#idk. anyway. wheres an adult or fictional parental figure to tell me im doing a good job and theyre proud of me

[queenburd]

been quietly thinking a lot about how I'm getting into my later 20s, but I never really feel like I became an adult? or maybe that's not an accurate statement, because I have adult responsibilities and I deal with a lot of complexities in the world and I can take on hard issues with more maturity than I could at 19, but.

I never really feel like I'm acting like a "proper adult". like there's a respect level I give to the adults around me that I don't expect to be given to me.

maybe some of that is trauma, because I STILL joke about leaning towards fictional parental figures to take care of me, because I need that emotional comfort. another thing I've been grappling with is this weird desperate urge to have someone who I Feel Is A Proper Adult tell me that they are proud of me. That I, a kid, am doing a good job. And I don't get that, because a) that's not a thing people really actually do, it's actually weirdly rare for people to say "I'm Proud Of You" (hey uh is this just me and a result of my trauma) and b) I am not actually a kid!! "Adultier Adults" aren't really a thing?

So why do I still feel like I never achieved the milestone of "Adult"?

Yeah, yeah, we can joke about imposter syndrome all we like, but I genuinely feel like I missed something. Like I'm not worthy of the respect of the adults around me, who somehow, in my head, are "older" and "real adults", who have authority and responsibility and power.

man. this doesn't make sense, does it?

what do I know, anyway. I'm only 27. I still feel like a kid.