#idk what to even tag this with dbfhdkdl im so sorry

[piplupod]

i am not looking for validation or attention or anything, i quite literally just need to scream into the void shfjdkl also idk how to do readmores on mobile so im sorry about that shdjfkl

but wowzas i feel like i am a fucking bad person and i need to be thrown into a pit in the forest to be kept away from everyone so i dont hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable and so i can rot away and not have to "make" anyone put up with being around me shfhfjdl ppl tell me that they like me and they appreciate me or even they love me (as a friend) and i cannot fucking grasp that concept, it doesnt make sense in my mind at all. i feel inherently worthless and i feel like i am off putting and strange and freakish and just a fucking awful person to be around esp irl. all my friends are online rn and that must be for a reason (its not. logically i know it's just bc i live in a shitty conservative small town) and im terrified of anyone who is my friend rn interacting w me in person one day bc then they will see how twitchy and bad at socializing i am and how i cant do facial expressions right and how my brain stalls out bc i get so terrified of interactions and how i dont look like i sound and i just. this is all fine for Other People to be btw, its just bad for ME to be because theres so much wrong with me. i am a fucking idiot and i dont understand how people would ever want me around and im so goddamn sick of myself being a fucking useless waste of space. theres probably so many other ppl who could utilize what i have better than me and not be a fucking miserable sadsack about it all.

alright im done fjfjfkl there is more but I can't let any more of it out bc that's going Too Far

also i will probably delete this in a bit, i am just not doing okay this morning at all and i need to scream somewhere