#idk im usually just rlly uncomfortable watching em on tv but my brother had his first one in a while (not violent but knockin things over)
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Vent!!
#idk if its a normal thing or might be a trauma thing but violent outbursts really uh#hooh.#idk im usually just rlly uncomfortable watching em on tv but my brother had his first one in a while (not violent but knockin things over)#& it brings me back (not good way) to when we were younger & both unregulated and i genuinely wanted to kill him and run away#i forgot the feeling but it's back!! not even his fault but i was like a bit irrationally pissed at him before this#because he wasn't helping out around the house & i dont want to be too harsh on him bc i get it but. thats the problem we're all tired#but we all try to help out.#anywayss im campin out in tha living room got some snacks i might watch some tv. i'll make it fun stay silly as i try to do#i dont feel like crying abt much but this his somewhere specific. not even his fault but i just dont like it & it's not good.#i learned how to handle my own shit bc i watched him ig. so im kinda pissed he hasn't caught on yet#anyway. it'll be fine i just feel like shit bc he's not abusive or a trigger or anything i just can never feel 100% safe around him#& that sucks bc we're real close & i do love him i just can never let my guard down completely with him ig.#bug squeaks#horrible things 2 say about a person with anger issues but i'm sure we'll get to a point where we can actually be buddy buddy just not now
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