#idk. group homes for teenagers with an adult or two also living there to supervise and help them

[peachyzee]

Hello love, i really hope this doesn't bother you but I'm trying to understand this skam season😊 could you pretty please explain how Muslim relationships work? I've seen a few people saying yousana can't happen or that they don't want them to get married but i don't understand why? Can't Muslims date? How can you get married without dating the other person first? How do you know you want to marry them? idk if these are the correct questions but explaining how relationships work would help a lot

hehe no problem! Well as I’ve said before in a post. The rules in Islam stay the same and whether or not someone follows - that is their journey, decision and test. Muslim relationships are really tricky. ya’ll ask good questions. I myself as a teenager get flustered at the thought of marriage and all these questions on how do I choose someone for the rest of my life through a couple of meetings? how will I know? ect. But I’m going to explain it from my personal views and how I view my religion and follow it.

(To my fellow Muslims. I’m not a scholar or a fiqh scholar // and if I do say something wrong I apologize my friends)

1. In Islam we are told to lower our gazes and to not mingle with the opposite gender because, lust / temptations - Can eventually lead up to sex (lets be honest here) and, pre-martial sex and intimacy is 100% not allowed. Whether you follow that or not is not my business and I’m not one to judge but, I firmly believe in this and don’t participate in acts where I’m tempted too act upon my desires because that’s the test right? I want to remind that Islam is all about battling worldly desires and to combat that by earning as many good deeds as you can in this life. However that does not mean it’s forbidden for me to have those feelings, wants or desires.

2. How do Muslim relationships work? Well once again I’m speaking from my pov and personal experiences. I feel like in the world of Muslims most ‘oh shoot I like that guy I might be interested in him seriously it’s not just a crush anymore’ happens around the college and last year of high school time ish ( everyone is different but I’ve noticed the majority follow this path.) So you know all the secret glances happen, each of them hinting at each other until either one of you, and yes this is what many young Muslims do is to tell your parents (gasp) (Ikr I have no idea how i’ll tell my dad ..RIP dude ) anyway. you tell your parents that you’re interested in one another! Telling your parents is such an important thing because they’ve been through this experience know how do get in contact with his/her parents set up the meetings ect ect and most parents want whats best for you.

3. Muslim ‘dating’  starts at this stage

But… everybody’s parents are involved the guys parents and yours.. Now you start ‘ supervised dating’ ?? you still don’t touch and you have to keep it to minimal flirting. but zaynub if you dont flirt how do you find out if you want him in your life???  you ask question ya gotta get to know the guy right? what his goals in life are, how his family beliefs are, same level of spirituality, kids?, jobs? stay at home wife?, have you had a relationship before this? what do you like? ect. you ask all these questions. Usually after 5-10 meetings around this stage the girl/guys gets the idea of whether or not they can imagine their lives together in the future or not. If it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t in your qisamat (fate) and you move on.

We don’t date because we believe it saves us from many things. Same reason why we are not supposed to smoke or drink alcohol.

Another point In our religion the mosque is our central area. Just as for Christians and Jews they have churches and synagogues.  Muslims are very community based people. Aunties, uncles, and the Imam watch us grow up. We have youth groups and weekly meetings for basketball games, lectures, community meetings Sunday school, Quran class, etc etc. Through all of these they watch us from kids to teenagers then adults - as we grow people point out ‘oh hey hes single and a good man try talking to him’ They suggest because they’ve seen and know how your families are like your personality ect. (aunties are spies lol no jokes I love them haha)

I’ve been raised up by my community and trust those around me. I feel like marriages are like that in Islam and some are not! but from my perspective it is for me. It’s a very beautiful and soft thing to watch. I recently saw two amazing people get married. she was the youth groups director - always working and helping people around the community and she got married to an amazing man who also helps the comm. and loves god. In the end we love each other for the sake of Allah. and if we do that then our marriages, friendships, and life’s are taken care of.

I know that was extremely long and complicated  (there is so much more to say) but I hope I explained it the best I could!