     :     173     cm     ,     5′8     .

weight     :     59     kg     ,     130     lbs     .

complexion     :     fair     ,     aged      well      with      few      markings      besides      laugh      lines      ,      smooth      with      a      glassy      appearance      .

hair     :     lighter     brown     with     an     auburn     hint     ,     more     burgundy     in     the     summer     after     various     long     contacts     with     the     sun     ,     thick     and     straight     as     a     board     .     comes     two     inches     above     elbows     and     is     usually     styled     with     a     perfect     middle     part     and     flows     down     back     .     

distinguishable     characteristics     :     head     turning     hazel     orbs     meant     for     intense     staring     to     wither     opponents     into     submission     ,     mole     on     right     side     of     face     placed     by     a     tainted     father’s     kiss     ,     nose     scrunches     when     expressing     severe     anger     or     amusement     .

favored     :     western     -     like     movies     and     tv     shows     ,     crime     shows     from     any     era     ,     documentaries     ,     almost     every     book     ,     stressing          out     with     work     and     other     tasks     to     stay     busy     ,     keeping     office     clean     but     letting     room     stay     a     mess     ,     trying     to     cook     but     constantly     failing     ,     and     jazz     music     from     louis     armstrong’s     era     .  

distastes     :     anything     related     to     coffee     ,     something     off     said     about     one’s     family     ,     those     talking     down     on     other     supernaturals     ,     injustices     not     fixable     by     one’s     hand     ,     vegetables     ,     cantaloupe     ,     the     smell     of     vanilla     ,     soap     operas     ,     romcoms     ,     cheesy     comedies     ,     most     current     social     media     apps     ,     and     not     being     able     to     represent     in     the     courtroom     .     

fears     :     he’ll     find     her     and     take     her     to     the     depth     of     hell     with     him     .

aspirations     :     being     the     best     mother     and     attorney     capable     of     reach     ,     dissolving     laws     set     in     stone     and     replacing     them     with     ones     of     her     own     .

╰     𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐄     𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑     𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒     𝐃𝐈𝐃𝐍'𝐓     𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄     𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌     𝐎𝐔𝐑     𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓     ;     bring     out     the     old     guillotine     ,          we'll     show     'em     what     we     all     mean     !

you     flinch     in     the     mirror     when     fingertips     graze     features     too     familiar     to     his     .     now     you     see     bits     of     him     in     your     children     ,     thankfully     your     husband’s     dna     has     washed     most     of     it     out     ,     but     ,     you     see     more     him     than     you     in     them     ,     but     they     will     never     be     him     .     sounds     of     plates     smashing     ,     bottles     breaking     from     being     thrown     or     stepped     on     by     your     bare     feet     ,     yelling     at     the     tops     of     lungs     ,     and     the     cock     of     a     gun     ;     they     all     bring     you     to     childhood     .     to     the     fear     you     felt     by     his     hands     .     to     the     burden     and     disappointment     weighing     you     down     like     shackles     unsteady     with     their     grip     on     you     .     mama     died     by     the     hands     of     a     supernatural     when     you     were     two     ,     a     sweet     father’s     love     burned     with     venom     afterwards     and     nectar     you     never     got     a     taste     of     .     most     of     the     scars     decorating     your     body     like     personal     wallpaper     come     from     years     of     hunting     just     as     a     girl     ,     though     some     had     been     by     his     hands     alone     ,     and     you     hide     them     from     the     naked     eyes     so     they     shall     not     cast     for     judgement     that     you     pended     .     for     judgement     you     did     not     seek     ,     only     forgiveness     you     craved     but     didn’t     need     .     you     had     never     done     wrong     to     him     ,     not     even     after     you     abandoned     him     after     graduation     .     after     he     cursed     every     word     of     the     book     at     you     for     falling     for     the     wolf     boy     and     carrying     his     mutt     offspring     in     your     womb     .     he     swore     to     end     you     and     the     family     you     were     creating     and     that     made     you     sour     -     mouthed     .     you     told     him     over     your     dead     fucking     body     ,     you’d     rip     him     limb     from     limb     with     your     barred     teeth     before     he     could     do     such     a     thing     .     that     was     the     last     thing     spoken     before     a     pamphlet     for     a     funeral     would     be     in     the     mail     two     weeks     later     .    

but     ,     how     could     that     be     ?     eight     years     ago     ,     your     kids     aren’t     grown     yet     but     ,     getting     there     .     they     don’t     need     you     as     much     as     you     need     them     and     you’re     okay     with     that     .     you     finished     your     law     degree     and     busted     ass     to     secure     a     place     as     town     attorney     ,     earning     more     than     a     name     as     a     disgraced     hunter’s     daughter     or     a     werewolf’s     wife     .     you     were     katrina     ,     all     your     own     .     different     from     the     fear     ridden     teen     quaking     in     her     father’s     fury     .     but     ,     that     day     eight     years     ago     ,     you     swore     you     saw     him     .     at     a     gas     station     you     constantly     visit     ,     at     that     .     the     smell     of     gun     powder     ,     budlight     ,     and     cigarettes     flooded     your     nostrils     like     ferocious     vermin     pungent     with     odor     .          you     wanted     to     run     out     and     double     check     ,     but     ,     you     couldn’t     .     you     stood     absolutely     still     while     grip     tightened     on     your     young     as     they     would     look     at     you     in     confusion     ,     pulling     on     the     sleeve     of     your     dress     as     a     feared     tear     would     roll     down     scultped     bone     .     now     ,     you     wait     for     him     .     you     sit     up     at     night     with     a     bottle     of     whiskey     by     foot     and     shotgun     in     lap     ,     latest     audiobook     on     a     fainted     play     while     sleep     -     strained     eyes     never     leave     the     front     door     .     you     haven’t     slept     in     almost     a     decade     ,     and     until     you     are     the     one     that     puts     him     six     foot     under     ,     you     won’t     be     any     time     soon     .     

[mifhortunach]

@thaliatimsh​ - im so sorry!!!! a vague ‘riffing off of (tm)’ what i was saying? (trying to say) last night  - but Mostly// word splurge everywhere :/ - unsure if theres either a/t Clear or!! tbfh a/t of worth here, but yk :T :S !

thaliatimsh said: I thiNK you are RIGHT re: distance n i wonder. … why. Considering distance in gibson bein murdererererd scene… tins of mystery… (like a week previous MAX). I wonder. Why. Im not very good at bein clear anyway im. Fffff.

=> fgksdhfg, idk if youve had the same thought w this as i have, or mabs,, its lead to/from the same thought but like. Hickey’s plan was always probs gonna end/hinge a lil on cannibalism? [‘Lads Gotta Eat! People Made O’ Meat!’; Hickey’s Personal Sledge Hauling Song, 1847.] Ofc they all already know tht the cans are making them Weak & WEird™ .

so im Not getting confused!!! Just #FAx: at some point theyre gonna run out of food With Them, so Options~: 1) take tins proffered by crozier, 2) somehow they manage to find game! 3) boys were made for eating

So assuming tht no ones gonna keel over anytime soon, theyre deffo gonna have to kill /Someone/

Once gibson ‘runs out’ [[ :(( ]], they gotta go back to tins, or they gotta get another Body p much. ppl who CAnt be ate!: Hickey (ofc), Diggle (For Now/, until Armitage gets his HACCP qualifications), Goodsir (butchers are hard to train up, lads might get queezy chopping up their M8s)

Gkdsfhgk, distance as a food preparation method, a book by cornelius (EC) hickey !! - is what im TRYINBG to get to as my point !!! jfc, idek

but idk if thats rly necessarily a v strong (or tbf, Accurate) Take yk? i gotta think it over, & leave this pot boiling someplace else temporarily or smth

=====================

[[i think,, what i meant w/ Deliberateness, as much as i like. ½ tried to articulate it there last night (& now having read over a lil of tht, have v little clue WHat Exactly i was trying to be saying there tbfh), is that Of Fckn Course// hickey is deliberately setting him Apart “DELIBERATE isolation of hodgson during that scene (plate, cutlery, separate space, different /meat/)” like u said!! But i think up Til tht point, its one of those weird cases where its not being Enforced~ as such? [tht might just be my own reading tho? Which are.. while Not ~Notoriously Off-Base? But often taking the ‘’wrong part’’ of a thing as the important element, or just straight up Confused, rip lmao]

Like /Like/. The Hodgester™ has just turned up into a place already filled w dudes who are all a lil asshole-ish & starving! - & enough of them are running from a hierarchy issue, rather than a deep abiding love for EC, i suppose? Uhm - && they all wanna Be There (for want of a better descrip/). So, i was ½ at it thinking(?) abt if it was mayhaps (originally) one of those things where u accidentally(?) isolate yrself from the rest of the group bc u dont wanna bother/intrude/dont feel welcome [The Sk00l Feelingz] & thru that slight gap you end up falling thru the cracks as twere & /Actually/ becoming Set Apart. 

&& like. Idk, on #mutineers side; hes just turned up! Hes Hierarchy!! & yk still,,, Officers/Men Divide~ the line drawn in the 6ft X 4ft ice-cave separating the messdeck & the wardroom ! which despite no longer /Rly/ being in place now, or honestly nearly as much as gone post-walkOut, has gotta be subconsciously embedded ? dunno [tbfh, im word vomiting rly Badly// now - i think u were & Are!! Right abt it, & yr fic Felt Right// abt it!! Which means it may as well be True & Canon & Real, etc: Often Always thinking abt the different ways of saying lieutenant, oof :( ] ]]

maybe what i mean is like; I'm Not Sure! (personally :S ) if it started out Accidentally, Deliberate Banal, or Deliberate Malicious, yk??

&& Whether its been a gradual progression, or happened much more Starkly when they decided to captainnap crozier, or spatchcock chicken gibson & other stuff? dunno

((i gotta [REally Gotta//] rewatch the last couple of eps, so i get the planning/timing etc right in my head? bc idr if the plan to marry tuunbaq was ‘hatched’ pre or post captainnapping, or if they were related At All -> do feel like the hermitage i mentioned going on has gotta be extended just so tht i can think things into #clarity, as well as actually watch the show again before making up shit, lmao)) 

--- thinking abt: 

possibly hodgester’s confession & inability to kill hickey in contrast w fitzy’s confession & offering up of his body? but idk what that IS or MEANS, or if its even THERE [yr talk of him as,, ‘the average mans james fitzjames’ is,, im Lov,, Truly Banger & Deeply Upsetting :( ]

smth poss to be said abt how Much// of what george says/dialogue is abt food & his big monologue is abt cannibalism & transubstantiation yk? Idk [hodgester, location: North Artic Circle, likes: etymology, religious guilt, languages, musical instruments, food & learning abt how its prepared :(( ] other than, yk, Mood, Big Same There Lads

===

To Conclude, yr 100000% right, Magnus Manson Good Boy, Packed The Plates & Forks