#idk. i'm tired. i feel gross. i cried in my car bc my food was missing half the order or at least what i was used to
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i miss things.
#stuff sarah says#i think i mostly miss the tight knit community with close friends#writing is a very lonely hobby and it was nice having a hype crew#i went back to look at memes i made for old longfics. i miss doing that.#i still share wips with some people and love adore and appreciate the feedback i get#but idk. the energy was different back then. but i think my energy in general is different now#everyone including myself is out here fighting for their lives#no time to make and laugh at memes about niche fics#idk. i feel like this makes me sound ungrateful. i'm not#i just miss the tiny writer club i had with a certain group of friends#feels bad bc i'm basically the one who set it on fire on account of me being insane#idk. i'm tired. i feel gross. i cried in my car bc my food was missing half the order or at least what i was used to#so if that tells you what kind of mental state i'm in rn...#and on top of it i'm trying to write a heavy scene#like hi you almost died but can we talk about the drunk phone calls? please stop telling me how much you want to die#i love you and i don't want you to die. i already had someone die in my arms a few years ago i can't handle that again thanks#cool. love you. no smooches yet. let's get our daughter and get the fuck out of here i'm tired#edit: and another thing. i miss just interacting with fics in general. mine and others#but alas i'm terrified#if i go on ao3 and am happy something is Going To Get Me#there's fucking ooze there and i'm tired of it! i want to use my fic site again!!!!!!!#i miss it!!!!!! i miss getting so hyped over other people's writing and feeling like i can say that!!!!!!!!!#i don't feel like i'm allowed to anymore and it sucks!!!!!!!!!#i don't want to read and not be hype. but just going on ao3 takes so much energy and effort and reading is so so hard these days#that i know i won't have enough energy for a proper comment so like. why should i enjoy what someone made if i can't even share that#joy with them?#and i know that's so so so stupid bc i think very few people would ever expect that of others?#like i know at least for me i'd rather have someone read and not interact than not read at all#not that it looks like i think like that bc i haven't replied to anyone in forever#but that's bc i go to and then i get the shakes bc i'm nuts and there's ooze!!!!! i'm tired of the ooze!
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