@affcgato / ASKED : “ why won’t you even look at me? ” // Jordie, because apparently we’re starting off with a bang
KAZ HAD been in high spirits that night. though he tried to occupy himself with the grueling journey ahead as he walked the lonely canals to the financial district, his thoughts eventually strayed to those of inej. he’d turned her letter over & over again in his mind; though inej never wrote of anything particularly fascinating, he found himself enraptured with her delicate scrawl, the way the words slanted towards the end of a sentence, how she scrawled his name at the top of a letter. thoughts then drifted to the current scheme he had in mind, smiling to himself at the idea of entering inej’s courters at the van eck mansion, how proud she would be of him if he managed to do so undetected, how he might linger for only a moment longer than needed in order to listen to the muffled laughter of his friends coming from below. however, kaz is broken from his daydreams by the steady increase of mist the rolls in from off the coast, nearly obscuring kaz’s view as he walks the harbor.
KAZ DIDN'T truly believe it was them, not at first. the council of tides hadn’t been seen in decades, avoiding even the worst events kerch’s history had experienced ––– what reason did they have for going after a lowly barrel rat? he knew they had no real evidence of kuwei’s faked death ( at least, not if everyone did their jobs right ), so kaz is happy to entertain them & be on his way. –––– that is, until a single member strays behind the rest of his council members for the sole purpose of lifting his mask to reveal himself to kaz.
HIS FACE is one kaz knows even in death. it’s one he sees nearly every night, one that has haunted him since the last moment kaz saw him, his bloated, rotting face as kaz used his body like a life vest forever burned into his memory. ––– JORDIE. jordie, kaz’s older brother. kaz’s brother who had taught kaz how to read while their father worked their farm, who had took kaz’s hand in his own when their father died, who hadn’t stopped holding his hand until the night they arrived in ketterdam, cold & afraid as they slept beneath a stone bridge that shielded them from rain on their first night in town, but at least not alone. jordie, who had promised kaz that things would be alright after jacob hertzoon had conned them out of their money. jordie, who had died seven years ago. jordie, who’s lifeless corpse kaz had clung to for days on end afterwards, who haunted him even after death, whose lifeless face lingers in kaz’s mind each time he’s touched, each time he allowed himself to laugh or feel fondness towards members of his crew.
KAZ WANTS to scream. he wants to raise his cane & attack the imposter wearing his brother’s face, beat him over the head until he was bloody & raw & then toss his body off the harbor & watch him float away just as he had his brother so many years ago. ––– & yet he remains completely still. the ocean of terror begins to seep its way through the carefully constructed facade he had built, starting in his toes & traveling higher & higher throughout his body until kaz feels like he can’t move, can’t breath, can’t feel anything but the ghost of jordie’s flesh under his own, his skin rotting with decomposition, the feeling of jordie’s bloated limbs touching his own.
WHY WON'T kaz look at him? he doesn’t think he can. he’s afraid that if he does, the past seven years he’s spent building the persona of KAZ BREKKER would come crumbling down around him. he’s afraid he’ll be the same frightened boy he was the day jordie died, floating listlessly across the sea, praying to ghezen to take him so that he could be reunited with his brother.
HE DISTANTLY hears jordie’s voice coming from the stranger’s mouth, sees his lips moving, but kaz still can’t make himself face the ghost before him. he only hears the rushing of waves in his ears, drowning out whatever explanation he was trying to give. it didn’t matter to kaz. his brother was dead ––– there was no changing that.
❝ because i don’t know who you are. ❞
kaz brekker turns & walks away from his brother.
2 notes
·
View notes