#if simon sends a message to the group chat sometimes they’ll reply ‘i like this’

[heavenbarnes]

Does older bf!simon have social media?

great question!

he has one, older bf!simon has one singular social media account and it’s with instagram.

he only follows you and he only has it so he can like every single photo you post and comment “i like this” on them.

he literally does nothing else with the account (except watch rug cleaning videos on reels) and he has an alert for when you post.

[yellow-car]

How penny got back together with Micah

Chapter 1

Penny

Buzz, buzzz my phone vibrates in my pocket, but I don’t even look to see who it is. Everything’s too crazy right now to concentrate on anything but what’s right in front of me. Simon is in my lap. “he’s dead.” Simon says “the mage is dead.” oh Simon, I wish I could say the words to make it ok. He’s looks such a mess. The tail drooping on the floor, well I guess its his tail now. I don’t think now is the time to ask about the tail. His wing flaps into my face, obscuring my view. His wings are such a beautiful red colour. I stroke one of them gently. I’m not even going near thoughts of the mage and who technically killed him.

After a bit Simon gets up and covers the mage with his jacket. He looks so alone standing there. Baz gets up and hugs him. Wait, Simon and Baz are hugging. I didn’t know Baz did physical contact. They begin whispering to each other. “It’s all alright love.” Baz finally says, the tone unmistakeable. Oh. I guess they are a couple now. OH, WAIT that’s why he jumped out the car to go to Baz’s. For some reason this doesn’t surprise me. Too much has happened, everything feels too much like a blur. I’m too zoned out.

Finally, I realise I should probably contact some responsible adults. So, send a little bird to my mum. She arrives in a fluster, Mum always arrives in a fluster her skin slightly flushed with the effort of whatever spell got her over here. She instantly takes charge. Freezing the mages body, starting the clean up the mess and “Penny go home.” She commands, “but MUM!” I glace over and the lump of Simon and Baz. She sees me looking, “They’ll be fine, I’ll offer Simon a room at ours but I’m sure he will find other accommodation” she says smiling fondly. I’ll give it to my mum, she may always need to be in charge, but she knows exactly what’s going on. I am quite tired. “Fine.” I quickly go over to the Simon-Baz lump. “Guys I’m going home. I’ll see you both soon, ok” there’s a mummer of acknowledgment from inside the lump so I turn away. “Wait.” I turn around, Simon has emerged and envelopes me in a hug. Tear stains still shiny on his cheeks. His eyes blotchy. I ruffle his hair fondly. “see you soon” he echoes. A There’s no place like home and I’m back in the hallway of my house. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, though it was only this morning that I found Simon in my garden. I go straight up to my bedroom and collapse. I’m ready to sleep for about 3 days.

Chapter 2

I wake up with a start. It’s the middle of the night, I suppose I shouldn’t have gone to bed so early. I go down to the kitchen and grab some chocolate. I’m still in my clothes so then I go and change into some pyjamas. In doing so I find my phone in my back pocket. I switch it on, Wow that’s a lot of messages. Most of them are the Watford group chat talking about yesterday. One is from Simon “Hey, I’m staying at Baz’s for a few days. I’ll come visit you whenever you want.” I type back a reply “Come now if you want.”

The last message is from Micah. “Hey Pen, we haven’t spoken in a while, you keep not replying to my messages, is something wrong” Well things have been pretty hectic. I start to formulate a response, chewing on a strand of my purple hair. Then I realise I’ve got nothing to say. Everything was so complicated, and I really can’t be bothered to relive it all.

Simon has replied to my message “Well we can’t sleep either. Sure, meet in ur Wendy house. is it ok if I bring Baz?” I smile I’ve got a feeling those two are going to be glued by the hip for a while yet. “Yeah that’s fine.” I reply and throw my phone back on my bed. I put on a thick duffel coat and slip my purple ring into my pocket. Better prepared for anything. Then I creep to the back door and gingerly open it. ah the Wendy house. The one dad got me for my birthday when I was like 5. During his research, he got a lot of normal magazines. In one of them was the advert for a brand new Wendy house. I saw it and fell in love immediately. When Simon came to my house it was the first thing he was drawn to. So that where we would hang out ever since, it was an unforeseen advantage that we could avoid my mums judging glare in the process.

I tiptoe out onto the grass. My bare feet soaked through. A flickering light is already on in the Wendy house and secret whispers catch on the breeze. “No Baz, we can’t penny will get here soon.” A protested reply makes it way to me and it stings in a way I never expected. And I take a deep breath and look up to the sky. But the stars are twinkling like they’re in a romance novel, where I’m a side character. Only there to have an opinion on the relationship and to burst in at opportune moments which makes the readers ship it more. I can feel a wad in my throat, but I push it down. And I walk round the back of the Wendy house. We don’t really all fit in it anymore. But on the side opposite the house there’s a small dry circle, with a shelter over it. This is where we normally hang out.

“hey” I greet them. Noting dishevelled Simon and dressed down Baz. (I know ‘dressed down’ doesn’t sound like a big thing. But you’ve got to remember Baz always dressed like he’s about to go to a fancy dinner.) “hey penny” says Simon, Baz mummering along. There’s not nearly enough height to stand but there are a few beanbags covering the ground . I sink into one. There’re a few moments of silence as no one knows where to begin.

“So how long has this been a thing.” I gesture at them vaguely and note Simons blush and the faint tint of red on Baz’s pale face. “Umm, well, you know” Simon mumbles, the words spilling over each other.

“Well since this guy kissed me in the middle of a burning forest.” Baz says ‘matter of fact’ ly . I see him noting Simons face turning into a firework of red and pink, and he pulls his wings over his face. Baz smiles so gently I have to remind myself that this is Baz. He turns to me “So you figured it out, how did you do it?” the sarcasm a shield against a negative opinion I could have against this. I smile reassuringly “Well maybe this means Simon will stop stalking you.” Baz starts to laugh then stops. We all stop, as we realise this is not a casual sleepover. This is the peace before the storm.

“What if there’s a war?” Simon asks us. Neither of us answer. Simon is relatively new to the mage world. We have both grown up with the complicated politics of the families. We both know how little it would take to start a war. And we both know, we would be on opposite sides. We both mummer some half-hearted thing with the basic message of “We will be fine.” I doubt Simon believes it, but he nods anyway. Shortly after this me and Baz make our excuses and I go back to bed.

Chapter 3

I wake up, and for a second the feeling of hopelessness is not there. But then I remember, and it crawls back in.

I wander downstairs to find the kitchen is a state. Priya is watching some pink tv program in the corner, and dads trying to get Pacey to clean the kitchen. I don’t think he’s winning. I groggily poor myself a bowl of the weird sugary cereal that no one ever eats from the cupboard. I guess mum is still out. “Dad.” I mumble. He turns around “Hey, you’re awake.” I smile faintly not quite awake enough to formulate a response. Its weird to see him out of his office, I guess work has been put on the back foot for the time being.

“what’s going on?” I ask,

“The council are meeting tomorrow, they are asking around for witnesses today. Do you want me to say that you are too tired?” Dad replies. I consider this for a second, ill have to relive the whole thing in front of a coven of stuck up witches who will be inclined to disbelieve me because of my age. I’m about to disagree, but what about Simon. Ugh I have to go, they’ll grind him into mincemeat.

“No! I’ll do it” I say, a little louder then I meant. Dad looks at me strangely but doesn’t say anything. I grab my bowl and start to move towards my bedroom. “what does mum say about food in your bedroom?” Dad interjects. “mums not here.” I reply and quickly move out to avoid hearing the direct command to come back. At the stop of the stairs I peak into pips room. He’s sat legs spread on his train carboard playing with his figures. I could get him some breakfast, mum would certainly thank me, and I’d win sister of the year award, but I have just suffered some serious trauma, maybe next time. I collapse on my bed and begin stuffing cereal in my mind. I pull out my phone and scroll through my notifications. Dad believes in mindful eating, but I like to make better use of my time by catching up with the world at the same time. “wow there’s been a tiger escape, I should tell Micah” I pull out my phone to text him and... oh, I forgot. I twiddle my thumbs for a second. Nope.

I can’t just ignore his last message and start with the tiger thing. He’s going to have questions. Micah’s not the best with deep chats. We met about 5 years ago and we haven’t really had any deep chats. Its not like we aren’t close, but we do stuff together. We follow my dad round when he’s doing his experiments and then we get bored and sneak to the park and play on the swings. We tease each other like crazy, always wanting to be the one who is right. The other sometimes challenging points just for the sake of it. I’ve never talked about my feelings with him. Well he has talked a little about the fact we both like each other but even that was awkward as hell. But never any of my other feelings. If I’m sad in the middle of the night, because the night is just getting to me. I wouldn’t text Micah, I’d text Simon. He would bring me softly back to reality by a mixture of finding out the real reason I was upset and make me laugh by taking my typos literally.

Everyone just assumes Micah and I will end up together. I have to. But then everyone assumed Simon and Agatha would end up together and that’s not happening. I wonder the point and which they knew they weren’t getting back together. Maybe I shouldn’t base my relationship with Micah on Simon and Agatha’s one. But I can’t help it. Whenever I was unsure about Micah and I, where we were going and whether anything was going to come of it. I’d look at them and how well they were doing. And I’d trust in them.

Its weird to watch Simon be so in love with someone else. We gone through everything together. Out lives in perfect symmetry. Does this mean I will find someone else? Or will me and Simons lives desync

Chapter 4

Simon

Its weird staying in Baz’s house. Its so suited to his family and their general vibe of “if you do anything wrong we will kill you in your sleep.” I jump every time ‘not Baz’ walks into the room. They are weirdly accepting about me living here. As in they haven’t mentioned that fact yet but there’s an extra seat laid out on the dinner table. I considered showing Baz the Addams family to explain my point, but I think he would just get offended. We haven’t talked that much or done stuff that any couple would do if they were left in a completely lockable room. Baz hasn’t brought it up, I’m guessing out of respect for me. I want to do this stuff, but only to feel like a normal teenager. I’m so zoned out I can’t feel anything. I’ve got no urges or sadness or pain. I’ve just got nothing.

Baz is trying to be a supportive boyfriend by leading the conversation to me talking it out. It’s weird watching Baz try to be supportive, he’s doing well then occasionally he just has a what am I doing? moments where his old ‘I’m so cool’ self-switches back on. It normally only results in a falter in his voice. But I normally end up snickering, which as Baz says, ‘doesn’t help’.

My laughter normally moves the conversation onto another topic, which I know Baz is uncomfortable with. But I came back after the chat at penny’s a teary mess. I dried my face enough to convince Baz to go to sleep. Then I as soon as I heard his heavy breathing. I cried into the sofa bed until I was so tired, I just passed out. I woke up the next morning and felt nothing. The nothing hasn’t shifted since then. Mostly we’ve just been hiding in Baz’s room. He occasionally goes and asks for the news. He’s being using this to catch up on his homework. Nerd. I’ve been mostly watching him do this and staring into space until Baz stops me. The families met 3 days after that day. They appointed a new head master (penny’s mum) and so far, haven’t started any wars. Baz says “everyone’s so shocked about what happened, they don’t have the mental energy to start a pointless fight” the whole magical community is pulling together. Too bad I’ve been left on the side. The families have agreed to hold off further inquiries of the Mage’s death until school resumes.

School. How am I supposed to go back? How am I supposed to go back to my classes and pretend everything’s normal? Its not like there’s much more learning to do. It’s all just “Here’s the next course for you.” or “here’s a job we think you should get”. I don’t want to go to a magical collage. I want to go to a normal collage. Where I can study what I want. Not the limited this magic or that magic. Wait... I don’t have magic anymore. Oh, I forgot. I probably won’t be allowed back into Watford, what would the point in going back be… therapy? Hmpf, I mean I did destroy about 20 magical houses and most of the school. Why is that kinda a relief?

Baz comes back into the room with scones. Cherry scones. I smile and pull myself off the sofa to give my boyfriend a hug. He tenses for a second but then returns it. A single tear falls down my cheek.

Chapter 5

Penny

I’ve been hiding in my room for the most of what is technically Winter break. Mum occasionally walks in gives me a judgy look and the suggests I do some exercise. Sometimes she mixes it up and suggests I do some homework. I mean she’s the head teacher now, so I suppose its technically her duty. Luckily recently she’s been out most of the time she’s been out sorting out Watford so there will actually be a school to go to back to. Not that I can imagine going back. Too much has changed.

I could never do sport oh god. I wonder where he’s buried damm it I told you mind we are not thinking about this. Did they even bury him or just dump his body somewhere? Tears fall down my cheeks and I curl into ball. Penny tell someone. The gentle part of my mind whispers. “How can I?” I say out loud. “Whatever I say would be incriminating, it would either prove that I killed him or if it goes the other one it could prove I sympathise with him?” a sob breaks through. A deep hearty sob echoes through me. “I could tell Simon… but how could I put this burden on him, it was his dad. He deserves to be sad more than I do.” Oh, I said I killed him. Did I? I cast a Simon says a spell that would have uniquely worked. But Simon said the words. He didn’t really do it on purpose though. I can’t do it. I can’t go back to school. I just.. I just want to move on. To the next bit, next bit? Collage. Wow, that’s a way off. Collage. I get out my laptop, my face sticky with tears. And begin to Google.

Simon

Its snowing outside. I only noticed because of the screaming children probably building snowmen. I’m lying on the sofa at the edge of the room as it feels weird to lie on Baz’s bed and my wings are too tender to lie on the floor. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Baz comes into the room, from god knows where. “hey,” he says softly, “you want to go outside?” I turn away. “no.” Baz’s shoulders slump. “Simon, come on. You have to go outside sometime.”

“no” he walks round to where my face is. “Come on! Its snow, snow fight, snowmen. You’re Simon snow. Its should be your element.” I turn around slowly (as still getting used to the wings) so I don’t have to face him. Because if I have to look into his eyes any longer then I’ll probably give in. “Simonnnn” he says it, so each syllable vibrates through his voice. I curl into a ball, my wings shielding my face. He creaks closer and puts his hand on my back between my wings. It should feel electric, like it did in the middle of the forest. But like everything else since the event. It just feels like a hand on my back. He stands there for a while with his hand on my back. Then he sighs, walks over to his bed, and throws a blanket over me. Then he sets down something on the table next to the sofa. I hear the thud as he closes the front door.

I look up tears blotting my vision and there above my head, on a porcelain plate that looks grand enough to be at a royal dinner, is a cherry scone. I pull my head back into my ball. But the smell overwhelms me. I look up again and reach to touch it, I brush my finger on the jam. I lick my finger, mmmmm. I slowly uncurl and sit up. Blood rushing to my head blackening out my vision for a second. My wing slams into the sofa edge “shit” oww. I rub my wing, feeling its smooth texture, surprising for something that looks like it belongs to the devil. I instantly feel bad and give my wing a consoling pat. I smile at how silly I’m being. I take a bite of the scone, mmmmmm. I take another one.

It’s gone all too quickly, and I rub my finger on the plate trying to get more of the taste. Come on there’s got to be a little more. I experimentally touch the plate with my tongue and I hear a low laugh from the entrance.

Its Baz, snow-covered and his eyes are full of something I don’t recognise. I put the plate on the side. I stand up, careful this time not too whack my wings or tail on anything. “Baz, how am I going to go back to school? I have no magic. And I destroyed a lot of magical properties, what if they kick me out? Where will I go? Will I just become a science experiment?” he stands there for a moment, carefully considering his words. “Well first off, they’re not going to kick you out. You’re Simon snow, you saved us all. But putting that aside. Who says you have to go back to school?” I look at him in confusion. Not go back to school. But where would I go, what would I do. I could go to normal school, I could study whatever I wanted. “hmmm, that’s not actually a bad idea” I say

Baz walks over to his desk and picks up his laptop. He sits down with me and we start to go through the internet for subjects and courses I would like to do.

Chapter 6

Simon

“baz,baz!” I call. Baz comes running into the room. His face worried. His frown softens when he sees what I actually shouted him for. I’m floating about a cm off the floor, my wings moving steadily back and forth. I’d been practising for like a week. Something to take my mind off all of it. Baz hadn’t really paid much attention to my attempts. He was so happy that I was actually doing something, he hadn’t bothered to work out what I was doing.

He still looks a little worried, coming to stand close enough that he could catch me. But far enough away that he doesn’t get wacked by wing. I sigh a little bit, always the protector. I wish he would worry about me less and actually spend some time on himself. We hadn’t yet gotten around to the ‘things a couple could do with a completely lockable door.’ I wasn’t sure how to start. All the other times we’d done that stuff it had been completely spontaneous and rushed as we were both pretty sure the world was going to end soon. I’ll ask penny.

We are going to see her later, as soon as I stop hovering. We’ve talked on text and she agrees with me about going back to school. That it would be an awful idea. We are having a war meeting to prepare before we officially announce that we are not going back. Baz is not coming.

I swoop over to Baz and land in his arms. He doesn’t see the romance and puts me down gently. Worry in his eyes. Penny better have a solution for this.

Penny

I hear the knock on the door and run down so I can answer it before anyone else gets there. “Simon!” I smile, he looks at me in disbelief. He looks scruffier then I remember. “you knew I was coming why do you sound surprised.” He says mockingly. I hug him. Then we retreat to my room: set up with beanbags and snacks. He sinks into one, then winces. And strokes something that I can’t see. Oh, his wings, I forgot. “your wings?” I ask, he looks up “oh yeah, Baz spelled them with something, so I didn’t start any Satanist groups on my way over.” I nod, not knowing what to say. He sounds better. I mean I think I’m better. Who knew binge eating and sleeping was a cure.

There’s a pause. Thing to say, thing to say, ahh what do I say? We both laugh awkwardly. “shall we get started them” Simon says, gesturing to his laptop. “oh yeah” we start to google in silence. the awkwardness confuses me. Its Simon, why do I feel so awkward? But slowly we begin to talk. First with what we would choose as our subjects. Then slowly the awkwardness fades away.

“oooooh” Simon squeals, “I’ve found it, I know where we should go.” I lean over to his bean bag. Its perfect. It offers the subjects we want to do, in fact they are its speciality. And its beautiful, so beautiful. It’s got the country side whilst being in a pretty big city. So, the accommodation will be cheap. “ok, now we look at flats.” Simon says. Would we be sharing? Should I ask? But he’ll think I’m assuming that we will. What if he doesn’t want to? Simon turns back to his computer. And I’m left staring at him. Trying to come up with a way to ask him subtly. He looks up “what?”

I swallow hard. “so, we share flat?” I ask stammering halfway through. He looks confused, “DUH,” his face softens. “the whole point of this plan is to share a fla… Pen? What’s going on?” he asks quite rightly as tears are currently streaming down my face.

I lean further into my beanbag, pulling my glasses off to wipe away the tear damage. “Penny?” I turn to face him. “I can’t Simon, you’ve already got too much going on, its stupid anyway.” He smiles, “you know seeing my mindset not in me is quite eye opening.” What? “never mind. Penny tell me. I understand, and honestly I need a break from my own worries.”

After about a 5-minute struggle where I make sure he’s actually ready to hear what bothering me. I tell him. And he doesn’t laugh, tell me its stupid. He sits down hard on the floor next to me his face serious. “I don’t know either, but honestly at this point I don’t think it matters. We both did what we had to.” I counter this, but he has solid concrete arguments. And like a time-lapse we both stand up and sit down and pace around the room. Till the beanbags have been full discarded and we both lie legs up in the air on my bed.

“I’m worried about me and Baz” he says quietly. What? But I thought they were so solid. I let him continue, “he’s so worried about me.” Simon sighs “I know, I’m so glad he was there. But I’ve got it now. its hard to get back to the way we were before. We don’t do any of the stuff a couple should do in a fully lockable room…” I snigger. Then put my hand over my mouth. Oops.

“sorry, its still weird that you guys are together. I mean I saw it coming, I definitely saw it coming. But I never thought you guys would actually do anything about it.” Simons foot gently kicks mine. And we are temporarily engaged in a mini foot war. “I think you need a change of scenery, you’ve only got a few week before Baz goes back to school. A day trip or something.” I say “ooooh, you could take him on a date, it would be so romantic.” I heave myself up, needing to jump with excitement. Simon sits up, a flicker of a grin on his face. “maybe, I mean I’d have to ask him. I don’t think he’s that great with surprises.”

“Simon, I think a surprise is exactly what he needs”

It takes me about 10 mins to persuade him. Then he finally gets on the train of being excited about it.

Chapter 7

Simon

Maybe he hasn’t found the note yet. Maybe he has found and it and decided not to come, maybe he’s angry. Maybe he doesn’t want to date anymore. Maybe he...

“The famous Simon snow doing a romantic gesture, this i never thought I’d see” I look up, and Baz is smiling down at me. “Hey,” I say lost for words, although we’ve basically lived together for 3 weeks. But a constantly crying Simon is not the best conversationalist. He sits down and im aware of the bustling of the restaurant. Closing around in around us.

A waiter arrives, asks for our orders then leaves. Still silence, baz reaches out his hand and grabs onto mine. “Hey,” he says gently, “ Snow. Why are you doing this? Not that I appreciate it and wonderfully romantic, but why?“ I smile sadly up at him, “because of that,” His eyebrows raise.

“Baz, you’ve been so supportive the past 3 weeks. But I can breathe again. I’ve reached the surface just need to paddle to stay afloat. You aren’t my therapist. We are snowbaz we make out furiously in a forest on fire. I want to be a couple again.”

Baz looks at me for a second in concern, and I’m so scared that he’s just going to walk away, or manage the quickest break up ever.

He stands up quickly starts to walk towards the bathroom but at the last minute grabs my hand. He pulls me into a stall and kisses me hard. Wow this is not how I saw this going down. I kiss him back and back and back. “Wait our food.” I say pulling away, he smiles as he pulls away and ruffles my hair. “come on then let’s get the food.” He says shaking his head.

“You never responded to my speech.”

“Was that not a response?”

“I mean it was great...” i begin to fluster

“I agree, but” he breathes heavily “you need a therapist. Not me but you need one.”

“Okay I nod” so happy he’s not broken up with me I don’t really think about what he’s said. Food awaits

Chapter 8

Penny

I walk faster and faster, not daring to stop, not letting myself anywhere I could see memories would strike. Watford, I’m back. I pound on the mage’s door, mum’s door. “Come in.”

I plod through the door, breathing hard. “penny?” she asks looking concerned. “mum, I had to come here to see you. To tell you, I’m not coming back here. Once is enough, I know you love this school and you’d love to have me as your model student, but I can’t mum I can’t. It’s so suffocating, Simons not coming back either. We’d rather plan ahead not look back. And I know you’ll be sad and disappointed and...”

“oh penny,” mum pulls me into a hug, “seems like with all this work going on we haven’t had a chance to catch up. Let me start by saying, running a school is stressful and hard work and you are independent and strong, and you don’t need to prove anything to me.”

“what’s been going on with the school?”

“Well you won’t believe it, first the builder took a week, you won’t believe how long it takes builders and...”

Chapter 9

I lie on my new bed, flat out on my back. Breathing in slowly, eyes closed. I can’t believe I’m finally here. I’m now basically a grown up, I can’t believe Simon and I now have to feed ourselves. I’ve got my first attempt at cooking tonight. Surprisingly Premal has been helping me. I suppose his protective brother instincts finally kicked in after walking in after the mage died.

I subconsciously scroll through on my messages, my finger lands on Micah’s name. And I hurt and don’t really know why. I want to text him, but I don’t know the words. I try googling something but google doesn’t have the answer to all of the problem. I can hear chatter in the hall, probably Simon and baz. Ok I’m going to text him.

One word, two letters. “hi” I throw my phone on the bed and try to forget. I should start studying, “Simon, have you seen my crystal ball.” I feel a buzz in my pocket and despite the anxiety of him maybe rejecting me, I smile. And it doesn’t feel too weird.

[nickrbockr]

Simon Vs Fan Fic: Chapter 5 - Beer Pong: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love Abby and Nick

Ao3

The first show in the season was Spamalot. Nothing against the musical and to many, MANY people’s shock, it’s not my favorite show. Ian is also more of a stage and film actor, so he didn’t audition at all. Because of this, I have an ensemble role and dramatically less rehearsal time on the evening and weekends which left a hole that could only be filled by an Abby & Nick filled weekend extravaganza!

Too much? Oh well. They’re coming this weekend and it’s been needed since I haven’t seen them since the summer. Nick is tearing it up a Julliard in composition and is working a lot with both the vocal performers and the orchestra and has caught the eye of film studios in New York. Many people want to collaborate with him and it’s so great to see Nick become a break out star.

Abby has also had her share of business on the designing aspect. She designed sets for an off-Broadway production of ‘Reefer Madness’ as well as designed and created costumes for the school productions. She has turned into the stereotypical paint-covered human being who constantly hustles. Nick also connects her to his friends at Julliard to commission outfits for their recitals and even Glinda and Elphaba’s dresses for their performance of Wicked.

Needless to say, they are both constantly busy and we hear from them sporadically, but when we’re all able to connect, it’s like we never left Shady Creek. It’s what makes us work as a group: time has no impact on our friendships.

It’s been about a month since I spoke to Tracy and got her blessing and I’ve been coasting on happiness from her approval. One down, two to go, but Elijah has been more difficult to pin down for a talk.

Don’t get me wrong, Bram’s dad and I get along great, it’s just nerve wracking talking to any father of the person you’re planning on marrying. It’s scary, almost scarier than proposing to Bram. Why was it easier with Tracy? I guess easy was a subjective word. Maybe because we expect mothers to be more accepting than fathers. I don’t know if that’s true, but in this case of Tracy and Elijah, I think it is.

I try to call him and I always seem to get his voice mail. I’ll leave brief messages, but then he always texts back responding to whatever voice mail I left. It made me realize it’s probably why Bram acted the way he did in high school. Bram has grown since then, and I’d like to think I helped him. The only thing he didn’t out grow was how he surprised me with gifts in random spots he knew I’d look. Leah has helped him leave plenty of gifts for birthdays and for days that Bram just felt like sending me flowers or small care packages of Oreos. And he’s impacted me. I wear band shirts now.

“Yeah, he’s not the best person at communication,” Tracy told me when I called to ask for advice. “He means no ill will, Simon, understand that much.”

“Oh no, I don’t think that either. But do you think…and this is going to sound weird, but do you think there is any way I can sort of…trick him into seeing me in person?”

Tracy laughed over the phone as I stare my Elliot Smith poster above my bed. I put him there because now I think of Bram every time I see him. It makes me reflect on Bram boppin’ and groovin’ his head as he got himself to like Elliot Smith only because he was trying impress a boy in high school using a pseudonym.

“The only thing that man loves more than Bram is fishing. Talk him into a fishing trip and you got yourself at least a half-day with him.”

Great. Such a dad response to have to be distracted doing something else to talk about a totally unrelated subject. Also, as you may know, I never had the best time fishing. But it’s no longer about me, it’s about Bram and me.

“That shouldn’t be hard, New Haven is right on the water.”

“Sounds like you got this, son.” Tracy said with motherly warmth. It was weird to hear her call me son, but soon she wouldn’t be wrong to call me that. It’s becoming more and more real everyday that my future is rapidly approaching and it’s scary and new and fun and in the end I won’t be alone in my adventure. My heart beat increased and lips parted.

“Thank you…Mom.” I reply.

“Go get him tiger.”

The call ended and I let my phone fall on the bed. The fan rotated slowly around as it hypnotized me into thought. I thought about my life four short years ago. I had just discovered there was another person like me and the seemingly isolated journey of discovering I was a boy who liked boys was joined by another face. A Blue face.

Blue. Bram. Blue. Bram. Abraham Louis Greenfeld-Spier? Simon Jacob Spier-Greenfeld? Abraham Louis Speir? Simon Jacob Greenfeld? Which flowed off the tongue better? It just occurred to me that we’ll have to have that discussion of the last name. Or will we just keep our own? Should we create a new last name? I can cross that bridge later.

Bzzz.

Abby calling.

“Hey Abby,” I answer.

“Simon! Hi! How are you!?”

“Good, good,” I chuckle. “Are you guys close?”

“Yes we are, we’re about 10 minutes away. I miss you! You guys are still in the same apartment right?”

“You know it. Leah is not one to move more than she needs to.”

“Simon!” Nick yelled in the background.

“Nick says hi,” Abby confirmed.

“Everything is already set up, just waiting for you two crazy kids.”

“Prepare for a few drunken days, Si, it’s been awhile since either of us have been able to unwind!”

“She’s right!” Nick yelled again. “Stretch your liver, it’s going to get a work out.”

“Okay, okay, we’ll see you guys soon!”

“Byeeee!”

I go downstairs to see Leah and Ian chatting on the couch along with a few of Leah’s friends and some more theatre kids Ian brought with him.

“They’re almost here,” I announce.

“That means shots!” Ian shouts. “Last time they were here I made both of them puke and intend to do the same thing again!”

“I think they’ll actually be on board this time, I guess they’re been working hard and haven’t had a lot of time to unwind.”

“We’re about to change that!” Ian exclaims as he gets the other people in the apartment ready to play a drinking game in the kitchen. Leah and I are left in the living room with a few stragglers.

“Hey.” Leah said. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind, ya know? School, proposal, things like that.”

“No…” she says, squinting her eyes. “That’s not all of it. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing…I mean, I guess that Bram’s been a little busy and quiet on the talking front the last few days and I’m trying not to fall into old habits.”

Ugh. I hate myself sometimes. I know Bram is busy. He told me he would be busy, Bram’s Nick told me he’d be busy. I tend to get like this once or twice per semester and get over it after buzz texting Bram and talking it out with Leah (bless her heart). But I guess I’m more disappointed in myself that I’m letting past insecurities manifest.

“Come on, Si. You’re in the home stretch. Don’t retreat into the past, you’re moving forward with me.” Leah ordered.

She pulled me up and we headed into the kitchen to join the group for shots. Leah was right, I need to stop making assumptions. That was the old me. New me is positive and optimistic and…and misses Bram. Need alcohol to counteract these thoughts. Leah and her friends are talking about some boring Sociology professor when suddenly.

“Si!”

Abby and Nick were in the doorway with arms stretched out. These two will also counteract my thoughts. I downed my shot and ran over and hugged Abby who jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around me like a spider monkey. It was her new college thing and it makes people like her. I squeeze her in our hug and I set her down as Nick ambles over and we hug, on the ground.

“Hey guys! How was the trip?” Leah asked.

“Good, but we need alcohol and Solo cups.” Abby said with a smile.

“We have the alcohol!” Nick shouted as he brought into what people colorly refer to as a ‘dirty thirty.’ For those who had better taste, a dirty thirty is a case of thirty swill water light beers and supply you with a health hangover the next day. That said, you can party longer because it’s mostly water.

“And we have the solo cups,” I finish Nick’s sentence.

“First game!” Ian shouts. “Le Burke, you and me against Simon and Abby!”

“You’re on!” Abby shouts as she pulls out some beers. The cups are filled as one does in a game of beer pong and the party begins.  However, Ian comes over with additional beers and adds more beer to our cups.

“Hey now,” Leah started. “We’re not all trying to get Ian drunk tonight, just a normal drunk.”

“This is our last year, we gotta live it up, take risks, make mistakes, and geeeeeetttt messy!”

Ian’s been watching the new Magic School Bus episodes on Netflix. The cups were now about two-thirds the way full as Ian crushed the cans and chucked them in the trash. Beer pong always makes me think of Bram and the Halloween Party. Why isn’t Bram texting me back? I know he’s busy but...too busy for me? No! Leah’s right I need to get out of my head.

As the game unfolds, I’m making none of my shots as the ping-pong ball bounces around on the floor.

“Simon, what’s wrong!? Get your head in the game, we’re getting our asses kicked.” Abby pleaded. We only had four cups left and they had nine.

“Sorry! I’m trying, I’m trying.”

“Losers take shots, Simon!” Ian shouts across the table, pointing his finger at me. “And you take a shot of our choice.

My eyes widen. “Oh god please no-”

Ian pulls a plastic pitcher out of the fridge. Leah puts her hand over her mouth in shock and because she felt nauseated. One night after a party about year ago, Ian thought it would be a fun idea to pool any leftover liquor into a sort of community chest of booze. Since then, various liquors have swirled around in that plastic pitcher and on random occasions it has been used as punishment to losers of drinking games.

“You still have that in there?” One of our theatre friends said laughing. “Oh no, Si,  you’re fucked!”

Abby turned to me with determination. “I’m not drinking from that pitcher.”

“Let’s step it up,” I reply, agreeing.

“No, you step it up, I’ve made all our shots!”

“Right, if we lose, I’ll take your shot.” I claim.

“You all hear that? That’s a verbal contract,” Abby shouts. I smile at here and notice Nick isn’t in the kitchen. I peak my head around the corner and see him in our living room (Ian’s bedroom) talking to a group of Leah’s friends. It’s strange, but we are playing a game in here so I suppose he got bored and left to mingle.

After drinking two beers, leaving us with only two cups left, I scored my first cup with a bounce.

“Yes!” Abby shouts as we high five. “That’s two and we get the ball back!”

“Good job, Spier! Finally good to see you woke up and joined the game!” Ian yells playfully. Leah, however, is not a nice as she knows what is on my mind and is pinching her eyes at me from across the table. She turns it off before Abby can notice and sips her beer.

“Re-rack!” I shout. “Diamond and one cup in front.”

“We got this.” Abby whispered as Ian and Leah arranged the cups per our request.

“We got this.” I reply.

We didn’t have it. I missed my shot and Ian and Leah both made their shots into the cups. And now I have to take two shots from the mystery pitcher as Abby Snapchats me doing so. Bram will probably see this and text me, right?

“Just think of it as a Long Island…but literally no coke, just pure alcohol.” Ian gloated.

First one down the hatch.

Uuuggghhhhhhhhh! What is that taste?! My face must have shown what my words didn’t because Ian, Leah, and Abby all laughed at my misery.

“Maybe one is enough,” Leah suggested, seeing my face, knowing my thoughts, and seeing where this could go.

“No way, verbal contract, Simon has too.” Ian defended.

I breathe in deeply and shoot the second down my throat. God! Is that industrial cleaner?! I put the shot class down and breathe through my mouth so I don’t taste the terrible flavor of old vodka, tequila, rum, and whatever the hell else is in that pitcher. The next game starts and we all go into the living room to sit and chat. Nick rejoins us as the people he was talking to followed their friends into the kitchen to watch the game.

“Simon, how are you? Why does it feel so long since we’ve talked? We saw each other last month!” Nick starts, clapping his hand on my shoulder.

The booze has started to take its swimming affect on my head.

“I know! It’s only been a month, but it’s felt much longer. I don’t know, we must just miss each other cause we’re good friends.” I say smiling and throwing my arm around his shoulder.

“That’s it.” Nick said, poking my chest with this finger.

Leah, Abby, and Ian were catching up just across the coffee table on the couch and I realized I haven’t told them about my proposal. I stand up.

“Hey, Abby, Nick, I have something to tell you guys.”

“You’re not going to break into another drunken monologue from a show, are you?” Nick says. “I mean, I love you, Si, but I don’t know if we’re drunk enough for that.” Leah and Abby laugh.

“No! I’m not drunk enough for that either. But no, I have something I want to tell you guys. I have decided…”

I pull out my phone and see no new notifications.

“Decided what?” Abby asks, snapping my attention back.

“Sorry, I have decided to propose to Bram.”

A scream louder than time emanates from Abby’s vocal cords as we all wait for it to be over and then she jumps up and down and back into my arms. People from the kitchen poke their head into the room to see if everything is okay and I give them a thumbs up. Nick is standing a smiling his wide Nick smile, all teeth. As soon as Abby releases me from her hug, Nick comes in and hugs me too.

“That’s amazing, Si. You and Bram are perfect together.” Nick says, sipping his beer.

“He’s so right!” Abby adds. “You two have been the gold standard of relationships since high school!”

“What about you two? You and Nick have dated as long as Bram and I have! If anything we’ve learned from each other.”

Abby pressed her lips and swallowed her smile. Her eyes looked at Nick who looked to the weathered carpet as his thumb flicked the lip of the solo cup. Leah’s eyes pursed as her eyebrows fell towards her ears, fearing for the worst. It was quiet for a bit as all of us stared at one another until I broke the silence.

“Did…did you guys break up?” I asked in a raspy voice.

Nick inhaled and took Abby’s hand. She shook her head and then her standard Abby smile returned.

“We did.”

My mind did back flips. How? Why? The only other couple that I’ve known my age to last as long as Bram and I did is ending? If they could end, can Bram and I end? Will he say no if I propose?

“You’re smiling?” Leah asked, eyebrow cocked. Her statement snapped me out of my thoughts and onto Nick and Abby who were, indeed, smiling.

“Yes,” Abby started. “Look, we would have told you sooner…but we didn’t want to send anyone into a panic.”

“You mean send Simon into a panic,” Leah corrected.

“Maybe.”

“But what happened?” I asked, drunkenly curious even though it was technically none of my business.

“Nothing really happened, Si.” Nick started. “It’s not like I cheated or she cheated or it was some big spectacle. It’s hard to explain, but it was a completely amicable and positive…finale to the romantic part of our relationship. Finales aren’t a bad thing, Si. Our relationship as friends and everything we shared during our time together isn’t gone, we’re not going anywhere from any of you, we’re not dividing up the friend group. Nothing’s changing.”

“He’s right, Si. Finale is the best way to say it. Now it’s on for another beginning for both of us.” Abby added.

“But I still don’t understand.” I utter, unable to be satisfied with the answer.

Nick was about to say something and stopped when Abby place her hand on his knee.

“Simon, we know how you are. And another reason we were waiting to tell you is because of how you’d react. The story is simple. We both realized one day that we were living the parts of being a couple and enjoyed it, but it lacked the…drive and depth of a relationship. When you’re surrounded by people who are good at being in a relationship and you see all the love and little quirks and dumb things and inside jokes but don’t see any of that in your own relationship, it raised red flags. Then when we thought about it and talked about it and it was like our relationship was on autopilot. We realized we love each other, but not in the romantic way we once felt.”

How long are Bram and I going to be together before he feels this way? When will he look at other people’s relationships, other boys and see himself happier and more alive with them? If Abby and Nick couldn’t make the cut, could Bram and I?

Abby knocked on the side of my head kinda hard because she was becoming irritated.

“Simon, don’t you for one second try to compare your relationship with Bram to ours.” She said pointing at me. “You weren’t inside of this relationship, you didn’t see it when it was just me and Nick, so there is no way you can compare it. Promise me right now, Simon.”

I stared at her, wiping beer from corner of my mouth.

“Promise me!” She shouted.

“Promise,” I comply. I do partially believe her. It doesn’t help all the way, but it helps a little.

“Told ya, Bram was ri…oh shit.” Nick started, and caught himself when it was too late. Abby slapped Nick’s knee and her bugged eyes stared lasers that burned through Nick’s skull.

“Wait, Bram knew you two broke up?” I question. Nick placed his head on his hand. “For how long?”

Abby stood up. “I need another beer.” She walked to the kitchen, leaving Nick in the mess he made.

“Okay, Si, you have to promise me you can’t get mad. We called Bram last month when it happened because we didn’t know who else to talk to about it who knew both of us so well. We wanted to tell you, dude, we did, but we know how you get and didn’t want to upset you.”

“Why wouldn’t Bram tell me?” I ask out loud, sipping my beer.

“Because we made him promise not to tell you, Simon, you can’t be mad at him. He promised his friends and you know how hard Bram takes promises. When he saw us he could tell-”

“He visited you in New York?”

Nick mouthed the word ‘fuck.’ Is that why he hasn’t been texting me much lately? Because if he can’t talk to me, he can’t lie to me? Our conversations have been light and fluffy, both on the phone and texting when we can. What else could he not be telling me then? Do I know Bram?

“Nick, go get a beer and send Ian’s ass in here,” Leah ordered, moving to the coffee table to sit directly in front of me. “If you don’t get out of your head right now about this Simon, you’re going to regret it.”

“Yeah, but-“

“No, Simon, no buts. You love Bram Greenfeld, he loves you, and the only thing he’s guilty of is being a good friend. If you needed him here, he would drop everything in a second and by any means come to your side. He is stupidly, grossly, uncontrollably in love with you. I hate to say this to you, Simon, because you’ve been so good about it lately, but don’t Spier this up.”

Ian walked in and could see the stern looks on our faces and his demeanor changed from one of partying to one of concern.

“Hey, guys, everything…good?”

“Talk some sense into him,” Leah said, “I need a refill.”

Leah never left unless she was upset. I know I may be drunk and I know I may be irrational because I’m drunk, but am I being that irrational? I don’t think it’s unfair to bring up the topic, for example, that Nick and Abby a least lived in the same city as each other. Did I not try enough to get into Baltimore? Did Bram not try hard enough to get into Yale?

“Abbs and Nick told me just now, that sucks man, but they seem happy so that’s what’s important, right?”

He was right. I close my eyes and throw my head on my hands.

“I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”

“No, no, no, dude, I totally understand. It’s natural to have these feelings, especially when you’re about to propose to your boyfriend.” He responded warmly. “But Bram is Bram, Nick is Nick, and Abby is crazy loud. Just cause they’re relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean yours wont.”

I look up at him. His eyes appear unnaturally emerald. He smiles and lifts his eyebrows.

“You are welcome to feel about it how you want, but remember they need you here for them as well. And they came here to party and visit you. And Le Burke of course. They drove from the greatest city in the world to Connecticut to spend the weekend with you. Let’s show them a good time.”

Ian tapped and squeezed my knee…and a familiar…warmth…overcame me.

“Bucker up Buttercup and let’s rematch Le Burke’s ‘Sosh’ friends and show them how overly complicated actors can kick their butts at pong!”

He pulled me up with him and his bicep pressed against his t-shirt cuff in an impressive, masculine manner.

“Yeah, I’ll be in there in a minute. Thanks, dude.”

“Of course, Si. You got this man. You are so close to the finish line, focus on the prize.” He smiled, downed the rest of his beer, and winked at me with a follow up finger gun.

My head felt like it was floating as I found it bopping to the beat of the music.

Bzzz.

Bram Hi Si, I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. Nick told me he let it slip that him and Abby broke up. I’m so sorry, I wanted so badly to tell you, but I promised I wouldn’t. You understand, right?

I did understand, but my drunk mind was also upset that he couldn’t trust me with the information either. Was my drunk brain right? Probably not, but right now I couldn’t help but let that side of me take over. Mystery Pitcher was winning.

                                                                                                              I do

. .. … Si, I know you’re not okay with it. I wish I could do something to make you feel better. Please understand your trust means everything to me. I love you <<33 And your big heart.

How dare he. How dare he do that to me right now. How dare he make me love him when I’m trying to be mad at him.  How dare it kind of work.

I know it deos, and I do turst you.

“Si?” Ian peaked his head in. “Off your phone and out of your head and on this game of pong!” Ian’s head disappears.

My phone buzzes again, but I don’t look at it. If I talk to Bram more I will get over it and I want to be mad at him for a little longer. Irrational? Yes, but since when have I been a totally rational guy?

We lose that game too, much to Ian’s drunken and slurry shouts. I am to the point of being drunk where I can say I know I’m drunk and I tell that to myself. I also notice more of Ian’s arms and chest and has his butt always looked like that?

“Oh, wow. I’m drunk.” I say out loud. Ian looks over at me and laughs and I notice his hazel eyes, the kind of hazel when leaves are green-brown in the fall.

“That’s my cue,” Leah cuts in. “Off to bed, Si-Si.” She easily pulls my arm and sets my drink down while she leads me to my bedroom. She gets me into bed and I have been quiet the entire time.

“Am I a bad friend?” I ask in drunken honesty.

“No, Simon, you’re a great friend. We just…do certain things because we know that you are sensitive.”

“So I’m a bad friend.” I conclude. “You guys can’t even trust me with basic information about other friends. That doesn’t sound like a good friend.”

“Si, that has no correlation with being a bad friend. We all know each other’s…issues and know how to respond accordingly. I’d say you’d have to be a great friend for your friends care and do that for you.”

“Am I a bad boyfriend?” I ask, teary-eyed.

“Simon Jacob…no. You’ll feel better tomorrow. Water is on your night stand. Sleep.” Leah kisses my forehead and lets herself out. I stare at my Elliot Smith poster and think of Bram. I close my eyes.

I open my eyes ant sit up in bed to check my phone. I must have only fallen asleep for a few minutes because I still hear the noise of the party. I text Ian.

                                                                             Can you come to my room?

. .. … Yeah! Be up in a sec.

I hear him softly open the door and Drake flowed in. He shut it behind him and Drake returned to being muffled. I personally like hearing Drake muffled.  I feel him sit on my bed near my chest.

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

I sit up on my elbow and look at him.

“Yeah, just feel a little embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed why?”

“I feel like I let you down.”

“Dude, how? Here, have some water.”

Ian leans over to grab the glass and I couldn’t help myself. I kissed him. It felt weird, but it felt like a good kiss. He pulled back, shocked and breathing hard. I stared at his eyes and he stared back until he came in and kissed me back, pulling my head towards his, pressing our lips against each other.

I jerked awake in my bed and ripped the covers off my body to find it was morning. I ran out of my room and stomped down the stairs to see Ian sleeping on the couch, leg hanging out from under the sheet, mouth open, but not snoring. I shake him.

“Ian, Ian!”

He groggily opens his eyes in a confused manner.

“Wha-What? What’s wrong dude, is everything okay?”

“Did we kiss last night?!” I whisper scream.

“What?” he said in a more awake, but more confused tone.

“Did we kiss last night??”

“Dude, no, gross,” he said, a weight felt lifted off my chest. “You were pretty far gone and passed right out after we lost the game. Then Le Burke and I played and kicked ass again and I passed out here. Ask her yourself.” He tilted his head up at the stairs and I turned to see Leah, arms crossed, in her white, fluffy robe. I stand up from the couch and Ian almost immediately falls back asleep.

I remember then Bram texted drunk-me last night and drunk-me never read it because drunk-me is fucking idiot.

Bram You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know, Si, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away.

My lip trembles and I can’t help but cry in the middle of the living room. Leah comes over and hugs the side of me as the sun cuts through our living room curtain and paints golden light on my chest.