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[gardenerian]

Do you think that Ian's bipolar disorder is portrayed accurately?

hello and welcome to loaded fuckin question hour with mel! actually, ty for asking this anon, it's been a while since i talked about this. lemme add my usual disclaimer here - i can only speak to my own experience/opinion/understanding. anyone else is welcome to chime in.

the short answer is......... yeah? mostly? it's complicated?

you know what, this is me and there is no short answer. sorry 'bout that.

so. largely yes and here's why:

there's a wide range of symptoms present. we see differences in how it manifests in monica vs ian - and how their personalities map onto that. ian might act in a way that seems out of character, but he's still ian. i can't tell you how important that is.

ian (and probably monica as well) tends to lean towards hypo/mania when he's off his meds or when they weaken, etc. especially with monica in s2 and ian in s4/s5, they shine here. the relentlessness of it. the need to move and feel and rage and indulge and make and do and destroy. and i like that it's not always euphoric mania, bc it usually doesn't feel that way to me. the agitation and impulsive reaction is kinda my wheelhouse there. the psychosis - i kinda can't thank cam enough for that portrayal.

i wish the depressive symptoms were a little more nuanced sometimes, but... the crash is real. and it can turn on a dime. the absolute lead in your veins. the feeling of grief you can't explain, like you can't even speak it. the varying levels of self harm. and i think ian's s6 depression is incredibly accurate as well. he's listless in a way that feels very familiar.

and the moments of lucidity, where he can tell something's wrong but can't name it, or he's afraid to. monica has it, too. they scare themselves. and the fear everyone else feels. unflinchingly real.

with that comes the feelings of shame, before and after his diagnosis. the idea that he can't trust himself or his brain, that he needs help, that something was wrong the whole time - even when he was feeling good. the fact that it's forever and it's cyclical. coming to terms with his actions, forgiving himself, reckoning with himself. fucking up, trying again. setback after setback, redemption after redemption.

the journey with meds - knowing you need them, staying on them, finding the right ones. HEALTHCARE!!! what resources do you have access to? what care can you afford? if his hospitalization had been a better experience, how could the journey have been different? and the self-medicating... i would have liked more on this! but we see it plain as day from him and monica.

the way his whole body changes? from s3 where he's sturdy and confident to the end of s5, where he's hunched over, thin, and shaking. it can absolutely wreak havoc on your body. he even starts to hold himself differently in the s8 episode. and i'll never shut up about cam's eyes.

the strain on your relationships - the breakup, the tensions with his siblings, the trevor of it all, moments with sue and rita. it changes your perception of yourself, and influences how others see you. even if they don't mean to, and even if they're kind about it, it's there. THEN you are hyperaware of how you think others might be seeing you - paranoia definitely comes through with ian.

ian has his own journey with the disorder, but so does his family. they each come to understand what it means and how it affects ian. it's less of a death sentence than they assumed it was with monica. they kinda make peace with that experience and turn their focus to their brother. and mickey! from not needing the list to recognizing triggers!!!! he does so much. he learns so much.

and one thing i think is incredibly special is the idea of kinship. ian does not want to be viewed as monica, but he still understands her in a way the others don't. he loves her in a way they perhaps can't. it's not just about the disorder, but it brings them back together. he fears her and distrusts her - but still, he loves her. my bipolar family members, though i have fraught relationships with them, are huge parts of my heart. my bipolar mutuals.... deeply special bc they see me and i see them. i always wonder what monica must have felt about ian's disorder. (we know how she felt about medication, but.... more about what happened when he called her from prison, please?)

and then we have... not always? or not in the way i'd like and here's why:

it sometimes feels like the disorder disappears until they need it for a plot point. it’s about the episodes a lot of the time. bipolar is largely managed with medication and lifestyle maintenance, but even when i'm stable (whatever that means), it still impacts my moods. i still feel everything so much all the time and i am aware of it every single day. stable means something different to everyone - my baseline still leans toward depressed. 7x03/11x04 do show that you can have off days without it being a full-blown episode. idk how they would have worked that into the show more, bc it doesn't do much for the ~storylines~ but it would show us more about ian. plus - what is his treatment method? what about the work? is he only on meds? (it seems so, but i'd love more about how he figured out what works for him...) we see such a journey with him accepting the diagnosis but then he comes out and says 'i have it under control' and i'm like!! how!! tell me more please!!!!!!

on that note, the meds thing. i love that they show ian taking his meds casually. but every time he gets a little off kilter, they jump to the meds question immediately. sometimes symptoms slip through, sometimes you have little cycles - and that does not mean that your meds are off or that you have to rush to the clinic every time. idk, it doesn't come up that often (it may be more of a fic thing? i have a lot of fic things.) but i noticed it in the deleted scene and was like asldfjkdhasfasd

the s8 storyline bothered me not bc he went off his meds or that he had an episode... but bc it was made into a mockery. look at this wacky shit ian is up to! it's so superficial. we are made to read between the lines about ian and his headspace and it! is! lazy! religious delusions are quite common, and i kinda think it makes sense for him, but the genesis (lol) of it is not fleshed out well at all. we even see some religious imagery right at his s5 break but... we didn't see ian in here at all. delving into his hero complex and actual motivations, his awareness of himself, when he stopped the meds, WHY the message spoke to him.... it could have been really powerful, actually.

it's like. they decided halfway through that he was gonna be manic or something. i can (and did!) meta my way through it and look for the rise but... GOD. we got no explicit confirmation that he was off his meds until that trial? we wouldn't even need that, actually, if they just gave us more of his perspective. i got NOTHING from looking at ian. s4/s5 gave us more glimpses of his headspace and how he notices it sometimes (not enough, but more), but s8.... there's nothin. cam did what he could - those eyes! - but it was just flat. which.... for a manic episode.... yikes.

the SCALE of it sometimes bothers me. yes! these episodes can be deep and long and destructive like we see with both monica and ian. of course. but like... so often, when they get manic or depressed, it's always🚨crisis level, real quick🚨 like steal a baby, do some porn, blow up a van, ruin thanksgiving, become totally catatonic, etc. and again! it can absolutely get like that!! bipolar gets worse as it goes untreated! but they definitely employ it for the drama and little else.

like. for me, episodes are dangerous and i have to catch them of course, but just bc i'm manic or depressed doesn't mean it's going to get to that level every single time, even if i'm off my meds. i've done 🚨🚨🚨 stuff, but more often than not, i go totally inward when i'm having an episode rather than act out. this is just my experience, of course. just- this is a LONG WINDED way of saying that idk, yes the crisis moments are realistic as hell, but i personally can't relate to the frequency of them. if that makes sense?

SO: yes. accurate. but... maybe exaggerated in some places? and put through the lens of shameless which distorts a lot of things. absolutely exacerbated by the gallagher family circumstances, history, ethos, and (lack of) resources....

🗣 SHUT UP MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!