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#idk. i have so many internalized issues NDDNDNND
butchtoro
·
1 year
Text
in other news i bickered with ethan over whether or not im chronically ill . i think i lost .
#like YAH i have a lot of stomach issues that cause intense pain that leaves me unable to do anything more often than not and i make
#bi-annual trips to the ER because of it and most of the time i have an undercurrent of pain that leaves me uncomfortable and unable to
#really relax
#and Sure i cant eat a majority of food without getting ill and doctors just look at me and ask if i want birth control
#bc i pcos and that's all they focus on even though pcos is the least painful thing i have rn
#But.
#But !
#it's not that bad n others like deal with legit things you know
#idk. i have so many internalized issues NDDNDNND
#bc i have pcos* i am Not pcos as a whole
#IDK. its hard to admit to anything. i can barely legitimately admit im severely mentally ill
#even though it is so very obvious NDNDNDN
#i had ''disabled'' in my bio for a hot minute once a year or two ago n it quickly disappeared bc i just thought like. well everyone's gna
#think im a liar !
#n it's more of like....hm hm. less of a liar more of people think im selling myself short which is a bananas of an ableist statement
#but these are things people have said to me ! like buddy i am not selling myself short i am telling you i will have a meltdown at a moments
#notice over literally nothing
#like. it's being realistic and honest but ive been made to feel otherwise and i hate lying so i get tense around this
#bc of what ive been lead to believe
#idk where this is going im just rambling my apologies NDDNND
#i have so much to unlearn. i know it doesnt affect others how i think bc i make sure it never extends outward but...how i treat myself does
#i think
#treating myself poorly for things my friends or even ethan deals with can reflect onto them i think. so i do need to better that area
#it is hard ! it is hard. but not impossible !
#maybe i just need to write all my issues out on a piece of paper and pretend they're on someone else
#so i can better see it all
#blabs
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