#idk i am. terrrrrified of seeming clingy or annoying. but it is on him to enforce boundaries if i am asking for too much time from him
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bpd fucking stupid insane will have me deciding my relationship is over and was always doomed for no reason then texting my bf crying like ohmygod i need you im so sorry please love me
#i try so. so hard to not externalize it#but rn i am like. oh so he never loved me because he SUCKS and i hate him wait he did love me but he doesnt because i suck and i hate myself#and i should kill myself wait no i cant kill myself because then hed win and i HATE him no i love him i miss him i want him with me right#now oh god hes not with me does that mean he hates me oh god he hates me i know he hates me & etc and etc so on and so forth for#HOURS. for NO REASON.#well. okay thats a lie my therapist would be disappointed. there is always a reason for an emotion and all emotions are valid#however. sometimes they are disproportionate.#today was rough and im already insecure about that relationship for a number of reasons#some of which are in his or my control many of which are not.#if there are things i want to change i have to discuss with him and make my feelings clear.#but for now— i am responding with more distress than is justified. and i should take some deep breaths#drink some water#and maybe play some guitar#bimbamboom look at me go i feel way better#that easy. ive been crying for an hour and panicking for like three. sheeeeeesh.#anyway im gonna ask him to call for a lil tonight#idk i am. terrrrrified of seeming clingy or annoying. but it is on him to enforce boundaries if i am asking for too much time from him#not my place to assume where his boundaries are for him and preemptively stop myself from spending time with him#awesome. therapy moment
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